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00:06Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Comedians Music Hall.
00:44Let's all go to the Music Hall, where the show is gay and bright.
00:51Let's all go to the Music Hall, where the stars are twinking bright tonight.
00:58Whether you sit in the gallery, the circle or the pit, or whether you sit in a red wash floor.
01:05When the busy day is out and you want to have some fun, let's all go to the Music Hall.
01:12Whether you sit in the gallery, the circle or the pit, or whether you sit in a red wash floor.
01:19When the busy day is out and you want to have some fun, let's all go to the Music Hall.
01:36Thank you very much indeed, ladies and gentlemen.
01:38I expected that.
01:40And now we're coming to the Comedians' Old Time Music Hall.
01:43And we've got some of the greatest acts for you tonight.
01:47Ladies and gentlemen, our first act, who has not turned up,
01:51is a young man that does the splits on broken glass
01:55and then sings, thing ain't what they used to be.
02:00And then our next act, we have a fellow who does bird impressions.
02:03He eats worms.
02:06Our next act, ladies and gentlemen, is in every sense of words, an absolute he-man.
02:12In Blackpool last week, walking along the beach in his trunks,
02:16the ladies all went, he-he-he-he-he-he.
02:20But the reason we have him on our show is, last night, when he finished his cabaret act,
02:256,000 people were at the stage door waiting on him, daring him to come out.
02:32Let us put our hands together for Mr. Colin Crompton!
02:55I'm shy Mary Ellen, I'm shy.
03:02It does seem so naughty, oh my.
03:10Kissing and cuddling is nice, so they say.
03:16Still how to do it, I don't know the way.
03:38So, so, so, so, so, so, so,
03:46When you put your arms round my waist
03:50I promise I won't scream or cry
03:56You do the kissing and cuddling instead
04:01Cos I'm shy, Mary Ellen, I'm shy
04:07I'm very shy, Mr Chairman
04:09Have you tried writing to Evelyn Holm from Woman's Own?
04:16I took Mary Ellen to the pictures
04:18And I said, can I kiss you? And she said nothing
04:20So I said, can I kiss you? And she still said nothing
04:22So I said, can I kiss you? And she still said nothing
04:25And people were beginning to look at me
04:27I said, are you deaf? She said, are you paralysed?
04:33I'm shy, Mary Ellen, I'm shy
04:37Open the yellow mouth, thank you
04:39It just seems so naughty, oh my
04:45Kissing and cuddling is nice, so they say
04:49Still how to do it, I don't know the way
04:54So you put your arms round my waist
04:58I promise I won't scream or cry
05:05You do the kissing and cuddling instead
05:09Cause I'm shy, Mary Ellen, I'm shy
05:18Thank you!
05:22Thank you, Colin Compton
05:25Thank you
05:29Every time I look at him I think
05:30Burton's windows had a blitz
05:32And now back into character, ladies and gentlemen
05:35Our next act
05:37I must say this
05:39You've all seen the classical films
05:41Bay and Hur
05:42The Hunchback of Notre Dame
05:46The Sign of the Cross
05:48And All Quiet on the Western Front
05:51Our next artist
05:53Has also seen them
05:58But he's just come back from Germany
06:00Where he's appearing
06:01In the top class cabaret rooms
06:04Of that beautiful city of Hamburg
06:06But what an artist
06:07And I quote here
06:09From the national German newspaper
06:12Das Weider und Böndung
06:16Now as it's written in German
06:18I will read it out first in German
06:20For the benefit of those foreigners
06:22From the common market
06:24And I will then translate it into English
06:27It says here
06:29Was meinen Sie haben?
06:31Und fliegen schreiben
06:34Nichts heilen wollen
06:35Nichts schreiben
06:37Und Churchill
06:46Which translated into English means
06:50Bernie the Bolt if you please
06:54Put your hands together
06:55For the great
06:57Burko
07:19Whoop!
07:21Hot-tastic!
07:22Good!
07:39Whoop!
07:42Whoop!�h!
07:50Onlee Onlee
07:52Onlee
07:55Oh, my God.
07:57That happened.
08:01Oh, my God.
08:22Quiet!
08:52Quiet!
08:54Quiet!
09:06Quiet!
09:09Quiet!
09:11Quiet!
09:13Quiet!
09:28Quiet!
09:32Quiet!
09:34Quiet!
09:35Quiet!
09:38Oh, my God.
09:45Glove!
09:46Glove!
09:46Glove, glove!
09:48Glove!
09:56Glove!
09:58Glove!
10:09Fantastico!
10:36He, he, he, he!
10:52Yeah! Hey! Yeah!
11:18Oh, boy, oh, oh, fantastic, marvelous, marvelous, fantastic, oh, fantastic, oh,
11:36yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, we'd like to apologize to those viewers who were baffled.
11:51He wouldn't even make a good vandal, never mind a good magician.
11:55Our next deck, ladies and gentlemen, was a hero in the Second World War.
12:03He was in France in 1941 when the first shot was fired, but he was back in England before
12:11the second shot was fired.
12:14He was dropped over Germany by the paratroops and landed in a field full of horses manure.
12:23And I cleaned that up as well.
12:26Spoke the only two words in German he knew.
12:30Ach, dum.
12:33Put your hands together for Mr. Jerry Horace.
12:37Yay!
12:43Here hee, hold on.
12:44Here hee, hold on.
12:45Here hee, here hee, hold on.
12:47You look neat.
12:48Talk about a treat.
12:48You look neat.
12:49You've been having your feet.
12:50Threshing stone.
12:51Threshing stone.
12:52All of you old age, Threshing stone.
12:53I wouldn't give you tap and show what's changing.
12:55I heard, don't I heard.
12:59I'll try, I'll try, I'll try.
13:01What a treat.
13:02What is it, Mr. Harris?
13:03Why do we Jews have long noses?
13:05I don't know why do Jews have long noses.
13:09Because the air's free.
13:34Thank you, Jerry Harris.
13:37And we all hope you buy Jerry's new record.
13:40Moonlight and noses.
13:44Well now, ladies and gentlemen, it's lovely to boast...
13:47Boast? Boast?
13:48Breaking these teeth in for our dog.
13:53Lovely to boast
13:55that we have a very beautiful lady on the show.
13:58Her next act,
14:01five years ago,
14:03was in the finals
14:04of the Miss Great Britain Beauty Competition.
14:08Well, this year,
14:09she was first
14:11in the Horse of the Year Show at Wormley.
14:16And here she is wearing the special knickers
14:20made by Rent-A-Tent,
14:23Miss Georgina Rupert!
14:32My old man,
14:34she followed the band,
14:36and now I'm jilly-dally on the way.
14:39Get him up.
14:39I went the car with me,
14:42oh, I need it.
14:43I stood behind with me,
14:45oh, I need it.
14:47I gally-dally,
14:48dally-dally,
14:50gasp away,
14:51and don't know where to grow.
14:53For all my time!
14:53Oh, you can't,
14:55such a special idea,
14:56oh, time's got the snitch,
14:58you can't find your way.
15:00Hey!
15:01Hop!
15:04Fantastic!
15:13I say, I say, I say!
15:18Shut up.
15:23Yes!
15:26What?
15:27What?
15:28I say, I say, I say!
15:31Shut up.
15:33What is it,
15:34Miss Georgina?
15:39Miss Georgina Rupert?
15:41I say, I say, I say!
15:41Have you heard about
15:42the Irish Humpty Dumpty?
15:44No, what about
15:45the Irish Humpty Dumpty?
15:46The wall fell on them.
15:58I say, I say, I say!
16:00Shut up.
16:03What is it,
16:04Miss Rupert?
16:05My husband died last week.
16:07What did you say?
16:09My husband died last week.
16:11That's two deaths
16:12in the one week.
16:15I'm sorry.
16:16No, shut she got me
16:17another one in a minute.
16:20Yes, what happened
16:21to your husband?
16:22He bloody died last week.
16:25How did he die?
16:27Alcohol killed him.
16:28Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
16:31Did he,
16:31did he drink too much?
16:33The barrel fell on his head.
16:34Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:37Chop, you bloody,
16:38chop.
16:39All together now, please.
17:09MUSIC PLAYS
17:38MUSIC CONTINUES
17:53MUSIC CONTINUES
18:23MUSIC CONTINUES
18:52MUSIC CONTINUES
19:23MUSIC CONTINUES
19:52MUSIC CONTINUES
20:01Thank you very much indeed, the Shep's Banjo Boys.
20:04I'm awful sorry they can't stay a bit longer.
20:06They're off now to do a midnight matinee in the crematorium.
20:11Well, now, ladies and gentlemen,
20:13our next act comes from across the borders of Bonnie, Scotland.
20:16But he arrives here tonight under grave strain and duress.
20:22His father died five weeks ago of a heart attack.
20:27Throwing a penny to the string broke, but here he is tonight wearing a kilt, especially designed
20:39for tonight's performance by the greatest Scottish kilt maker of all time, Mr. Duncan Disorderly.
20:48A technical, not a female, but he is.
21:01I love her lassie.
21:04She's a sweet old Lily in the dell.
21:09She's a sweet apple heather, the bonnie fun from the heather, Mary Muscat, girl, come here a wee minute there,
21:17Mr Chairman.
21:19Why are you right, Dougal? I'll have a wee word with you, come here. Aye, what is it to Dougal?
21:25What is it, Dougal? I was wondering what will I tell the people tonight to boot myself? What will I
21:29tell them to boot myself?
21:30Tell them that. Tell them about Manchester Dougal. Tell them about Manchester Dougal.
21:36What a good idea, said Zebedee.
21:41Manchester, it's a great place. It's great, aye. But it's so expensive.
21:46Is it the Dougal? Oh, aye. What's that? Oh, aye.
21:54Is that scotch? It smells like it.
21:59Aye. Why is it expensive? Is it Dougal?
22:03You know, I've been here for a week. Aye. And in the one week here, I spent a pound just
22:07like that.
22:09You mean to tell me, Dougal, in the one week, you've spent a poon?
22:16I said pound, I didn't even know what a poon was.
22:20Right then, Talika, in the one week, I spent a poon just like that. I'm coming by myself the next
22:28time.
22:33I love the lassie, the pony, the pony, the lassie. She's a spirit, a beauty in the hell. She's a
22:40spirit, a dandelion.
22:42Good morning, but for hell. But we must start proud.
22:48Good luck, Dougal!
22:50Good luck, Dougal!
22:56Good luck, Dougal!
22:58Thank you very much indeed, the great Dougie McDougal of the McDougals.
23:02Well, ladies and gentlemen, what show is there that's complete without the clowns?
23:09We have scarred all parts of Asia for our next act.
23:15Germany, Pakistan, Czechoslovakia, and Wolverhampton.
23:25Let me read you a letter here about this act of international fame.
23:30Dear Mr. Carson, I have watched this act many times, both on the TV, on the radio.
23:39Everybody makes a mistake.
23:42And also in the shows around this country.
23:46It would give me great pleasure if you would let them appear on your comedian's old-time music hall just
23:52once more.
23:53And we're gonna do that tonight.
23:57P.S.
23:58Please excuse the crayon, as they don't allow anything sharp in here.
24:05Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the clowns!
24:12And.
24:16Good luck, I think them blah, don't you know everyone likes to learn?
24:23My Dad said be an actor, my fan, but be a conical one.
24:30We'll be standing in lie, for a long honky-ton honky shine!
24:36You could study Shakespeare and could be quite elite.
24:40You can charm the critic and I've nothing to eat.
24:43Slip-a-la-ma-la and appeal the world.
24:46Make them love, make them love, make them love.
24:50Gentlemen, make them love.
24:51We present to you...
24:53Un Paddy...
24:54Whether in Paul...
24:56Un Un Botel.
24:57Un Botel.
24:59Watch your feet.
25:01Paul and Botel.
25:02Watch your feet.
25:04Paul.
25:05Hey.
25:05Oh!
25:06Oh!
25:09Oh!
25:11Oh!
25:13Oh!
25:15Oh!
25:15Oh!
25:16Now, ladies and gentlemen, first day.
25:18No, it's done.
25:19No, no, no, no.
25:21Ladies and gentlemen, go!
25:23Oh!
25:24Oh!
25:25Oh!
25:26Excellent!
25:27Oh!
25:29Oh!
25:30Oh!
25:31Hey!
25:32Oh!
25:32Oh!
25:34Oh!
25:39Hey, watch it!
25:40Oh!
25:42Oh!
25:43Oh, fantastic!
25:51Chair!
25:52Chair!
25:54Booket!
25:55Booket!
25:56Mr. Chairman, do you know what this is?
25:59No.
25:59Hey, Booket and Spade.
26:02Oh, yes.
26:03I did that.
26:04Aqua!
26:05It's too old!
26:07It's the real thing!
26:12Jimmy, no!
26:14No!
26:17Chip!
26:17Chip!
26:18Chip!
26:21Chip!
26:21Oh!
26:22Watch it now!
26:24Watch it!
26:25Hey, Steph!
26:26Hey, Steph!
26:26Hey, Steph!
26:40Will you stop the...
26:41Will you stop the...
26:42Will you stop the band, please, Miss Hilton?
26:43Stop the...
26:44Would you a crump on it?
26:45Would you a back this, please?
26:47Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
26:59-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:19Opa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:21We areirts!
27:26Look at people the jobs that they need to burn
27:30Hold and get up and leave!
27:30I think it needs to support you with quite a few promises once again.
27:30No!
27:30Play it out!
27:31We have one more!
27:38And now, by using a little bit of karate, by using mind over matter, I shall hit this
28:01with my hand, and I shall feel no pain in my hand whatsoever, there, stand back.
28:38I want one volunteer.
28:40Get the coon.
28:42Get the coon.
28:42Get the coon.
28:43Get the coon.
28:44You're coming.
28:46Get down, James.
28:50Where do you think you're going?
28:51To get the coon.
28:55You are the coon.
29:03Come here, Coco.
29:06By using mind over matter, in other words, we don't mind, and you don't matter, I want
29:17you to break this.
29:18Yes.
29:22Now, if you use your head, you'll feel no pain.
29:25Pain.
29:29No!
29:30No, no.
29:30It means use your hand.
29:33Think.
29:33Your hand.
29:34Your hand.
29:35Hold on.
29:38Ah!
29:41Ah!
29:42Ah!
29:43Ah!
29:44Oh!
29:45Oh!
29:46Oh!
29:46Oh!
29:52Another one.
29:53Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!
29:58What's that?
29:59That's a woodpecker.
30:00Shut up.
30:02Do you know, I feed this budgie on Trill.
30:04Why?
30:04Because Trill makes budgies bounce with health.
30:10Make a love, make a love
30:13Don't you know everyone wants to love
30:17The cat says go and tell him a joke
30:20But give it plenty of hope, make a rule
30:23Make a scene
30:25Take a home of all the scenes
30:28You start off by pretending you're a dancer with grace
30:32You wiggle and you giggle all over the place
30:35And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
30:39Oh no!
30:40Oh, uh oh!
30:41Oh, sorry!
30:43Yay!
30:45He's alright now
30:46Make a love, make a love, make a love
30:54In the sky
30:55Roar!
30:56Hang out there!
31:02To the sky
31:03That's the day
31:06For you
31:07Can and be a girl
31:13And you can see
31:14Let's take care of 3
31:16I'd like to see
31:20Hit you
32:13Thank you to the Shep's Banjo Boys and we'll have the boys back later on in the show after
32:24they've tuned their instruments.
32:28Our next deck, ladies and gentlemen, has just come out of prison and doesn't mind me saying
32:32that.
32:35He got six months for doing his Christmas shopping too early.
32:39He was in the shop before it opened.
32:43Put your hands together for Burlington, Bertie Barton.
33:03I'm Burlington, Bertie.
33:06You look more like Batman.
33:12Cut.
33:15I rise at ten foot.
33:18Lizzie, get...
33:19Swords!
33:21Long.
33:23Like a top.
33:31Long bloody axe.
33:39Stroll down the strand with my glass on my hand.
33:45I walk like a game with them all.
33:55Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
33:57Don't you think I am, Ronnie Corbett?
34:04I'm all ace and graces.
34:08I've just twisted me braces.
34:13Without or...
34:14For so long, I forget where we face it all.
34:23But...
34:24But...
34:26I haven't a shirt.
34:28But my people are well on.
34:32But of course.
34:35Nearly everyone knows me.
34:40Silly.
35:06I say, I say, I say, Mr. Heath.
35:15Yes, what is it, Mr. Sandy Man?
35:19Hold on, hold on, hold on.
35:23Did you hear about the fella who couldn't tell the difference between stalk and putty?
35:29No, what happened to the fella that couldn't tell the difference between stalk and putty?
35:33All his windows fell out.
35:35Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
35:40And the shirts of my people are well off, you know.
35:45Ha, ha, ha, ha.
35:46See, everyone knows me.
35:48A strip to the road.
35:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
36:06Thank you, Burlington Bertie Burton, who is now leaving the stage and going back to his own job, muddling dipsticks.
36:17Our next act, ladies and gentlemen, has been responsible in this country and on many of the comedian shows for
36:24selling more television sets than any other person in this country.
36:30I sold mine, he sold his own, but he was accused last week by the police of breaking into a
36:38par note, but he got off because it was his first offense.
36:44Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Mr. Bernard Manning.
36:51Oh!
37:01Well, he's late as he always is.
37:07No, I was early.
37:09So instead, a reduced fee would like to bring you an act, a mysterious act.
37:25I didn't even know they were on the bloody show.
37:28But I've called them anyway, a mystery act, the great revealer known as Pocky and Stan.
37:43Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
37:46What I...
37:47Ha, ha, ha, ha.
37:49I frightened you for a minute.
37:52What I do tonight, I am bringing to you the mysteries from the Far East East of Bradford.
38:01These are very strange mysteries.
38:03And I need the assistance of my wonderful manager, Stanley, who has managed to book me in the offices club
38:10in Aldershot.
38:12That's another fine mess you got me into, Stanley.
38:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
38:18And also, Natasha, Natasha will bring the blindfold.
38:21She put the blindfold over my eyes and I can see that I can't see.
38:25Whilst blindfolded, I will tell you exactly what Mr. Chairman Stanley is holding.
38:31What is the first object, please?
38:34Er...
38:34What do you think this is?
38:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
38:38Oh, dear.
38:40Yes, I...
38:40I got it all right.
38:42The first one is a portable television set.
38:46Right.
38:48What is the second one, please, Stan?
38:50Duster, know what this is.
38:54Duster, yes, a duster.
38:56What is the third and final last one?
38:59It hasn't arrived.
39:02What is it, Stanley?
39:04Not the one it should be.
39:06Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
39:09What?
39:10Ha, ha, ha, ha.
39:10Huff!
39:14The third one has just goofed, Mr Bodge.
39:18Ha!
39:18Bloody Ropers dump this.
39:20Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
39:26Give...
39:28Give us a clue then, Stanley.
39:31Give us a clue to see if you can help me at all.
39:33It's a free advert, isn't it, for somebody?
39:38Let's hope you get this one right.
39:48Oh, that's a good one.
40:01And now back to script.
40:03Ladies and gentlemen, I will answer any question put to me by any lady or gentleman present here.
40:09Any question, any subject...
40:10I've got a question.
40:11The great revealer.
40:12Any subject you call, I can truthfully answer.
40:14What do you want to know the answer to the question from?
40:17Chip McKenna.
40:22What does he want to know the answer?
40:24Ah, Bisto.
40:25What's the second one?
40:30That gentleman wishes to know where his father is at this very moment.
40:36Oh, dearie me.
40:37This gentleman's father, at this very moment, is fishing on the banks of the River Mersey.
40:43He has a rod and he's...
40:46Hold it!
40:47Hold it, hold it, just a second!
40:48That is not right.
40:50My father died 15 years ago.
40:54No, no, sir.
40:55You're very wrong.
40:56It is your mother's husband who died 15 years ago.
41:00Your father's city.
41:13Thank you for that mind-boggling act.
41:16The great revealer.
41:17And let's all pray that the day doesn't come and men like that can reveal our innermost secrets.
41:25Our next act, ladies and gentlemen, is a man you've seen many, many times on our very popular show, The
41:32Comedians.
41:33For tonight's show, we had no less than 11,000 letters for him to appear on this particular program.
41:43And anyone that writes 11,000 letters to get on this show, is entitled to get on it.
41:52Now, for those viewers, I do not want you to adjust your vertical hold.
41:58He's coming on exactly the shape he is.
42:02And together, the fugitive from the embassy, Mr. Bernard Manning!
42:24It's a great big shame, and if she belonged to me, I'd let her know who's who.
42:33Talking to a fella, what is six foot four, and her only four feet two.
42:40They hadn't been married not a month, no more, when underneath the thumb went Jim.
42:49Isn't it a pity that the likes of her should put up on the likes of him?
42:57I say...
43:11Frank Carson.
43:13Yes, what is it, Mr. Manning?
43:15I knew your father, Kit.
43:20His horse looked like you.
43:23Thank you very much.
43:25Forgive.
43:26Knock, knock.
43:27Who's there?
43:29Cook.
43:30Cuckoo.
43:31The first one I've heard this straight from.
43:35Good luck, Bernard.
43:38Mr. Chairman, did you hear about the Jewish gentleman that died and the Irish gentleman
43:43that died?
43:45No, I didn't hear about the Jewish gentleman that died.
43:48I don't think anybody else has got to hear it.
43:51And the Irish gentleman that died.
43:53What about them, Mr. Manning?
43:55Well, I'm going to tell you about the gentleman that died who was Jewish, and the Irish fellow
43:59that died who was Jewish.
44:03They died, and they were on their way to heaven, and St. Peter met them.
44:06He said, you can have one wish apiece.
44:08And the Irish fellow said, I'd like £20,000 in me answer.
44:12I've never seen £20,000 in me life.
44:18For chung!
44:19You've got £20,000.
44:21He said, the Jew, what do you want?
44:23He said, give me £1,000 of the cheap jewellery, and leave me on me own with him for 20
44:28minutes.
44:33It's a great big shame, and if she belonged to me, I'd let her know who's who.
44:42Talking to a fella, what is six foot four, and her only four feet two.
44:49They hadn't been married not a month nor more, when underneath the thumb went jiff.
44:58Isn't it a pity that the likes of her
45:04Should put upon the likes of him
45:08Well done, Bernard!
45:11Oh!
45:12Oh!
45:16Oh!
45:21And we'd like to thank the Ministry of Defence
45:25For letting Mr. Manning come away from his job, where he's modelling our raid shelters.
45:31Well now ladies and gentlemen, in show business, when one earns the accolade of a truly professional
45:39entertainer, when it comes from his own professional band of men in show business,
45:45You can really say he's reached the epitome of his career, with the term that can be used for him
45:51and him alone,
45:53Superstar.
45:55Tonight, we are graced in Granada with introducing you to a man who has earned that title many, many times
46:04of
46:05Superstar.
46:07For my first song.
46:18Oh well you've heard about the big strong man.
46:20Used to live in a caravan.
46:22You've heard about the big big fight.
46:23The big cool fella fought the white.
46:25Take all the heavy boots you got, who you got?
46:27Cassius Cooper on the lot.
46:28This fella to New Orleans to the Belgrade.
46:30What I hear he wants to fight Jack Dempsey, that's my brother Sylvester.
46:32That's what he got.
46:33He got a row 40 medal on his jet, big chest.
46:34Killed 40 camels from the West.
46:35And he's done.
46:36Pickle him on big chest.
46:37Hellfire, give him the wire.
46:38Set up a gun and don't push his job.
46:39All together.
46:43What a rotten audience.
46:46He's got an arm like a leg.
46:48And it puts up a single metal ship, big ship, but it takes all the army to Navy.
46:51Put the wind up, Sylvester.
46:54Well he thought he'd take a trip to Italy.
46:56He thought he'd take a trip by the sea.
46:58Dive with a harbor at New York, big dive.
46:59He swam like a man made a cork, big cork.
47:01So to lose ten and stress.
47:02What he do?
47:03Swallow all the water in the sea, big swallow.
47:04Put a loose ten on his jet, big chest.
47:05Walk the whole bloody way to Italy.
47:07That's my brother Sylvester.
47:08What he got?
47:09He got a row 40 medal on his jet, big chest.
47:10Killed 40 cannibals from the West.
47:11He needs no rest.
47:12Pickle him on big chest.
47:13Hellfire, give him the wire.
47:13Set up a gun and don't push his job a wee bit louder.
47:19Who sent the audience home?
47:22He's got an arm like a leg.
47:24And it puts up a single metal ship, big ship.
47:25Well it takes all the army to Navy.
47:27Put the wind up my brother Sylvester.
47:31Hey.
47:33Let me go.
47:34Yeah.
47:37Hey.
47:37Hey.
47:38Hey.
47:43Hey.
47:44Ladies and gentlemen, not many years ago the only act that could have followed that was the 10 o'clock
47:50news.
47:51But I'd like to introduce you now to the entire cast of our show.
47:57And they're going to do a beautiful little song, thanks to the Ministry of Agriculture, called Mother Kelly's Doorstep.
48:03¶ On Mother Kelly's doorstep, John Faraday's door ¶ With the little girl Nanny, relentless Joe ¶ Her love and
48:28love she long be alive ¶
48:32¶ And she used ¶ On Mother Kelly's doorstep ¶ Down Paradise Road ¶ All my time ¶ On Mother
48:44Kelly's doorstep ¶ Down Paradise Road ¶ I sit along Nanny ¶ We sit along Joe ¶ Who's the Joe
48:58¶
48:58¶ She's done it in a hole in a truck ¶ A hole in a shoe ¶ ¶ A hole
49:05in a sock ¶ ¶ And a trophy ¶ ¶ And a trophy ¶ ¶ The smartest guy ¶
49:13¶ On Mother Kelly's doorstep ¶ ¶ On Mother Kelly's doorstep ¶ ¶ I'm wondering now ¶ ¶ In the
49:23little girl Nanny, relentless Joe ¶ ¶
49:28¶ Hey, Joe! ¶ Welcome and the shield of the ice ¶ ¶ She used ¶ ¶ On Mother Kelly's
49:39doorstep ¶ ¶
50:01¶
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