00:00All right, we're gonna punch Tiny Tim as hard as we can.
00:04Are you ready, Tim?
00:05Right, that's it. I'm done.
00:07I'm gonna warm up, like, a couple of 10%.
00:14I am not built for this.
00:16I do comedy, I make people laugh.
00:19So I'll make you laugh before you kick my head in.
00:21Well, this is important. In life, sometimes you have to get punched.
00:23I've never been in a situation where...
00:26Well, you might have to be, all right?
00:27All these prank calls you do, someone's gonna come one day and go, bang.
00:31I was so scared, babe.
00:33Be nice, right? Be nice.
00:35Okay, 10%.
00:37Oh, is that 10%?
00:4030-40.
00:42Wait, wait, wait, right in the sternum.
00:46Right, 40-50.
00:47No, no, no, no.
00:47I'm telling you when you're ready. Here.
00:49Yeah.
00:49Okay.
00:52Not the...
00:52Oh, my God.
00:54That was 50% for the camera.
00:56I'd just say that was 100%, right?
00:58Yeah, it was...
00:59No, it's 50.
01:00It's definitely 50.
01:01Right.
01:01Do...
01:02Okay.
01:0251.
01:08What was that?
01:09Oh, I don't know for five.
01:1160-65.
01:12You might have just punched a pumper.
01:16You've got to take the full whack, Tim.
01:18Come on.
01:18What's this?
01:19What's this?
01:20Wait.
01:20I don't know, 80?
01:21What?
01:24All right, Tim, let's orchestrate a scenario, all right?
01:27So, you owe me money, okay?
01:30I'm a debt collector.
01:31You owe me money, right?
01:32Right.
01:33Okay, you haven't got any money.
01:34So, for me to walk away with satisfaction, I have to punch you.
01:38So, if you let me hit you, I'll let you off the money.
01:40Can you just have a whip round?
01:42100%...
01:43No, no whip round.
01:45100% punch in the gut.
01:46How much are we all going to have?
01:49I can get it.
01:51Wait, wait, wait.
01:52Wait.
01:54You said you were ready.
01:55I was off balance and everything.
01:58Achoo!
02:01That'd be a play, buddy.
02:03Bye-bye, ribs.
02:05Bye-bye, ribs.
02:06So, we don't owe you anything now?
02:08Yeah, that's it.
02:08We're done, bud.
02:09I'll let you off.
02:10Is that the tank quid?
02:13Are they giving you?
02:14Quiet.
02:15Well done.
02:20That's a good, that's a good, like,
02:22that's a good four-inch of padding there.
02:24I'm still about it.
02:26Choking.
02:27Yeah.
02:27Choking.
02:28Do you want to have a go hitting me?
02:30No, what's the point?
02:31Don't know.
02:32I hate you, big man.
02:32Okay.
02:38Yeah, there's no point.
02:39I'll just...
02:40There's definitely no point in me hitting you.
02:42Probably break your hand.
02:45Ten percent.
02:46Ten percent.
02:46That's like...
02:47It's going to hurt, isn't it?
02:48Look at that!
02:49Oh, my God!
02:50I'm not punching that!
02:52That's a wall!
02:54Go, Nick.
02:54Slow.
02:55I don't want you.
02:56Come on.
02:56You're so good-looking.
02:59You're meant to be punching me,
03:01you're not trying to b*** me.
03:01Please tell me you're my real dad!
03:06Hello?
03:06Is this Martin?
03:08Yes.
03:08Hi, Martin.
03:10So, I just really need to say
03:11that I am a Mathis fan
03:14of everything that you do.
03:15I'm such a huge fan.
03:17Great.
03:17And I think you're absolutely fantastic
03:20in Jumanji.
03:21You are brilliant.
03:23Absolutely brilliant.
03:24And when you're in Indiana Jones as well,
03:27the way that you crack your whip and stuff,
03:29I think it's absolutely amazing.
03:31That's what I've done with a prank call.
03:32It's not a game.
03:33Pardon?
03:34Oh, he's gone!
03:35Oh!
03:36Oh, f***!
03:37Right.
03:38We're going to call my mate, Pat,
03:39who has been a bit of a pest in the past.
03:42Could very likely have a lot of children
03:43hanging around the country
03:45that he doesn't know about.
03:46Hello?
03:47Is this Pat?
03:52Oh, he's gone.
03:54He's not there.
03:55He's calling back.
03:56He's not there.
03:58Hello?
03:59I'll get straight to the point
04:00that my mum said
04:01that you might be my real dad.
04:03And I just don't...
04:04I've been looking for...
04:07Hello?
04:10Please, Dad,
04:11please don't put the phone down.
04:13I've been looking for you for ages.
04:15And now my mum said that
04:16that you might be my real dad.
04:19I just thought that
04:20I'd be able to say hello to you.
04:22Yeah, I don't want to...
04:23Pardon?
04:24I said I don't want you.
04:25You don't want me?
04:26Dad, it's been too long
04:28when you've not wanted that.
04:29I just want you to be my real dad.
04:32You don't claim the kids
04:33that he's got now,
04:34never mind the new one.
04:35No, I just want my real dad.
04:38Can you just give me a hug
04:40or he's gone again?
04:44All he's got to call is Matt now.
04:47Hello?
04:48Oh, I just want to say,
04:50Dad, please come back into my life.
04:53You're such a...
04:55Hi, Dad, are you OK?
04:57Whose number did you ring me up?
04:59You...
05:00That's my number.
05:02I'm just with Eddie now.
05:04He's been beating me up,
05:05but he said that
05:06you might be my real dad.
05:07Are you black?
05:08Me?
05:09Black and blue,
05:10the amount he's beating me now.
05:13There's a strong chance
05:14if you've got a lot of melanin in you.
05:16Yeah.
05:16If you're white,
05:17then there's no chance.
05:18I mean, I'll...
05:20I'll be black.
05:21I'll be black.
05:23What do you do for work?
05:25Please say you're a postman.
05:26No, I'm a male worker.
05:28Ah.
05:29You definitely know Smackhead Steve, then.
05:32Do you know Smackhead Steve?
05:34I know who?
05:35Smackhead Steve is my Uncle Barry's best mate.
05:38He's going out with a girl called Sticky Vicker.
05:41Who are you with?
05:42I'm Italian.
05:43Sid.
05:44Sid.
05:45Pat.
05:45Sid.
05:48Sid.
05:48What are these names?
05:51Pat, Sid.
05:52Who else are you with?
05:53Pat, Sid.
05:54Pat, Sid.
05:55There's a guy who's...
05:57There's just two of us.
05:58Oh, right.
05:58Just two of you.
05:59Put Sid on for a bit.
06:00Tiny Tim.
06:01He's here.
06:02You're on loudspeaker, Tiny Tim.
06:03Hi, Sid.
06:04Are you my real dad?
06:05I'm trying to find my real dad.
06:07Depends if you white.
06:08I said the same thing.
06:10Ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:11What are they this side?
06:12No, he...
06:13He's...
06:14He's...
06:14Oh, never mind.
06:16So there's no chance of that.
06:17I think we've aged, haven't it?
06:19Ha, ha, ha.
06:19I'll carry on looking for my real dad then.
06:22Okay, guys?
06:23Isn't that...
06:24Do you want me to help you look for him?
06:25No.
06:26No?
06:26Oh, you then.
06:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:29You're an orphan.
06:30Ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:31Oh, that hurts.
06:32That hurts.
06:33Why are you enjoying the rest of your day, guys?
06:34I'll see you in a bit.
06:36Right, we're going to call Caleb Cooper
06:38of Clarkson's Farm.
06:39Hello.
06:40Is that Caleb?
06:41It is.
06:42Hi, Caleb.
06:43My name's Tim and I'm 3-0-E-6
06:46and I just want to tell you
06:47that my tractor is well better than your tractor.
06:50Is this that squeaky Tim got on TikTok?
06:54No, I don't know what you're talking about.
06:57So I just want to let you know
06:58that my tractor is well better than your tractor.
07:01What are you going to do about it?
07:03Mine's got pedals on it.
07:05Well done.
07:06Also, you know your farm?
07:08I've got an animal that I can put on your farm
07:11and you can look after it.
07:12What animal's that?
07:13It's my mum.
07:14You're fapping.
07:16Is it too much to feed her each day?
07:18Well, careful.
07:18We'll make any fuck on her.
07:19That's my mum you're talking about.
07:22What are you up to, Caleb?
07:24Not much.
07:24Are you not farming?
07:26You better go out there.
07:27I need a cucumber.
07:29So what's next?
07:30When are you going on tour again?
07:32Oh, not until...
07:33I've just got back from Australia.
07:34Oh, shall we not farm it?
07:36So...
07:37Did you get your tractor?
07:38Yeah.
07:39Will you look after my mum?
07:40Will do.
07:40Promise?
07:41Promise.
07:42Don't know how we're going to get her there,
07:43but thanks for looking after her.
07:46We'll get a lorry together, don't worry.
07:48Right.
07:48Okay, Caleb.
07:49I'll see you in a bit.
07:50Bye.
07:50Bye-bye.
07:51Love you.
07:52Bye.
07:53Love you.
07:54I'm going to call Leah Shakiva.
07:57She recently put a status out saying she's looking for a man and has criteria.
08:01Hello?
08:02Is this Leah?
08:03Speaking.
08:04Hi, Leah.
08:04My name's Tim, and I've seen that you've recently put out a request for a man.
08:11What are you f***ing up?
08:13Who is this, and what are you doing to me?
08:15I just want to put myself forward and say I fit in that criteria.
08:19You know what's a huge deal-breaker to me?
08:22What's your deal-breaker?
08:23High-pitched voice.
08:25All right, I'll change that.
08:26Don't worry about that.
08:28Is this voice difficult to swallow?
08:31It's the hardest thing I've found to swallow.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Good job you don't know me.
08:36I'm funny, and I've got a mouthy sausage.
08:41Yeah, funny's nice.
08:43Yeah, funny's great, isn't it?
08:44You wouldn't like me Uncle Barry.
08:46He's not funny at all.
08:48Who is Barry?
08:49Can you...
08:50It's me Uncle Barry.
08:51Let me just get...
08:52One sec.
08:52Let me get me Uncle Barry.
08:53Uncle Barry.
08:54Can I speak to Uncle Barry?
08:55Yeah, let me just get me Uncle Barry.
08:57All right.
09:02Barry.
09:03You're talking to Tim, yeah?
09:05Barry, can you put a good word in for Tim, please?
09:09You're putting a good word in for Tim.
09:11Tim, Tim tells me that you'll like to eat food and that.
09:20Yeah, I eat food and that, Uncle Barry.
09:22What's your favourite food?
09:27I'm a foodie.
09:28I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to it.
09:30Good steakhouse.
09:32Good steakhouse.
09:32Yeah, you like a good looking bit of meat?
09:35Yeah.
09:37I'm going to put Tim back on, all right?
09:39See you in the middle of that.
09:42All right.
09:43Hello?
09:44Are you going to put a good word?
09:45Oh, you again.
09:46Yeah, me again.
09:47Hi, Tim.
09:50Do you want Uncle Barry back?
09:51One second.
09:52I don't know.
09:53Barry was straining a bit.
09:55I was worried for him.
09:56Yeah, I'm back again.
09:58What do you want, love?
09:59Do you want me number?
10:02Oh, God.
10:03Where are you from, Barry?
10:05Originally my dad, and then I moved to my mum.
10:12Tell you what, we can eat some wee sausage together.
10:15You have one then, and then I'll have another, yeah?
10:17Ooh.
10:18That sounds delicious.
10:20What about Tim's mum, though?
10:22Just let me get her one second.
10:25Hello?
10:26Hello?
10:37I want to know how many characters I'm speaking to, because if it's just one person, I'm really
10:43impressed.
