00:01I think ultimately you're never prepared for things that come your way,
00:06especially when they're extreme. But acknowledge that it's just this one
00:10fleeting moment in time and that it's really good to make mistakes now and
00:13learn from them.
00:21What has been the most unexpected failure? I think the biggest one that was
00:26unexpected was going to college and being a pre-med biology major and just
00:35completely, for the first time in my life, was not academically excelling. I think I
00:39got a D minus in organic chemistry, which I didn't even know was possible.
00:49You know, for 18 years of my life I had this concept of myself and then I
00:53actually went and did it and stayed with it for two years and failed and was
00:57more kind of to tell my parents, you know, what they thought and really just for
01:00myself, you know, to kind of accept that that wasn't really like who I was, even
01:04though that's who I thought I was my entire life, you know.
01:06So what did that feel like?
01:07It was horrible. From that moment on I was like, I'm never gonna do something that
01:11I'm not passionate about because I felt like for those two years they didn't
01:14really exist. Like it was like self-medicating, like rebelling, partying and
01:19then I like didn't want to go to class, which was like, I love learning and I like
01:23going to class, you know. So not being able to integrate different facets of your
01:26life because you're not satisfied with it or happy, I wasn't living like the
01:31fullest dimension.
01:39You have this amazing art project that is the Confetti Project and you know I'm a huge fan,
01:44but a lot of people don't get it and it's something that's clearly personal to you.
01:49So can you tell us a little bit about kind of why you feel it's art and then
01:54what it feels like to have so many people tell you it's not?
01:57I feel like the biggest, the biggest thing that I have to fight for is giving,
02:01creating that meaning and that depth behind Confetti. And so I like, I don't
02:06know, I like proving people wrong. It's a challenge for me, like it's a challenge that
02:10I love taking on. Every time someone hears about the story behind it and what the theme of
02:14it is, which is celebrating your life and which means like having gratitude for
02:18like right now, like for every second that you're here. It kind of like blows
02:22their mind and they're like, oh wow. And so to be able to allow someone to let go
02:27and be present in the moment and just surrender to that, you see that release in
02:34the photos, you know. And I think that's why it captivates people and it's more than
02:38just like, oh here's a person throwing some confetti and it's fun, you know, because
02:43there's, there's a transformation that's happening there. Whether it's for five
02:45minutes or for two hours, within the first time someone throws confetti,
02:50something changes.
02:58What's been the one thing you've tried? You have legitimately really tried and you
03:03continue to fail at getting it done.
03:05Yeah, I feel like I always try to do these like extreme, like sport things. So I got my
03:11first bloody nose in field hockey. I tried parkour and fell like five feet down these
03:17planks. Even skateboarding, I would like constantly like just shred parts of my
03:21face falling down on it. So again, these things of trying to challenge myself
03:27physically and be like that like cool skater chick surfer girl that I've always
03:31wanted to be, like I just don't have it. Those are like literal, actual literal fails.
03:36Like there's no perspective on that. It's a fail.
03:38But you have the van, so you totally count as a skater chick.
03:41Yeah, I mean they're flat forms too, so.
03:44In those moments, was there anything in specific that made you feel better?
03:50I love just kind of like escaping into other things. So if something's not going my way,
03:55I'll go to the movies by myself or like read a book. Like I've always been really attracted to
03:59different art forms of going into other people's story when my story is really difficult or challenging or I don't
04:05want to face it.
04:06at that moment, you know. But I think really with anything, it's like this is temporary.
04:11Whatever this feeling is, like the moments of pleasure, the moments of pain, like they're fleeting.
04:17They all come and go and they're interrelated on repeat times a thousand every day, you know.
04:23So I think not having attachment and having like equanimity like to, you know, if something good happens or if
04:28something bad happens,
04:29if it's a fail, if it's a success, treating it the same way and having that awareness of this is
04:34temporary.
04:35But also trying to find a lesson.
04:41So what does failure mean to you?
04:45I feel like at this point in my life, I've failed enough, quote unquote, that I don't really think there's
04:51any such thing as failure.
04:52I think my definition has been when things don't go the way you expect it to go, you know.
04:58So for me, it's just a learning lesson.
05:16So for me, it's just a learning lesson.
05:17I don't know.
05:17I feel like it's not a learning lesson.
