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00:03mom I got into McGill on college decision night my entire family crowded around my twin sister
00:14Lily Lily had always been mom's favorite she was sweet clingy and knew exactly how to get what she
00:20wanted but with me mom was always much harder even something as important as college tuition
00:25was something I had to earn from mom Nora I heard McGill's your dream school if McGill accepts
00:36you I'll pay your tuition but don't get your hopes up you're good at studying Nora but Lily's always
00:42been the one I thought would really go far I didn't hear the doubt all I heard was the promise
00:49for the first time in 18 years I thought maybe mom did love me maybe she just didn't know how
00:54to show
00:54it to me the way she did with Lily after that I threw myself into studying and I did it
00:59but
00:59before I could even open my mouth I heard her say Nora your sister just got into Boston University
01:06but her tuition is much higher than we expected so I decided to use the money we set aside for
01:11your tuition to pay for Lily's you'll understand right but mom you promised me Nora you've always
01:21been the strong one everyone in this family counts on you if you go that far away what are we
01:25supposed
01:25to do maybe you should think about the family too all this time I thought they needed me because they
01:29loved me but now I finally got it they only needed me because I was useful my brother Ethan pulled
01:34up a
01:34map of Boston and compared the distance between her dorm and his campus we're all going to be too far
01:39away who's going to look after Lily actually Nora could go early my friend owns a diner near BU she
01:47could work there over the summer get settled in and then look after Lily once school starts I
01:51couldn't believe what I was hearing mom had already taken back her promise now she wanted even more
01:55from me for Lily but mom that would be so selfish of me I heard Nora applied to McGuill that's
01:59an amazing
02:00school she shouldn't have to give that up because of me even if Nora gets into McGuill so what with
02:04that
02:04attitude of her as a fancy school isn't going to get her very far Lily's different people actually
02:09like her she'll have opportunities Nora never will no matter how hard I tried mom never believed I
02:15could become anything in her eyes Lily would always have the brighter future I wanted to tell her I'd
02:21gotten in but suddenly it didn't seem worth saying just then Ryan rushed in Nora you did it Mr. Carter
02:29said McGill called you one of their top admits this year looks like we're really going to McGill together
02:34the moment Lily saw him her eyes lit up Ryan you're here Ryan smiled and walked toward me he
02:41was the only person in that room who cared how I felt so you packed for McGill yet your mom
02:45promised
02:45she'd pay your tuition if you got in right I didn't know how to answer mom answered for me actually
02:50Nora
02:50won't be going to McGill Lily's tuition is more expensive than we expected so we're using Nora's
02:54college fund for her besides McGill's so far away what would we do without Nora this family needs her
02:59here Ryan's smile disappeared he looked at me clearly worried Nora are you okay for some reason
03:05that simple question almost made me cry Ryan and I had grown up together he'd been my best friend for
03:12as long as I could remember whenever everyone else chose Lily Ryan was the one person who always chose me
03:21three years ago Ryan and I made a promise if we both get into McGill we'll go together no matter
03:27what happens I won't leave you behind back then I believed him even if my family always chose Lily
03:33over me I thought Ryan never would Ryan frowned at mom you can't do that you promised Nora for the
03:39first time that night someone was on my side I looked at Ryan fighting back tears then Lily suddenly
03:45spoke Ryan I know you've always cared about Nora more than me so go to McGill with her maybe I
03:51shouldn't
03:51go to be you after all I'm used to not being the one you choose anyway I don't want Nora
03:58to give up
03:59McGill because of me and honestly I'm scared to go to Boston alone Ryan went quiet then he looked at
04:06Lily's teary eyes you won't be alone he turned down McGill as casually as if he were cancelling dinner plans
04:18it's just a school I can get an education anywhere BU accepted me too so I'll stay in
04:23Boston with you Ryan you really don't have to do that Nora applied to McGill too haven't you two
04:32been planning this forever Nora can handle McGill on her own you were about to give up BH because you
04:39were scared you need me more right now family looks out for family Nora can stay in Boston too
04:44and then everyone wins why don't you stay in Boston with us I didn't argue I just shook my head
04:57and went
04:58back to my room from that moment on I stopped hoping any of them would ever choose me Nora let
05:07her go
05:07she has no money where could she possibly go what they didn't know was a top molecular biology
05:16professor had already helped me secure my place at Edinburgh all I had to do was show up on time
05:22and my scholarship would kick in all I needed was enough money for a plane ticket then I could leave
05:31them for good after mom gave my college fund to Lily I took every shift I could get every dollar
05:39I
05:39made meant I was one step closer to getting out that morning a customer chewed me out for spilling
05:44coffee on his shirt watch it what's wrong with you but I didn't even have time to change I grabbed
05:51my bag
05:52and rushed straight to graduation I couldn't miss it I had to pick up my biology achievement medal that day
05:57it was one of the documents I needed before leaving for college I made it just as they called
06:01my name biology achievement medal Nora Bennett when my name was called I looked into the crowd without
06:09thinking mom and dad were there but neither of them was watching me they were busy fixing Lily's
06:14gown and taking pictures of her this is your big day sweetheart mom's so proud of you by the time
06:20I
06:20walked over mom finally noticed me but the first thing she saw wasn't the certificate in my hand
06:27Nora what happened to your shirt you look like a mess forget it we'll take the family pictures
06:35without you this is Lily's big day don't ruin it for her it had always been this way no matter
06:41what
06:41I achieved Lily was always the one mom was proud of dad finally glanced at me through the rearview mirror
06:51Nora I thought I heard them call your name did you win something
06:57before I could answer dad added does it come with prize money Lily's gonna need a lot once she starts
07:03college my hand froze around the certificate even when I was the one who won something dad's first
07:08thought was still Lily no you heard wrong oh never mind then just focus on your summer job at least
07:17you
07:17can make some money before Lily starts school after that I worked even harder while I worked Lily spent
07:26the summer traveling with my family even Ryan who used to be inseparable from me spent the whole summer
07:32by her side by the end of summer I'd finally saved enough for my flight and a little extra for
07:42living
07:42expenses as soon as I walked out of the bank I ran into Ryan Nora what were you doing in
07:48there
07:49you've been working here all summer why haven't you come out with Lily and me I almost laughed did
07:53Ryan really have to ask I need the money for college college you're still leaving what about me
08:00for a second I didn't know whether to laugh or cry what about you you're the one who chose to
08:06stay
08:06with Lily Ryan's face tightened why does everything have to be so extreme with you what's wrong with
08:13all of us staying in Boston Lily gets someone he trusts nearby you can work and save money and we're
08:17all still together Ryan used to be the one person who never asked me to give something up for Lily
08:22back in high school I once studied myself sick while my whole family took Lily on a weekend trip to
08:27celebrate her school performance no one even checked on me but Ryan came over with medicine the moment he
08:32found out I'm not leaving you here sick by yourself Nora you'll always come first with me now he sounded
08:38just like everyone else fine go cool off you'll come back you always do the next afternoon I was in
08:51my attic room finishing my final enrollment paperwork for Edinburgh my old laptop frog again right as I was
08:57about to submit my Edinburgh paperwork Nora after last night Ryan was the last person I wanted to see
09:06Nora wait I know I screwed up last night but I've helped you with every college application since
09:10junior year let me fix this one too you don't have to forgive me just don't lose Edinburgh because
09:15you're mad at me Ryan had helped me with college applications before within minutes he found
09:22the problem and fixed it there you're good Nora you know I've always liked you right Lily and Boston
09:29none of that changes how I feel about you my heart betrayed me and skipped a beat for a moment
09:34it felt
09:35like nothing had changed maybe the Ryan I knew was still there I even brought your favorites Ryan had
09:45brought two drinks he remembered Lily's order perfectly oat milk two pumps of caramel no whipped cream but the
09:51one he handed me was topped with crushed pecans I have a severe tree nut allergy Ryan
09:59did you really get this one for me
10:05he hesitated as though trying to decide whether I was causing trouble on purpose
10:10are you sure maple pecan is their seasonal special I swear we used to eat walnut brownies
10:16together when we were kids and then I spent the night in the ER when I was 13 I accidentally
10:23ate
10:23walnuts and nearly stopped breathing Ryan was more scared than I was
10:30don't scare me like that again from now on I'm checking everything before you eat it
10:37he used to be terrified of losing me now he couldn't even remember what I was allergic to
10:44Nora wait I'm sorry I I forgot I swear I didn't mean to
10:51Ryan's apology caught Ethan's attention he walked over saw the untouched drink in my hand and frowned
11:00can't you just scrape the nuts off Ryan went out of his way to get you something and you haven't
11:06even
11:06thanked him I stared at him in disbelief Ethan another exposure could kill me Lily put down her phone at
11:13once don't get on her case Ethan Nora has always been extra careful if she isn't comfortable taking the
11:20risk that's okay then she slid her caramel shake towards me Nora you can have mine Ryan drove all the
11:28way across town because he knows this is my favorite but it's okay no Ryan bought that
11:35especially for you why should you give it up because he got Nora's order wrong Nora can get
11:42another one herself I said the maple pecan shake back on the counter relax I don't want anything
11:49Ryan's expression hardened I forgot one time do you really have to make this so awkward
11:56I looked at him and realized even disappointment felt like wasted energy Ryan used to remember
12:01everything about me even things I'd forgotten myself eat first coffee on an empty stomach gives
12:07you cramps remember he used to know me that well so how did he forget something that could actually
12:13kill me I don't know when it happened somewhere along the way he started remembering everything about
12:19Lily instead my calendar reminder went off it was finally time to book my flight to Edinburgh I
12:25stared at the screen confused there was no way my card could be declined that didn't make sense I'd
12:33saved $1,100 26.6 my account had only 41.72 left I refreshed it three times before I trusted
12:41what I was
12:41seeing at the top of the transaction history one line was painfully clear $1,080 transferred to Diane
12:48Bennett household account I ran downstairs Lily's travel photos filled the television white cliffs
12:55blue domed churches and infinity pools mom was comparing which villa had the best sunset views mom
13:01did you transfer the money out of my account I put my phone in front of her mom had co
13:05-signed when I
13:06opened it at 14 I could have removed her when I turned 18 but it had never occurred to me
13:10that my own
13:11mother might take my money she glanced at it and looked away I used it for Lily's air face and
13:16the
13:16villa deposit why are you overreacting mom I worked all summer for that that money was my only way to
13:22get to college you're smart Nora go to a cheaper school take a year off whatever you'll be fine Lily
13:31doesn't have those options if Ryan hadn't told me I wouldn't even know you were planning to leave
13:36he gave up McGill to stay in Boston for Lily why can't you stop being so stubborn and do the
13:41same
13:43Ryan told you that was the moment everything inside me finally snapped I'm so sick of all of you mom
13:53you gave Lily the tuition you promised me Ryan gave up McGill for her I didn't say a word but
14:00this
14:01is my money I worked all summer for it I don't care about Lily's trip I don't care what any
14:07of you think
14:08anymore I just want my money back we knew you'd find a way to manage Lily already committed to this
14:16trip with her friends backing out now would be humiliating dad finally lowered the remote your mother
14:22should have told you first but the money's spent let's sit down and talk like a family Lily's eyes
14:29filled instantly she pulled up the booking page and held it toward me and everyone else will lose
14:35part of their deposits I just didn't know you'd resent me this much over one trip she knew the
14:41money couldn't be recovered yet she placed the choice in my hands if I insisted I would be the
14:47one ruining everyone's plans I don't resent you I want my money back if you don't give it back I'm
14:54calling the police mom shot to her feet stop talking like we robbed you you live under our roof
15:02we pay for your food the car and your insurance Lily needs the money more than you do she needs
15:07it
15:07more I need that money to go to college Lily wants it for a vacation Ethan stepped in front of
15:13her why
15:13does everything have to become a competition with your sister Lily offered to cancel what more do
15:18you want I picked up my phone to call the bank but Ethan snatched it from my hand and held
15:23it above
15:23my reach give it back when you calm down fine don't give me my money back but if you're taking
15:34my future
15:35from me I'm taking this whole family down with me enough dad's face went cold you're threatening your
15:42own mother over $1,000 do you have any idea how that would make this family look even now they
15:48cared more about appearances than what mom had done Ryan stood beside Lily and lowered his voice
15:53Nora it's just money you can earn it back but if Lily cancels now she'll ruin the trip for everyone
16:01you too Ryan how much more do I have to give Lily before it's finally enough
16:08just because I can take care of myself you take my money just because I don't cry you act like
16:13I
16:13don't get hurt and every time I find a way out you take that from me too you're completely out
16:19of
16:19your mind mom took my phone from Ethan and handed it to dad you're staying home tonight to think about
16:24what you're doing when you're ready to apologize to Lily we'll talk about the money I'm not
16:30apologizing she gave me a humorless laugh then keep being stubborn I'd love to see where you think
16:36you're going with $41 in your account I took back my phone went downstairs and locked the door the
16:42emergency funding portal was still open I uploaded the transfer record my pasteds and a short explanation
16:47of what had happened laughter soon started downstairs again no one came to check on me no one believed I
16:53would actually leave just leave her alone she'll calm down Nora always does she won't leave she
16:58wouldn't leave without telling me they assumed that if they left me out of dinner and refused to speak
17:04to me I would eventually do what I always did and apologize first they all thought taking my money
17:11meant I couldn't leave they were wrong at six the next morning an email alert woke me up the first
17:25email in my inbox was from the University of Edintra my emergency travel grant had been approved they had
17:31reviewed my pay stabs bank transfer record and biology achievement medal the same medal my family
17:36hadn't even bothered to watch me receive now it was helping me leave them the grant covered my flight
17:44to Edinburgh once I arrived and checked in on time my scholarship would cover the rest for the first time
17:50since
17:51mom took my money I could breathe again seven days and I'd be gone but this time I wasn't telling
18:01anyone
18:04for the next seven days my family kept waiting for me to apologize they stopped saving me a seat at
18:10dinner
18:10the family group chat went silent whenever I spoke without me taking care of everything the house started
18:17falling apart within days but no one asked me for help leave her alone she'll apologize when she's had enough
18:24they thought they were punishing me they had no idea they were making it easier for me to disappear
18:29I kept working sold what I didn't need and packed only what I could carry everything I was taking to
18:35Scotland fit into one carry-on and one backpack and at the very bottom I packed the medal no one
18:42in my
18:42family had noticed Nora my travel adapter is ready can you pick it up after work mom's still mad at
18:50you
18:51I'm trying to give you a chance to make things right I almost laughed even now Lily still thought
18:59I was the one who needed to make things right I can't
19:05fine if you want to keep shutting everyone out that's your choice the day before I left Edinburgh
19:11sent me my ticket tomorrow at 12 40 I'd be gone and they still had no idea on the seventh
19:17morning mom
19:18and dad took Lily to a family brunch before her trip Ethan and Ryan went with them before leaving
19:24mom dropped a bakery claims list on the kitchen eyelid and told me to pick up Lily's custom travel
19:29cake that afternoon pick up Lily's things and have them back by six do that and I'll let this whole
19:36thing go I'll even pay your tuition like I promised so stop being stubborn and come back to the family
19:43at six they would return expecting Lily's cake my apology and the daughter who always came back
19:49whenever they punished her by then I would be somewhere over the Atlantic and I would never need their
19:56permission again at 5 40 that afternoon everyone was already at the restaurant for Lily's send-off party
20:02but the travel cake I'd been told to pick up was nowhere to be seen the bakery closes at six
20:07where is Nora mom called me three times none of them went through she's doing this on purpose she
20:15just had to make Lily's day about her again it's okay if she really doesn't want to help me I
20:20just wish
20:20she'd said so I don't want everyone fighting because of me Ryan tried calling me too when she gets back
20:26I'll talk to her she crossed the line this time fine if Nora isn't here with that cake by six
20:34she can forget about me paying a dime for her college
20:41let's see how far she gets without me six o'clock came and went the cake never showed up neither
20:47did I
20:47mom was furious but even then she still thought I was just throwing another tan unbelievable she's
20:52really going to ruin Lily's send-off over a thousand dollars it's okay mom maybe Nora just doesn't want
20:58to see everyone celebrating me she's probably felt overlooked for a long time just like that
21:04the money mom took from me became jealousy and once again Lily became the one everyone felt sorry for
21:10for the first time Ryan didn't rush to comfort her instead he remembered everything he'd brushed off
21:16before me working all summer saving every dollar for college and the Edinburgh paperwork he'd helped
21:21me submit he just never believed I'd actually leave when was the last time any of you actually saw
21:25Nora Ethan shrugged this morning she has 40 bucks where would she go I need the money for college
21:33college you're still leaving what about me
21:43you'll come back you always do at the time Ryan thought I was angry now for the first time he
21:50wondered
21:50if I'd actually meant it Ryan suddenly stood up I'm going back to the house
21:55mom didn't even look worried exactly she can't even afford a plane ticket that was what they all
22:02believed they were so sure taking my money had trapped me because for 18 years no matter how badly
22:07they treated me I had always come back I cooked when no one remembered dinner I fixed Lily's messes
22:14before mom even noticed them and whenever we fought I was always the one who apologized first
22:21so why would this time be any different they rushed home expecting to find me hiding in my room
22:28Nora enough come downstairs no answer
22:34for the first time that day mom looked uneasy
22:40the room was too clean it no longer looks like anyone lived there the closet was empty my medication was
22:47gone from the sink and there was no laptop or stack of lab papers on the desk mom yanked open
22:53every drawer
22:53and found only an old diner name tag and a few rubber bands her voice began to shake dad checked
22:59the garage
22:59and backyard while Ethan called every classmate of mine he could find no one knew where I was but they
23:05all
23:06said the same thing I hadn't talked to my family about my plans in a long time when Ryan opened
23:11the high
23:12school alumni group a new post sat at the top my biology teacher had uploaded a photo of me at
23:17Logan
23:17airport behind me the departure screen showed a flight to Edinburgh the caption was only one line
23:24so proud of you Nora Edinburgh is lucky to have you go build the future you worked so hard for
23:29Ryan
23:30stared at the word Edinburgh as the color drained from his face mom snatched the phone from him what is
23:35this
23:37when did she apply why did her teacher know when we didn't no one had an answer dad called the
23:45airline and
23:46was told he had no right to an adult passengers information he called the University of Edinburgh next but the
23:51school confirmed it wouldn't release student records to an unauthorized family member Ethan swore that I was
23:57irresponsible Lily sat on the couch and cried why did she have to leave today she choked out
24:05everyone is gonna think I drove her away my send-off was supposed to be perfect and now it's ruined
24:12the room fell silent for the first time Ryan heard what she was actually saying she wasn't worried
24:19about whether I was safe flying alone to a foreign country she wasn't thinking about the money mom had
24:24taken or how it had almost destroyed my plans she was upset about her party that's what you're worried
24:30about Nora's gone and all you care about is what people will think about you across the Atlantic I
24:38stepped out of Edinburgh Airport an orientation volunteer held a sign with my name on it after I
24:43answered she checked the printiation again Nora Bennett right I don't want to get it wrong under the
24:49grey-blue sky of a city where I knew no one I almost cried I had lived with my family
24:54for 18 years and no
24:55one had ever seriously asked where I wanted to go 3,000 miles away a stranger meeting me for the
25:01first
25:01time cared enough to say my name correctly the university placed me in a single dorm room it
25:06wasn't large but the window looked out towards old town and the sill was wide enough for two plants
25:11there were no clothes in the closet that Lily had grown tired of and I didn't have to choose sheets
25:16in someone else's favorite color Erin the international student advisor helping me register spotted severe
25:22tree nut allergy on my medical form she immediately updated the residence hall and dining records
25:27then wrote down the nearest hospital the campus clinic and every emergency number I might need
25:33for a second I didn't know what to say apparently being taken seriously didn't require
25:39me to prove that I was exceptional first during my first week the Bennett's flooded my inbox
25:44you've proven you can leave now come home so we can talk at least give us your address we're your
25:52parents we have a right to know where you live you tore this family apart over $1,000 happy now
25:58I can't
25:59enjoy Santorini every time people look at me I know they're thinking about you running away not one
26:04message acknowledged that the money had been mine no one asked whether I was safe or needed anything
26:09I didn't reply instead I booked an appointment with international student legal services an advisor
26:14connected me with a pro bono attorney in Massachusetts I sent her my pay stabs award records and bank
26:19statements and she issued a form demand that mom return all 1,084 within 10 business days mom called
26:26from an unfamiliar number after the letter arrived you actually hired a lawyer she hissed as though I were
26:31the one who had done something shameful this is a family matter do you really want it in some legal
26:36file
26:36return the money and that part of this is over are you really cutting your mother off over money
26:42Lily's trip is already paid for you have a full scholarship now you don't even need it this was
26:47never just about money the money is simply the first thing you did that left evidence other people could
26:53see I ended the call on the ninth business day $1,084 appeared in my new account dad had written
26:59two
26:59words in the transfer note matter closed I didn't tell him that for me nothing was closed I moved most
27:04of
27:04the money into an emergency fund and bought only a waterproof coat for the Scottish account winter
27:08and a new pair of lab goggles at checkout the banking app asked me to confirm the account holder
27:14Nora Bennett mine was the only name there I stared at it for a long time for the first time
27:20in my life
27:20security felt like something that belonged to me
27:24near the end of October dad emailed asking for a video call
27:29your mom put every dollar back in your account we're not asking you to come home Nora we just
27:36want to see you I waited a day before agreeing
27:42you look good then why couldn't you leave one message we looked everywhere for you I almost laughed
27:53you didn't even notice I was gone until you needed me to pick up Lily's cake it's not that we
27:59didn't
27:59care you never needed much from us you got into Edinburgh got your scholarship handled everything
28:06yourself why didn't you tell us the question was so ridiculous I almost didn't know how to answer
28:12I was standing right in front of you with my McGill acceptance I walked across that graduation stage
28:18wearing a biology achievement medal which one of you ever asked before either of them could answer
28:23Lily walked into the kitchen Nora people still think you left because of me could you just post
28:30something saying we're okay and suddenly I understood why they wanted this call they still
28:36weren't asking about my life they needed me to fix something for Lily we're not okay and I'm not lying
28:42for you Nora she's already having a hard time there it was again even after I crossed an ocean
28:48they were still asking me to make things easier for Lily if I hadn't gotten that scholarship mom
28:52taking my money would have cost me college would Lily's vacation still have mattered more their
28:57silence was the only answer I needed by Christmas I'd been gone for four months then Ethan called me
29:05from a number I didn't recognize Lily missed a study abroad deadline you're good at this stuff
29:10send her your templates and help her email the program director
29:18for a second I couldn't believe what I was hearing four months after I left they still didn't miss me
29:25she can handle her own application seriously it'll take you 30 minutes they missed what I used to do
29:30for them exactly so she can spend 30 minutes doing it herself you really have become selfish no I just
29:36stopped being useful to all of you that night Lily emailed me she apologized first then spent the rest
29:42of the email explaining why none of it was really her fault if you really needed the money I would
29:47have canceled the trip you never gave me a chance to fix things you just left and made everyone think
29:51I'm the villain this time I didn't get angry I finally knew exactly who Lily was I answered with two
29:58messages when you offered to cancel the flights and villa were already non-refendable you weren't trying to
30:03make things right you wanted me to say out loud that you could keep spending my money you don't
30:08have to call yourself a bad person but I'm done proving to everyone that you're a good one I sent
30:12the reply and closed my inbox the email didn't inspire much self-reflection the next day Lily posted
30:18a childhood picture of us on social media her captain said that sometimes people grew up and
30:23misunderstood the family who loved them most but she would always leave the door open for her sister
30:27I didn't respond Lily's favorite trick was turning someone else's boundary into a story about her
30:33pain in the past the moment she cried under the spotlight I would be pushed into the shadows and
30:37told to explain myself this time I refused to walk onto the stage she had built without me playing
30:41the villain her performance quickly lost its audience during the last week of January Ryan came to
30:47Edinburgh he emailed beforehand to say he would wait in the student center until four I didn't want to
30:52see him but the longer certain things went unsaid the easier it became for people to mistake silence
30:57for an open door I gave him 15 minutes he looked thinner than he had in the summer he sat
31:02by the
31:02window with a cup of hot chocolate that had long since gone cold when I approached he stood at once
31:07but didn't reach for me the way he once would have Ryan took an old brass souvenir token from his
31:11coat
31:11pocket we had pressed it at the Montreal Science Center when we were 15 we curved our names into the
31:16back
31:16and promised that one day we would return to the city for college I didn't forget this his fingers
31:23tightened around the token Lily told me you were staying in Boston she said McGill hadn't accepted
31:27you and that you didn't want to move far away anymore I believed her the last unanswered question I
31:31mined finally had an answer Lily hadn't merely enjoyed the attention he gave her she had known about our
31:36promise and invented a decision for me anyway you just didn't choose it when choosing mattered that didn't
31:43make Ryan innocent you had my number you sat beside me at my family's table you never asked me yourself
31:52he lowered his head I thought you could handle anything Lily always said she was scared and needed
31:59someone but you never said anything so I so you gave all your time to the person who was best
32:04at
32:04making her needs everyone else's problem
32:10I was wrong
32:13he looked up his eyes bloodshot I talked to your biology teacher after you left that's when I found
32:19out how many applications you handled alone I know how dangerous that milkshake was too
32:24Nora I didn't fly here to make excuses
32:26then why are you here I want to fix what we had even if we can't go back I want
32:32one chance to get to
32:33know you again I looked at the token in his palm once I had believed it represented the most dependable
32:38promise in my life now it was only a dull piece of metal worn smooth by time Ryan you never
32:44owed me
32:44romantic feelings and you never had to follow me to any school but you used to know me better than
32:48anyone then you handed me something dangerous even though you knew about my allergy you knew I wanted to
32:52leave yet you joined everyone's in deciding I would stay you didn't forget a few little details you
32:56forgot that I was a person with the right to choose my own life his eyes filled is there really
33:00no chance
33:01no I pushed the token back across the table you can regret what you did but I don't have to
33:11spend
33:11the rest of my life rewarding you for being sorry our 15 minutes were over Ryan didn't follow when I
33:16stood and walked away beyond the windows winter sunlight lay across the old stone buildings and the sky
33:20was unusually bright I once thought leaving him would feel like tearing away part of myself
33:24distance showed me the truth I had only been clinging to an old promise that had stopped
33:28belonging to either of us when I finally let it go both my hands were free to take back my
33:33future