00:00How I identify myself as a trans woman of color.
00:04I'm on this journey to reposition everything externally to match everything that's internally.
00:11I have to be myself or die trying.
00:16I say that I have tranorexia, that every time I look in the mirror for some reason I see
00:21my previous self.
00:22Even though people from my past say it's so hard to remember who he was, and we don't
00:27see him.
00:28Imagine waking up every day uncomfortable in your own skin, looking in the mirror and
00:32not quite recognizing the person that you feel internally.
00:40It is important for me to get facial feminization surgery because now my facial structure will
00:48match my internal expression of who I am.
00:52The doctor that I've chose, Dr. Obeng is a corrective surgery doctor.
01:26So today is your big day, right?
01:27That's what you choose.
01:28My definition of what being a woman of trans experience is, is living a reality that is
01:39mirroring a cisgendered woman's expression.
01:42I want my body to look completely female because that's how I see and that's how I feel.
01:46But that's just me.
01:48So virtually you would like to have a vagina?
01:50Yes.
01:51Okay.
01:52Now this is a 10 hour surgery.
01:55So my philosophy, like I told you, we are going to do what's safe.
01:59I know you're young.
02:01You probably can do all of this at the same time.
02:03If we get to a point where we feel like we need to stop, we stop.
02:07We're not in a hurry for anything.
02:10So we want to start from working our way this way.
02:13Okay.
02:14Okay?
02:15For me it's scary.
02:17What am I going to see?
02:18Am I going to recognize myself?
02:20Am I going to be happy with these results?
02:22Are these the results that I really wanted?
02:43They're there.
02:44You're already there.
02:58I think it's gonna be more than just a look, but it will be a new confidence.
03:02It will be a new definition itself. After this surgery I'll be able to reintroduce
03:08the real me. So healing for me was nothing at all what I thought it was gonna be. I
03:19thought it was gonna be like you know day seven I see bruises but you know I'm
03:23trucking along. There were so many hiccups along the way. My body was just
03:27storing trauma. I think by day seven I wanted you know I wanted to reverse
03:33everything. I wanted it to stop and so much stuff was done to me and while my
03:38body could take it mentally dealing with it and physically dealing with it was a
03:43lot. But today looking back at it all I would do it again in a heartbeat and it
03:52feels fucking incredible. This whole surgery I will say that it changed me.
03:58It changed the way I see myself. It changed the way I define myself. It changed the
04:02way I introduced myself to the world. I'm now in a space where I understand this
04:07isn't my end result. We just got one more surgery to sell. It's just that last step
04:13where Dr. Obeng is gonna assist me in getting my vagina. I'm defining me and who
04:20and what I am and my female expression is mine and don't you dare tell me how to be.
