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There are degrees of acceptance throughout the religious communities of their LGBTQ brothers and sisters. Refinery29 talks about several of experiences of coming out within different faiths.
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00:01So June month was Pride month and it was the most colorful, exciting, fun time of the year.
00:06Pride month is all about individuality and self-love, but we often forget about the people that don't have an
00:11easy time coming out.
00:12So I couldn't help but wonder, what is it like being within a certain faith group and also within the
00:16LGBT community?
00:18First I wanted to talk to my friend Alisa about her experience.
00:20She identifies as a lesbian and grew up in the Catholic Church.
00:24So talk to me a little bit about your spiritual or religious upbringing.
00:28I was involved in the church from age about 5 to 17.
00:33I kind of loved going to church.
00:36I went Saturday nights because I was a cantor.
00:39I went Sunday mornings because I was in the choir.
00:41I just loved the music and the harmonies and I loved madrigals.
00:44And yeah, I was there for like the singing and the performance.
00:47Not so much the religion, but I definitely think it seeped into my identity.
00:52Ultimately, I left because it felt disingenuous to my identity as a critical thinking feminist and queer woman.
01:01How about the greater religious community? How did they react to you being gay?
01:04So yeah, I never really like came out in the church, but through the power of Facebook and Instagram, people
01:10knew my identity.
01:11And I think that they were accepting and welcoming and never received any like hatred or anything.
01:20But I also never went back to that community to look for their support or guidance.
01:25Like I never looked to them to be included.
01:27I never made an announcement that I was having sex with men.
01:30So why would I make an announcement to this community that I was having sex with women?
01:33What is your advice to someone who's struggling with coming to terms with being in a religious community and identifying
01:39in a certain way?
01:41I think religions all throughout history, you've got to take from it what you can get and what's helpful for
01:47you and leave the rest at the door.
01:49Having a faith and being a feminist, having a faith and being queer is a hard thing to reconcile and
01:56to reckon with.
01:56So it makes sense that that is difficult.
01:58I just think it's super important for people to take what works for them and leave the rest.
02:04Although Lisa seemed really confident about her decision to leave the church,
02:07I knew it wasn't as easy for everyone to just disown a part of their identity and leave a place
02:12that they grew up in.
02:13I wanted to talk to my friend Josh who was raised in a Christian household, which really shaped his sense
02:18of self.
02:18So tell me about your religious upbringing.
02:21I basically grew up in a very fundamentalist Christian upbringing in the suburbs of Phoenix, Arizona.
02:28I was at school every single day of the week and then I had to go to church maybe two
02:32to three times.
02:33Wednesday nights, Sunday nights, Sunday mornings.
02:36So it was just full immersion.
02:38Things were really strict, things were really sheltered.
02:40Everyone loved me because I was this perfect Christian.
02:44So a lot of it was me trying so hard to be this perfect Christian in other people's eyes.
02:48What was the view about homosexuality growing up?
02:50There wasn't really any talk about it.
02:52I do remember one time when I was five asking my dad if men could marry men and if women
02:57could marry women.
02:58And he said, like, no.
03:01Like, that's disgusting.
03:02Those people are worse than pigs.
03:03My summer going into sophomore year of high school when I just felt this really huge need weighing down on
03:08me to tell anyone.
03:10You know, because I was just so afraid of going to hell, of not being able to change this,
03:14because I always felt like it was something that I could change on my own.
03:16My dad was like, you know, he handled it in a very dad way, you know, like, freaking out, kind
03:20of just being like, what?
03:21Like, why would you like that?
03:23Like, it was kind of a three-way decision that we would all, that I would go to conversion therapy.
03:27So for those that don't know, what does conversion therapy mean?
03:30Yeah, so conversion therapy is any means method to try and make someone who is queer not queer.
03:38It can range from, you know, talk therapy or to, like, the most extreme release, like, electro, like, convulsion and
03:44stuff like that.
03:45I went for about two years, like, once a week.
03:47Mine was, thank God, on the lighter side.
03:50It was mostly talk therapy.
03:51The main thing was that they thought that they could change that, and that wasn't the truth.
03:54How did the treatment of your parents change when they found out that you were gay, and then what happened?
03:59So they took away a computer. They took away my phone.
04:03I couldn't hang out with friends, especially, like, my male friends at the time.
04:07So it was just, like, really hard. It was a lot of isolation.
04:11How did this experience impact your faith?
04:13When you're in such a good, like, loving Christian environment, you feel so warm and connected.
04:20And so not being able to have that kind of communion with other people, it can be so challenging because
04:24you just feel really, like, cut off from everything.
04:27What advice would you have for someone who maybe was raised in your community that wants to come out, or
04:33any gay people in general?
04:35I would tell them not to give up on a faith system or any type of spirituality.
04:40High school is not that long. You can get out, and you can start living your own life.
04:45And it's only just a matter of time. So just don't give up. And don't give up on the people
04:50that are around you.
04:53Because they're really going to be the ones who are, like, your life support.
04:56Similarly to Josh, my friend Auden also faced judgment for being gay within his religious community.
05:01I'm from a wee little town outside of Dubai named Alain. It's a hyper-conservative version of Dubai, I would
05:10say.
05:11I was raised conservative Muslim, kind of, like, orthodox style, having to pray five times a day, do all the
05:19five pillars of Islam.
05:20I would always, like, kind of distance myself from it, and I was always very scared of it.
05:23For a while, I was just like, oh my God, like, God's going to send an angel, and it's going
05:27to, like, topple a mountain over me.
05:29Did that scare you?
05:30Engaging in homosexual acts shakes the throne of God, which is, like, to a child.
05:35I mean, I remember the first time I heard that was, like, when I was 12.
05:38So I remember just being like, oh my God, like, God himself, like, his throne is shaking just because, like,
05:45two people of the same gender are, like, engaging in, like, acts of love.
05:49How were you wrestling with that? How did you, and how did you come out?
05:53My first realization of, like, my gay identity or, like, my sexual identity really came about when I started doing
06:01theater.
06:01I, when I went to college, I was like, you know what, I'm done, I can't do this anymore.
06:07And it was because I didn't really feel like what I was doing was in par with, like, how I
06:13viewed my religion,
06:14or at least how I wanted to view my religion, you know?
06:17Now do you attend a mosque, or did you leave the community you were a part of?
06:21I can't, and I refuse, actually, to, like, detach from my religion or my, that identity or whatever.
06:26People back home are not being provided, and I, it's, like, my responsibility to, like, at least try, you know?
06:34Auden continues to face criticism for practicing his faith as a gay man.
06:38But I know that there's places where acceptance does exist.
06:41That's why I wanted to talk to my friend Gabriel, who's a part of the Jewish community,
06:44and who had a more positive experience coming out.
06:46Tell me about your spiritual background, how you were raised.
06:49I was raised Jewish. It's been a really strong cultural identity for me.
06:54My mother is actually a rabbi, um, and was a professional Jew leading up to that.
06:58So, I received a fairly comprehensive Jewish education, and it was always ingrained in me as a large part of
07:03my identity.
07:04How did that relate to your sexual preference and identity?
07:09Everyone knew I was gay, including my family, and everyone was spending time pushing me in that direction,
07:13because everyone was very eager for me to come out.
07:15So, I actually gave my Dvar Torah, which is basically, like, an analysis that you do of the Torah portion
07:21of that week for your bar mitzvah.
07:23Um, it was the story of Jonathan and David, which is widely considered to be a story of two gay
07:28lovers.
07:29I remember the minute that I said the word homosexuality, I watched a thousand people just, like, lift their heads
07:34up simultaneously,
07:36and then they listened to the rest of it.
07:38So, for the most part, you feel like you were accepted within your community?
07:40I think that my experience is probably more common than not.
07:44Um, but there is obviously a diversity of the experiences.
07:47If I grew up in a more traditional Orthodox Jewish family, um, I don't think that it would have been
07:51the exact same story for me.
07:53Jews do not have the same, um, intense, like, sodomy, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve thing,
08:02that I think is more of a predominant rhetoric in Christianity, um, than in Judaism.
08:09What can religions do to make people feel more comfortable about coming out?
08:12I think a lot of homophobia comes from lack of exposure.
08:16Um, and I think that once you actually meet and interact with people who are, you know, being themselves openly,
08:22I think it's a lot easier to have, uh, these, you know, various identities exist alongside each other.
08:27And in order to, you know, stay relevant, um, and continue, you know, giving positive benefits to people in their
08:32lives,
08:33I think religion, um, needs to evolve.
08:35After hearing from Gabe, Elisa, Auden, and Josh, it became clear to me that being a part of the LGBT
08:40community,
08:40and within a place of worship, is complicated.
08:44Reform Jews are openly accepting gay couples, and transgender men and women are being recognized by Islamic cultures all around
08:51the world.
08:51We still have a long way to go, but if we continue to live with the intention of loving our
08:56neighbors,
08:56then faith will become more accessible to us all.