00:02It's time to talk about condoms. So this past weekend I was hanging out with this guy I've
00:05been seeing for a while and I was finally ready to do the deed. I was finally ready to have
00:10sex.
00:10But finally when we were ready to have sex, something weird happened. Like I was like,
00:16do you have a condom? And he said no. He was like, do you have a condom? And I said
00:21no. So it got me
00:22thinking, whose responsibility is it to bring the condom? My friend Catherine recently bought her
00:27first pack of condoms and she told me the experience was pretty uncomfortable. So
00:31I wanted to ask her why. What I hated was that when you go to buy condoms, I brought
00:36a friend with me, there's not just like condoms, like your basic, like just nothing
00:43special about them. You have to choose between like ribbed for her pleasure or
00:48like the kind that changes temperature or like flavored. Like if I'm already feeling
00:52nervous about having to declare that I'm going to have sex but then also I'm
00:57sharing with this cashier the type of sex I want to have. And so I've gone up to
01:01the counter. I put it down. I've been embarrassed just because I don't want
01:05this cashier to know this intimate part about my sex life. I definitely think
01:10there is a stigma, mostly just because men have always been portrayed and
01:16encouraged to be the people who are more outwardly sexual. Whereas women,
01:21especially, you know, growing up, they're not wanting sex is not something they can
01:26really be loud and proud about. For me, the stigma definitely comes from growing up
01:31with abstinence-only education. I was not taught about contraception at all. I was
01:35not taught about condoms. I was not told to go buy condoms. I was just told to not
01:39have sex. Catherine had a point. Abstinence-only education is taught in 23% of
01:44public schools in the United States, which perpetuates the shame around sexual
01:48activity. So do people that get sex education in schools feel less taboo
01:52about buying condoms? I wanted to talk to someone who knew about that
01:55perspective. So I was taught sexual education in middle school and in high
01:59school. And while they did teach safe sex and they promoted how to use a condom
02:02safely and effectively, I just always kind of reverted back to my traditional ways
02:07and I always thought it was a man's job to purchase condoms. So in my
02:11traditional logic, I'm saying, okay, I use and take birth control. That means it's my
02:16responsibility to make sure I'm taking my pill every day. I think for the man, it's
02:20his responsibility to make sure he's always prepared, whether it's in his
02:23back pocket, it's in his wallet, in his desk drawer. He needs to make sure that if
02:27he is going to insert into me, he needs to strap up, put what he needs to put on.
02:33Magnum, Trojan, they have options. Pick what you want. But it's his
02:36responsibility to have it. I know a lot of women agree with Sojourner. We're already
02:40paying and acquiring birth control. So shouldn't a guy be the one
02:43responsible to get the condoms if it's semen coming out of his genitals? I think
02:48it's time to talk to a man about this topic. I think it's the guy's
02:51responsibility to bring a condom. Why? Mainly because he's the one that gets
02:55women pregnant. So I actually like when a woman pulls out a condom because it
02:59shows responsibility and maturity. According to a Trojan survey shared with
03:04Refinery29, only 4% of people who saw one buying a condom had a negative
03:08assumption or judgment about her. Whereas the other 96 saw them as responsible and
03:12smart or didn't think it was any of their business. Cuz it's not. My friend Josh
03:16had a different perspective on who's responsible for bringing condoms. I think
03:20it's both parties responsibility to have condoms at their own place. I don't think
03:24any party should bring condoms. I think you should always have a couple of condoms
03:28at your place if you're sexually active. So women are responsible for buying
03:32birth controls. So some might argue that they pay for the birth control, the guy
03:36pays for the condom. Well not every woman chooses to use birth control. The guy should
03:41tend towards buying the condoms if you know you're gonna be having a lot of
03:43sex with one person and you kind of plan ahead and buy condoms in bulk. I think I
03:47lean towards the guy doing that. But I think in a one-night stand it's not about
03:51pregnancy. I mean it is. You don't want to get pregnant. But a lot of that is like
03:55you don't know this person. You don't know what they have. And that's a two-way
03:58street. That's not just one person doing it. Cuz birth control does nothing to
04:02prevent you from getting the clap. So obviously you're always super prepared
04:07is what I'm getting from you. Which I try to be. But what happens when a woman shows
04:11up prepared? How does that make you feel? It's awesome for two reasons. One I know
04:15she's responsible so I feel safer having a sex anyway. Like the person you don't
04:20want to not wear a condom with is the one who says don't wear a condom. Do not put
04:24on a condom. If someone's like you don't have to put one on. It doesn't matter if it's a guy
04:28or
04:28girl make sure a condom is involved in that situation. Cuz if they're not asking
04:31you to do it they're not asking anyone to do it and that's a dangerous situation.
04:35So it shows that they're prepared, they're safe, they're responsible and also that
04:38they're excited for sex which is fun. So then why do women feel so judged when
04:43they're buying condoms? I decided to speak to my friend Laura who's a sex
04:46educator and a badass. So Laura whose responsibility is it to bring a condom?
04:52It's everyone's responsibility. I think that we have this intense
04:57understanding that condoms because they are designed for male body people that
05:01men should be carrying them and that it's solely their responsibility but it's
05:06in everyone's responsibility because you are autonomous for your own sexual
05:10pleasure and your health within that sexual pleasure and you should also be
05:14carrying condoms if you're a female body person as well. How does this tie into the
05:18way we're educated about sex from a young age? We practice and teach abstinence
05:24only education. When you teach no sex what you're doing is you're going against
05:29like the biology of your body. So there's a reason why young men are having wet
05:33dreams it's because they are the like semen in their body is like too much for
05:38their prostate and it has to come out. That is biology. There is a reason why
05:42young women are having discharge like while they're like getting their period or
05:46after their period. It is because the like fluid within their G-spot is coming out.
05:50Like these are sexual things that we like turn into this bigger deal that are is
05:57tied to morality but in actuality it's really just like your body having a
06:02moment and being what it's doing what it does. How do you think that this
06:06repression of sexuality is tied to the marketing of condoms? So if you look at a
06:11condom package and it's always like ribbing or dots for her pleasure so the
06:16reason why that's there is like while yes things could be very nice and lovely
06:20it's this idea that like you as a male body person are supposed to always be
06:26giving a female body person pleasure that is your job and she as a person who
06:31has been repressed who is told not to touch herself who has been totally
06:36exercised away from like sexual pleasure her entire life because of how we treat
06:40women she is supposed to let men give her that orgasm. Why do you think that
06:45women feel ashamed when going to buy condoms? The reason why women don't feel
06:50okay like within that space like as a sexual human being is because we don't
06:55allow women to be sexual human beings. It is because that we take that away from
07:00them from the time they are younger when we tell women like don't touch down
07:04there because it's not ladylike. There's women that feel ashamed when buying
07:08condoms and what are the tips and tricks that they can use to kind of like let go
07:12and feel more comfortable and not embarrassed. Yeah places like Cal and Lord
07:15like a clinic always has free condoms. Also places like Planned Parenthood will
07:20100% provide condoms to people. After talking with my friends it became more
07:24obvious both parties are responsible for bringing condoms and for practicing safe
07:29sex. Women should be in the driver's seat of not only their sexuality but their
07:33safety and their body as well and they should be talking about sex asking for
07:37what they want and taking matters into their own hands. Remember no glove no love.
