00:00I'm 12 years old with my mom and I remember picking up a YM magazine and
00:05she goes if you ever want to be loved you need to look like the girl on the
00:08cover that was always a little bigger a little like rougher a little tougher
00:11like always played sports but I stopped all that and I was like a 12 year old
00:16kid counting calories when I was around 13 I read an article in a magazine about
00:22a girl recounted how her sister died from bulimia I didn't even care that she
00:27died I care that she got thin around 13 12 when I was bulimic and I was like very
00:32pale my hair was falling out really trying like so hard to like get this
00:36body that I never would ever get at my thinnest size was the time where people
00:41told me I looked the healthiest but I was the most unhealthy I'd ever been in my
00:45entire life so she told me I should go to this like cool drawing class and I
00:48remember this woman stepped out and she was like fucking gorgeous she was the
00:53most gorgeous woman I've ever seen she was also the only actively like
00:57like identified fat woman who like believed in herself and believed in her
01:02confidence and I remember like looking at her model and move and like she just
01:06loved her body and like she was totally naked like there was no part of her that
01:10felt the need to like cover up or shy away she was really kind and she like was so
01:14lovely to talk to and I remember just being like what I'm doing is not like a
01:18way to live it's a way I'm gonna die and I don't want to die my body makes me
01:23feel like a bad bitch I love my full figure because it's a part of me it is
01:28who I am I love my body because it makes me feel mentally emotionally and
01:33physically strong when I was younger I was sexually assaulted I used food to
01:39fill that void of what I was feeling at that time and so I grew to just hate my
01:44body I was always bigger than everyone in my class I was always taller than
01:49everyone in my class and what I thought you know when eating food and like making
01:55myself bigger I thought I would be hiding myself more but instead it had the
02:00opposite reaction those insecurities that I felt on the inside also kind of
02:06played out in the outside because I was the big one everywhere I went child I was
02:12like climbing a long-ass hard-ass mountain it took me forever to learn it so
02:16there's days I look in the mirror I'm like damn I'm not really feeling this
02:19today or damn I'm not I'm not feeling my stomach today but then I look at the
02:23flip side of that and I say you know what nah I'm still a bad bitch nah I'm still
02:28100% that bitch so you know you got to take the good with the bad and also
02:32recognize that you can have your days and it's okay to have those days if I
02:37could go back in time and just be like everything's going to be fine you're
02:41going to be this person who like people look towards for inspiration and
02:45aspiration and empowerment maybe things would have changed why listen to somebody
02:50else when you all you have to listen to is you and if you feel like you're not
02:54comfortable within your body you can't be a bad bitch overnight and you don't
02:59have to look like Cardi Cardi B or Kim Kardashian or anybody like that to be one
03:03not trying to put them down because I feel like everyone should be supported but
03:07you can look like anybody especially just again looking like yourself and be a bad
03:11bitch so I feel like in the day your body has nothing to do with that it's just
03:15that it's all about you loving yourself and loving who you are
