00:00For a while in high school, I could not go to school or go outside without spending like half
00:05an hour doing my concealer and fixing up my eyebrows. I would wake up in the morning and
00:09look at myself in the mirror and I would look completely different than how other people saw
00:13me and how I in my head looked. So now I see it as more of just this additional way
00:19to dress up a
00:20little bit if I'm feeling a little bit extra, but it's not this core part of my personality and my
00:25self-perception. I really only wear makeup for like YouTube and Instagram and stuff like that,
00:31but like when I'm getting groceries like I don't really care. Is the grocery clerk offended that I
00:36have a pimple today? Probably not. I am not thinking about like do I look hot or like attractive or
00:44something like that. It's more like does this outfit reflect how I'm feeling this day? There's
00:48something really nice about looking in the mirror and seeing kind of like this reflection of yourself
00:53that like is I guess like who you see in your mind and also like your mood for the day.
00:59I'm really not that creative when it comes to makeup to be honest, so my go-to look is just
01:02the only look that I know how to do. I mostly just do concealer on any acne that I have.
01:07I layer on like
01:08three different blushes, a little bit of eyebrow gel, a little bit of eyeliner, but most of the time I
01:13just
01:13like looking like myself. Honestly like I love taking off my makeup at the end of the day. It is
01:18my favorite
01:19feeling and after I film videos for myself or like do photo shoots, the first thing I want to do
01:23is wipe
01:23it all off. It's like taking off your bra but for your face and it is fantastic. First things first,
01:28putting up this mane of hair. I first started using makeup probably in ninth grade. My mom was
01:34like never into makeup. She was always so proud that she wore like four makeup products to her
01:38wedding and she did her own wedding makeup. When I was a teenager I was kind of sad that she
01:42couldn't
01:42teach me how to do makeup, but like now I really appreciate that because I don't know I think it's
01:45cool that
01:45she doesn't feel the need to like dress up her face for anybody else. So I mostly learned makeup
01:51from like Michelle Phan, Jen M, like the the old school beauty gurus. Surprise, surprise, I'm using
01:58these makeup wipes that literally everybody owns but I'm not gonna lie they they get the job done.
02:03I am half Asian and half white and I was lucky enough to grow up in Maryland which of all
02:09places
02:09suburban Maryland was so accepting. The town that I grew up in was actually the second town in the United
02:14States to legalize interracial marriage so there were a lot of other kids who looked like me. I
02:20feel like the first time I really encountered beauty standards that have to do with race was
02:24more when I moved to LA. The first day that I went to my internship in LA I was so
02:29excited I was like
02:29walking down Santa Monica and this guy catcalls me he says hey like nice diva shoes you Chinese girl
02:35trying to be white. I was like what? I guess it was like the first time that my race was
02:40really called
02:40to my attention. Rebuilding my confidence didn't really start with my appearance at all. It started
02:45more with rebuilding confidence in my ability as as a student and a filmmaker and a YouTuber. I
02:53started taking YouTube more seriously and it made me feel really good that there was something unique
02:58that I can contribute to the world and I think beyond beauty like that's what makes me feel most confident.
03:04Things are going up. This is the next step in my glamorous skincare routine. This is like a random
03:09bar of zinc soap that I bought off Amazon for like 12 bucks. It's like wet and slimy. I apply
03:14it
03:14to my damp face and then I rub it in. Social media is still hard to navigate because you see
03:20all these
03:20beautiful beautiful people and you think that they're just in like their raw natural state and
03:25they're just like your friends and they're just like you and even more than like supermodels on
03:29magazines that makes you feel like you should be that beautiful too. I guess it's just this balance of
03:35following people who who inspire you when it comes to fashion and beauty and people who you look up to
03:39but
03:39avoiding those people who make you feel bad about yourself. I only follow like 30 people on
03:43Instagram honestly because I'm not like strong enough right now to to look at somebody else's
03:47like perfect abs and not feel a little bit bad about myself. Social media is completely under your
03:52control and if following somebody doesn't make you feel good about yourself then they are one click
03:57away from being out of your life. This is rosehip oil which I read on the internet is good for
04:04acne scarring
04:04which I need. I have this weird thing where I peel all the labels off of my skincare products and
04:10makeup and food and stuff like that. It's really honestly hard to escape all of this text and busyness
04:14and brand names so I like just walking into my bathroom and not seeing anything and it's just a bottle.
04:19I think there's something great and empowering about saying anybody can be beautiful but I wish that
04:23we could get to a point where as a woman being beautiful was just a kind of extra trait like
04:29for men being handsome,
04:30come second to being powerful and smart and successful in their career like when I'm going
04:35to a meeting. Obviously my ideas are the most important thing that I have to say yet for the
04:41hour before the meeting all I'm worried about is putting on my makeup and putting together my outfit.
04:45It would be cool if I could just like walk out the door no makeup on and be taken just
04:48as seriously
04:49in meetings as anybody else. Lastly I have this Cetaphil lotion. This entire bottle was like
04:54seven dollars or something but it does the job. The whole origin of this beauty guru,
05:00girly fashion stuff is kind of like sure we all want to learn about makeup and hair and fashion
05:05but what we really want is to connect with other women.
05:11Like when I was younger I would watch Michelle Phan. I don't think I honestly learned that many useful
05:16things about makeup from her because I wasn't paying attention. I just wanted that sense of connection
05:21and community. Like even in this video right? I get to talk about deep stuff about beauty and society
05:25but I'm also doing my skincare routine. I feel like our parents generation was forced to fit into this
05:32narrow ideal of beauty and we've come such a long way in empowering everybody to say hey anybody can
05:37be beautiful. I would love to see for future generations for beauty to take a back burner all
05:41together and for us to derive our self-worth from what's on the inside and not what's on the outside
05:46because really that's what matters.
