00:03there's a memory when I was in seventh grade and this girl who was the bully I
00:08was the really really smart kid who didn't think I was cool because I was
00:11fat I was overweight and there was this girl who stood on top of his table and
00:16started calling me fat in front of everyone and I just walked away because
00:21there's really I wasn't I don't know I just didn't want to fight back I moved
00:27to Los Angeles to become an actress and I kept getting hit with the same comment
00:32which is you're great you're awesome but you're really big my friends kept telling
00:36me like Nicole you're really photogenic you should be a model like what I can't
00:40I'm too big I'm too big and then a friend said no a plus-size model there's a
00:46difference between the real world and the modeling world for me because in the
00:49real world this is kind of weird but I feel like I'm judged every single place
00:55that I go in New York City my hips get stared at a lot I'll be walking and
00:59people's eyes will just look down I stop looking at my hips my face is up here it's
01:04up here I actually feel safer on set I did one shoot where I was wearing a bra and
01:11panties and when the picture came out I didn't want any I was so I didn't want
01:16people to see it and then I about a year later I found it shared on Pinterest and
01:24there were thousands of comments and I think maybe like five were bad it was
01:29just comment after comment after comment it's like she's so beautiful she's so
01:33real she's so curvy look at those hips and look at those thighs and I'm like
01:36what cuz I'm used to these are squishy thighs but like all those little things
01:42make me proud looking at all the images and the work I've done and then looking
01:49back at my childhood and seeing how far I've come I have family members who are
01:54really hard on me and I would go to the gym every single day I couldn't figure
01:58out what was wrong because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't lose weight one
02:02year ago I went to a doctor because I started swelling couldn't control it and I
02:08found this doctor in New York City who diagnosed me with a disease called
02:11Lipoedema Lipoedema is a lymphatic disorder and so basically my body doesn't
02:18naturally suck up that sugar and fat so my fat actually turns to rocks and they
02:24store in my legs so I'm affected on my lower half and you cannot burn off that
02:29fat through diet and exercise when I heard that that's when I was really I was just
02:35relieved it's just like finally an answer so many people think I'll be happy when I'm
02:42skinny I'll be happy when I'm skinny and I am no stranger to that thought either I
02:48always feel like I want to be thinner I want to be more toned for that I think
02:52back to what one of my teachers told me in college to help with that find one
02:56good thing and start from there little by little you have to learn how to love
03:00yourself because we're never gonna be perfect or are we already perfect
