Stop Giving Employees All the Answers! | Dr. Chris Bittinger

Name: Stop Giving Employees All the Answers! | Dr. Chris Bittinger
Uploaded: 2026-10-31T22:11:21+00:00
Duration: 28 min 7 s
Channel: Workforce Alchemy

00:02Welcome to the Workforce Alchemy Show. I'm today's host, Mason Dukacek. This episode

00:09is brought to you by WorkforceAlchemy.com, where business leaders discover practical ways to select,

00:15engage, and retain their best employees. My guest today, Dr. Chris Bittinger,

00:22has coached more than 1,000 people, teaches coaching and leadership at Purdue,

00:27and earned his doctorate from the University of Pennsylvania. His new book, The Practice of

00:33Authentic Coaching, explores the models and skills that help people become better coaches

00:39and better leaders. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Mason. It's great to be here.

00:45So, you've coached more than 1,000 people. What do the very best coaches do differently that most

00:51managers and executives never learn to do? I love that question to start us off.

00:59And the answer, I think, is very simple. Managers and executives are so great at solving problems,

01:05so they often go to solutions versus coaches who listen and ask great questions because they believe

01:13that people can solve their own problems. Interesting. So, how do you know when someone

01:18needs to be coached versus when they simply need you to give them an answer or make a decision?

01:25Yeah, this is another great one, too, because I think there's a tension, I think, for coaches.

01:31They sometimes feel this idea that they've got to kind of solve the problem. And in my mind,

01:38I go to the term consulting when we think about, okay, consulting is assessing and giving an advice,

01:44whereas coaching is about supporting the client from getting where they are to where they want to go.

01:50So, I think that it's nuanced a little bit. And neither is right and neither is wrong. But I think

01:55clarifying that up front when you do coaching is really important. The International Coaching

02:00Federation would call it entry and contracting. You clarify it at the beginning what they need.

02:07And then you move into that process of coaching. And if they need a consultant, well,

02:13you can refer them on or maybe you are one and you could consult with them. So, I think the

02:18terms are

02:19important.

02:20Because it's interesting because a lot of times, and I'm sure we're going to get into this later, but

02:25people, a lot of times, they have the answers. They know what to do. Sometimes they just need a

02:30little encouragement or they need the clarity of thought to feel confident that they're competent

02:35and to trust their instincts and their experience. And I guess as you get more experience, that becomes

02:42a little easier to do. But for early career professionals, having someone that can coach

02:46you and help you come to the conclusion that, hey, I do know what to do here and it's not

02:53going

02:53to be a catastrophe and I'm going to take action on it and execute it and it's going to work

02:58or I'm

02:59going to adapt until it does.

03:00Yeah, that is so true. I think that's a really important core belief, I think, of a coach is

03:06that it's believing the other person has sort of the agency, the capability. And, you know,

03:11it's interesting when you think about this, when somebody sort of tells you what to do or tries

03:15to fix you versus when somebody sits there and listens, reflects well, asks good questions,

03:23maybe just reflects what they're hearing, how, how even just your emotional sense changes,

03:30you know? So I think that's really important nuance with coaching versus consultant.

03:36I'd be lying if I didn't say that there's been times where I've been involved in conversations and

03:41just hearing my thoughts out loud gave me instant clarity. Like that sounds great. If it was coming

03:48from someone else, I'd yell over it. Yes. Now that I hear it out loud, that's, that makes sense. And

03:56let's go. Yeah. It's, uh, it's different than like me telling you what to do versus me asking you,

04:04what do you think you might do or where are you at with this right now? Or what do you

04:10think your next

04:11step might be? I mean, those are, that kind of changes your brain, doesn't it? It's interesting.

04:16And in fairness to the person being coached, I can see where people might want someone to give them

04:23an answer or tell them what to do. But the reality of it is I have always felt your decisions

04:29are as

04:30sound as the facts in which they're based. And you have the, as your own decision maker of your own

04:35universe, you've got knowledge and experience and insights that no one else has. You've got a much

04:42bigger picture and more information by which to make a decision. When you go to a, somebody for a

04:48coach or for guidance, or you need someone to tell you, Hey, I think you should do this. Those people

04:53are only granted access to the percentage of the information you have. That's their whole universe

04:59by which they can give you feedback. So you actually have more information and better information

05:05in a lot of cases than the people you're asking. And they can give you some insights and help you

05:09think through it. But it's a nice reminder to yourself that, Hey, I know a lot about what's

05:16going on. And this person that I'm asking for guidance or advice only has access to a fraction

05:21of this. They can't, I mean, I can give them portions of this, but they don't have the level

05:26of understanding and intimacy that I have with this particular challenge. And you don't want to dismiss

05:34that. Yeah, absolutely. You've explained that really well. I mean, they've got the context,

05:40the clarity. I mean, it's kind of, it also demonstrates the coach's ability. Like,

05:44can they really fix the problem? The person really has to fix the problem themselves, solve it,

05:50learn, grow and adapt. Right. So that I like how you explain that. That's really good.

05:55So what are the biggest mistakes leaders make when they think that they're coaching someone,

06:00but they're really just giving advice? Yeah, that's good. I mean, I think when you think about

06:04a coach, the coach has to be aware in the moment, like, okay, am I overstepping here? Am I advice

06:10giving? Like with a leading question, like, you know, do you think you should do this? Or what about

06:17trying this? Like the, you could disguise a recommendation in the form of a question.

06:21That's a good tell. But I think a coach has to be very aware of like where they're coming from

06:27in the moment. And also great coaches debrief their sessions, like either with a good supervisor

06:33or maybe even just through journaling or reflection, just to kind of say, okay, I might be stepping a

06:40little too far here. So self-awareness is a really important competency, I think, for a coach and

06:46regulation, self-regulation. So if I listened to a great coach for 30 minutes, what would I hear them

06:53doing that would be noticeably different from an average manager having the same conversation?

06:58Yes, this is good, because I actually was thinking about this. You might not hear anything.

07:06You might just, you might just notice that they're fully there. The coach is present. The coach is

07:13responsive through their body language. They're reflecting back what they heard. They're asking

07:20questions of curiosity to explore it deeper. Whereas a manager, you might hear them filling

07:27the space, you know, talking more than listening. So you might hear a lot less with a coach, Mason.

07:36Interesting. How do you approach asking questions that cause someone to think differently rather than

07:42questions that simply lead them toward the answer that you already have in mind?

07:46Yeah, this is another really important part of a coach recognizing when it's time to kind of explore

07:55various options with the client or maybe address feelings that they're noticing, whether it's in

08:01the session. Like, you know, it could be like, hey, I noticed in this, when I asked this, you shifted

08:07in

08:08your seat. What is that about? Or I noticed that there's some emotion when you spoke about this.

08:15This particular topic. What is this about? So I think coaches can draw conclusions quickly and

08:22that may not be the best. So they need to avoid drawing that conclusion or an assumption and asking

08:27about it because I think it's easy to like assume like, oh, they must be headed down this path.

08:32And like they get to this conclusion of where the thing's going. But really withholding that is

08:37important and asking into it a little bit. I've had I've had. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

08:44Loving the conversation because these are all practical adjustments. And we're not talking

08:50overhauls here. We're not talking about going to managers or executives. Hey, man, you're screwing

08:54this up. You're doing this all wrong. We're talking about just a little adjustment here or a little

08:57adjustment there that can make a huge difference. And the only thing worse than making a mistake is

09:02duplicating it. So I'm hoping that the people that are watching and listening today are going

09:06to walk away with not just, oh, I got a good idea or two, but numerous actionable ideas,

09:12tactics and strategies that can make their impact greater than it would have been otherwise.

09:19Well, yeah, Mason. I mean, I think the other thing is a lot of times with leaders I work

09:23with, I'll ask them as they think about one to ones like, hey, just reflect on the percentage

09:27of the time you're listening versus talking. And that's sometimes very telling with them.

09:34It's like, oh, wow, you know, I am really filling the space because I, you know, I think

09:37as a manager, it's like, well, how do you make the agenda about what they need from the

09:41time versus always filling the space with what you need from the time? So I think that's

09:47important. It's also with group coaching. We talk about this a lot or even in meetings

09:51like people will feel like it was valuable if they felt heard and felt listened to and

09:59sort of validated. And they'll say, well, that was really a good meeting because the leader

10:04actually listened to me today. So that's a good, I think a good insight just to, or an

10:10easy practical one to kind of take with you listening versus talking.

10:13Well, I'm putting myself in the coach's seat right now, thinking about how quickly if coaching

10:23goes shifts from coaching to advice giving, how quickly a team of people might easily just

10:31back off and learn to just, I don't know, what do you think I should do? And just sit there

10:36and wait for the quote coach to solve all their problems. And then they're, they're not engaged.

10:41I don't have ownership and they're sitting around. And now the coach is now the bottleneck

10:46who is the sole provider of all the advice and guidance of here's what to do. And here's

10:51why you should do it. Go. And if the coach, I'm using air quotes for those that are not

10:56watching or listening. If the coach makes that mistake, they're just basically teaching their

11:01entire team to become dependent on them for all decision-making. And that's, that, that's

11:06a real risk, but really is. And you, you talked about like retention succession planning.

11:13Like if there's over-dependence, we can't duplicate ourselves. We can't develop people.

11:17And what are you creating there? That's not what you want. I mean, I think this goes back

11:21to like what you asked earlier, Mason. It's like when I, I was actually with a prospect

11:25about eight weeks, eight months ago, and we were just, I was just learning and listening

11:30culture. What are your needs? What are your wants? And I asked him, I said, do you need

11:33a consultant? Do you need a facilitator? Do you need a coach? And I said, let's define

11:39this, define the terms. I said, do you want me to assess your company and give you a notebook

11:45of what to do? That's consulting. Do you want me to guide you through a process? And knowing

11:50that the answer is in the room, that's sort of a facilitator slash group coach, or do you

11:55want me to develop your leaders? Because they need leadership development and skill development,

12:01that's coaching. And I'm, and you're the one sort of discovering the answers for yourself.

12:06And they said, well, we need a coach. We need a facilitator. I said, great. I'm your person.

12:12But if you need a consultant, I don't know your industry. I'm the wrong person. I just don't

12:18know it. You know it. So if you need a consultant, let's find you a consultant who can come in,

12:23assess and tell you what to do. So.

12:26So I'm going to kind of a little bit put you on the spot and don't have an answer. It's

12:30okay. But

12:31could you give me an example of a coaching conversation that changed someone's behavior

12:35or direction and what happened in that conversation that made it work?

12:40Yes. Well, you know, it was interesting. I had a client that struggled with body language and they

12:45were doing sort of a habit in this conversation that I kept noticing. They were dropping their hands

12:52sort of emphatically during a conversation. And I just, I just asked about it. I said,

12:58I noticed that you're sort of dropping your hands as you speak. And I said, here's how I'm experiencing

13:05that. But is that what you're trying to convey? Tell me what you're seeking to convey. And in this

13:11session, they said, I had no idea I was doing it. I'm so glad you brought it up. I said,

13:17I don't

13:18want to come across this way. And it was so interesting about 90 days after that, they

13:24started talking about how they've stopped doing it. And the others on their team had noticed it.

13:30And it was sort of making a big difference in how they were leading people. So, you know,

13:35it was just sort of stating what I saw with no judgment, but just with care and support and curiosity.

13:43And it made a difference. I think they're, they're, they're now leading, I think a lot better

13:47because of it. So it's fun, but I, I don't, I think, you know, people are the ones that change

13:52and he chose, he chose to change. I think clients I work with, I'll ask, you know, do you have

13:58the

13:58willingness to change and are you committed to change? And that's a big deal. It's not necessarily

14:04about the coach. It's about them to, you know, their, their engagement. So.

14:08So how do you know when the youth listened long enough and it's time to challenge a person you're

14:14coaching? Yeah. So the rapport building and trust building, like I'll, I will sometimes say maybe

14:21after the second session, like I've noticed you brought this up a lot and you haven't made the

14:26change you committed to, or you followed through. I think it always depends on how far you've gotten

14:31in the relationship with them and the trust you built. But I usually after like an hour session or

14:38two, like they know that you're there for them, you're listening, you're asking good questions.

14:43You're not sitting there judging or doling out advice. You're, you're really seeking to care.

14:48I think setting that context is important to Mason. So.

14:53So what are some of the biggest mistakes leaders make when they try to coach someone through poor

14:57performance?

15:01Biggest mistake leaders make when trying to coach someone through poor performance.

15:06Hmm. I think it's sometimes focusing on like just the, the deficit. Like I think we want to think

15:13about leaders need to focus on the strengths they can leverage to perform better versus sort of fixing

15:19a weakness. So let's embrace the strength and leverage that to, to improve performance. So bringing

15:25that out, but the other piece is really clarifying what's expected. Now here's the performance

15:30expectations, making that clear and ensuring that they've really heard it. I think the third thing

15:36that I think leaders mistake is that they've been heard when they really haven't been. So kind of

15:41asking back, you know, what are you hearing me say here? What, what do you, what's, what's the next

15:47step you might take? Cause some leaders think they're great communicators maybe when they aren't,

15:52you know, it's a lot of people that think silence means consent or agreement. And sometimes it's

15:57confusion. They just don't want to look dumb or yeah. I mean, it's sometimes that simple. I just

16:02don't want to look like a dummy. I don't understand this. So they just keep their mouth shut, figure

16:06it out, figure it out later. And they don't. Yeah. Well, I'm curious, Mason, what are you,

16:10what are you saying with leaders and performance? Like what are some mistakes they're making that you're

16:15seeing? Honestly, one of the biggest, this was a, I read a book by Marlene Chisholm. I had a speaking

16:21engagement in Alaska two weeks ago. So I had plenty of time on the airplane and I read her book

16:25from

16:26conflict to courage. And one of the things she talked about was recognizing, getting a real

16:32evaluation of where you are, getting clarity on where you're going. She said that, and this is to answer

16:40your question, I think is how often people will in a coaching conversation, allow themselves to go to

16:46what she refers to as the Island of Distraction. And that's when the person being coached doesn't

16:53feel comfortable. Oh, it's getting hot in here. It's not comfortable. So what do they do? They try

16:57to divert the conversation. Well, but you don't understand. Or did you know that people are doing

17:02this? Or do you know what people are saying about you? And I love her advice for that. She's like,

17:06I hear what you're saying, but the purpose of this conversation is to talk about how we're here

17:12and we're trying to get to there. And this is our objective and how she, how she guides people to

17:17not

17:17let them derail you from your journey, from where you are to the outcome that you're seeking. And I

17:25think one of the biggest mistakes to answer your question, I think one of the biggest mistakes is that

17:31coaches or leaders allow themselves to get distracted off on the Island of Distraction.

17:36And it derails the whole focus in the conversation, which is intentional on the part of the person

17:41being coached, especially if it's a performance related issue, because it's not comfortable for

17:45them and they don't want that heat. They want to take the heat off and divert it somewhere else.

17:49I get it. But as a leader, I think it's a mistake to allow that to happen. And the answer

17:55that Marlene

17:55provided, which I think is dead on is to say, I hear you and I understand what you're saying,

18:01but the intention of this meeting is to discuss our outcome. That might be a topic for another

18:07discussion at another time. That's fantastic. I like that. Kind of just bring it back,

18:12validate it, bring it back really strong because there's also the defense mechanism piece in that

18:18or defer it. I'll deal with it later, but this is the other D like distracting them away from it.

18:23Really good. That sounds like a great read.

18:25It is. And I, she's got a lot of common sense and she, I think did an outstanding job of

18:34not only

18:35helping leaders identify those circumstances that they're in. Like, what is your issue? Is your issue

18:39determining what's really going on? Is your issue picking the outcome that you're after and where the

18:45focus and the direction and setting, making sure that there's congruence between you and your team,

18:50where you're going, where you are and exactly where you're going, and then not allowing yourself to be

18:55pulled off by the distractions. I, I, I just think not only does she, does she help people recognize

19:04those situations for what they are, but she also gave very practical, actionable strategies and ideas

19:10on how to navigate those dangerous waters.

19:14Terrific. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah. Cause there's a coaching connection there with, when you start a

19:19coaching conversation, you're asking the client, where are we taking this today? I mean, where do

19:25you want to end up in an hour? And then let's, let's work to get to that. And sometimes, you

19:30know,

19:31there's a swerve to get there, but you know, where are we, where are we at with this topic now,

19:36based on what you said at the beginning, you know, just helping them, you know, as they think about

19:40where they want to be. So that's great.

19:42So how do you coach someone through conflict when you're only hearing one side of the story?

19:47Yeah. There's always two sides, isn't there? Many sides.

19:51Yeah. I think, I think, I think clarifying their contribution is really important. Like, okay,

19:57what, how have you contributed to this? That's really key. And I think just a lot of times what

20:03builds confidence and resolving conflict is practicing the conversation advance. So we do a

20:09lot of role play in coaching sessions. Like, Hey, let's just work through this. What will you say

20:14first? What would you say next? What will you say at the end? And as you said, with this,

20:19this other piece that we talked about before, like, what's your ideal outcome at the end of this?

20:24Like, where do you want to be when this is over so that you can actually work through the conflict?

20:30Her, her quote was the one with clarity steers the ship.

20:34Yeah. One with clarity steers ship. Yeah, that's good. Like, cause that's your ideal outcome. And then

20:39I think really the humility, like just to own it, like, you know, how have I created this conflict?

20:45What's been my part in this and listening to that? Yeah. And just validating that, giving them their

20:51moment so that you can work through it. Cause like you said, the defensiveness is sort of the enemy of

20:56conflict resolution. It keeps us from getting, getting to a good place.

21:01And it's, and it's, it's understandable. But when you, when you talk about the destination and the

21:08outcome, then the conversation becomes purposeful, not punitive. Like I'm not trying to find things

21:15wrong with you. I'm trying to help us get from where we are to where we need to be. Let's

21:19get

21:19alignment here and focus on, on what needs to happen. Now it's purposeful versus someone feeling

21:25that because, because the focus is on the outcome, not on their quote. And I'm using air quotes again,

21:30for those that are not watching deficiencies. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Cause it's easy to

21:35attack the person, right? Instead of like, Hey, let's get to this destination. That's mutually

21:39beneficial together. And the reality of it is none of us are perfect. And if you're focused on the

21:46outcome and someone's quote deficient, then what tools, resources, talent can I surround you with

21:52tools, technology, systems, people to help us get where we are? Like, I'm not interested in blame.

21:57I'm interested in achieving the outcome, getting the better results faster. And how do we work

22:02together to do it? If you need additional resources, if you need additional support,

22:05then my job's to, to get that for you so that we can accomplish X sooner rather than later and

22:12do good

22:13rather than bad. Yeah. Focusing on the outcomes, focusing on moving things forward, I think is

22:19really important there. That's good. So you've researched executive coaching, stress, and burnout.

22:26How should a coaching conversation change when the person across from you is just overwhelmed rather

22:32than simply facing a difficult business problem? Yeah. So I think defining terms is really important

22:38here as well. So stress is temporary. It requires resources to deal with it. It's a response to an

22:46external experience. So helping them learn about like, okay, how do we cope with stress emotionally

22:52by processing through the emotions to get to problem-focused coping? One of the things that I

22:57discovered in my studies on stress and burnout was usually around the eight-minute mark with a

23:05person's processing through their stressors. They discover like, okay, I need to do these things to kind

23:11of work through the stress. Whereas burnout is persistent exhaustion, cynicism, and lack of professional

23:17efficacy. Those are sort of the three determinants. And they last longer. Stress is more temporary.

23:23So I think coaching someone through that is with stress, just recognizing what it is. Is it stress or

23:28is it burnout? And just helping them. As a coach, you get to be sort of that vessel, sort of

23:34that place

23:35for them to process through those stressors. There is, I think with overwhelm, it's interesting.

23:40Like, I will say this, that I do believe that when you're overwhelmed, you're choosing to be

23:46overwhelmed versus sort of choosing to have a plan. Like, I think overwhelmed is like a choice versus

23:53a state. You may feel overwhelmed, but there are ways through being overwhelmed. So having a plan helps

23:59you deal with that. You know what? One of the, I'm fine. I'm going to oversimplify it, but there's a

24:03magic

24:04word that says it's, it's called no. Yeah, sure. Like, yeah. Hey, like I decided like I, my dance

24:11card is full and whatever else you're trying to pile on my plate, I'm not willing to pull anything

24:16off of my plate now to do that. There's no room on my plate for this. If you, if you

24:21want it, you,

24:22whoever it's customer, you want this, then I need to take one of these things off my plate.

24:28And right now that juice isn't worth the squeeze. That's going to have to wait. You're going to have to

24:33get someone else. If you want me involved. Yeah, that's really good. Right. Boundaries. Like

24:39there's individual ways to deal with stress and to protect yourself from burnout. Boundaries is one

24:43of them. Yeah. And when you're overwhelmed, it's like, usually you need some sort of plan to attack

24:48it. It's anxiety. It's like, okay, I'm feeling anxious. Move towards the anxiety, move towards

24:53that feeling of stress. And a coach can do a lot on that reflecting back, like, okay, what's your plan?

24:59How will you deal with this? How might you recover from burnout? What do you need?

25:04Those kinds of things. Yeah. So as AI gets better at answering questions, analyzing situations and

25:11giving advice, which human coaching skills do you think become more valuable rather than less valuable?

25:17Empathy, being present, eye contact. I also would say humor, being able to laugh with your coach,

25:25I think is very important. I think also like just over the weekend, I texted a few of my coaching

25:31clients, just checking in on them. How was your weekend? How was your week? Following up with

25:37previous clients is a great way. Like there's some things AI, you could maybe train it to do that,

25:42but there's just that human factor. You know, an AI is going to do a really great job of offering

25:48recommendations, really great job of problem solving. And sometimes it just needs to ask more

25:54questions and really allow the client to reflect. So definitely empathy, listening, questioning.

26:01So I know you've got a universe of amazing experience and ideas and wisdom. If there was

26:07only one piece of advice that you could give to people who are watching and listening today,

26:12what would be the single most important piece of advice you could offer and why?

26:17Hmm. Is this advice for like a leader or advice for a coach or both?

26:22Yes, both.

26:23Yeah, both.

26:23Yeah. Yeah. I think never underestimate the ability of someone to solve their own problem

26:30through really effective questions and exceptional listening. That's my piece of advice.

26:36Yeah.

26:38Yeah. It's a real gift when you're present with someone. Like it's one of the greatest gifts

26:43now that we can give someone, like being present. So first of all, thank you so much for your time,

26:50your wisdom, your insights. If people want to know more about you, your book, the work that you do,

26:54what are the best ways for them to connect? Yeah. So I'll show you. This is a copy of my

26:58book.

26:59If for those watching on video, it's called The Practice of Authentic Coaching. You can order it

27:03at Kendall Hunt, but my email is C as in Kat and Bitten, B-I-T-T-I-N at

27:10purdue.edu. You can email me

27:13there and that's my Purdue email address. You can also just check out my website, theopenpivot.com,

27:20and you can see a link to the book to learn more. But either Purdue or the Open Pivot website,

27:26for sure, it's a great way to connect with me. Wonderful. It's been an absolute pleasure. And

27:31before we wrap up, I want to leave people listening with one practical next step. If you want less

27:36turnover, less workplace drama, and more discretionary effort from your team, I want to encourage you to

27:41apply for the Workforce Alchemy Challenge at workforcealchemy.com. You'll receive expert training

27:46and have the opportunity to qualify for up to $1,000 in tools that you can actually use.

27:51It's been a pleasure and we're glad that you joined us today.

27:56Thanks so much, Mason. It was great to meet you today and connect.

Stop Giving Employees All the Answers! | Dr. Chris Bittinger

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