- 11 minutes ago
We're picking our dream team of football players who would make surprisingly good referees! From legendary players to current stars, discover who has the temperament, the authority, and the linguistic skills to be the man in the middle.
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00:00But I can imagine Mourinho sitting there in the dugout and he sees Wenger coming out to ref his team.
00:04It's going to be like in the office when Brent sees his blind days off.
00:09He said, if you read about him in a book, you'd chuck it in the sea.
00:13What does that mean?
00:14That's why he's banned from his local library.
00:16It's like when you find out that teachers have lives outside the school.
00:19Yeah, you do. He's a ref.
00:24This is 4-4-2's 4-4-2's combining the Barclaysman, Boulders and beyond into a random 11.
00:30And today we've got a team of players who would make a good referee.
00:34Yeah.
00:34All right, we'll start with the goalkeepers.
00:36Things got off to a really interesting start last week when you named the same goalkeeper.
00:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42What are the chances of that happening again?
00:44And has anyone picked Simon Mignolet?
00:47Because that's who I've gone for.
00:49Why?
00:49Okay.
00:50He has a degree in politics and speaks four languages fluently.
00:55Okay.
00:55And I thought if you're going to be a good referee, you understand, you know, kind of arguments,
01:02you understand how to resolve a dispute, and you can do it in four different languages,
01:06which probably covers most of the players that were in this fictitious Premier League fixture.
01:11Is that a sensible opening?
01:12That's a good start.
01:14Yeah.
01:14It's a very good start, actually. I can't argue with that.
01:16Not sure. Yeah, I'm not sure. I can't argue.
01:17What have you gone for?
01:18I think there's a chance that Mark and I have gone for the same player.
01:22Not again.
01:23But I doubt it.
01:24I'd say there's a chance. But I've gone for Petr Cech. I've not gone with Petr Cech.
01:30Okay.
01:30Because, you know, it's cross sports, cross disciplines. You know, he likes his ice hockey
01:36as well.
01:38They are allowed to fight in ice hockey.
01:39They are allowed to fight, but it means that there's nothing he hasn't seen.
01:43You've not got a referee who's running away from the fracas that's happening on the touchline
01:48or in the middle of the pitch. He's, you know, he's big enough. He's going to have the necessary
01:53protection in case, you know, there are flailing limbs between two players.
01:58Does he need the hat to be the referee?
02:01He doesn't.
02:01Yeah, for insurance purposes. Yeah, absolutely.
02:03Imagine him wearing it, though. He goes in the FA Cup final, picks the ball up, and he's
02:09wearing the cap.
02:10They did write it into FIFA, didn't they?
02:13Yeah, negotiations.
02:15So I think, aesthetically, that's kind of what I've gone for as well. I just think it
02:19works. And you know what? Every interview that I've read with him and watched, he seems
02:24like quite a mild-mannered bloke. You know, quite well-spoken.
02:27Yeah.
02:27Kind of got his head screwed on.
02:29He's another one who speaks a lot of languages.
02:30He does speak a lot of languages.
02:31Arsenal. He had a back four of Bellerin, Koscielny, Mertesaka, and I want to say it was somebody
02:39else of a different nationality, and he'd speak to them all in different languages. I
02:42think it was Kieran Gibbs, essentially.
02:45That's brilliant.
02:46Speak to them all in different languages.
02:47Also, the referee's kit is so boring that a hat might spice it up.
02:50Yeah, exactly. It's true. Yeah.
02:52Yeah.
02:53You're bringing the Met Gala to the Barclays.
02:55Yeah. It's a catwalk now. Who have you gone for?
02:57So, I kind of feel like you need a... Are you familiar with the story of Batman?
03:05I am, yes.
03:06Yes. Or Superman or Spider-Man. So, it tends to be that in... I don't watch a lot of superheroes,
03:12but they tend to have a moment in their life where they're sort of a gifted person or rich,
03:21and then something happens, something tragic, something awful, and they dedicate their life
03:27to putting things right.
03:29Where is this going?
03:30You're talking about an origin story.
03:32Yeah. So, I've gone with Peter Shilton.
03:35Okay.
03:36Right.
03:36Yeah.
03:37After the hand of God, right, he would become...
03:40I'm applauding.
03:41I'm applauding.
03:41He would become the most, like, dedicated referee. He would want to put anything like
03:48that right ever again.
03:49Just so no one felt what he felt.
03:51Now, I know that if I went for a drink with Peter Shilton, we would have very little in
03:55common. We wouldn't, you know, we wouldn't vibe, really. He's not... We're not on the...
03:59He's not... I'm not on his level more than anything.
04:03But the one thing I truly respect about him is that he has held on to that grudge for
04:09what is 40 years against Maradona. Like, even Gary Lineker has said, well, the referee
04:14shouldn't have spotted it. The linesman shouldn't have spotted it. Shilton's like, no, no, I'm
04:19holding on to this. Maradona's gone. And Shilton is still holding on to this, like, burning
04:26resentment that that goal was allowed. And I just think that would light a fire in him
04:33to become the Pierre Luigi Colina of today.
04:38He's brilliant.
04:39Yeah, it has to be Shilton, doesn't it?
04:40If these mics weren't so sensitive, I'd give you a standing ovation.
04:43Yeah. That's why I was kind of... I had to say it. I'm applauding.
04:47Yeah, yeah. That is sensational. Right. Peter Shilton is. Move on to your right back. We'll
04:53reverse the order.
04:54Oh, who did I go for? Yeah, I've gone a bit more boring on this one. And I've gone
05:00for a man who Pep Guardiola described as the most intelligent footballer he'd ever worked
05:06with. I've gone with Philippe Lahm.
05:08No, I didn't think about that. It's very, very, very dull, but so are referees.
05:15So...
05:16I feel like I might have put a German in there somewhere because it feels like, I mean, I
05:20know firsthand, Germans love a rule.
05:22They do, yeah.
05:23They love a rule. They love enforcing rules.
05:25They love enforcing rules.
05:26And my God, yeah, Philippe Lahm.
05:28Discovered that. Jaywalking in Germany.
05:31Oh, really?
05:31They don't like it.
05:32Yeah, absolutely not.
05:32You don't use the crossing.
05:33No.
05:35I didn't know.
05:35How much did they find you? 60 euros?
05:36No, it wasn't fined. It was just I was shouted at by a member of the public.
05:40Was it Philippe Lahm?
05:41It wasn't Philippe Lahm.
05:42Reminding you not to walk, not to Jaywalk.
05:44Yeah.
05:45And I remember thinking, what's their problem?
05:47In fact, it happened twice.
05:49Yeah.
05:49First time I was like, what's their problem?
05:50The second time I thought, maybe this is on me.
05:53Maybe it is my fault.
05:54But yeah, you're absolutely right.
05:55Member of the public.
05:56Yeah.
05:56It was a member of the public twice.
05:57I have that in Germany.
05:59When you cross a red light in front of children, people go mental.
06:04That might have been.
06:06Yeah.
06:07Yeah, yeah.
06:07Like if you do it in front of a kid and you're effectively showing them that you can walk across
06:10the road at a red light.
06:12Interesting.
06:12So this has really been derailed.
06:14No.
06:15Yeah, yeah.
06:15Who you got?
06:16You get shouted at.
06:17I've cheated a little bit because.
06:20Starting early?
06:20Yeah.
06:21Here we go.
06:22I've actually gone for a linesman instead of a ref.
06:25Antonio Valencia.
06:26Because all he knows how to do is run up and down the wing in straight lines.
06:29I like it.
06:30Yeah.
06:30He's going to keep up with play.
06:32Yeah, yeah.
06:33I like it.
06:33He just runs up and down and he's only got one foot.
06:35So I assume he's only got one arm.
06:37So it's just that.
06:39Yeah.
06:40It's just one side of the pitch.
06:43I don't think I've ever seen him on the left-hand side ever.
06:46Or like anywhere near the centre circle.
06:48Anywhere near the centre circle.
06:49His heat map is literally just.
06:51The same as the Linos.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:53So yeah, that's why I've gone for him.
06:56I feel like Philippe Lahm probably makes more sense.
06:58There was one problem with Philippe Lahm that I thought.
07:02And that was he's such a good defender.
07:04Or was such a good defender.
07:06That he would give absolutely no grace to any other defender ever.
07:11Like if there was a foul, he would be like, yeah.
07:14No, that was definitely a foul.
07:15And a defender would go, no, come on.
07:17I can give a bit of contact.
07:18And he'd be like, no, I didn't concede a yellow card in 13 months of football.
07:23You know, at my peak.
07:24You're not having that.
07:25That was a slight shoulder barge.
07:27He might be a bit too boring to be a referee.
07:31I mean, staying on the topic of boring.
07:33You said before we started recording, have we all been tempted to go for James Milner here?
07:38And you said nothing.
07:39I said, you're right.
07:40I said nothing because I was about to go with my second pick.
07:43Right back, James Milner.
07:44I just think, you know, he's got the right.
07:47So he was.
07:48He has a temperament for it.
07:49Yeah.
07:50But I also do have a deeper reasoning for this.
07:53So his old PE teacher in Leeds was John Moss, the former Premier League.
07:58Oh, the ref.
07:59Yeah.
07:59John Moss, he wears a record shot called The Vinyl Whistle.
08:03Yes.
08:04Mark, it used to be down the road from my flat.
08:06It was fantastic.
08:08Brilliant.
08:08The Vinyl Whistle.
08:09Yeah.
08:10Honestly.
08:11Yeah.
08:11The only drawback that I could say for John Moss is that he is a Sunderland fan.
08:15But you know what?
08:16Everything else that he's done in his career, fair play.
08:18Yeah.
08:19But James Milner, I thought, you know what?
08:20His old PE teacher, the person who, you know, first nourished and honed his footballing
08:25ability, because there's a picture of them.
08:27I think it's Horsforth.
08:30It's like a team line-up picture.
08:33Yeah, I've seen it.
08:34Yeah, yeah.
08:34And Moss, Milner.
08:35The first person to really, you know, coach him and lead him through that was a referee.
08:39Let's get that on screen.
08:40I think we can find that.
08:41I think we can probably find that.
08:42He's got the engine to be a referee.
08:45Yeah.
08:45And I think the temperament.
08:47Nothing's going to...
08:48You know, sometimes you see in European competitions when, you know, referees can maybe get a bit...
08:52You know, a player gets in their face and the referee, like, raises themselves to that level.
08:57Yeah, yeah.
08:57James Milner's not going to give a s***.
08:59No.
08:59He's going to be like, why are you getting angry at me for?
09:02Right.
09:02Yeah.
09:03Just, okay, I've given you your yellow.
09:04Off you pop.
09:05Come on.
09:05Do you reckon referees actually, like, do go a bit mental?
09:10Remember, I remember seeing that video on Mike Dean away at, like, supporting Tramble at, like, Yeovil or something, right?
09:15Yeah, that was it.
09:16And he's, like, losing his mind in the stands.
09:18I was like, yeah, go on, ref's got a bit of personality.
09:20I mean, yeah, they need to have some kind of release, don't they?
09:24Yeah.
09:24It's like when you find out that teachers have lives outside of school.
09:27Yeah, you do.
09:28He's a ref.
09:30It's John Moss.
09:31Just if you think it'll get any more boring, he's a PE teacher and then he's a ref.
09:35Yeah.
09:36Yeah, we're not, I'm not talking, like, sort of, Clattenburg arrogance.
09:41There's a bit of that.
09:42But I suppose we'll get on to the different, sort of, iterations of referees.
09:45Of referees, yeah, yeah.
09:46Because I've gone for that as well in some of my selections.
09:48So who are we going for then?
09:50I'm happy to go Valencia, actually.
09:52I think that's a unique pick that we won't have another one on in this game.
09:57Yeah, yeah.
09:57Sometimes cheating does bring you success.
10:01All the time, I think.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Right, centre-backs.
10:06Who's going to start?
10:06You want to kick things off?
10:08Yeah, I'll kick them off.
10:09I've gone with Eddie Howe.
10:11Because he was a centre-half.
10:12He was a centre-back.
10:13Right.
10:14Not the tallest centre-half.
10:15Right.
10:17But he's very process-driven.
10:20Yeah.
10:21And again, temperament.
10:23Yeah.
10:23But ask any player that's worked with him.
10:27Yeah.
10:27The intensity that he brings on the training pitch is like, oh, you know, his sessions are
10:32incredible.
10:32He's completely different with us as he is with the media and in public.
10:36So someone who can turn it on and off like that, I think you need that.
10:41Yeah.
10:41At centre-half.
10:42One of the most important positions on the pitch.
10:44Nothing would faze him.
10:46Yeah, yeah.
10:47And again, you get the impression he's a bit of a stickler for the rules.
10:51Yeah.
10:51You know, the whole Tindall Howe thing, the chalk and shoes comparison.
10:54Does Tindall come along with him if he's the official?
10:56Well, Howe's the ref?
10:57Tindall's the former official.
10:58Tindall's the official.
10:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:59Tindall's going, right, look, you've stepped out of your quadrant, right, a few too many times
11:05now.
11:05I'm not going to ask you again, otherwise I'm going to tell Eddie.
11:07Yeah.
11:08Because, I mean, Tindall absolutely loves that area of his face.
11:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:12True.
11:12That is the Tindall zone.
11:15So he's just in a different, he's in a different costume then.
11:18That's all, that's all.
11:19So, yeah, they come as a package deal.
11:20Okay.
11:21And you get, we've got Eddie Howe.
11:22My friend met Eddie Howe.
11:24She's a Bournemouth season ticket holder and she'd met him a few times and he was walking
11:30along, like meeting fans, getting photos and everything.
11:32And he said to her, oh, would you like a photo?
11:35And she said, I've actually had a photo with you before, but could you get one with my dog?
11:40And he was like, yeah.
11:42So she picked up this pug, Jack Russell Cross, and I'll see if I can find the photo.
11:47I'll ask her for it and we'll put it up on screen.
11:49Excellent.
11:50Nothing to do with anything other than Eddie Howe, but it's, yeah.
11:54If he's got the temperament to handle an animal, he'd be a good ref.
11:58Yeah.
11:58Or not.
11:58That's the line I'm drawing.
12:00I think my dad did the same when he met Gaza, but he just handed him my six-month-old
12:05brother.
12:06Nice.
12:07Just went, Gaza, let me hold my son.
12:09And they go, Peter, which is, let's see if we can get that on screen.
12:12This is it.
12:12Why not?
12:13This is just an old photo album.
12:14We've cleared off the air.
12:15Yeah, we have.
12:16Talking of Spurs, though.
12:18Wait, hold on.
12:19Who did you go for?
12:19Sorry.
12:20I've gone with Vincent Kompany.
12:22Oh, yeah.
12:22I just think he was an adult when I was 16, and he is now an adult still to me.
12:32He has always been an adult.
12:34I look at him as a grown-up.
12:37I just, he's a grown-up.
12:39He's always been a grown-up.
12:40And when I interviewed, I've interviewed some massive names, but when I interviewed Mark
12:46Klattenberg, he said that he made a mistake against Man City, and he came out for the
12:56second half, and he was gutted that he'd made this mistake, and he sort of was obviously
13:00like, oh, God, I've done this against Man City.
13:04And apparently Kompany came up to him and said, don't worry about it.
13:07We all make mistakes.
13:08We know you made it.
13:10Just, we'll get on with it.
13:11Like, just, it's fine.
13:13I just think that kind of personality as a referee, I just, I think Vincent Kompany is
13:19mature.
13:20He's intelligent.
13:22He'd be a good ref.
13:24Pretty sympathetic.
13:25Yeah, I like that.
13:26Sympathy for the devil there.
13:27The only counter, I would say, is have you seen the clip from the Burnley documentary
13:32where he's coaching, and I think he has a falling out with Johan Berg-Gudmanson.
13:35Gudmanson, yeah.
13:37Oh, that's brilliant.
13:39It's good.
13:39It's good telly.
13:40I don't personally like how he dealt with that, you know, as a professional footballer
13:44myself, you know, speaking from experience.
13:46You played it in New Camp.
13:48Yeah, true.
13:49Playing is a grandiose term for what I did in New Camp.
13:53But, yeah, I agree with you.
13:55I think he would be good.
13:56And I like that he is an adult comparison.
13:58He is.
13:58You need a grown-up in charge of a football match.
14:01Footballers do typically have a, you know, compared to the general public, more of a childlike
14:07disposition sometimes.
14:09You know, Cristiano Ronaldo's not done anyone any favours there.
14:12But, yeah, I like it.
14:14I like it.
14:14He just seems like a good bloke.
14:16Yeah, he does.
14:17Good egg.
14:17He does.
14:18I've also gone for a good egg in Ledley King.
14:21Oh, yeah.
14:22A man who Thierry Henry famously said was the only defender who could cleanly take the ball
14:25off him.
14:26So he knows what he's talking about.
14:27There you go.
14:27Also, his record here, 354 games in his entire career, not a single red card and only eight
14:33yellow cards.
14:34Wow.
14:35That's 354 games.
14:38So basically, it goes like this.
14:40Ledley King's running around as an official.
14:43And when an in.
14:45Yeah, his knee goes.
14:46Can he play two games in a week?
14:48When an incident occurs, he asks himself, would I have done that?
14:53And if the answer is no, it's a foul.
14:54And if the answer is yes, play on.
14:56Because he doesn't commit fouls.
14:57It's pretty good.
14:57So that's my theory behind it.
15:00It's pretty good.
15:00But I do like the Vincent Company shout.
15:03Who's this yours again?
15:04Eddie Howe.
15:04Eddie Howe.
15:05I like Eddie Howe.
15:05It comes with the kicker of you get bonus Tindall.
15:08You get bonus Tindall.
15:10That's what's swinging it for me.
15:11True.
15:12We've gone for officials and so far I've picked a linesman and Tindall.
15:17And Eddie Howe's familiar with black and white.
15:20He is, yeah.
15:21Yes, he is.
15:21Yeah.
15:22Although I feel like we don't really have striped kits, do they?
15:25It's very American to have striped refereeing kits.
15:27They do all gladiators, so.
15:29Yeah.
15:30I didn't even consider gladiator referees.
15:33And they're not footballers, actually.
15:34Oh, Klappenberg.
15:35Yeah, true.
15:37I feel like he also does the baller league stuff.
15:39I feel like.
15:39Yeah, maybe.
15:40He's a very baller league.
15:41He's that feels Klappenberg.
15:42The Ramesh Rangamathan of referees.
15:45He is.
15:46What does that mean?
15:46He'll take any job.
15:48Oh, yeah.
15:48He is everywhere.
15:49Need a referee?
15:49Cool Klappenberg.
15:50Yeah.
15:51Yeah.
15:51Klats.
15:52Oh, we'll get him on the pod.
15:53We'll get him on it.
15:55Right.
15:55Are we going with Eddie Howe?
15:57I'd like to go with Eddie Howe.
15:58Next to him, then.
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16:35Right then, back to the video.
16:37Yes.
16:39Similarly, I picked an adult.
16:41I went with Gareth Southgate.
16:44Yeah.
16:44I just, if there's, he was the first name on my team sheet, to be honest, because I,
16:48when you start thinking who would be a good referee, I just thought, Southgate.
16:54Like, just, I've got no reason.
16:57He was just referee vibes.
16:59Sometimes just trust your gut.
17:00Yeah.
17:00Good vibes.
17:01Yeah.
17:01And wear a waistcoat whilst reffing.
17:03Potentially.
17:04Fantastic.
17:05I mean, he obviously refereed England training sessions.
17:09Like, you could, you can picture it.
17:12Yeah.
17:12I feel like being a centre-back lends itself to these kind of mature, level-headed people.
17:17So, we probably...
17:17I'll wait till we get on.
17:20I've not gone for a team of son-in-laws, believe me.
17:26A team of son-in-laws.
17:28That's fantastic.
17:29F***ing hell.
17:30Right, go on.
17:31I went for, staying with the all England thing, I've gone for Bobby Moore.
17:35Oh.
17:36An adult.
17:36Ah, Bobby.
17:37An adult.
17:38Yeah, yeah.
17:38All right.
17:39I've seen it all, you know.
17:40And you hear, you read, not hear, all the quotes and the interviews that the 66 team
17:47and the former West Ham players, you know, Bobby Moore, really stand-up bloke by all accounts,
17:53according to them.
17:54So, you know, the man in the middle, the most respectable man on the pitch, you know, commands
17:59respect.
18:00Yeah.
18:00He's the only captain to win the World Cup with England.
18:04Male.
18:05Male.
18:06Male.
18:06Yes, yes.
18:07Correct.
18:07Correct.
18:08Why?
18:08Why are England women having won the World Cup?
18:09Sorry.
18:10You were right the first time.
18:11You meant an English title, is what you meant.
18:14Yes.
18:14Yes, I did.
18:15Yes.
18:16Now I'm panicking.
18:20Let's not bring that on screen.
18:25But yeah, I'm going a different shade.
18:28I'm going the shade of red that Bobby Moore wore in 1962.
18:31It's unbelievably niche.
18:33I feel like people get it.
18:34That's funny.
18:35Sorry.
18:36I feel like commands respect.
18:38And Bobby Moore certainly did and continues to because he's in my 11.
18:44Yeah.
18:45You've lost me.
18:47I've completely gone.
18:48Right.
18:49This is, in that case, I've gone very niche compared to you two.
18:52Who have you gone with?
18:53We're back with Wigan.
18:54It's like last week all over again.
18:56With Jean-Bosassure.
18:57I've gone with Arjen Dazou.
19:00He became a policeman.
19:01He did indeed.
19:03That's great knowledge.
19:04Post-career.
19:05So it says here, he had a medical science degree before playing football.
19:09Wigan's first ever Premier League captain.
19:11After retiring, he joined the Dutch police force in Alkmaar as an investigative police detective
19:16and forensics inspector working on local crime, drug enforcement, and human trafficking cases.
19:23I mean, he'd be great against the team we picked last week.
19:28But, yeah.
19:30It's so, this probably opens up a whole other discussion on basically post-playing careers.
19:36Yeah.
19:37Shout out to John Moss and Vinyl Records.
19:39Yeah.
19:40What was it, Vinyl Records?
19:41Vinyl Whistle.
19:42The Vinyl Whistle.
19:43But I, personally, I'm going to vote for my own because I think it's unbelievably niche.
19:47I think, you know what, Bobby, take the bench.
19:51Ian Dazou.
19:52Ian Dazou is playing, yeah.
19:53Ian Dazou is.
19:54I'm happy.
19:54I'm happy with it.
19:56Are we going to start calling sort of fouls crimes now?
19:59I mean, he is the first member of our team to be qualified in something.
20:05Yeah, true.
20:05So I think it has, he has to go.
20:07And again, like teachers, you know, you do get policeman refs as well, don't you?
20:11Yeah, true.
20:11How old I was.
20:13I'm fairly sure his wife, Bibiana Steinhaus, was a police officer.
20:18I met her at the Euros a few years ago.
20:20I kept on bumping into her.
20:21And eventually she was like, keep on bumping into you, Matt.
20:24Would you like some cards?
20:26And I was like, yeah.
20:27So she gave me a yellow and red card.
20:28So I've got them at home.
20:29What?
20:30Yeah, it was really bizarre.
20:31As if she's going around with like business cards for refs.
20:33But it's just yellow and red cards.
20:35I generally was like, you know, I have your card and like, I don't know, get on a podcast
20:39or something.
20:39Really random.
20:40She was, she was there like loads.
20:42And this is Euro 2022.
20:45And yeah, I've got, I've got her red and yellow card at home.
20:49That's incredibly niche.
20:50Very niche.
20:50Please bring them in.
20:51Yeah.
20:52I will do.
20:53Bibiana Steinhaus-Webb, by the way.
20:55Yes, of course.
20:56First ever female Bundesliga referee.
20:59Right.
21:00We're going with Arya Desu.
21:01Left back.
21:01I'm going to get mine out of the way because I did pick James Wilder.
21:04Fair enough.
21:05Very boring.
21:05Yeah.
21:06Let's not go for him.
21:07Let's go between you two.
21:08Would you like to go first?
21:09Go first.
21:10I went Wayne Bridge.
21:11I have no reasoning for this, but I feel like he's been wronged enough in his life that
21:16were similar to Shilton.
21:18This is the Shilton origin story all over again.
21:20It's the Shilton argument.
21:21I just didn't know that that's the reason I was picking it was so similar to Shilton.
21:25Yeah, yeah.
21:26I couldn't, I genuinely couldn't pick another left back.
21:30Full backs I found really hard.
21:31That's why I put a central midfielder, a right back.
21:33I haven't got a left back.
21:36I think he was a centre back.
21:37So, yeah.
21:38To be fair, I will just say, James Milner, according to my research, played left back
21:4258 times.
21:43He played there over, was it Moreno?
21:47Yeah.
21:48Yeah, yeah.
21:49Oh, yeah, he did.
21:49I went to Moreno, yeah.
21:50Before they started Robertson.
21:51Yeah, it was Klopp's first full season.
21:54Yeah.
21:54And he's probably definitely played right back.
21:56Definitely played right back.
21:57Definitely.
21:58He's played everywhere.
21:59Yeah, yeah.
21:59Apart from centre back, I think.
22:00Apart from ref.
22:01Yeah, he's played up front for Man City.
22:03Did he?
22:04Yeah, yeah.
22:04For a little bit, yeah.
22:05Oh, God.
22:06I think it was an injury crisis.
22:07Is there anything he can't do?
22:09No.
22:10Referee a game, apparently.
22:11There you go.
22:12Who have you gone for?
22:14I've gone for a man who was asked, when you get to the gates of heaven, what will you ask
22:20St. Peter?
22:21And he said, I will ask, where are the referees?
22:23And go in the opposite direction.
22:26I've gone with Arsene Wenger.
22:28He said that?
22:29Yes.
22:30I've gone with Arsene Wenger.
22:32He has seen everything in the game.
22:35He has seen everything.
22:38He has clashed with referees in the past.
22:40Who can forget him, you know, doing his...
22:44Iconic.
22:44You know.
22:44Iconic Barclays era.
22:46Yeah.
22:47He's...
22:48Yeah.
22:49He knows more about football.
22:50He's forgotten more about football than everybody else knows.
22:53He's even trying to come up with new rules for football, for goodness sake.
22:58And I just think he got wronged by Marseille in the early 90s.
23:04Obviously, the match-fixing scandal and Tapia and all of that, that came at the expense of
23:09his Monaco team.
23:11We will sort of gloss over the game at Old Trafford that cost Arsenal the 50th unbeaten
23:17game and say that was totally, absolutely fine.
23:20You know, nothing at all happened.
23:21And then, in recent times, we've had everything that's come out about Man City, and I'll stop
23:26talking there.
23:27So, I think that he's seen his fair share of wrong decisions.
23:34He's seen his fair share of unfair play.
23:38I feel like...
23:38Can I counter-argument here?
23:40Go on.
23:40Wasn't his staple line in every interview?
23:43I didn't see it.
23:43Now, that's the problem.
23:45This is why he needs a VAR.
23:47Right, okay.
23:48You know.
23:49So, Wenger for VAR.
23:50Well, I think...
23:52No, he needs a VAR.
23:52He needs a VAR, yeah.
23:54And I'll tell you what.
23:56All 800 Clattenburg, right?
23:58He'll do a job.
23:59He will.
24:00So, we're going for a Wenger-Clattenburg double act, like Howe and Tyndall, basically.
24:06I think so, yeah.
24:07Also, if he's refereeing against Jose Mourinho, you want to see that, don't you?
24:12Oh, yeah, that is good.
24:13You want to see him at the Bernabeu.
24:15Like, can you imagine Mourinho sitting there in the dugout, and he sees Wenger coming out
24:18to ref his team?
24:19It's going to be like in the office when Brent sees his blind days off.
24:25That's what I want to see.
24:27Right, here we go with Arsene Wenger at left back.
24:29Yeah, just...
24:30It's left back.
24:31Fantastic.
24:32Yeah, it's left back.
24:32Anyone can play left back.
24:33Yeah, exactly.
24:34Clearly.
24:34Clearly they have.
24:36Don't ask me where I played at the camp there.
24:40Right.
24:41Into midfield.
24:42I'll start.
24:43Jordan Henderson.
24:45Is it right midfield?
24:46Right midfield.
24:48Played there, quite often I feel like, for Sunderland when he first broke through.
24:52Yeah, he might have done, yeah.
24:53Wasn't a centre mid.
24:54Bit of both.
24:55Did so for Liverpool.
24:56Yeah, I see it.
24:57Good charisma, personality, great communicator.
25:00We've all seen those videos during COVID, right,
25:02when basically all you can hear is Jordan Henderson screaming on the pitch.
25:06I did think about putting him as fourth official
25:09because he gives me snitch vibes.
25:12He gives me like the tattletale on the playground.
25:14Yeah.
25:15Jordan Henderson runs in and says,
25:16sir, sir, someone spat at me or something.
25:18Actually, gaffer, he was saying that you get paid too much.
25:22Your tactics are shit, mate.
25:24Exactly.
25:24I feel like on the sideline, he'd be really fun,
25:29but he'd also tell the ref everything that went on.
25:32He seems like he's got a good base of football knowledge as well.
25:36He's got ball knowledge.
25:37Student of the game?
25:38He's got IQ.
25:39I don't know if I'd call him a student of the game,
25:41but he's seen a lot.
25:43He knows a lot.
25:44You know, I'd trust him.
25:47Yeah, I'd trust him in the middle of the park.
25:49That feels like his home territory.
25:50Yeah.
25:52Loves to shout.
25:53Maybe likes the sound of his own voice too much,
25:55but which ref doesn't.
25:56Interesting that you say that because my right midfielder,
25:58similar to Henderson, I think when he was coming through to begin with,
26:01wasn't a central midfielder,
26:02but played more sort of out to the right.
26:04I've gone for Jermaine Genis
26:05because he definitely likes the sound of his own voice.
26:09As a, I mean, he's a radio host, radio show host.
26:13Not Polkars.
26:14Coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, coin, coin.
26:16I mean, that video alone is enough to say that he's, you know,
26:20if he was made of chocolate, he'd eat himself sort of thing.
26:23I think that it would be...
26:25Where are these quotes coming from?
26:26It would be good to see Jermaine Genis as a ref.
26:30Yeah?
26:30He could have found his niche there.
26:32He could, yeah.
26:32And also, he'll get it from the players as well.
26:35Yeah.
26:36And I'd like to see that.
26:37I bear no ill will towards him.
26:39I think he's a great, he's a great ex...
26:43He was a great scorer of a goal against Man Utd for Newcastle.
26:46An absolute screamer.
26:48Scored a few against him, you know, like for Spurs as well.
26:50Can I just say as well, by the way,
26:51another huge name that I've interviewed, Jermaine Genis,
26:54twice, absolutely lovely.
26:56Yeah?
26:57Really?
26:57Both times, he was a great interviewer.
26:59I can see why he got so much TV work,
27:01because he's just so good with people.
27:04And he can talk.
27:05He can talk.
27:05He'd be great with Ref Cam, is what I'm saying.
27:07He would.
27:08Oh, I've got Ref Cam a little bit later on.
27:10Okay, okay.
27:11And who have you got with?
27:11He's a good case.
27:12So, I've gone for a man that I know three things about.
27:15I've gone with Chris Burchill.
27:18He went to the World Cup, Trinidad and Tobago.
27:20Yeah.
27:20He dated Jodie Marsh.
27:23And he became a referee.
27:25He joined the PGMOL, now known as Pro Ref.
27:29I did not know the last one.
27:31I didn't know the Jodie Marsh bit either.
27:33Yeah, wow.
27:35I knew two things about him.
27:37Yeah.
27:37He played for Trinidad and Tobago, and played for Port Vale, I think.
27:40When did he play for Trinidad?
27:42Or 2006, yeah.
27:44Oh, against England?
27:44Yeah, his mum's from...
27:46Was he...
27:46Did he play for Bradford, am I making that up?
27:48Potentially.
27:49As I say, I only know three things about the game.
27:51He did preface that, to be fair.
27:53Yeah.
27:54And Chris Burchill, I feel like he did play for Bradford.
27:56Yeah, beat an actual referee.
27:58Beat an actual ref.
27:59But did he ref a Prem game?
28:02Was he lower league?
28:03I don't know.
28:04I've told you everything I know.
28:07I know three things at three things only.
28:09Yeah.
28:10What's the middle name?
28:11He's playing games.
28:14God, I feel like we have to kind of pick him now.
28:16I do have to go for the actual referee.
28:17Yeah, yeah.
28:18Chris Burchill.
28:19Two in a row.
28:20There we go.
28:21Wow.
28:23Who's your centre mid, first one?
28:25Xavi Hernandez.
28:27I've gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, then.
28:29I've gone with a man that I think potentially reads the game better than any other footballer in the history
28:37of the sport.
28:39So, I feel when it comes to advantages, he will know when to play and when not.
28:44I went to Oxford United against Milton Keynes-Dons at the start of the season.
28:51I'm sorry to hear that.
28:52For anyone who didn't go to that game,
28:56there was a moment when Oxford were three on goal,
29:00one-on-one with a goalkeeper,
29:01and the referee pulled it back for a foul.
29:04Yeah.
29:04That's a proper EFL referee.
29:07Even my wife was livid and she does not watch football,
29:10follow football at all.
29:11It was absolutely atrocious.
29:13And I thought that day,
29:15if only Xavi was the referee here,
29:17he would have known.
29:18He'd have known.
29:19What I thought.
29:20I think most people would have known.
29:21But yes, you're right.
29:22Of all the names mentioned at Oxford against MK Dons,
29:26Xavi is possibly the last one.
29:28Having said that,
29:28I would never have put Northampton Town and Pato together,
29:31but here we are.
29:31There we go.
29:34Xavi.
29:34Xavi.
29:35Xavi.
29:36Wow.
29:37Strong, strong.
29:37Okay.
29:38Go on.
29:38I'll let you go first.
29:40Bruno Fernandes.
29:43Because he talks to the ref so bloody much,
29:45I figured he might know what's going on.
29:46He must have picked something up by now.
29:48He must have picked something up.
29:49Maybe he's asking questions.
29:51He certainly knows the penalty.
29:53Yeah.
29:53He's seen enough of them.
29:54He understands pens.
29:55Yeah.
29:56This may be a bit of a ludicrous pick.
29:58So yeah,
29:59I just think he talks to the ref far too much.
30:01So he might know what's going on.
30:02Do you know what I'll say as well?
30:04I'm an Arsenal fan,
30:04so I don't like Bruno Fernandes.
30:06And I will not like him until he retires.
30:09But I've got a lot of respect for him as a leader.
30:11He's a leader.
30:12True.
30:13He is a leader.
30:13He's playing on what I don't think is,
30:15you know,
30:16stretching it to say it's quite a bad Man United team.
30:18The worst Premier League team ever.
30:20Yeah.
30:20And he has been head and shoulders,
30:21the biggest leader,
30:22the biggest inspiration to the team.
30:24So I think he's got his credentials at least.
30:27True.
30:28Yeah.
30:28Yeah.
30:29I was trying to be silly with it,
30:30but you've actually made it rather sensible.
30:32Well.
30:33There you go.
30:33It's what he does.
30:34He's not just a pretty face.
30:35Go on.
30:36I've gone with someone who is not going to take any s***
30:39and you're not going to mess with anyway.
30:42Zinedine Zidane.
30:43Oh.
30:44Yeah.
30:44True.
30:45He's,
30:46I don't think I've ever seen the man smile.
30:48No.
30:49I haven't.
30:50You know,
30:51he'll celebrate goals with just stony face.
30:54Or that little.
30:55Yeah.
30:55Something like that.
30:56True.
30:57And he's,
30:58again,
30:59a ref,
31:00I think there's something to be said about a ref that you fear.
31:03Yeah.
31:03You don't want to mess with the referee
31:05that you actually have a little bit of fear
31:07about you're not going to chance your arm,
31:09you're not going to get in his face
31:10if he's given you that aura beforehand.
31:12Well,
31:13he's also not,
31:13he's also going to nut you if,
31:15you know,
31:15you get in his face.
31:16Can he send himself off?
31:18No,
31:18but Tindall is a fourth official,
31:20so,
31:20you know,
31:21I'm kind of hoping that Zidane gets sent off as well.
31:23Is he vocal enough?
31:24I've never heard him speak any language.
31:26Is he vocal enough?
31:27Yeah.
31:28Okay.
31:28Good counter.
31:29I feel like Tindall would also be waiting
31:30to take a selfie with Zidane at the side.
31:32Yeah.
31:32Strikes me as that kind of guy.
31:33I think Zidane would be waiting
31:34to take a selfie with Tindall,
31:36actually.
31:37Come on.
31:39True.
31:40True.
31:40That man has got quite a tan.
31:42He does,
31:43yeah,
31:43Jesus.
31:44I've seen it.
31:44Living in the Northeast,
31:46something's not adding up here.
31:48Let's maybe not get into that one.
31:52I'm happy to concede that Zidane is maybe not the one.
31:55I was thinking Kalina vibes.
31:57Yeah,
31:58true,
31:58true.
31:58It turns out my argument is paper thin.
32:01You have actually,
32:02like,
32:02taken my argument as well,
32:04as somebody who reads the game incredibly well.
32:06Like,
32:06you could,
32:07you have gone for a similar sort of name.
32:09Because I've only got one string to my bow,
32:11whereas you've got two,
32:12in that he's,
32:13you know,
32:13a very,
32:14very good footballer,
32:14and a nutcase.
32:16So,
32:16you know.
32:17Yeah.
32:17Very scary man.
32:18What's funny is the nutcase angle goes against everything we've previously said about being level-headed.
32:24Yeah,
32:24but you could,
32:25you get different types of referees.
32:26They all fulfill the same function.
32:27I've gone with at least one nutcase in my team.
32:29Yeah,
32:29oh yeah,
32:30true.
32:31I'd be amazed if we didn't actually have one of the same ones from nutcases.
32:36Who are we going for?
32:37Should we leave this to public vote?
32:39I'm happy to go with either,
32:41either of you or two.
32:43We'll go with Zidane.
32:44We're going to go with Zidane?
32:45Yeah.
32:45Yeah,
32:45let's go with Zidane.
32:46Let's go with Zizou.
32:47As a ref.
32:49Yeah.
32:49Yeah,
32:49why not?
32:50It's cool as hell anyway.
32:51It's cool as hell.
32:53You open this time.
32:54I'll open.
32:55N'Golo Kante.
32:57He gets about the pitch.
32:59He does do that.
33:00That is,
33:00that is pretty much.
33:02He gets about the pitch,
33:04and
33:05he'd keep up with play.
33:06I do wonder,
33:07basically opposite to Zidane,
33:09sorry,
33:09opposite to Bruno,
33:12whether his quiet demeanour
33:14means he might be walked over
33:15as a ref.
33:17But he is very,
33:18very respected.
33:19Yeah,
33:19that's the thing.
33:20If you know him,
33:21you respect him.
33:22But if you don't.
33:23Have you heard the French song for him?
33:28I think so,
33:29yeah.
33:29Yeah,
33:29if you haven't heard it,
33:30look it up.
33:30I know.
33:31It's great.
33:31I thought we were going to get it.
33:32Yeah,
33:32I thought we were going to get it.
33:33Go on,
33:33Mike's it.
33:35I can't remember the rest of it.
33:38It's like he doesn't cheat cards
33:40or something.
33:40It's like the direct translation.
33:43Something like that.
33:44That's good.
33:45Yeah,
33:46very good.
33:46Just French nonsense.
33:47I don't actually,
33:48you know.
33:49Yeah.
33:50He'd make it great.
33:51My version,
33:51not their version.
33:52I preface to add.
33:53Okay,
33:54who have you gone for?
33:56Hear me out.
33:57I've gone with Diego Simeone.
34:01Okay.
34:02Wow.
34:05Would you try and pull the wool
34:07over Diego Simeone's eyes?
34:08No.
34:09Would you try and say to him,
34:12honestly,
34:13it was an honest tackle.
34:16He can read minds,
34:18that guy.
34:19He knows.
34:20Anything you try on the football pitch,
34:22he's succeeded at doing.
34:24You can't kid a kidder.
34:25No.
34:26That was my thinking.
34:28True.
34:29But the way that his Atletico team play,
34:31I remember when they came to Arsenal
34:33and they'd been training with 10 men
34:35in the run-up to the game.
34:38That's fantastic.
34:39I believe it was,
34:40was it,
34:41I can't remember who it was,
34:42got sent off after eight minutes
34:44and Simeone sent to the stands
34:46and honestly,
34:48when was that?
34:492019,
34:50European League.
34:50Is that when you lost him?
34:51Yeah.
34:52Is that when you didn't turn the whole
34:53wall on to them in the showers?
34:54No,
34:54that was this year.
34:56It was 2018.
34:57It was Wenger's last season.
34:58Again,
34:59Wenger getting wronged by,
35:01I won't go this way,
35:02but yeah.
35:04Yeah,
35:04I just think Simeone just,
35:06like you said,
35:07can't kid a kidder.
35:09Okay,
35:09I think that's stronger than Kante right now,
35:11so the floor's yours.
35:13Mark Noble.
35:15Okay.
35:16Okay.
35:16It feels right.
35:17Nobes.
35:18Just Nobes.
35:19You know,
35:19he knows all the players
35:20but on a first name basis.
35:22Yeah.
35:22They all know him by Nobes.
35:24Yeah.
35:24It's kind of,
35:25when there's a break in play,
35:26like someone's putting their arm
35:27around Nobes' shoulder,
35:29they're kind of,
35:29the Sky Sports camera's on him
35:31and it's,
35:32you know,
35:32they're close up
35:33and it's just like,
35:33yeah,
35:34and they're having a little bit of a,
35:35you know,
35:35kind of like how Mike Dean used to do.
35:37Sensible haircut.
35:38Yeah.
35:39Sensible referee's haircut.
35:40I've heard,
35:41I heard stories that he used to
35:42clean the dressing room,
35:43even as like an experienced player,
35:44he was there with the mop,
35:46like cleaning up,
35:47being sensible.
35:47Yeah.
35:47He reminds me of like a Mike Dean as well.
35:50I kind of like,
35:50he'd have a bit of back chat
35:51to the players as well.
35:52Yeah.
35:52Off your pot.
35:53Go on.
35:54Yeah.
35:54Something like that.
35:55Like proper,
35:55like East London.
35:57Yeah.
35:58My favourite tweet about Mark Noble
36:01was when West Ham were doing really well
36:02and it looked like they could finish in Europe
36:04and one West Ham fan said,
36:07imagine if we get,
36:08I don't know if he was a West Ham fan actually.
36:10So imagine if West Ham get into the Champions League
36:12and we get to play Real Madrid,
36:14Sergio Ramos handing Mark Noble a pennant
36:17put in two pairs of a paper bag
36:19and sealing it with a spin.
36:22That's superb.
36:23It's good, isn't it?
36:24Yeah.
36:25I've always had it in my head.
36:27That's so good.
36:27He's now,
36:28he's now coaching the Academy at West Ham,
36:30I think.
36:31Yeah, yeah.
36:32Some sort of director.
36:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:34Cheers, Serge.
36:35God bless you.
36:35Yeah.
36:37He's probably got like a little group
36:39of Cockney pickpockets or something.
36:43He's officiating team most street urchins.
36:45Yeah.
36:46Yeah.
36:47I'd be happy with any of our three.
36:49I'm not going to lie.
36:50Yeah, I'd be happy with any of our three.
36:51I like the Mark Noble shell.
36:52I like the Mark Noble shell.
36:53We did just give me Zidane though.
36:55I do want to say that.
36:56Yeah.
36:57And I do like Mark's.
37:00Yeah, true.
37:00Who did you go for again?
37:01Simeone.
37:02Of course, Simeone.
37:03I think it's.
37:04All right.
37:05We'll go Simeone then.
37:05Yeah.
37:06We'll go Simeone and Zidane.
37:07As a midfield pairing.
37:09Wow.
37:10My God.
37:10We're forgetting that they're footballers in this.
37:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:12As well.
37:13England's worst nightmare.
37:15Left midfield.
37:17Start with you.
37:17I haven't actually picked the left midfielder.
37:19I've picked a striker who can just sort of go on the left wing.
37:24Give you a couple of facts about him to begin with.
37:26He has scored.
37:27Well, he scored the most number of goals in Premier League history without scoring a hat trick.
37:34And he is the one person that Mark Klattenberg said that he hated refereeing the most.
37:39And that is Craig Bellamy.
37:42Oh, God.
37:44A ref.
37:45Yeah.
37:45Yeah, he can play left wing.
37:46Yeah.
37:46The only reason I went with him was because I thought, see how you like it.
37:52Like, because if he really is as bad as Klattenberg said he is, and I'm pretty sure somebody else said
37:58he was a nightmare to a referee as well.
38:00But if he is as bad as he is claimed to be, let's see how another.
38:06Let's see how he gets on with, you know.
38:08Yeah.
38:09Shoe on the other foot.
38:10Yeah.
38:11See how he gets on.
38:12See how he likes it.
38:13Yeah.
38:14That's good.
38:15Okay.
38:15Yeah.
38:16It's a weak pick, but I'm conceding it.
38:19Mine's a centre mid who often played left mid, so Craig Bellamy's fine.
38:23Go on.
38:24Oh.
38:24Paul Merson.
38:26Oh, okay.
38:27And this made me laugh.
38:29The reason being, Paul Merson a few years ago in the interview had a massive rant, basically, against VAR.
38:34He just hates VAR.
38:35Who doesn't?
38:36He said, VAR, it's like going to a restaurant and having a spaghetti bolognese.
38:40It comes out and you take a taste and say, oh, that tastes horrible.
38:44You don't put it back in the kitchen and start putting extra stuff in it.
38:48It's good.
38:49It's a good analogy.
38:50It's good.
38:51I don't get it.
38:51I don't get the analogy.
38:52I like his analogies.
38:53He said one to 442 recently where he said about Max Dowman.
38:57He said, if you read about him in a book, you'd chuck it in the sea.
39:01What does that mean?
39:02That's why he's banned from his local library.
39:04I mean, yeah.
39:07Just the spaghetti bolognese thing for me makes no sense.
39:09I would take it back into the kitchen and put extra things in it.
39:11No, I'd want a fresh one.
39:13Yeah, yeah, that too.
39:15Anyway, I've no idea what's to do with VAR.
39:16Me outing myself as a bit of a restaurant diva there.
39:20But basically, because of it, I'd love to see Merce be the ref.
39:24And as he walks out into the pitch, he just rips out the f***ing earpiece.
39:27Yeah.
39:27Everyone cheers because there's no VAR.
39:30And then he'd miss a massive decision to call someone by the wrong name.
39:33He would call people by the wrong name.
39:35Imagine the same thing in the book.
39:36He'd be like, turn around, son.
39:38What's your number?
39:38What's your name?
39:39Jan Venegurov.
39:40Okay, your number nine.
39:42What was it?
39:43Zachary Benio.
39:46Brighton 7.
39:47There you go.
39:47It would be vintage Merce.
39:50It'd be really funny.
39:51And he also hates VAR, so I stand by that.
39:53He's got great ball knowledge.
39:55Yeah, good ball knowledge.
39:56He's very, very good at the game.
39:59Him as a ref would be entertaining.
40:01So that's my pick.
40:02Superb footballer as well.
40:04That too.
40:05I went with Gareth Bale.
40:07Purely on vibes.
40:09Sensible.
40:09I just thought, sensible.
40:10Gareth Bale.
40:11The first ever referee with a top knot.
40:14Yeah.
40:15Yeah.
40:16True.
40:17Instead of a whistle, he has a nine iron.
40:19I don't really have that much of a reason behind it.
40:23I think I was just sat there going, I just get good vibes from Gareth Bale.
40:28You know, honourable, stand-up bloke.
40:31I like how he stood up to sort of the criticism with the Real Madrid fans.
40:36So he can take flack.
40:38He could referee the Copa del Rey and refuse to speak to anybody in Spanish.
40:42That would be peak.
40:43Yeah.
40:44Despite actually speaking Spanish.
40:45Oh, yeah, of course.
40:45As in being able to.
40:47Yeah, yeah.
40:49I feel like he has such little interest in football outside playing, though.
40:53Yeah, there is that.
40:54Yeah.
40:54Yeah.
40:55I like coaching.
40:56He wouldn't be as committed to the gig.
40:59Yeah.
40:59No.
41:00Yeah.
41:01Someone else.
41:01It'd be Wales Golf reffing Madrid.
41:04Yeah.
41:04Yeah.
41:05Yeah, I'm not entirely sure.
41:07Between you two, who are we going with here?
41:08I'll go with Merson.
41:10I want to see Merson.
41:11Paul Merson.
41:12I want to see him laying into VAR going, and another thing.
41:17More cheese, I must forget it.
41:19Yeah.
41:19Call that a spag bowl.
41:20Yeah.
41:21Yeah, yeah.
41:22I feel like he's definitely an extra parmesan guy.
41:25Yeah.
41:25Yeah.
41:25Absolutely.
41:27Right, we're going up top.
41:29This is where I've gone on the aggressive front, because nobody would argue with him.
41:37Duncan Ferguson.
41:38Okay.
41:39Yeah.
41:39Yeah, I've gone similar.
41:40Big Duncan's a ref.
41:41There's probably not that much to say, unless he, unless he, it's pretty much in the same
41:48flow as Zindy Zidane, that, you know, does he go over the top and start hitting people?
41:53But if not, he's bloody well scary, and I don't think people chat to him.
41:57And he's obviously very physically dominating as well.
41:59He is.
42:01So, yeah, Big Duncan, that's who I've gone for.
42:03He's good.
42:04I've gone for how low did he go?
42:06No, you haven't.
42:08Have you gone for how low did he go?
42:09Have we done it again?
42:09Oh, again, you need to stop conferring answers.
42:12We're not conferring at all.
42:14Is that because he won, like, the fair play award for catching the ball?
42:17Partly, and also because he pushed over a referee.
42:20Exactly the same reasoning on both counts.
42:22Yeah.
42:22How does that make him a good ref?
42:24Well, because he knows not to stand with his two feet there, so he'll stand, like, with
42:28a boxer's stance.
42:29With a boxer's stance.
42:30Yeah, yeah.
42:31Yeah.
42:32Wow, that's our...
42:33I went to Canyo as well.
42:35Canyo.
42:36Yeah.
42:36Canyo or Duncan...
42:37Well, we're going to Canyo then.
42:39Who's the strike partner?
42:41I went with Danny Welbeck.
42:44Right.
42:45He's been around for quite a while.
42:47That he has.
42:48I cannot think of any...
42:50Seems like a lovely bloke.
42:51Seems like a lovely bloke.
42:52Yeah.
42:52I can't think of any bad press that he's ever taken.
42:55No.
42:55He's obviously done his fair share of interviews.
42:57I can't think of any...
42:58I can't think of a single pull quote from any Danny Welbeck interview in my life, which
43:04tells me that he is straight down the middle, ready salted crisp sandwich with no butter.
43:10He's just straight as a die.
43:13Have you ever seen the interview he did with Carl Jenkinson, where they were asking each
43:18other questions?
43:19Oh, fantastic.
43:20It's honestly the best content that I've ever put out.
43:23The two of them just like...
43:24Has he got a bit of personality to him?
43:26He has, yeah.
43:26He was asking about Tortoise, the Jenkinson, and he was like, is it still going?
43:31He was like, no, mate.
43:31It's brown bread.
43:32It's brown bread, mate.
43:33Oh, I love Welbeck.
43:35He's in my top 10 Arsenal players of all time, and he wasn't even that good for us.
43:39Yeah, he wasn't that good.
43:40There you go.
43:40Again, a referee that you want to respect.
43:42True.
43:43I love the guy.
43:43I feel like he's look good with the headset on as well.
43:46Yeah.
43:46Yeah.
43:47I can suit the headset vibes.
43:48Yeah.
43:49Yeah.
43:49I haven't even considered that.
43:50I haven't considered how good of a public speaker they are.
43:54After Review.
43:55Yeah.
43:55You know, given that, like...
43:57Yeah, we don't want one like the guy at the World Cup who everybody was looking at like,
44:00what?
44:01What?
44:01What did he say?
44:04Oh, what?
44:05What, the Almiron sending off?
44:06Yeah, yeah.
44:07No one had a clue.
44:08Yeah.
44:09Yeah.
44:09I haven't really thought about that.
44:11I've just thought about it now.
44:12There's someone probably who's on the after dinner circuit who's a fantastic speaker.
44:17I think Duncan Ferguson would be good, purely just for projecting his voice.
44:23I've not met Duncan Ferguson, but I've been in his vicinity twice.
44:27Right.
44:28Yeah.
44:28And you were three miles away.
44:30Well, yeah.
44:31So, once was at Southport's ground when Everton's under-21s were playing.
44:35And he...
44:36So, I was sat on sort of like the far end of the press box, and then the directors and
44:41everyone, I think it's when he was in a role at Everton.
44:43And he comes and sits, we were separated by something like a wall partition.
44:47And I'm like, bloody hell, big dunk, snap next to me there.
44:50I could introduce myself.
44:51And as I was sort of plucking up the courage, he shouts at someone, like, on the pitch side,
44:57this is before kickoff.
44:58And I tell you what, I've never heard, just from a standing start, where he hadn't been
45:03speaking to anyone, he was by himself, as gruff and as loud and as sort of just how he
45:08was able to project his voice.
45:10I think it was probably David Unsworth that he was shouting at.
45:12Straight away, Unsworth turns around.
45:14They're having a full-on conversation.
45:16I think that's just his volume.
45:18Yeah, yeah, true.
45:19It's like Brian Blessed.
45:20Yeah.
45:20You turn the telly on, and it's been playing ridiculously loud the last time you've had
45:25it on.
45:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:26Where's the remote?
45:27Turn that down.
45:28And then the second time was at the US Embassy.
45:30And I heard him before I saw him.
45:34It's when I was going to get my visa for the World Cup.
45:36And he just gets out the lift, and I'm like, I heard you.
45:41Bloody hell, it is.
45:42Because it was one of those, I think that, that sounds a lot like Duncan Ferguson.
45:46Imagine if it was.
45:48Yeah.
45:49Watch out, everyone.
45:49I had that in the Wolves press room where I was like, that sounds like Stuart Pearce who's
45:54saying that he's going to go and see Wuthering Heights at the weekend.
45:57And it was.
45:58Turn around and him going, yeah, often I quite like when a film's got bad reviews, because
46:02I just think, you know, it makes it more interesting to go.
46:04Oh, yeah.
46:05He's got this thing right where, like, he actively ignores critics.
46:10Oh, does he?
46:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:11Oh, well, I learned this at Wolves.
46:12Yeah, I feel like that's one of his schticks is, like, he just doesn't pay attention.
46:16Texted Ed from 442 immediately, and he's like, yep, Stuart Pearce seeing Wuthering Heights
46:21at the weekend.
46:23Exclusive.
46:23Yeah.
46:24No context, just.
46:25Hi, Ed.
46:26Stuart Pearce seeing Wuthering Heights at the weekend.
46:27Genuinely, and he sent back saying, I'd love to know how you know this, and I didn't
46:31tell him, so.
46:31I'd love to know his thoughts on it.
46:34Stuart Pearce, not Edson.
46:35I'd like to know.
46:36I'd like to know Edson as well.
46:37Yeah, that's true.
46:38Who else have we gone for as our strike partner?
46:40The other striker.
46:43Sorry, have we gone for the first striker?
46:45Palo DiCameo.
46:46Oh, of course.
46:47DiCameo.
46:47Yeah.
46:48My second striker.
46:50Who's your second striker, sorry?
46:51Welbeck.
46:52Welbeck.
46:53Daniel Farka.
46:55Was he a striker?
46:56Yeah.
46:57He was a striker.
46:57Yeah.
46:58I want to hear his voice.
46:59I want to.
46:59Come on.
47:01Of course, I can't.
47:02I can't do Daniel Farka for everybody just because I used to be a Leeds journalist.
47:06After the review.
47:08After the review, number 10 for West Bromwich Albion was in an offside position.
47:13It's good.
47:14It's good.
47:15I just think he's...
47:17You could narrate German erotica.
47:19I think Daniel Farka's got that market cover, to be honest.
47:23I think he's just...
47:24He comes across as...
47:26I don't know very much about the bloke, to be honest.
47:28So, I...
47:29You know, but I...
47:30He comes across as very sort of warm and cuddly and softly spoken, mild-mannered.
47:36Impossible to, you know, hate unless he's got your team relegated, I guess.
47:42But he's just...
47:45I'd listen to him.
47:46I'd like him.
47:47If he was a referee and he was doing the after-review, I'd listen to him.
47:51Yeah.
47:52I feel like you've picked that just to get his...
47:55Well, I originally picked Harry Kane, and as I was going through this, I was like, I can't pick Harry
47:59Kane.
48:00I've gone far too boring for so many.
48:02I can't pick another man who, like, willingly opts to wear Skechers, you know.
48:08So, Farka it is.
48:10Let's cross Skechers off the sponsorship for this podcast.
48:14Sorry, lads.
48:16My last one is actually back to the camera-wearing officials, because I think it'd be great social content to
48:22hear Troy Deeney as a ref.
48:26He, like...
48:27He's seen it all.
48:29And he's just really funny.
48:31Like, he gives a load of shit, but, like, some of the stuff he comes out with, some of his
48:33takes on radio and in interviews, like, he says it how it is.
48:37Yeah.
48:37Yeah, a lot of cojones about him.
48:40I just think, yeah, from, like, a social point of view, he'd be really funny.
48:43What kind of refereeing threshold is Troy Deeney going to have?
48:47I don't know.
48:48If he knocked him out, fine, carry on.
48:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
48:51That's what I mean.
48:52He lets the game go.
48:53I just...
48:54Yeah.
48:54For me, I'd...
48:56Yeah.
48:56He'd be good fun with the players as well.
48:58He would.
48:59I'd love to see Troy Deeney as a ref.
49:01So, who are we...
49:02I'm going Deeney here.
49:04I'm tempted.
49:05I'm going Deeney, yeah.
49:07Deeney!
49:08Yeah.
49:08That's it.
49:09There you go.
49:09He'd introduce himself in the third person.
49:12He says he's walking in.
49:13Yeah, I reckon it'd be good fun.
49:14To be honest, at this point, I think I've completely forgotten who the whole team is.
49:19Let's do a recap to remember.
49:21Peter Shilton in goal.
49:22Peter Shilton in goal.
49:23Yeah.
49:24Antonio Valencia.
49:26Eddie Howe.
49:26Eddie Howe.
49:27With bonus Tindall.
49:28With bonus Tindall.
49:29I and Dezou.
49:30Yeah.
49:30And then left back we had...
49:32Wenger.
49:32Wenger, fantastic.
49:34Right back, Chris Burchill.
49:36Right mid.
49:36Sorry, right mid.
49:37Chris Burchill.
49:39Followed by...
49:40Zinedine Zidane.
49:41Zinedine Zidane.
49:42With...
49:43And...
49:43Diego Simeone.
49:44Diego Simeone.
49:45Diego Simeone, yeah.
49:46Paul Merson.
49:48Paul Merson.
49:48And then up front we had Di Canio.
49:50Yep.
49:51And Troy Deeney.
49:52Wow.
49:53It's a team.
49:53That's unbelievable.
49:54It's a team.
49:55It's a dressing room as well.
49:57Got to have charismatic dressing rooms.
50:00Yeah, got to have character.
50:02Can't have too much personality in the dressing room.
50:04Yeah, who's that?
50:05Who's that character?
50:05Brendan Rodgers.
50:07Going to pick him for Sonya next time, just so we can get that excellent.
50:09We're going to get more Mourinho in one minute.
50:11Oh, that is good.
50:12That is good.
50:13You want to hear this.
50:13I feel like I'm going to have to work on the impression of someone.
50:16This is football editing.
50:19Very good.
50:20He's so good.
50:20We're having too much fun here.
50:22We're having too much fun.
50:22Right.
50:23Round it up.
50:24Round it up.
50:24That's all then for this week.
50:26Make sure you let us know in the comments to UCSRF and basically any other nonsense that
50:29we've talked about.
50:30Something that we've missed.
50:31Smash a like as well.
50:32Let us know if you've been joining the series.
50:33And we'll see you on the next one.
50:38We'll see you on the next one.
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