With the help of a bribe, Beauregard Claghorn runs a competitive campaign against his wife, Magnolia, for the post of state senator.
#family #romance #comedy #B&W
#family #romance #comedy #B&W
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00:00:00The End
00:00:38The End
00:01:03The End
00:01:54I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, this infiltration has just a problem.
00:01:57Do you realize they're northern spires?
00:02:00They're born from within.
00:02:03It's treacherous.
00:02:04Northern treacherous.
00:02:05Get the blast on that character.
00:02:07He's the guy we need to make speeches for leads.
00:02:10Come on.
00:02:11Northern spires from Washington.
00:02:13Since when do we have to import our apples from foreign places?
00:02:17Ah, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
00:02:20Born and bred in the South.
00:02:21But Mr. Claghorn, I have to get my apples from someplace and they grow up north.
00:02:25Then something's got to be done about it.
00:02:27Well, speaking in general, our branch...
00:02:29Don't ever mention that name in my presence.
00:02:31It means nothing.
00:02:33Well, what can we do, Mr. Claghorn?
00:02:35Eliminate the North.
00:02:36Make the whole country sound.
00:02:38That way we can call these apples Southern spires.
00:02:40Hey, you.
00:02:41Claghorn's your name.
00:02:42Beauregard Claghorn, that ear.
00:02:44Howdy.
00:02:44Now, son, in my plan, you simply move the Mason-Dixon line up around the Creek Lake.
00:02:48Make Canada North.
00:02:50Mr. Claghorn...
00:02:50And after that, anyone who couldn't talk with a Southern drawl would have to get a passport.
00:02:54But what about our maps, Mr. Claghorn?
00:02:56Did you ever look at the map?
00:02:57You noticed how all the river flows south?
00:02:59Well, that's only because of the shape of the earth.
00:03:01Nonsense, son.
00:03:02It's because I can't stand it up north.
00:03:04Claghorn, you're wasting our time.
00:03:05And speaking of maps, you know, we've got two states down here.
00:03:07South Carolina and North Carolina.
00:03:10North Carolina.
00:03:11No such place.
00:03:12Why don't they call it Upper South Carolina?
00:03:14And I can't for the life of me understand why we've got a South Dakota up north.
00:03:19There I go.
00:03:20Said that awful word again.
00:03:22But what's the difference, Mr. Claghorn?
00:03:24We all got the same American blood in us whether we come from the north or the south.
00:03:28That's liable, son.
00:03:30I wouldn't have any northern blood in me if I was dying and needed a transfusion.
00:03:34I don't know, Mr. Claghorn.
00:03:35My daughter married a northern man.
00:03:37A southern girl married to a northerner.
00:03:41Why, George, their children will be half-breed.
00:03:44What?
00:03:45Claghorn, we haven't got all day.
00:03:46That's a joke, son.
00:03:48Half-breed.
00:03:48Southern girl married to a northerner.
00:03:51Quiet.
00:03:52Quiet.
00:03:52I haven't even begun to talk.
00:03:54That's just a whisper for me.
00:03:55If you really want to hear me, all right.
00:03:57No, no.
00:03:57Save it, Claghorn.
00:03:58We'll pay you to make noises like that.
00:04:00Pay me?
00:04:01Yeah.
00:04:01Well, gentlemen, what have I got to do?
00:04:03Plain or fancy oratory?
00:04:05Radio talking?
00:04:06Barbershop arguing or hog calling?
00:04:08We want you to make speeches for Senator Alexander B. Leeds.
00:04:11Leeds?
00:04:12Why, that boondogling, pussyfooting, carpetbagging, fuselanimous.
00:04:17Fuselanimous, that is.
00:04:18Provide, kid.
00:04:19Wait a minute.
00:04:20We'll pay you $25 in speech.
00:04:22I wouldn't care if you were going to pay me in Confederate money.
00:04:24Now this leads, McGowan.
00:04:26And when you mention that man leads to me,
00:04:28a man who's done more to sully the fair name of the South
00:04:31than the bull weevil, you've got a bull with a tail.
00:04:34And I'm flicking that tail in your face.
00:04:35We'll give you a-
00:04:36It's my tail, uh, talk, I mean to say.
00:04:39And I stand back a bit.
00:04:40I defy you and the corruption you represent.
00:04:44Shut up.
00:04:44Shut up.
00:04:45I want to begin to talk.
00:04:46And there's no power on us to silence me.
00:04:49Beauregard!
00:04:53Beauregard?
00:05:04Yes, my dear?
00:05:06Talk, talk, talk.
00:05:07That's all you do?
00:05:09Yes, dear.
00:05:10You know the daughters of Dixie are meeting at the house today
00:05:12and we still have to help Mary Lou get things ready?
00:05:15Yes, dear.
00:05:16Well, come on.
00:05:19Daisy!
00:05:20Don't you know that's a northern apple?
00:05:22You want to get this temple?
00:05:23Drop it!
00:05:25Come on.
00:05:26Yes, dear.
00:05:32Come on, Abigail.
00:06:03Again.
00:06:04We're expecting anybody else?
00:06:05No, I had a hunch I could make you fall for me, but not that hard. What are you doing
00:06:09here?
00:06:10She's dropped in as if you were still beautiful. We'd better drop out and quit. You know how mother feels
00:06:15about us. I know she just got to tell me all about it.
00:06:17She told you? Yes.
00:06:20But she didn't know about it. You see, I hit some on the back of the Surrey. Only she didn't
00:06:23know about that either. Oh, the chances you take.
00:06:26Why, that's nothing to the chances I take for you. Listen, honey, I went over to the Arctic Packing Company
00:06:31again today to see that salesman Clancy.
00:06:32Please, don't talk work. Here, here, would you put this up here for me?
00:06:36Well, I thought you'd be interested. After all, my getting that frozen food truck is one of the most important
00:06:40things in both of our lives.
00:06:42Well, we won't have any lives if mother catches you here.
00:06:44Well, you wait until I get that frozen food business started, and you watch how quick she'll change her tune.
00:06:48Wages, right. Well, that truck cost $2,700, you said, and you haven't even got enough for a down payment.
00:06:54Well, that's a detail that's a little bit rough, but once I get going...
00:06:57Well, you better get going right now.
00:07:02Can't you make this horse go any faster?
00:07:06Abigail, as you know, has only free speed. Slow, dead slow, and stop.
00:07:21What were those two men you were yelling at back in town?
00:07:24Men? Those insects weren't men. Free booters, scallywags. They had the impudence to try to bribe me. They offered me
00:07:33money.
00:07:34Money? For what?
00:07:36Making speeches.
00:07:38Making speeches? Well, that's practically stealing it for you, Beauregard. When do you start?
00:07:44I don't.
00:07:46You mean you turned it down?
00:07:49I'd rather you say I gave it up.
00:07:52Claghorn doesn't sell his honesty, integrity, money.
00:07:56They sold nearly everything else.
00:08:01Well, I say I refuse, eh, that sniveling hypocrite, Channing the leaves.
00:08:06Leaves?
00:08:08I can't say I blame you for that.
00:08:11But that's just like you, Beauregard. You finally get a chance to make some money,
00:08:15and it has to be one you can't accept.
00:08:17I know.
00:08:19Did our allowance arrive here?
00:08:22In the mail.
00:08:23I hope so. All we got to our names is the monthly allowance from that, that weed patch.
00:08:30Weed patch? You call the Claghorn mid-bed a weed patch? The land that supplied the entire
00:08:36South with the most succulent mint that was ever squeezed into a julep?
00:08:39Beauregard.
00:08:40Boat!
00:08:42Boat.
00:08:55Boat!
00:09:04Boat!
00:09:12Stop that fooling around and come on.
00:09:42All right, all right, Beauregard, come on, we're grossing it, come on.
00:09:49Mother's home.
00:09:52Hey, I forgot something.
00:09:55Oh, my God.
00:09:59Hello.
00:10:01Yes, Mother.
00:10:08Is everything ready, Mary Lou?
00:10:09Oh, yes, Mother, yes.
00:10:11What is that behind your back?
00:10:12Nothing.
00:10:13Don't you have some lunch to get or something?
00:10:15What is that behind your back?
00:10:17Well, that's mine, Magnolia.
00:10:20Yours?
00:10:21Since when do you wear two hats?
00:10:22When it's cold.
00:10:24It's my spare hat.
00:10:25I wear it in my spare time.
00:10:28You've never worn a thing like that since I can remember.
00:10:30I had it before I met you.
00:10:32I wore it when I was a boy.
00:10:33Oh, so you wore it when you were a boy.
00:10:36Well, my hat shrunk a little.
00:10:41J.D.
00:10:43Jeff happened by.
00:10:44He helped me move his furniture.
00:10:46So that's the way it is, conspiring against me.
00:10:50If that Jeff Davis comes in this house once more, I'm going to pack up and go home to Mother.
00:10:55You will?
00:10:56Oh, so you want to get rid of me?
00:10:58Oh, no, dear.
00:10:59I only said...
00:11:00I said...
00:11:00I heard what you said already.
00:11:02I must have said something.
00:11:03Of all the contemptible things to say after I've been such a good wife.
00:11:07Oh, now, Mom.
00:11:08How do you mean anything?
00:11:09Now, you just stay out of this.
00:11:10You just stay out of this.
00:11:11I can't.
00:11:11Not when I see you two this way, arguing all the time.
00:11:14Well, then why don't you both do what I want once in a while?
00:11:18Once in a while?
00:11:19Well, but, Ma, we always give in to you.
00:11:22Then why doesn't your father do something useful?
00:11:25Oh, Mama, I'm sure that if you'd only show Papa a little more sympathy, that it'd give him new incentive.
00:11:31Oh, ridiculous.
00:11:32If I didn't drive your father to do things, he wouldn't do anything.
00:11:36Oh, sure, it's easy to put all the blame on me, but look at us.
00:11:39Mama, if you'd only try speaking nicely to Dad, I'm sure that...
00:11:45Oh, very well.
00:11:47I'll try it.
00:11:49Oh, Beauregard.
00:11:51Beauregard?
00:11:54Beauregard!
00:11:56Oh, Beauregard!
00:11:58Oh, that man.
00:12:01That man.
00:12:04That man.
00:12:16You're calling me, my dear?
00:12:18Calling you?
00:12:21I shouted until I was blue in the face.
00:12:24My dear, you look very well in blue.
00:12:26Oh, stop wasting time and help Mary Lou.
00:12:29Dear me, the daughters can't be here already.
00:12:31I'll go.
00:12:32I'll see who it is.
00:12:34I'll go.
00:12:46Come on in.
00:12:47Morning, Mr. Peterson.
00:12:49Morning, Mr. Clegghorn.
00:12:50Got a special delivery letter for you.
00:12:53Special delivery, huh?
00:12:54Now, who'd be sending me your special delivery letter?
00:12:56Your Aunt Agatha?
00:12:58No.
00:12:59Maybe that nephew of yours in the army?
00:13:01Uh-uh.
00:13:02How about that Uncle Charlie of yours?
00:13:04We no longer correspond, Shaw.
00:13:07Not since he married a girl named Lincoln.
00:13:09Why, that girl's from Atlanta.
00:13:11A girl named Lincoln has no right to be from Atlanta.
00:13:14A girl.
00:13:15Well, there's only one way to find out whom this letter's from.
00:13:23A check.
00:13:25Mm-hmm.
00:13:28Well, if this don't beat all get out,
00:13:31they certainly have got their nerve.
00:13:33Probably didn't even talk to you about it in the first place.
00:13:37Mr. Clegghorn, I wouldn't stand for it if I were you.
00:13:42You wouldn't?
00:13:43No, sir.
00:13:43You've got to stand on your rights.
00:13:46Mr. Peterson, your rights.
00:13:48A man has got to stand on his rights.
00:13:51That's his spirit.
00:13:52Well, so long, Mr. Clegghorn.
00:13:54So long, Mr. Peterson.
00:13:58Uh...
00:13:58Well, guess I'm getting a little absent-minded.
00:14:01Yeah, absent-minded, that is.
00:14:04Anyhow, Mr. Clegghorn,
00:14:05I want you to know that you get the most interesting mail on my whole route.
00:14:10Well, that's mighty nice of you to say so, sir.
00:14:13Morning, Mr. Eh...
00:14:15Eh...
00:14:15Claghorn's the name.
00:14:17Claghorn, sir.
00:14:18Morning, Mr. Peterson.
00:14:19Morning.
00:14:25Roundy-down.
00:14:27Magnolia!
00:14:29Mary Lou!
00:14:30Look here!
00:14:31We're rich!
00:14:32Rich, look!
00:14:33Fifteen hundred dollars!
00:14:34Fifteen hundred?
00:14:35Where in the world did you...
00:14:36Well, the lawyers made a deal for the mint pads with the Kentucky Distillery.
00:14:39Whiskey, you understand?
00:14:41They're gonna put up bottled mint julips with Claghorn's mint.
00:14:44Why, that's wonderful, Daddy.
00:14:46Beauregard, I can almost kiss you for that.
00:14:48Well, thank you, my dear.
00:14:49It's nice of you to almost want to kiss me.
00:14:52Well, why don't you kiss him, Mama?
00:14:54Hmm?
00:14:56Magnolia, my blossom.
00:14:58Prepare to defend yourself.
00:14:59Stop it now, but...
00:15:00Stop it!
00:15:01Magnolia!
00:15:02Let me up here, but Beauregard!
00:15:02Just one kiss!
00:15:04One little kiss!
00:15:05What on earth is?
00:15:06Come over, you!
00:15:07Stop it!
00:15:08Stop it!
00:15:09This is it, Beauregard!
00:15:11Just one little kiss!
00:15:12What on earth has come over you?
00:15:14When you blush that way, you're as pretty as the day I married you.
00:15:18Oh, stop it!
00:15:18Oh, Beauregard!
00:15:21Stop it!
00:15:22Magnolia, there's nobody here to see us!
00:15:24Oh, my goodness, Beauregard!
00:15:26Watch out for my sacroiliac!
00:15:28All right, all right.
00:15:29Stop it, Beauregard!
00:15:30Let me...
00:15:31Stop it!
00:15:31Just one kiss!
00:15:32One little kiss!
00:15:34You wrinkling my animal cast!
00:15:36Well, my dear...
00:15:37I hadn't even noticed it.
00:15:41Magnolia, have you a cold?
00:15:43I didn't cold.
00:15:45You didn't?
00:15:46Well, I thought...
00:15:46You didn't!
00:15:48Oh!
00:15:48Oh!
00:15:50Oh!
00:15:50Oh, hello!
00:15:52Oh, yeah.
00:15:53I was showing Magnolia a new wrestling hole.
00:15:56Very interesting, I'm sure.
00:15:58Oh, well, ladies, after all, Mr. Craghorn and I are married.
00:16:02Oh, legally, that is.
00:16:04Mr. Craghorn, dear, perhaps you'd better leave us alone.
00:16:07Yes, my dear.
00:16:08Uh, excuse me.
00:16:09Uh, the...
00:16:10Yes, sir.
00:16:10The things for the punch are on the kitchen table.
00:16:13Yeah, the punch are on my...
00:16:14Uh, the kitchen has on...
00:16:16Excuse me, on the table.
00:16:17Yes, just...
00:16:18Just come right on in, please.
00:16:19We'll serve refreshments immediately.
00:16:25Wealthy man.
00:16:26Fifteen hundred dollars in my pocket?
00:16:28What am I?
00:16:29A shoulder jerk.
00:16:31Jerk, that is.
00:16:33Come in.
00:16:36Oh, come in, William.
00:16:37Now, what can I do for you?
00:16:39I'm collecting for the evening paper.
00:16:41Oh, yeah.
00:16:43How much is it?
00:16:44A dollar fifteen.
00:16:46Yeah.
00:16:47Oh, you don't happen to have change for fifteen hundred, do you?
00:16:50Fifteen hundred dollars?
00:16:53Gee, if Jeff had that, he could go right into business.
00:16:57Yeah, how do you happen to know so much about Jeff?
00:17:00Oh, he's my pal.
00:17:02He tells me everything.
00:17:03All he's waiting for is the money.
00:17:06Yeah?
00:17:07What business is he going into?
00:17:08I heard him tell my papa he wanted to buy a truck.
00:17:12A truck?
00:17:13What's he want with a truck?
00:17:15To carry the bodies around him.
00:17:17Bodies?
00:17:18Sure.
00:17:18First he dresses them, then he puts them in the truck.
00:17:21That way they keep frozen stiff.
00:17:24Stiffs?
00:17:25I declare.
00:17:27So Jeff's going to become an undertaker.
00:17:29What's undertaker?
00:17:31Well, you have plenty of time to find out about that.
00:17:34My, oh, my.
00:17:35Waitle Magnolia finds out Jeff wants to be an undertaker.
00:17:37Hey, what you making?
00:17:38Pot?
00:17:39Oh, yeah.
00:17:40Grape juice lemonade.
00:17:40It's for the ladies.
00:17:42Can I yell to Mr. Claggorn?
00:17:45Well, thank you, William.
00:17:46Yeah, there's some grape juice in the cupboard there.
00:17:48If you can get it, please.
00:17:49Sure, I'm a good grape juice getter.
00:17:54Let's say grape juice.
00:17:58If I knew how to eat, that might help.
00:18:02Maybe this is it.
00:18:07I got it, Mr. Claggorn.
00:18:10All right, then.
00:18:12Okay.
00:18:22Well, we're getting the shape up.
00:18:29I must find out where Magnolia bought this grape juice.
00:18:33We haven't got enough yet, William.
00:18:35You better get some more grape juice over there.
00:18:36I've got to fill up this other bowl.
00:18:37Okay.
00:18:47Pour it in?
00:18:49Yeah, pour it in the bowl, William.
00:19:06Pour it in.
00:19:07Pour it in.
00:19:19Pour it in.
00:19:20Pour it in.
00:19:21Uh, pour it in.
00:19:35I wonder what they're making grape juice out of these days.
00:19:38Should I fill up the other bowl, too?
00:19:41Yes, thank you, William.
00:19:56Now, ladies, it has been decided that women should take more interest in the affairs of state.
00:20:01We've left almost everything to the men, and look what a mess they made of the world.
00:20:07We have several important issues to discuss.
00:20:10Well, first, let's have the punch, Annabelle.
00:20:12It's so warm today.
00:20:14It's the Claggorn special formula, Mrs. Dinwiddie.
00:20:17Most refreshing.
00:20:19There you are.
00:20:21Good.
00:20:23And one for you, Jennifer.
00:20:25And you, Matilda.
00:20:35I just love punch.
00:20:37If people drank punch instead of that horrible whiskey, this would be a better world.
00:20:40Eh, it might be better, but it wouldn't be as much fun.
00:20:43Well, alcohol will never pass our lips.
00:20:46Never?
00:20:46No, I never let it get past me, either.
00:20:56I can't praise her.
00:21:07Okay!
00:21:14Oh, my God.
00:21:39Thank you, Beauregard. You served very nicely.
00:21:42Thank you, my dear.
00:21:43Precisely.
00:21:44You see, the man's place is in the hole.
00:22:02Oh, that's fine, William. Fine. You've been a big help.
00:22:05My mother thinks I'm a brat.
00:22:07She does.
00:22:08Sure, and she's right, too.
00:22:11Used up all the grape juice to want to taste it.
00:22:14Uh-huh.
00:22:19Sure is powerful grape juice.
00:22:22You're a fine little man. I like you.
00:22:25Well, then how about giving me my $1.15?
00:22:28Friends, never discuss money matters.
00:22:40Does Fritchell's eyes do that, Mr. Clackhorn?
00:22:43No. No, of course not.
00:22:45But I'm glad I don't have to put out any fires with this punch.
00:22:48Is it all ready for the ladies now?
00:22:51Yeah. But are the ladies ready for it?
00:22:53I'm going to play cops and robbers.
00:22:56Can I borrow Daisy to make believe she's a bloodhound?
00:22:59Well, son, that dog is a bloodhound.
00:23:01She's a pedigreed bloodhound.
00:23:03No fooling?
00:23:04Yeah.
00:23:05Daisy, if you're a bloodhound, let's see a play.
00:23:11That's a joke, son.
00:23:14Come on, Daisy.
00:23:23And I say that women should enter politics.
00:23:26Why, a woman might even get to be president like George Washington.
00:23:30Well, she might get to be president,
00:23:32but she could never be the father of her country.
00:23:41Please, please, this is no time for levity.
00:23:45Ladies, all my life I've been a two-teetler, a tea-ta, a tea-ta, a tea-ta-tattler.
00:23:53I've never taken a drink in my life.
00:23:55And that's your stand for this first date.
00:23:58I say we should have prohibition again.
00:24:02And you're so high.
00:24:04You're so high.
00:24:05So high.
00:24:06You're so high.
00:24:06All right.
00:24:07You're so high.
00:24:07Good, gentlemen.
00:24:12Woo-pee!
00:24:14Oh!
00:24:15Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:24:22Ladies, the daughters of Dixie shall campaign to make this state as dry as it was during
00:24:27Prohibition, and we girls shall be a shining example because none of us ever drink.
00:24:33Now we shall hear from the chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, Hortense, Hortense,
00:24:42Hortense, Hortense.
00:24:45Carry me back to love by Ginny, that's where the cotton and corn and potatoes grow, grow.
00:24:58Either grape juice is getting stronger or women are getting weaker.
00:25:02What's the matter with her?
00:25:04Her mother was the same way.
00:25:06She always wanted to sing.
00:25:10Listen, honey, that salesman won't wait much longer either.
00:25:13Well, there must be some way to get that money, Jeff.
00:25:16Well, I wish I knew how.
00:25:18If I don't raise her pretty quick, they'll sell the truck to somebody else.
00:25:23Gosh, if I had any courage, I'd tell Mary Lou to go ahead and marry that boy.
00:25:29It's part of her mother.
00:25:31The girl's got a right to marry the boy she loves, even if he does want to be an undertaker.
00:25:36Maybe your mother's right.
00:25:37I couldn't even support you.
00:25:39Oh, now that's a fine way to talk.
00:25:41Why, as soon as you make a payment on the truck, then mother will see things differently.
00:25:44Yeah, if and when.
00:25:46And right now, it looks like never.
00:25:48Well, we mustn't give up, Jeff.
00:26:01Come over here, you two.
00:26:02Well, hello, Daddy.
00:26:03What's happened?
00:26:04Nothing yet, but something's going to.
00:26:06A claghorn always means what he says.
00:26:09And means what he says.
00:26:11Oh, and vice versa, that is.
00:26:13I'm going to give you $1,500 to make a down payment on that truck.
00:26:17$1,500?
00:26:18Oh, Daddy.
00:26:19Mr. Claghorn.
00:26:20Your dowry, my dear.
00:26:21A fine southern custom, which your mother completely disregarded.
00:26:25Oh, but, Daddy, $1,500, that's just wonderful, but...
00:26:29Oh, no.
00:26:30No, I'm not going to let you do it.
00:26:32Now, that's the money from your mint bed, isn't it?
00:26:34Makes no difference, my dear.
00:26:36But, Jeff, my boy, I can't say that I approve of the things you're going to carry around in your
00:26:39truck.
00:26:40Well, what's the matter with them? Everything is preserved as good as new.
00:26:43Good as new?
00:26:43The refrigeration keeps them frozen solid, stiff as a board.
00:26:47Well, they could stay in that truck for years.
00:26:49Still, why would anybody want them that way?
00:26:51Oh, but, Daddy, they thaw out in an hour.
00:26:53They thaw out?
00:26:54Then you can put them in your own icebox.
00:26:56Put them in my icebox?
00:26:58Sure, in the icebox.
00:26:59Oh, no.
00:27:00Say, is there something wrong with you, Mr. Claghorn?
00:27:02Jeff, my boy, whatever made you decide to become an undertaker?
00:27:08Undertaker?
00:27:08Oh, brother.
00:27:09No.
00:27:10Look, Mr. Claghorn, this is a frozen food truck.
00:27:13Food?
00:27:14Well, my boy, you put ten years back on my life.
00:27:19Of course, you could have said you were a southern planter.
00:27:25That's a joke, son.
00:27:27Be alert, pay attention, don't let them get by here.
00:27:30Congratulations.
00:27:31Thank you, sir.
00:27:32I know you'll be successful.
00:27:33For the first time in its long history, our organization is going to nominate its own candidate for the Senate.
00:27:40Our political committee has given the matter of candidates thorough thought.
00:27:44And we have unanimously agreed that the right woman to carry our bearing in the coming campaign will be Magnolia
00:27:53Claghorn.
00:27:54Uh, Nick and Kennedy.
00:27:59I don't know what to say.
00:28:01This is no time for words, Magnolia.
00:28:03This is the time for action.
00:28:05And now, about campaign funds.
00:28:10I declare, listen to those girls.
00:28:14The meeting must be breaking up.
00:28:15You children better run along now.
00:28:16You're not kidding.
00:28:17Oh, Daddy, the check.
00:28:19Oh, yes, give me the check.
00:28:20Oh, the check.
00:28:21Yes.
00:28:22Well, here it is.
00:28:23Wait a minute, sir.
00:28:24You've got to endorse it.
00:28:25Oh, I hardly endorse this check.
00:28:28Oh, man.
00:28:29Sign it on the back, please.
00:28:30Here.
00:28:33You girls have done nobly, but we're still short of money for our campaign funds.
00:28:46I will personally contribute $1,500.
00:28:52And I'll write the check for it right now.
00:29:00Oh, I'm glad down south we got good cotton covered up north.
00:29:05The cotton is rotten.
00:29:07Look away.
00:29:08Look away.
00:29:10Look away.
00:29:12All right.
00:29:14I can take a hint.
00:29:16Bloodhound.
00:29:18They're all gone.
00:29:22What are you so happy about?
00:29:25Oh, I'm sorry, my dear.
00:29:26I didn't mean to be happy.
00:29:27Beauregard, I've got something to tell you.
00:29:29From now on, I'm going to wear the pants in this family.
00:29:32Oh, naturally, dear.
00:29:33I thought you were going to tell me something new.
00:29:36I am.
00:29:37The daughters of Dixie have decided to run me for state senator.
00:29:41Well, that's a very good thing to...
00:29:43State senator?
00:29:44The honorable Magnolia Claghorn.
00:29:47Well, Magnolia, that's quite a surprise.
00:29:50That's quite a surprise.
00:29:52Yes, sir.
00:29:53That's quite a...
00:29:54Oh, I said that, didn't I?
00:29:55Yes.
00:29:56I've donated that $1,500 to the campaign fund.
00:29:59You what?
00:30:01Stop acting like a moron.
00:30:03I gave him the money that we made on the mint bed.
00:30:05You did?
00:30:06Certainly.
00:30:06I wrote him a personal check for it, so I hope you put that money in the bank already.
00:30:10Oh, yeah, I did.
00:30:11No, I didn't.
00:30:12I gave it to Mary Lou to put in the bank.
00:30:14Oh, good.
00:30:20Sounds like a truck.
00:30:21Truck?
00:30:22But we don't expect any deliveries.
00:30:23Oh, no.
00:30:24No, it can't be a truck.
00:30:26Oh, it's the thunder.
00:30:28Thunder?
00:30:28Yeah, a big storm is coming up.
00:30:30Storm?
00:30:30The rain is coming down.
00:30:32The wind is going sideways.
00:30:34Glass all over the place.
00:30:35The poor fellow's bleeding.
00:30:36Boregard!
00:30:37Yes, dear.
00:30:38I'm going out and see what that is.
00:30:40Oh, didn't you?
00:30:41Didn't I forget?
00:30:42What's the matter with you anyhow?
00:30:43Now, you just finish up what you were doing here.
00:30:45I'm going out and see what that truck wants.
00:30:47Yes, dear.
00:30:49Oh, Senator.
00:30:51I'm dead.
00:31:00It's just beautiful, Jeff.
00:31:02Those new ice compartments are nice, huh?
00:31:04Our whole future's in this.
00:31:06Yeah, as soon as we make all the payments, we're in the bank.
00:31:09Jeff, what is the meaning of this?
00:31:10Oh, hello, Mom.
00:31:11Hi, Mom.
00:31:12Isn't this beautiful?
00:31:13You're looking at the new tycoon
00:31:14of the frozen food business, Mrs. Claghorn.
00:31:17Did you deposit the check in the bank yet?
00:31:19In the bank?
00:31:20Is that what Papa told you?
00:31:22Of course.
00:31:23Well, then that's exactly what I did.
00:31:27Where did Jeff get the money to buy that truck?
00:31:29Well, I, I...
00:31:30Oh, well, a rich uncle died.
00:31:32Yes, he died.
00:31:33He must have died rather suddenly.
00:31:34Well, yes, it, it, it just occurred to me.
00:31:37To him, I mean.
00:31:38He, uh, he ran out of breath.
00:31:40And I'm running out of patience.
00:31:42Everybody's acting mighty strange around here.
00:31:44And that check had better be in the bank.
00:31:46The daughters of Dixie are nominating me for state senator.
00:31:50State senator?
00:31:51Oh, my, Mama, that's wonderful.
00:31:53Congratulations, Mom.
00:31:56Nobody asked you.
00:31:57And Mary Lou, I've drawn a check for the full $1,500 to donate to my campaign fund.
00:32:03You have?
00:32:04I certainly have.
00:32:05I have to run along now, honey.
00:32:07And you, get that monstrosity off of these premises.
00:32:13Oh, Beauregard!
00:32:17Oh, yes.
00:32:18Beauregard!
00:32:20Gee, honey, this is bad.
00:32:22We've got to get that money back somehow.
00:32:24They'll never return it.
00:32:25The contract's already signed.
00:32:27Oh, we've got to think of something.
00:32:29Yeah, I suppose so.
00:32:32Well, I'll see what I can do and get in touch with you later.
00:32:36Goodbye, beautiful.
00:32:38Goodbye.
00:32:42You can't find it when you do want him.
00:32:44If you don't want him, you can't get rid of him.
00:32:45Stop jumping in.
00:32:56Magnolia Claghorn to run for Senate.
00:32:59A fine mess of horseradish you've got us into.
00:33:03Mrs. Claghorn.
00:33:04Who's Mrs. Claghorn?
00:33:06The only thing that could beat us right now is just this.
00:33:09A woman.
00:33:10But, boss, nobody knows Mrs. Claghorn.
00:33:11You're in the South now, baby.
00:33:13And down here a woman is more than a woman.
00:33:15She's an institution.
00:33:15The superstition.
00:33:17You babies want to hang on to what you've had for the last 12 years,
00:33:20you better start thinking and start thinking fast.
00:33:24What is it?
00:33:24There's a Mr. Jeff Davis to see you, sir.
00:33:26Davis?
00:33:27I don't know any Davis.
00:33:27What does he want?
00:33:28He says it's personal.
00:33:30Okay, send him in.
00:33:33What do you want, Senator?
00:33:35Can I go to lunch now?
00:33:37I'm hungry.
00:33:38Stay put.
00:33:43What's on your mind, young man?
00:33:45I'd like to talk to Senator Leeds.
00:33:46I handle all his business for him.
00:33:48My name is Healy.
00:33:49Big Dan Healy.
00:33:49Oh, I've heard of you, Mr. Healy.
00:33:51Will you have a cigar?
00:33:51Thank you, sir.
00:33:52Now, what's your business with the Senator?
00:33:54Well, I've always had a great admiration for Senator Leeds, and I...
00:33:57Oh, thank you.
00:33:58Thank you very much.
00:34:00Shake hands with Mr. What's your name?
00:34:02Jefferson Davis.
00:34:03Yeah, Mr. Davis.
00:34:03Shake hands with Mr. Davis, Senator.
00:34:05I can't.
00:34:05What do you mean you can't?
00:34:06Well, my hand's caught in the desk drawer.
00:34:09Now shake hands.
00:34:11Not with me, with him.
00:34:13Oh.
00:34:13I hope you get reelected, Senator.
00:34:15I don't mind.
00:34:16Well, young fellow.
00:34:17Now, let's have it.
00:34:18What do you want to see me about?
00:34:19Well, I have a way to defeat Mrs. Claghorn.
00:34:23You have?
00:34:23Yes.
00:34:24Huh.
00:34:25Well, now, here's the way it has to be worked.
00:34:40Daisy, you see me at my lower step.
00:34:44If I don't replace that money, the Claghorn name will be discreet.
00:34:48You're lucky to be a dog.
00:34:50Your troubles are canine.
00:34:51Mine are asinine.
00:34:53If you weren't a dog, I'd get a laugh on that.
00:34:59Well, don't sit there with your tongue hanging out.
00:35:02Pray for me.
00:35:10Mr. Claghorn.
00:35:11Mr. Claghorn.
00:35:13Yeah.
00:35:14Yeah.
00:35:20I got good news.
00:35:21What is it?
00:35:22Three thousand dollars worth of it.
00:35:24Nobody saw you take it, did they?
00:35:25Mr. Claghorn.
00:35:26Would you care very much if Mrs. Claghorn were defeated in the election?
00:35:30Care?
00:35:31Sean, if Magnolia was elected, my life wouldn't be worth living.
00:35:35Good.
00:35:35Then we can keep the three thousand dollars.
00:35:37Yeah, but I don't understand.
00:35:39Well, we had to get the money to give to your wife.
00:35:41So I went to Mr. Healy.
00:35:43Healy.
00:35:43Why, that low down.
00:35:44Now, wait a minute.
00:35:45He's the one that gave me the money.
00:35:47Well, take it back.
00:35:48It was probably printed in the Philadelphia Mint.
00:35:50Well, I didn't say that.
00:35:51Well, they call it Mint anyhow.
00:35:52Mint belongs with juleps.
00:35:54And juleps belong in the South.
00:35:56I know, I know.
00:35:57Well, I told Healy that he could stop Mrs. Claghorn's being elected by starting a third party and splitting the
00:36:02vote.
00:36:03Yeah, they do it all the time.
00:36:04So he gave me three thousand dollars for the campaign fund.
00:36:07Hmm.
00:36:08Who are they going to run against Magnolia?
00:36:10You.
00:36:10Well, it's a good thing.
00:36:11Me!
00:36:12Now, take it easy, Mr. Claghorn.
00:36:14You've got to stand on your right sometime.
00:36:16Yeah, I know.
00:36:17But how am I going to stand on my right while Magnolia is standing on my face?
00:36:28Well, you really think I'd make a good senator?
00:36:33Well, you'd make a loud one, and that's mighty important.
00:36:39Why, look, Beauregard, even Daisy knows there are two sides to you, the humble and great.
00:36:48Why, if you just showed a little gumption, you could be a great man.
00:36:52You could be a leader of men.
00:36:55By George, you're right.
00:36:57And the first thing I do, I'll assert myself to Magnolia.
00:37:00I'll...
00:37:01Oh, regard!
00:37:05You heard me.
00:37:10You better beat it.
00:37:12Magnolia will never stand for two of us in the same house.
00:37:15Yes, dear.
00:37:20Yes, dear?
00:37:22Someone's knocking at the door.
00:37:23Answer it.
00:37:33Hello!
00:37:43We want to talk to you, Claghorn.
00:37:45Well, we might have to give you a little warning.
00:37:48Warning?
00:37:49Are you gentlemen trying to threaten me?
00:37:51Yeah, we're threatening you.
00:37:52What about it?
00:37:53Nothing.
00:37:54I just want to make sure.
00:37:55Be positive.
00:37:56Meet a lot of nice people that way.
00:37:57We just want to tell you, don't try to double-cross us in this election.
00:38:01Yeah.
00:38:02One funny trick out of you, and there'll be two candidates running.
00:38:05Leads and your wife.
00:38:06What are you going to do to me?
00:38:08Eradicate.
00:38:09Eliminate.
00:38:10Exterminate.
00:38:10Knock you off.
00:38:12Take your choice.
00:38:13They all mean the same.
00:38:14Well, gentlemen, that's murder.
00:38:16Yeah, ain't it?
00:38:18What if the people should elect me?
00:38:20In that case, you get the biggest funeral in history.
00:38:25Yeah.
00:38:27Yeah.
00:38:29The thing we can do for you, Father, is to see that he gets elected.
00:38:33Do you really think he has a chance?
00:38:35Well, he has more than a chance.
00:38:37And from now on, I'm going to do everything I can to help him.
00:38:46Support growing for Beauregard Claghorn.
00:38:49False Healy machine threatened by rising popularity of Claghorn.
00:38:54It's a fine mess.
00:38:56If we don't have trouble with one Claghorn, we're having trouble with the other.
00:38:59I'm sick and tired of it.
00:39:00Here he is.
00:39:04What is the meaning of this?
00:39:05This abduction.
00:39:06I protest.
00:39:07I'm a southern gentleman and I like to be...
00:39:09Shut up!
00:39:10I think you gentlemen are a disgrace to the south.
00:39:12If you don't mind my saying so.
00:39:14We mind.
00:39:15Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:39:16Shut up!
00:39:17Well, I only...
00:39:18Shut up!
00:39:18What other languages do you speak?
00:39:20Get off your high horse, Claghorn.
00:39:23You're here for a reason.
00:39:24Now, let me tell you something, Bud.
00:39:26We've had more than a dozen parades in this territory for Leeds.
00:39:29We've had more speeches for Leeds than we ever had before.
00:39:32And still the people are not interested in him.
00:39:34I haven't done anything to make people vote for me.
00:39:36Just the same.
00:39:37If you're elected, you'd better start making a down payment on a cemetery plot.
00:39:40Us guys make a living stopping guys like you from living.
00:39:43What do you want me to do?
00:39:45Well, you've got three thousand bucks not to be elected.
00:39:47It's up to you to find some way to earn that dough.
00:39:49We're in the south.
00:39:50We settle disputes of this kind like gentlemen.
00:39:53Try negotiating.
00:39:54All right.
00:39:55Let's negotiate.
00:39:56With you?
00:39:57Why, that's impossible.
00:39:59I don't even know your kinfolk.
00:40:00By what?
00:40:01And besides, I think there's a trace of northern blood in you.
00:40:05I don't like your method, Mr. Dan Healy.
00:40:07Why, you phony, hot-haired south wind.
00:40:10Sure, I'm from the north.
00:40:12But I'm running things down here in the south.
00:40:14And the sooner you southern saps find out...
00:40:17So, that's it!
00:40:17How are you from the north?
00:40:19Well, that's the last straw.
00:40:21Taking orders from a northerner I will not tolerate.
00:40:24Gentlemen, I'm ashamed of you.
00:40:26And I'm ashamed of myself for even talking to you.
00:40:29Through no fault of my own, I became involved with you.
00:40:32But as of this minute, I am through.
00:40:34Finished.
00:40:35I will no longer be a part of your crooked politics.
00:40:39From now on, I'm going to try to be elected.
00:40:41Boy, you're cheap-skinned.
00:40:43Shut up!
00:40:44Why, you don't think you can get away with us, do you, Clackhorn?
00:40:47I have only one answer to that, Mr. Healy.
00:40:50May I borrow your gloves?
00:40:51I have no gloves.
00:40:53Well, then, this will have to do.
00:40:55Let that be a lesson to you.
00:41:02I want to thank you for making a man of me.
00:41:05Good day, gentlemen.
00:41:07Good day, gentlemen.
00:41:24Good day, gentlemen.
00:41:37Come on.
00:41:40Boy, it's the biggest crowd we've ever had.
00:41:42You'll pick up plenty of votes tonight.
00:41:43Yeah.
00:41:44He's been a big help in the campaign.
00:41:46I like you, son.
00:41:48Son of a year.
00:41:49Oh, now, wait a minute, Daddy.
00:41:50I found him first.
00:41:51Well, I have two-thirds of the family on my side, at least, but...
00:41:54Get ready.
00:41:55Harvey's going to announce you.
00:41:56Oh, how do I look?
00:41:57Beautiful, Daddy.
00:42:01Ladies and gentlemen,
00:42:02the speaker of the evening and candidate for senator,
00:42:05let go, Beauregard Claghorn.
00:42:17Claghorn's the name Beauregard Claghorn, that ear.
00:42:21Now, Mr. Harvey here has been helping me in my campaign.
00:42:24He's going to assist me tonight
00:42:26in telling you why a vote for Claghorn is a step in the right direction.
00:42:34Even if you're not going that way.
00:42:40Yeah.
00:42:41Now, before we get to the main subject,
00:42:43there's a few things I'd like to say first.
00:42:45Stick to the speech, Jeff Rue, Beauregard.
00:42:47I'm sorry, son.
00:42:48I got some things on my chest.
00:42:50Things I can't get off my chest with the carbonate of soda.
00:42:53Beauregard.
00:42:54Go ahead and laugh.
00:42:56Laughing's good for the soul.
00:42:57I want you to laugh.
00:42:59You know, everybody would be much better off if more heels had souls.
00:43:02Heels had souls!
00:43:05If you're listening, you should be laughing.
00:43:09And if there's any Yankees in the audience,
00:43:11I'll wrestle them two falls out of three.
00:43:18Please read Jeff's speech, Beauregard.
00:43:20Oh, yeah.
00:43:20Now, about this election business.
00:43:22I'm warning you,
00:43:23that if I'm elected,
00:43:25I won't allow any streetcars down here to go north.
00:43:29People that live up that way won't be able to get home.
00:43:31Holy God.
00:43:31Of course, they can always come to my place,
00:43:34Claghorn Manor,
00:43:35and live in style and comfort.
00:43:37Southern comfort, that is.
00:43:39Listen, the audience wants...
00:43:40And they'll eat Southern fish, too.
00:43:42Yeah.
00:43:43Heels.
00:43:44That's Lee spelled backwards.
00:43:50That's a joke, son.
00:43:51Here I am, hitting the jackpot.
00:43:53I'm busting scenes tonight.
00:43:54Busting my heart.
00:43:55Now, Beauregard, what do you want to say something, son?
00:43:57Yes, I want to say something.
00:43:58We'll go right ahead and say it.
00:43:59It's a free country,
00:44:00at least the southern part of it is.
00:44:01Well, all I want to say is...
00:44:02We'll go right ahead and say it.
00:44:03Well, that's what I've been trying to do.
00:44:04Don't ever let it be said that a Claghorn won't let another man talk.
00:44:07Well, that's very nice of you, buddy.
00:44:08Yeah, well, then get to the point.
00:44:09You're wasting time.
00:44:10Minutes, you understand.
00:44:10Yes, but...
00:44:11How about years?
00:44:13Years?
00:44:14Don't worry about them.
00:44:15Only walls have years.
00:44:20I wasted another one on you.
00:44:22I keep hitting them, you keep booting them.
00:44:24Are you through?
00:44:26Are you serious?
00:44:27I got some more talking here to do about the election.
00:44:30Yes.
00:44:31Yes.
00:44:31Give it a chance.
00:44:32Just once, please.
00:44:34Will somebody get this gentleman a glass of water?
00:44:37Mississippi water.
00:44:41Ladies and gentlemen, up to now, Mr. Claghorn has nearly been warming up his vocal chords.
00:44:47He's now ready to address you on the subject of why you should vote for him on election day.
00:44:51Mr. Clank.
00:44:55Folks, ladies and gentlemen, I know a lot of people are going to want to vote for me because they're
00:45:02friends of mine.
00:45:03Well, they shouldn't do it on that basis because I'm a man just like yourself.
00:45:08No better or no worse.
00:45:11But Boss Healy and his mob, they think they're better than you are.
00:45:15Maybe that's why they think they can tell you what to do, make you like it, even if you don't
00:45:20like it.
00:45:21You see, Senator Lee belongs to that kind of an organization.
00:45:25The kind that tells us average people what to do and how to do it.
00:45:30Chiefly because they think we haven't got the sense to do things for ourselves.
00:45:34Who said we haven't got sense?
00:45:36But I don't want any politicians telling me how to live.
00:45:41Please, folks, don't be angry with me because I'm telling you the truth.
00:45:45We're just as much to blame.
00:45:47We kept them in office.
00:45:49We voted for Senator Leeds and Boss Healy's political machine, didn't we?
00:45:54In fact, the way things went before, it would have been better if we'd have saved the tax money for
00:45:58elections and had no elections at all.
00:46:01Well, our votes were a joke.
00:46:04Votes are something I don't like to joke about.
00:46:06And if I know the South, I know that you all agree with me.
00:46:11I don't want any more of Leeds than those other clubs.
00:46:17No.
00:46:18Stop in on that.
00:46:18I'm voting for Beauregard-Flaghorn!
00:46:22Name something for that, name something.
00:46:32Oh, and don't forget my slogan, in this election, get out of your dejection, and make flag
00:46:38on your selection.
00:46:42If I could see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it.
00:46:57Hey, put me down, you baboons, you horse thieves.
00:47:01We'll put you down.
00:47:04Stop trying to figure out baboons, watch them.
00:47:06Shut up.
00:47:12Gentlemen, what's the meaning of this?
00:47:15Shut up.
00:47:16Where are we going?
00:47:17Shut up.
00:47:18Would you mind very much if I...
00:47:20Shut up!
00:47:21I can't remember when I've had a more interest in conversation.
00:47:25Yeah, I know.
00:47:26Shut up.
00:47:34Come on.
00:47:36Hey, whose house is this, anyhow?
00:47:39If your town interests me in real estate, shut up!
00:47:42Hold your kisser and get in the house.
00:48:01Hey, where do you think you're going?
00:48:03Why, you gentlemen were ignoring me.
00:48:04I thought I'd go out and get a little air.
00:48:06Yeah, we'll give you some air.
00:48:08I hope you won't think it too aggressive of me, gentlemen, to ask what you intend to do with me.
00:48:13You'll find out, bud.
00:48:14Sit down and stop it or up.
00:48:16I get a little tired with nothing to do.
00:48:19I thought I might join you boys.
00:48:20Shut up.
00:48:21Yeah.
00:48:23Might do play a game of bridge.
00:48:25Takes four hands to play bridge.
00:48:27South, west, east.
00:48:28Yeah, I know, and the dummy hands.
00:48:30N-O-R-T-H, dummy.
00:48:33Well, you've got to sit down.
00:48:35Yes, sir.
00:48:37I say, yes, sir.
00:48:41The sudden disappearance of Mr. Claghorn has blown the entire election campaign sky high.
00:48:48For the police admit their failure to unearth one single clue as to the whereabouts of the missing senatorial candidate
00:48:57Beauregard Claghorn.
00:49:10Rumors are beginning to circulate that Claghorn, afraid of something, vanished of his own accord.
00:49:17Actually, not a chance.
00:49:19So that's it.
00:49:20What's it?
00:49:21He's running away again.
00:49:22He's hiding.
00:49:23Oh, Mama, you don't believe that.
00:49:25Well, what else can I believe?
00:49:26Certainly nobody kidnapped your father for ransom.
00:49:28We haven't any money.
00:49:29Well, maybe it's some sort of an attack to keep him out of the election.
00:49:32But how could that influence the voting?
00:49:34There won't be any voting.
00:49:35Not for Mr. Claghorn at any rate.
00:49:38If he doesn't return by 9 o'clock the night before election, his name will be withdrawn from the ballot.
00:49:42Then that's exactly what he wants.
00:49:45Jeff Davis, where there's smoke, there's fire.
00:49:47And if there are any rumors, then something must have happened to start them.
00:49:50I still think he's running away.
00:49:51Oh, Mama, can't you ever give Papa the benefit of the doubt?
00:49:54Why, Mary Lou.
00:49:56Honey, you're upset.
00:49:57Yes, I'm upset.
00:49:58Rumors, huh.
00:50:00They were probably started by that gossipy old bunch of heads they call the daughters a Dixie.
00:50:04Now, see here, Mary Louie.
00:50:05But look, Mama, you don't seem to care what's happened to Papa.
00:50:07All you care is why he disappeared.
00:50:09Afraid that if there is a scandal of some sort, it'll ruin your chances for election.
00:50:12Honey, please.
00:50:13Well, I'm proud of my daddy.
00:50:15And I don't think he did run away.
00:50:16Instead of sitting here wasting time, I'm going out to look for him.
00:50:20You coming, Jeff?
00:50:21You bet, baby.
00:50:22Well.
00:50:36So, you're here too, huh?
00:50:38Well, you might as well kill me and get it over with.
00:50:40Don't make so much noise.
00:50:40But when I die, I don't want to go west.
00:50:42I want to stay in the south.
00:50:43Flag home.
00:50:44And I don't want to cross the River Jordan or the River Styx.
00:50:46The Mississippi is good enough for me.
00:50:48Oh, you're good at it.
00:50:49And when I get to heaven, I'm going to see about changing the name of the North Star.
00:50:53Well, let's make him close this kisser.
00:50:54He's been driving us bets with his chatter about the south.
00:50:56When you talk about the south, son, tip your hat.
00:50:59Shut up.
00:51:00Shut up.
00:51:00That's enough.
00:51:02Why can't I go home?
00:51:03You can go home right now if you want to.
00:51:04Can I?
00:51:05All you have to do is withdraw from the election.
00:51:07Withdraw?
00:51:08Never.
00:51:09I say never.
00:51:10All right, suit yourself.
00:51:11We'll keep you locked up here until nine o'clock tonight.
00:51:12That'll be two hours from now.
00:51:14By that time, your name will be off the ballot anyway.
00:51:16So, that's it.
00:51:17Gentlemen, this crime will not go unpunished.
00:51:20I tell you.
00:51:21Oh, why don't I just knock this character off?
00:51:23Now, don't be impatient, Ace.
00:51:25Everything in due time.
00:51:26Now, you think it over, sucker.
00:51:27I've got plenty of time.
00:51:29I'll get in touch with you boys later.
00:51:32Yankee.
00:51:40Guys, if we don't find your father before that nine o'clock meeting tonight,
00:51:43you'll be a dead duck as far as the election is concerned.
00:51:46No, but, Jeff, we've got to find him.
00:51:47I don't care about the election.
00:51:49I just want to know that he's all right.
00:51:51I wish the police could do something.
00:51:54What is it, Cliff?
00:51:55You want us to go to work now, Mr. Davis?
00:51:57No, not yet.
00:51:57I'll let you know.
00:52:02These cans are better cooked for my wife.
00:52:07Gentlemen, I've been poisoned.
00:52:08No, what's the matter?
00:52:10These are Boston-begged beans.
00:52:13I should have been a plain pickpocket like me mother wanted.
00:52:16What if, Ace?
00:52:18Well, we'll have to listen to you much longer, Claymore.
00:52:20Yeah, but these...
00:52:21Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this program of dance music to bring you an important announcement.
00:52:27One of the candidates in the most unusual election campaigns in the history of this state
00:52:32is here with us in the studio.
00:52:35Mrs. Magnolia Claghorn.
00:52:39Magnolia!
00:52:41Ladies and gentlemen, I know my announcement will reach everyone's ears,
00:52:45but it is really intended for my husband, Beauregard Claghorn, if he should be listening in.
00:52:52I am, Magnolia.
00:52:53I am.
00:52:54I hope you are, Beauregard.
00:52:56What's the matter, Magnolia?
00:52:57I want to tell you that I have withdrawn from the election, leaving the field clear for you to defeat
00:53:03Senator Lee.
00:53:04You can't do that.
00:53:06No.
00:53:06Nothing can stop me.
00:53:08My mind is made up.
00:53:09Why are you doing it, Magnolia?
00:53:11Why, that is?
00:53:12I love you, Beauregard.
00:53:14And I realize how badly I've treated you all these years,
00:53:18and now I want you to be Senator.
00:53:21Well, that's wonderful, Magnolia.
00:53:23Hey, cut it out.
00:53:23We're not supposed to let you talk to anyone.
00:53:25Yeah, but I can't get out of here.
00:53:26They're holding me.
00:53:27No matter where you are, you've got to reach Town Hall by 9 o'clock tonight.
00:53:33Just let him try it.
00:53:34Show how brave you are, Beauregard.
00:53:37Overcome the vile villains who are holding you.
00:53:39Define them.
00:53:40Magnolia is very naive.
00:53:42Come back to me, Beauregard.
00:53:45I'll do my best, Magnolia.
00:53:47I know you'll do your best.
00:53:49This can't be.
00:53:50It ain't natural.
00:53:51I'm going nuts crazy.
00:53:52Those men who kidnapped you must be out of their minds.
00:53:55Shut up.
00:53:56Shut up!
00:53:57Cut that radio off.
00:53:58Shut it off.
00:53:59Remember, 9 o'clock tonight.
00:54:02Guess that'll hold you.
00:54:03You shouldn't have done that.
00:54:05Magnolia won't like it.
00:54:07What kind of stunt are you trying to pull, Clagor?
00:54:09And I ought to knock you off now.
00:54:12Now, don't be hasty, gentlemen.
00:54:16Sometimes miracles can happen.
00:54:18And...
00:54:19Don't move, either of you.
00:54:21Or I'll run you through.
00:54:23And if you try anything, this trusty Confederate blade will make you look like an olive in a martini with
00:54:30a toothpick in it.
00:54:31Well, you're going to be a wise guy.
00:54:33Stay where you are.
00:54:33Now, don't come another step.
00:54:35I'm warning you.
00:54:41Now I know why the South lost the wall.
00:54:45Now, just a minute, fellas.
00:54:46We warned you, buddy.
00:54:48Yeah, if you just give me time to repent my hasty temper.
00:54:50If you...
00:54:51Ah, shut up.
00:54:52Hold it, wifey.
00:54:53Don't carve him yet.
00:54:54Carve me?
00:54:54Would either of you gentlemen care for a drumstick?
00:54:56What am I saying?
00:54:57Ah, lock him up.
00:54:59We better do like the boss once.
00:55:00Wait till he tells us.
00:55:01Yeah, that's better.
00:55:02Let's tie him up.
00:55:05My pants!
00:55:07This is...
00:55:08I say, this is embarrassing.
00:55:11Magnolia wanted me to wear the pants in the family now.
00:55:13Shut up!
00:55:20It is now exactly twenty-five minutes to nine.
00:55:25And still, Beauregard Claghorn hasn't appeared.
00:55:29Night of you fellas to carry me.
00:55:30My feet hurt.
00:55:33And probably you all know the magnanimous gesture made by Mrs. Claghorn
00:55:38in withdrawing from the campaign
00:55:40so that her husband,
00:55:42who has achieved a man's popularity with voters,
00:55:45may have a clean-cut race
00:55:47with Senator Leeds in tomorrow's election.
00:55:52After this, a coffin will seem like a relief.
00:55:55We're working on that, too.
00:56:05Hey!
00:56:06What do you want?
00:56:07The least you could do is leave me a fly, Swatter.
00:56:10There's a fly on my nose.
00:56:12Well, it ain't there now.
00:56:14You got this fan hand.
00:56:21Say,
00:56:22it's dark in here.
00:56:28We haven't been through here yet.
00:56:31Okay, boys, go to work.
00:56:32Okay.
00:56:37Won't be long now.
00:56:39So since the boss once Claghorn knocked off.
00:56:41Oh, sure.
00:56:42You ain't gonna let him squeal to the cops.
00:56:44If he's anywhere with an earshot,
00:56:46that's you know, that's him.
00:56:47And it always has.
00:57:08The National Anthem.
00:57:23And so we make another plea to Mr. Claghorn,
00:57:27who we hope will return before nine o'clock tonight
00:57:30so that his name may be kept on the ballot.
00:57:34Hurry, Mr. Claghorn.
00:57:35Hurry.
00:57:36The time is short.
00:57:37The chances for your election are slippin'.
00:57:40Show them my pants.
00:58:05Hey!
00:58:08Hey!
00:58:10Hey!
00:58:11Hey!
00:58:13Hey, look at Daisy.
00:58:20Stop that truck.
00:58:39Dad, look. Look, it's Daisy.
00:58:47Hurry, Daddy, hurry.
00:58:50Daddy, are you all right?
00:58:51Yeah, sure, I think.
00:58:53Come on, Mr. Claghorn, we've got till 9 o'clock to get to town hall.
00:58:56Yeah, can we make it?
00:58:57Oh, nothing like trying.
00:58:58All right, Daisy.
00:59:00Come on.
00:59:02Stop with Daddy.
00:59:04It will be regrettable indeed if Mr. Claghorn doesn't appear here within the next four minutes.
00:59:18It is now two minutes to nine.
00:59:21Time is near.
00:59:23I see the members of the Board of Elections talking among themselves.
00:59:27It's almost time for them to make the announcement of the withdrawal of Beauregard Claghorn's name from tomorrow's ballot.
00:59:34All right.
00:59:38Only 90 seconds left now.
00:59:4190 seconds.
00:59:4760 seconds left.
00:59:48One minute.
00:59:5650 seconds.
01:00:0130 seconds.
01:00:11Well, folks, I guess it's too late.
01:00:17The officials are coming up to the microphones now.
01:00:19It's, uh...
01:00:21It's?
01:00:21I say it's Beauregard Claghorn.
01:00:24Oh, my dog.
01:00:40Yeah!
01:00:41That was mighty smart of you, Beauregard.
01:00:44Huh?
01:00:45Disappearing the way you did so your wife would withdraw from the election.
01:00:49Oh, no.
01:00:49What?
01:00:50What?
01:00:51What?
01:00:55Just a minute, folks.
01:00:57Just a minute.
01:00:58Something's happened.
01:00:59Claghorn's running away again.
01:01:02Here we are in Southern Belle the day after the election, where a huge victory parade for Beauregard Claghorn is
01:01:08lining up the boulevard directly in front of me, even though Mr. Claghorn himself is not present.
01:01:13Or even as you are listening to me, the police are again conducting an intense search for the new senator,
01:01:19who disappears at the strangest times.
01:01:23Children, children, where can he possibly be?
01:01:27Well, at least we know they haven't got him.
01:01:30Well, I see the band is lining up, and the parade is about to begin.
01:01:33And in the absence of her husband, Mrs. Claghorn, is riding in the official car.
01:02:00Neither rain nor sleet nor snow can stop Claghorn.
01:02:04And here I am, folks.
01:02:06Hey!
01:02:07Hey!
01:02:08Hey!
01:02:09Hey!
01:02:14My, that's a beautiful melody.
01:02:17Melody, that's a natural anthem.
01:02:21Yeah, that's the natural anthem.
01:02:47The End
01:03:09The End