- 6 weeks ago
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TVTranscript
00:00Hello, Lofty. Morning, Si. Morning, Den.
00:02I hope you've got the kettle on, mate. My throat feels like Death Valley and I'm bricy.
00:06Yes, that's right. Your tea's better than Lofty's.
00:09Well, why stop at tea? Sit down and relax and I'll run upstairs and get you some egg and bacon.
00:13You know, he's in one of those moods this morning.
00:14Well, happy days, aren't you?
00:15That's it, Lofty. Whistle while we work, except all I'm hearing is singing and no working.
00:19Hey, hey, what's up, Den?
00:21My overheads. That's why I want to get my money's worth out of you, lot.
00:24That means saving tea for tea time and stop treating this place like a calf.
00:27Oh, but you've never complained before.
00:29Well, maybe I should have done, because things have been getting a bit slack round here.
00:32We need a bit of efficiency.
00:33It's never this bad in the army, you know.
00:35Then it should be a doddle for an old soldier like you, eh?
00:37And remember who's got the stripes.
00:38And keep our eyes peeled for them spies from Brewery HQ.
00:40We don't want them to catch us with their rear end undefended, now do we?
00:43Oh, we might have known he got the wind up about something or other.
00:47Yeah, and I don't suppose there'd be any medals in it for us, will we?
00:49Well, that's where you're wrong.
00:50You see, I'm not running this till competition as charity.
00:52It's an incentive scheme.
00:53And I shall be announcing the winner tonight.
00:55Oh, tonight? In your super-sore-away local?
00:57Oh, you want to keep your eyes on him?
01:01I reckon he's too keen.
01:02No, he won't get me two weeks running it, and that's what you think.
01:05Oh, I hope not.
01:07You've got to win that tenner, Lofty,
01:09to pay me back the fiver that you borrowed for the rent.
01:12Yeah, right.
01:13And if we don't pull our fingers out, no-one's going to get anything.
01:15So look lively there.
01:16Yes, sir.
01:17And Ethel, get the artillery.
01:19The uva, the uva, the uva.
01:21Oh, he's cracking up.
01:23Lift, lift, lift, lift, lift, lift, lift, lift, lift.
01:24Just the usual map full of bills and final reminders.
01:28You don't have to remind me I'm in debt.
01:30I'm never too aware of that.
01:32You just want to let...
01:33You know, they're around love in case you get a bad attack of sudden wealth.
01:35I think I'm safe from that, unfortunately.
01:38Toast.
01:41You sound like you're still in bed.
01:42Yeah, it was meant to be.
01:44I'm off today.
01:45Why'd you get up, then?
01:46Well, I had Niamh shuffling about those stairs and I had you getting up,
01:49so I couldn't sleep as I got myself.
01:53Anyway, I've got to rent the laundrette, get some more washing powder out.
01:56We are out again.
01:57Yeah, it's my turn, really.
01:58You've got the last two.
01:59I thought you could get a discount now you're working in that food store.
02:02Very funny.
02:03Oh, well, what am I going to do about these bills?
02:05Do not ask me, love.
02:06I am just a lodger.
02:08I pay you the rent.
02:09How you dispose of it is your affair.
02:11Is that the sound of gloating, I hear?
02:13Yeah.
02:14Sorry, love.
02:15Well, go on, enjoy yourself.
02:17So far, everything you've warned me about has happened.
02:20Well, as a matter of fact, you are in a position to tell me I told you so.
02:25What about?
02:26It's Mary.
02:26I think you're right, love.
02:27I think she has got a crush on me or something.
02:29There you are.
02:30I told you.
02:30What do you say now, superstar?
02:32It's not funny.
02:33Don't tell me you're not flattered.
02:34It's got nothing to do with that.
02:36Just what am I going to do, though?
02:38Well, the longer you leave it,
02:40the more she's going to go overboard.
02:42Yeah, I'm afraid of that.
02:43Anyway, I'll have a word with her today.
02:49Don't work unless you pick it up.
02:51What?
02:52Oh, hello, princess.
02:53You all right?
02:54Loving, sniffing light of you.
02:56Yeah, I was just wondering whether we should order some more of that lago or not, that's all.
02:59Oh.
03:00Are we off out?
03:00Yeah.
03:01I'm deputising for Lofty as chairperson on the float committee.
03:04Well, now we've got holidays,
03:05we might be able to get something done for a change.
03:07Not a lot of time.
03:08No.
03:10Well, go on then, enjoy yourself.
03:12All right.
03:12I'll see you later then.
03:13Yeah, bye.
03:20You all right?
03:21God, marvellous, isn't it?
03:22A bloke can't spend five seconds around here getting his head together without people hassling him.
03:25Sorry, I spoke.
03:27You're looking at the phone, that was going to bite you.
03:28Well, if it was, you've saved me, haven't you?
03:31To tell you the truth, I'm more than a little frightened.
03:34How come?
03:36The same reason all of us are.
03:37The mob.
03:38What have they done this time?
03:40It's more what I did to them.
03:42You know I thunk one of them.
03:43Yeah.
03:44Good on you.
03:45They deserve work.
03:46Well, it wasn't a wise move.
03:47They're really after me now.
03:49They let me know that I'm on their list.
03:52What are you going to do?
03:54Pray for inspiration.
03:56I don't know.
03:58It's not just me.
03:59They say that I'm first and then the kids.
04:02There must be something we can do.
04:05Disappear, perhaps.
04:09But I'd be damned if even the mob could frighten me into running away from my own home.
04:19Can I get you something, Norma?
04:20Oh, are you busy?
04:22No, not too bad.
04:23Why?
04:24See you later.
04:25And remember.
04:26Yeah.
04:27Right.
04:27Bye.
04:28Bye, son.
04:31Why is he so secretive?
04:33I don't know.
04:34Look, I wanted to have a word with you.
04:35Of course.
04:36What's up?
04:37I wanted it to be a bit private.
04:39Just you and Ali.
04:40Ali!
04:41Come out here a second.
04:42Oh, hello, Norma.
04:43How's Trix?
04:44Tell you what, the flat's terrific.
04:45Good.
04:46I'm glad you like it.
04:47She wants a word.
04:48Yeah.
04:49Actually, it's about the flat.
04:51It's nothing to do with me.
04:52What you mean is you've come about the rent.
04:55Yeah.
04:55It's a family, really.
04:56They've told you we're in arrears.
04:58I wouldn't have myself, but...
05:00That's all right.
05:00We understand.
05:01We've got the money.
05:02Yeah.
05:02It's really sorry.
05:03It's brother's flat.
05:04Yeah.
05:05There's no need for you to get upset.
05:07It's us who haven't paid.
05:08Yeah, I know.
05:09It's all so uncomfortable, though.
05:11Anyway, it's settled now, eh?
05:12Yeah.
05:13I'm sorry I had to do this.
05:14And we're sorry we caused Judy embarrassment.
05:16Okay.
05:17Bye.
05:17Bye.
05:17Hello.
05:20So, I was wondering if you'd mind babysitting for me tonight.
05:24Of course I don't, ma'am.
05:25I didn't think you were working any more.
05:26No, I'm going out.
05:28I'll pay you.
05:29I don't want paid.
05:30Don't be silly.
05:31You're getting paid and that's the end of it.
05:32Anyway, I'll be gone till after 12.
05:34What's this, then?
05:36Sounds exciting.
05:37A date?
05:37Yeah, I'm looking.
05:39Don't waste time.
05:40I'm expecting great things from all of you.
05:42Don't worry.
05:42By the time we finish, Disneyland will look dull compared to our floats.
05:45Yeah, and remember to make sure that everything is locked up when you're finished.
05:48Do you want to check and see if we've got clean underwear on in case we get run over?
05:51Don't get lippy, son.
05:53I'll see you later.
05:54See you.
05:56So, this is the throne, is it?
05:58What's wrong with it?
05:59Probably infested with fleas.
06:01Well, no, I doubt it.
06:02I reckon the fleas around here probably got more taste.
06:04I mean, do you really think Miss Walford 1986 is going to feel like a queen sitting on this pile
06:08of junk?
06:08Got better things to do with their holidays than waste time and hopeless causes.
06:11Yeah, well, that's just your trouble, isn't it?
06:13You've got no imagination.
06:14No sense of romance.
06:15Oh, and you'd know all about romance, wouldn't you?
06:18And what's that supposed to mean?
06:19I'll come off it, Kelvin.
06:20Have you seen the way you've been eyeing up Mary?
06:22Talk about cow's eyes.
06:23They're no rest.
06:24Well, you can talk every time you see her.
06:25Your tongue's clean in your shoes.
06:26Yeah, but at least I stand a chance, sunshine.
06:28About as much chance as Walford Town will be winning the cup.
06:31And about as much chance as you've got of getting off without working on the stool this afternoon.
06:34Don't.
06:35I had to pull a fast one to get here this morning.
06:37Your dad's going to super glue you to that barrow when he sees you.
06:39Pathetic, isn't it, Cheryl?
06:41What is?
06:41Watching those two go on about women.
06:43It's like dogs chasing their tails.
06:45It's not the tails they're after.
06:48Oh, come on, boys.
06:50Don't tell me you lost your sense of humour.
06:51I mean, you're not serious about this chair, are you?
06:54There's nothing wrong with that chair.
06:55It's not you're organising a bonfire.
06:56We're supposed to be building a float, remember?
06:58Yeah, and in four days.
07:00I mean, I know God made the world in seven,
07:02but even he would be hard-pressed to turn that pile of junk into a throne in that time.
07:05There's no problem.
07:06Just imagine what you can do with it.
07:08I could tell you.
07:09Well, just give us a couple of hours,
07:11a bit of tinsel here, a bit of tinfoil there.
07:12You won't even recognise it.
07:13Well, I say the wood won't beat to it.
07:15You don't think we're capable of doing anything, do you?
07:17Well, we're not little boys anymore.
07:18We can get things together as well, you know.
07:20Not with Mary, you can't.
07:22You're still little boys to her, you know.
07:23He was talking about the chair.
07:25He weren't thinking about it, though, was he?
07:27I mean, all this macho stuff.
07:28Do you really think you're going to impress her with that?
07:30Who wants to impress Mary?
07:31Anyway, I don't exactly see you two
07:33with half the men in the square running after you.
07:35Right, Alden.
07:36And don't forget to push it at the regulars as well.
07:38Yeah, but most of the regulars don't drink lager.
07:40Oh, give me strength.
07:41I can see why you two work in this gaff, and I run it.
07:43If you teamed up, you wouldn't make half-wit between you.
07:45Of course it doesn't matter whether the regulars drink lager or not.
07:48The brewery spies have got to see you pushing it at everyone.
07:50Oh, I get it.
07:51Good.
07:51I was hoping to get through before the next visit of Ailey's Comet.
07:54Now, I'm upstairs, out with hands with the books.
07:55If you need me, you know where I am.
07:56And remember, have you tried Melbourne Star?
07:58Do we have to?
07:59Lofty.
08:00Just concentrate on selling the lager, okay?
08:02Ethel and I are depending on you.
08:03Why?
08:04Because you owe us money.
08:05I gave you a sub, remember?
08:06Oh, yeah.
08:07You gave me a fiver and all, didn't you?
08:09Alone, Lofty.
08:10Alone.
08:11Yeah.
08:11Thank God it wasn't a bet.
08:14Morning, chaps.
08:14Anybody seen Ian?
08:16Dad, just the fella.
08:17Oh, Lee, you're a man who likes his tipple, aren't you?
08:19Oh, not still.
08:20I've said no once already.
08:21Think of your image, right, Pete.
08:22I mean, this is a really macho drink.
08:24I mean, it's brewed by ex-cons, isn't it?
08:26Yeah, you can't get much more macho than that, Dad.
08:27Oh, you little liars.
08:29He's brewed in the Marlene Road.
08:30Is it?
08:31Are you both out of your heads?
08:32Or somebody spiked your puffer lock?
08:33Yeah, Simon's family strict blazes, lunatic streak.
08:36There you go, Dad.
08:37I don't have to ask you what you want, do I?
08:39Not if you're clever, I want.
08:40No.
08:40I'd like to know where Ian is, though.
08:42He's supposed to be giving me a break,
08:43and I'll look at pounds worth the change, please.
08:44Yeah, well, if you give me a fiver,
08:45I'll take for that out of that
08:46and give you the change in tents.
08:48Or just the tents, then?
08:49Nope.
08:50It's early in the day for me, son.
08:51And get a move on.
08:52I ain't got my spud spike down out there, you know?
08:54Come on, chuck, chuck.
08:56There you go, then, Pop.
08:57All right.
08:58Cheers.
08:59So much for young salesman of the year.
09:01What brought all that on?
09:02Well, Ben said he wanted us to push the larker
09:04at the regular customers
09:05in case one of the mystery drinkers.
09:08Well, I love his disguise.
09:11Now, tell me, what's wrong with that?
09:13There's a bit.
09:14I've got a two-bad note.
09:15I've lost the mic.
09:16If I thought we'd hear the last of it,
09:17I'd say I was impressed.
09:18So you should be.
09:18The Queen would be glad of that.
09:19No, I don't see why you were taking the mic.
09:21You were up, too, yellow.
09:22No, we were supposed to help.
09:23And instead, we were refereeing between
09:25Castanova Beale over there
09:26and the last of the Red Hot Mothers.
09:27Oh, give over, Shell.
09:28Typical men.
09:29You two won't admit you bickering over Mary, will you?
09:32There's going to be no contest.
09:33No contest at all.
09:34No, he's definitely right.
09:36There will be no contest.
09:37We've already had a bet on this.
09:38And by the time he's finished paying me,
09:39he won't have enough money to take himself out on a date.
09:41I'm very mature of you both, I must say.
09:43It's going to take more than betting your pocket money to pull Mary.
09:45Look, before you two start shooting it out,
09:47can we please finish this stupid throne?
09:49Look, it's not stupid.
09:50How many, Shell?
09:51You want to be the one who's sitting on it?
09:53There we go.
09:54Why don't you try it out besides my dear?
09:55Woodworm don't bite, do they?
09:57Don't let it.
09:58No!
10:00That's stupid, Shell.
10:02I knew this would happen.
10:03It was so funny.
10:06Hello?
10:08Yeah, come in, Vic.
10:10Oh, hello, Mr. Wilmot-Brown.
10:11No, no, no, it's OK.
10:12It's just fixing someone else at all.
10:15Yeah, I'm...
10:17Yeah, you want to know how the Melbourne store promotion's coming, eh?
10:21Yeah, not bad, considering.
10:23Well, considering that most of my regulars are Arden Bitter merchants, yeah.
10:27Oh.
10:27Oh, cheers, Manny.
10:28There's no way to treat your laundry.
10:30Obviously missing a woman's touch, aren't you?
10:32Yeah.
10:33Mary, I was wanting to have a chat with you, love.
10:36That's good, cos I want one with you, too.
10:38What are you doing tonight?
10:39What?
10:40Well, I thought I might take you to the pictures.
10:42Listen, I think, really, we ought to have a quiet word.
10:45There's nothing I'd like better.
10:47I've got Sue to look after Annie until 12,
10:49so we'll have plenty of time for a chat.
10:51Or maybe we won't feel like chatting too much.
10:53Yeah, right, if you'll just give us a chance, love.
10:55Look, it's the least I can do after all the reading lessons and that.
10:58Yeah, it's about the reading lessons I wanted to ask you about.
10:59Look, I've really got to go.
11:00I've left Annie outside, all right?
11:01Yeah, Mary.
11:02See you round my place, about eight.
11:03Ah.
11:06Oi, oi, oi.
11:08I know my mum catch you doing that.
11:09Oh, sorry, Michelle.
11:10What's the matter with you?
11:11That's a long story.
11:12How are you, then?
11:14Oh, I'm all right.
11:15Just surrounded by kids.
11:16You're still a kid yourself, remember that?
11:18I know.
11:20Just I don't feel, really, that I've got the figure for it.
11:23Still young at heart, though, love.
11:25Ooh, that sounds like old people's sort.
11:28Well, maybe I am getting old.
11:30I've just been asked that I've been an attractive young lady and I'm not over the moon by it.
11:34Who's that?
11:35Mary.
11:37Now, what is up, eh?
11:38What's so ridiculous about somebody finding me attractive, eh?
11:40It's not that.
11:41It's just that I know a couple of people who are not going to be over the moon when they
11:44find out.
11:44Well, listen, I don't want it all round the square, eh?
11:46People just might get their own idea.
11:48All right, all right.
11:49Well, what's the matter with that?
11:50Nothing.
11:51It's not a question of that.
11:53I don't know.
11:53It's just hard to put into words.
11:55Try one word.
11:56Debbie.
11:57Huh.
11:57Right first time, eh?
11:59Is it that obvious?
12:00Even to a kid.
12:02Anyway, I shouldn't be spitting out my problems, do you?
12:04You've got real problems.
12:05I'm not the only boy in the world that's suffering from a broken heart.
12:08Yeah, but I'm not the only girl in the world to get herself in the club, either.
12:11Just it's the first time it's happened to me.
12:14Well, I cannot imagine what it must be like, love, but you seem to be coping remarkably well.
12:20I'm thinking of having a baby in the pub.
12:21Oh, Michelle.
12:22What?
12:23Look, take it from me, Michelle, a pub is the last place to have a baby.
12:27You speak of an experienced mother?
12:28No, no.
12:29An experienced nurse.
13:00I'm allowed to talk to you, you know.
13:02You're practically one of the family.
13:04Yeah, more so than I think.
13:07What's all this about you wanting to have a baby upstairs in the pub?
13:10I can't have it at home, can I?
13:12It's too crowded.
13:13If it ends up having the poor thing in the allotment shed.
13:15Well, what's happened to the hospital?
13:17We're not exactly thinking of converting upstairs into a ballroom, you know.
13:19I'm a bit short of space myself.
13:21Oh, I am sorry to put you out.
13:23I mean, it was Sharon's idea, not mine.
13:25Why don't you tell her you don't want me having a baby there and explain why?
13:28Very funny.
13:31Apart from my feelings, it's not good for a kid your age to have a baby outside of hospital.
13:35I've just had all this from the world and his wife.
13:38I mean, you men seem to be really good at telling us women where and how to have our babies.
13:41We do have some sort of say to, you know.
13:43Well, why not take unnecessary risks?
13:47I mean, anything could happen, especially on the first time.
13:49Oh, thank you for the kind thoughts.
13:51I guess I was wrong about you.
13:53What do you mean?
13:55Unless you think you were taking this well.
13:56I was impressed by your level-headedness.
13:58But you're like every other mixed-up teenager with one up the duff and not a clue in the world.
14:03I know what I'm doing.
14:04Do you?
14:08Not everyone in this square gets me to listen when they talk.
14:10But every time you do the talking, I'm the one that takes the advice.
14:13Am I supposed to feel flattered by that?
14:15No, you're not.
14:16You're supposed to be sensible.
14:19This is 1986.
14:21And kids your age are looking forward to the doll, with or without a baby.
14:25And you need all the help you can get.
14:27And you won't get that acting like Lady Madonna in a saloon bar.
14:35You've only thought about this, haven't you?
14:37Aren't father supposed to?
14:41Hospital it is, then.
14:43How long have you been stretching out that drink, Ethel?
14:45None of your business.
14:47If you must know, I'm trying to save up some money for something.
14:51Oh, really?
14:52But there's cutting down and cutting down, isn't there?
14:54I mean, if you want a drink, you just stare at it.
14:55Why don't you look at someone else's?
14:57Yes, like yours, eh, darling?
14:59Oh, that's not mine.
15:00It's runs up the market.
15:01It's popped out.
15:02So I'm looking after it for him.
15:03Yes, yes, a likely story.
15:05That's the rocky road to ruin, eh, Ethel?
15:06We should know.
15:09Oh, well, now you've mentioned it, Tone.
15:11I have seen them.
15:11Two light heavy geese.
15:13Hangin' up by the hall, you say?
15:14Yeah.
15:15If I were paranoid, I'd say they were following me, but I'm not.
15:18I'm just scared to death.
15:19It's not like you, Tone.
15:20Oh, Pete, these are mobsters, not punts like Nick Cotton.
15:23Look, when they threaten me, I take it seriously.
15:28You'll have to excuse all the mess.
15:30I'm just going through my counts.
15:32Oh.
15:32It's not a pretty sight.
15:34No, I can imagine.
15:36Things must be getting pretty tight, eh?
15:38I'm down to my knuckles.
15:41I'll be putting the cats on half rations at this rate.
15:43Well, claim them as dependents, eh?
15:46I wish I could.
15:47Ah, look, don't worry.
15:48I'm sure something will turn up for the better soon.
15:50Yeah, well, it can't come too soon for me.
15:54Look.
15:55Net income in rent, 160 a month.
15:58The money I earn at the shop's an average of 80 pounds.
16:01Dole, 120.
16:03That's a grand total of 360 pounds.
16:06The mortgage is 220.
16:09That's before bills.
16:10And I owe Andy 700 pounds.
16:15It's all going terribly wrong.
16:17Look, what you need's a morale booster, innit?
16:18Eh?
16:19Some eye-living, a touch of decadence.
16:22Hey, how about some gambling?
16:23Now, there's nothing like treating money with contempt when you haven't got it.
16:26Yeah, what with?
16:27Nah, don't worry about that.
16:28Now, look, I can't promise you Monte Carlo, but how does acne dogs grab you?
16:32You never know.
16:33We could solve it all on one accumulator.
16:36Oh, thanks, Kelvin.
16:38Oh, they're lovely.
16:40Honestly, I get naff all from anybody for ages, then I get these from you and these from Ian.
16:44And, of course, new flowers.
16:46Yeah, life's full of funny coincidences, innit?
16:48Yeah, would you like one?
16:49No, thanks.
16:50I might get indigestion.
16:51Please yourself.
16:52Honestly, anybody would think you two are planning something.
16:55Only one of us and it could be murder.
16:57What are you on about?
16:58Well, actually, I just wondered.
16:59Er, well, have you been to the pictures lately?
17:02Never get the time, Kelvin.
17:04Oh, yeah, Annie, I forgot.
17:05Well, is it easy to get a babysitter at short notice, like?
17:08Depends.
17:08Why?
17:08Are you offering?
17:09Me?
17:09No, no, I'm not good for kids.
17:11I was wondering, actually, well...
17:13Yeah?
17:14Well, do you want to come out with me tonight?
17:15On me, you know?
17:17I don't get today.
17:18It's definitely been one to remember.
17:20Well, it ain't over yet.
17:22What do you say, then?
17:23I'd love to.
17:25Great.
17:26But I'm already going to the pictures tonight.
17:29I see.
17:31I just don't understand it.
17:33It's not just you.
17:36Everyone goes on about how wonderful it is to be in love
17:39and then fall in love with someone who's crazy about someone else.
17:43Why make it so hard on yourself, Dad?
17:46You've got Mum.
17:47She loves you so much, yet all you want is Jan.
17:51Is it worth all the aggro?
17:53Don't have much choice, do I?
17:54It's like being mugged,
17:55except you keep begging to be mugged again and again and again.
17:58Sounds awful.
17:59I've never heard you talk like that before.
18:02It's easy.
18:03You wait till you start.
18:04No, thanks.
18:05I can see this love business is a mugs game.
18:07Well, your mum's an happy mug at a moment, right?
18:09Let's not shatter her illusions.
18:10Oh.
18:11I should think you'll manage to sooner or later on your own.
18:14And I'm supposed to use you lot as examples.
18:16Well, I certainly won't be falling for that nonsense.
18:21Famous last words, princess.
18:24Do you know, I just dropped Tanny off
18:25and knows the old darts curtains were twitching away,
18:27so I came to pick you up.
18:29You look nice.
18:31Oh, thanks, love.
18:31Also be you.
18:33Oh, the new image seems to have made a difference.
18:35It's funny how people see you differently, ain't it?
18:38Yeah, yeah.
18:41Listen, Mary.
18:42You know when you asked me to teach you to read, I thought...
18:45Hey, relax.
18:45We're not in class now.
18:48Hey, do you know, Ian bought me some chocolates today.
18:49And Kelvin did too.
18:50It's weird, isn't it?
18:51I've probably got a crush on you.
18:53They're nice lads.
18:54I think they have.
18:55Well, they call it the Dangerous Age.
18:57I know what it's like.
18:58Why?
18:59Did you go around giving girls presents at that age?
19:01I did daft of things and that.
19:03Not that I haven't since either.
19:05Now, about that little chat we're going to have...
19:07Oh, well, don't worry, because I've got plenty to talk about too,
19:09but we'd better head on for the pictures, eh?
19:11Because we'll miss the film and we wouldn't want that, though, would we?
19:16It's quite a gathering tonight, eh?
19:18Anybody want to leave, do you like, eh?
19:20Ethel, what will you have?
19:21Oh, no, I'd better not.
19:22I can't buy you one back, you see.
19:24I'm trying to save up some money.
19:26That's all right, Ethel.
19:27I don't expect one back.
19:28What are you saving up for?
19:29Don't ask, Doc.
19:30Obviously classified info, it won't be the word.
19:33Sounds like a surprise.
19:34Come on, what are you drinking?
19:35You'll be lucky.
19:36You need a disguise to get served in here tonight.
19:38How come?
19:39Well, it's this emotional campaign they've got
19:42for this new beer.
19:43They're looking for a mystery drinker.
19:45Yeah, and the mystery is, how do you get served one?
19:47Here, Lofty, any chance to drink before the end of the world?
19:49Have you tried Melbourne Star?
19:51Oh, my goodness, that's fitting into the wind.
19:54About the only chance we've got getting wet tonight
19:56and it's coming to Sunday when you can't get served in your own local, Doc.
19:58Isn't that about anything?
20:00Oh, Lord knows.
20:01You'd think he'd value his regulars more.
20:04He probably thinks we're all on economy drive.
20:06I mean, look at them two stupid idiots
20:07jumping on everybody like they're running for election.
20:09I see.
20:11Oh.
20:11Service, please, gentlemen.
20:14Service.
20:15If you don't mind my saying so,
20:16I think you're using the wrong approach.
20:18Well, how's that, Doc?
20:19Permit me.
20:20I say, lads,
20:22any chance of a pint of Melbourne Star?
20:24Come on, what do you want?
20:25Get out of here.
20:28What are you doing here?
20:29What are you doing here?
20:31I've been calling you every name under the sun.
20:33Yeah, well, I was doing the same about you, mate.
20:35I just don't get this.
20:36Well, I thought you had it in the bag with Mary.
20:38That's why I had the yump.
20:39Well, where is she?
20:40Well, she's not doing the washing, that's for sure.
20:42I thought you was taking her out.
20:43Yeah, well, I thought you'd be pretending to drop popcorn down the dress by now.
20:46No, I just took her some chocolates.
20:48I know, I saw them.
20:49Well, that's why I thought you were taking her out.
20:50Look, I just took her some chocolates.
20:51Who said I asked her out?
20:54Did she tell you she had a date as well?
20:56Yeah.
20:57Well, if it isn't us, who the hell is it?
20:59OK.
21:00So there you are.
21:01Don't tell us.
21:02You've been stood up and all.
21:03Look, never mind all that.
21:04I've got to phone the police.
21:05Police?
21:06Yeah.
21:07Someone just smashed up all our carnival preparations.
21:09Oh, brilliant.
21:10Does that mean everything's right?
21:12Everything.
21:13Well, how'd they get in?
21:14I'm sure we locked up when we left.
21:16Look, son, if it's what I think it is, no luck's going to stop them.
21:19Well, I don't know.
21:20You'd think I was an absolute stud for the way you all go on at me.
21:23Some of us can't afford to swill it down like water, even if we wanted to.
21:27No, I didn't mean it like that.
21:30Hey, Dan, look.
21:31Look, I've got one of the well-done stickers.
21:33Yeah, and it looks like you won the till competition and all.
21:36What?
21:36Well, better luck next time, son.
21:38Yeah, what's that mean?
21:39Means I'm about ten quid richer, that's all.
21:41Oh, well, that's good.
21:43Oh, and you can pay me back this five that you borrowed for the rent.
21:47And I'll keep back the fire you got off me, all right?
21:50I can't believe it.
21:52No, no, can I?
21:53I spend all evening studying form like an expert.
21:56You pick a name out the air and bingo, you win 15 quid.
21:59There's got to be something in that women's intuition after all.
22:01It was just a fluke.
22:02Yeah.
22:03Anyway, it was your money that put the bet on, so it's your win.
22:06I just chose that name because I like the sound of it.
22:08Oh, well, then it is definitely your win.
22:10Oh, no, no, no.
22:11I couldn't.
22:12That's up to you, but I'm not taking the money.
22:14No, go on.
22:14You're too hard up not to.
22:16Oh, don't remind me.
22:18Makes a change to have some luck.
22:21Her band has had some luck tonight.
22:22I'm sorry you've lost me.
22:24Oh, Mary.
22:25Andy's supposed to tell her something I don't think she'll be pleased about.
22:28Oh, I see.
22:29Poor old Andy.
22:30She does tend to go up like a rocket, eh?
22:34Unlike yourself.
22:36Flatterer.
22:37No, not flattering.
22:39Respect.
22:41It's a very nice thing to say.
22:43It's not easy to get respect from people.
22:46Usually the very people you need it from most.
22:49Who are they?
22:51People that you're fond of.
22:53Oh, well, you know, I'm glad that I'm one of those.
22:56I would like to think that we feel the same way about each other.
23:00That's what respect is all about.
23:03Mutual appreciation.
23:04Well, perhaps more than that.
23:07Look, I hate to say this at a time like this.
23:10A time like what?
23:12Well, when you've got your back against the wall, when you're so desperate.
23:16What I'm trying to say is I don't want you to think that I'm asking this now
23:19so as to catch you when you're at your weakest.
23:22Asking what?
23:32Hello.
23:34All on your own, eh?
23:36I had a nice time.
23:37Stu, where's Wixie?
23:39Oh, he's gone home.
23:40He walked me back.
23:42Are you all right?
23:43Yeah, I'm fine.
23:45Did you have a nice evening?
23:47Yeah, thanks.
23:49Debs, I think Wixie's getting a bit serious.
23:52About me, I mean.
23:54Really?
23:55Yeah.
23:55He made a right fool of himself tonight, showing off.
23:59Even Lofty seemed super efficient next to him.
24:04Maybe Pete and Kath are right.
24:06Maybe I am bad for him.
24:08Sorry, what?
24:10I mean, it's understandable.
24:11My father would be worried if he knew.
24:13All I want is for us to be friends.
24:15I don't need another husband.
24:17Look, I'm sorry.
24:17I'm going to have to go back in.
24:19Are you staying in or are you going to bed?
24:21Oh, I see.
24:23I'll go to bed.
24:29Good night, Sergeant.
24:31Good night.
24:32Good night, Debs.
24:33Good night.
24:39Good night.
24:45Good night.
24:47Good night.
25:01I've got so much on my mind at the moment.
25:03I couldn't even find space in my head to think about getting married.
25:09Surely I could help you more if we were married.
25:12Yeah, but then where does that leave me?
25:14Here I am trying to prove to myself that I can make it on my own.
25:18It doesn't matter how attractive getting married may seem.
25:21It would ruin the whole point.
25:25Well, if that's the way you feel, I can't argue with that, can I?
25:31We don't have to stop seeing each other.
25:33Oh, come on, eh?
25:36Wouldn't be much of a copper if I let people off that easy, now would I, eh?
25:41Look, I get the impression that you're not just interested in me teaching you to read.
25:45Of course not. We're friends, aren't we?
25:46Yeah, we are. That's why I wanted to help you.
25:48It's why I still want to help you.
25:49Yeah.
25:50It's just that you seem to want us to be more than just friends.
25:57And you don't.
25:59Is that what you're telling me?
26:02I don't want to hurt you, love.
26:03Don't you?
26:05Well, in that case, you shouldn't lead people on, should you?
26:08I haven't been leaning on.
26:09I just wanted to make sure before I said enough.
26:11So you say.
26:13You think I'm daft, don't you?
26:16You know, I must be dafter than I think.
26:18I even changed my appearance to please you.
26:20Oh, Mary.
26:20Don't say you didn't notice.
26:22So what's wrong with me now?
26:24I'm still not right for you.
26:26There's nothing wrong with you, Mary.
26:27There's plenty wrong with me.
26:29I can't read for one thing, and that would never do, would it?
26:32You can't be seen with a girl who can't read and then a married mother too.
26:35Is it too much to handle, is it?
26:36I just do not want you getting involved with me.
26:38Well, you should have made it more obvious, then.
26:42You're right.
26:43You are old-fashioned.
26:45You're just like all the other men I've ever met, full of yourself.
26:48You just love having some girl make a right idiot themselves over you.
26:52I can assure you, love, I did not want this to happen.
26:54You're just a snob, then.
26:55Oh, what are you talking about?
26:56I'm not good enough for you.
26:58I'm too common, I'm too stupid,
27:00I'm not all bloody lardy-darres and graces like your precious Debs.
27:03She's got nothing to do with this.
27:04Really?
27:05You know, it's a good job we didn't go to that restaurant, innit?
27:08I might have used the wrong fork and really shown you up.
27:12It's okay.
27:13No chance of that.
27:15Because you can take your stupid reading lessons
27:17and you know where you can stick them!
27:19Well, it suits me fine.
27:21Oh!