- 6 weeks ago
B.I.K.I.N.I. agent Tanya X is sent on an undercover mission to recover some stolen top-secret missile plans. To do this she has to infiltrate a high stakes poker game.
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Thank you for listening.
00:05:57Who are you and what are you doing here?
00:06:00Did my husband?
00:06:24Do you want to pay?
00:07:00He would be very helpful if you did.
00:07:04I want to pay?
00:07:05I'm sure you're not going to be sure you're not going to spy on me anymore.
00:07:36Is my word of honor.
00:07:39Now, take your top off.
00:07:46Stop.
00:08:41Show me.
00:08:46And now, we're going to seal it.
00:08:48I'm going to kiss.
00:09:22I'm going to...
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00:15:45Excellent.
00:15:47Here's what we think we know.
00:15:49Intelligence would have us believe that someone is trying to sell top-secret atomic weapons plans
00:15:54to some pretty unsavory overseas characters.
00:15:58I don't want to name names, but...
00:16:01You can put two and two together and wiggle us up...
00:16:07a little information?
00:16:09Yes, I understand.
00:16:13We believe Parker Savage is involved, whether he knows it or not.
00:16:19So what you're saying is, you're not certain if he's a player or a sap.
00:16:25Exactly.
00:16:27Now what we do know is that Parker Savage hosts high-stakes poker games
00:16:32and some of his pokeries are top drawer enemy agents.
00:16:38And you want me to do what?
00:16:42We want you to get the guest list and find out when the next high-stakes poker game is going
00:16:47to be.
00:16:48I could plant a bug if need be.
00:16:52Excellent.
00:16:53Now I've arranged for you to meet Parker Savage at 1pm under the guise that you are an interior decorator.
00:17:03This will allow you to scout the mansion and search for clues.
00:17:07Don't worry. I will not let you down.
00:17:17I just wish I had pictures.
00:17:30Agent Tanya. Just the person I wanted to see.
00:17:33Mmm. That's what I was afraid of.
00:17:36I have your special equipment ready.
00:17:38What is it this time?
00:17:40These are extremely sensitive miniaturized microphones.
00:17:43Radius, 10 miles.
00:17:44They will amplify even the most minute sound 100 times.
00:17:49We can hear everything with this.
00:17:53Is this thing on?
00:17:54Testing! Testing!
00:17:56Testing!
00:18:01Please!
00:18:02Don't do that!
00:18:04Sorry.
00:18:05Here.
00:18:09We also have fake business cards.
00:18:13Good.
00:18:15Paint samples.
00:18:16Nice.
00:18:17And this modern and stylish collection of fabrics that would be a welcome addition to any home furnishings collection.
00:18:23Very tasteful.
00:18:25Good luck, Agent Tanya.
00:18:28And please, this time, bring some of the equipment back in one piece.
00:18:33Why wouldn't I?
00:18:34Bye, Newton.
00:18:37Bye, Newton.
00:19:17Yes, I'm Tanya with Interior Motives, the Feng Shui Design Center for Zen Therapy.
00:19:25The decorator.
00:19:26Yeah, that's it. I have a one o'clock appointment with Mr. Savage.
00:19:30Well, he hasn't returned yet. You'll just have to wait.
00:19:34Perhaps I could take a look at the layout. The way I'll be ahead of the game.
00:19:38Whatever. I have to be going out, though. I'll return shortly.
00:19:42Don't touch anything.
00:19:45Gotcha.
00:20:18I'll be right back.
00:20:45I'll be right back.
00:20:53Okay. I'm inside. And I'm about to plant the microphone on the lampshade.
00:20:59I hope you're getting all this.
00:21:19See what's under here?
00:21:34Trust me, the view is much better where I'm standing.
00:21:43You scared the life out of me.
00:21:46I'm Parker Savage. This is my bedroom.
00:21:49It is, but I can explain.
00:21:51I'm the decorator, and I just wanted to get a feel for the layout of the house while I waited
00:21:56for you to return.
00:21:59And the verdict under the bed?
00:22:01Under the bed is good.
00:22:03A couple little dust bunnies, but they're placed perfectly for the good health of the room.
00:22:07That's a relief.
00:22:10They, um, didn't tell me how handsome you were.
00:22:16Miss.
00:22:17Tanya.
00:22:18Tanya.
00:22:19Miss Tanya, please. You're going to make me blush.
00:22:22No, really. You're super cute.
00:22:26And what about the house?
00:22:27Oh, it's cute, too, but, um, not as cute as you.
00:22:32No, what would you do to change it?
00:22:36Oh, well, there's any number of options that we can look into over dinner.
00:22:42Things that might set apart from that rich boy Billy style.
00:22:46So outdated right now.
00:22:48And where would you begin?
00:22:50Well, I would like to see the house when it's a bit more occupied.
00:22:54You know, a lot of people in it, kind of like a party or something like that.
00:22:57If I can really get a feel for it.
00:23:01Well, I'm sure we could make that happen.
00:23:04But for right now, what does the house need?
00:23:06I mean, what is the house missing?
00:23:11This is missing something.
00:23:14The bed.
00:23:15What is the bed missing?
00:23:20Me.
00:23:21And the only thing I would add is you.
00:23:30Well, I'll have to refer your services to all my friends.
00:23:34It would appear that you have excellent taste.
00:23:37You're about to find out.
00:23:46I don't want to take my glasses.
00:23:49I don't want to take my glasses.
00:24:00Mr. Parker.
00:24:15I don't want to take my glasses.
00:24:35Oh, my God.
00:24:49Oh, my God.
00:25:22Oh, my God.
00:25:24Oh, my God.
00:26:21Oh, my God.
00:26:24Oh, my God.
00:26:36Oh, my God.
00:26:37Oh, my God.
00:26:47Oh, my God.
00:27:07Oh, my God.
00:27:35Oh, my God.
00:28:05Oh, my God.
00:28:47Oh, my God.
00:28:57Oh, my God.
00:29:35Oh, my God.
00:29:54I understand the hidden microphone was a success.
00:30:25I hope you heard everything, sir.
00:30:30Oh, my God.
00:30:52Oh, my God.
00:30:57Oh, my God.
00:31:26Oh, my God.
00:32:21Oh, my God.
00:32:22Oh, my God.
00:32:22Oh, my God.
00:32:32Oh, my God.
00:32:48Oh, my God.
00:32:49Oh, my God.
00:32:50Oh, my God.
00:33:21Oh, my God.
00:33:28Oh, my God.
00:33:30Oh, my God.
00:33:31Oh, my God.
00:33:33Oh, my God.
00:33:34Oh, my God.
00:33:36Oh, my God.
00:33:39Oh, my God.
00:33:42Oh, my God.
00:33:43Oh, my God.
00:33:44mix them together. And it better be hot when it gets here, or I'm not paying for it. Idiot.
00:33:52Tang! Has our agent arrived in Los Angeles? Yes, Dr. Niet, and she has already made contact
00:33:57with the buyer. So, at the big poker game, the buyer will acquire the secret missile
00:34:02plans from the seller, and then exchange them for our prototype communication scrambler.
00:34:08Yes, after we exchange the scrambler for the missile plans, our agent will then meet us
00:34:12back here, where we shall then trade the missile plans for that rare jade statue that will
00:34:16look exceedingly good in your back garden. Or by the pool. I haven't decided yet. You
00:34:23have provided me with excellent service, Tang. It is time for me to reward you. Thank you,
00:34:29Dr. Niet.
00:34:46Thank you, Dr. Nietzsche. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks,
00:42:38If you look like an amateur, you'll endanger us all and jeopardize the entire mission.
00:42:45Come on.
00:42:47It'll be fun.
00:42:48Oh, all right.
00:42:50But no funny stuff.
00:42:52Cross my heart.
00:43:22Okay.
00:43:24That's right.
00:43:26I'm in.
00:43:28I'm in.
00:43:28I'm in.
00:43:28I mean, we are playing for the same team, aren't we?
00:43:31What can it hurt?
00:43:32We gotta learn somehow.
00:43:34Why do I always end up doing what you want?
00:43:36Because you know I'm in.
00:43:38Because you know I'm right, baby.
00:43:39Because you know I'm right, baby.
00:43:39Now come on.
00:43:40Let's ante up.
00:43:45It's like, man, if we're doing what you're doing.
00:43:46work on you.
00:44:05You're doing what I'm doing.
00:44:10Let's deliver.
00:44:10Let's do it to the other side.
00:44:10Okay, so I'm going to play tonight.
00:44:56I don't get it. I haven't won a single hand.
00:45:00Yeah, me either. And I'm the one who's the expert.
00:45:04Well, I am a fast learner.
00:45:06In fact, I feel very confident that I can bust this case wide open if I get my chance.
00:45:13You know, we better win something, or else I'm not going to have anything left to wear.
00:45:17One last hand.
00:45:19Well, what's your bet? Looks like you guys are all out.
00:45:22Well, if I lose this hand, I'll drop down on all fours and make you feel like ten men.
00:45:32And if I lose, I'll drop down right there with her.
00:45:37Hmm. Tempting.
00:45:41Oh, all right.
00:45:44Deal.
00:46:04Two pair.
00:46:07Three of kind.
00:46:11Full house.
00:46:14Damn!
00:46:16Move it, girls.
00:46:27Let's take that off.
00:46:29Oh, look.
00:46:34Oh, my God.
00:46:41Oh, my God.
00:46:46Yeah.
00:46:49Yeah.
00:46:52Oh, my God.
00:46:54Oh, my God.
00:46:56Oh, my God.
00:46:58Oh, my God.
00:47:06Oh!
00:47:12Oh!
00:47:14Oh!
00:47:15Oh!
00:47:16You, right here.
00:47:17Oh!
00:47:19Oh!
00:47:20Here we go!
00:47:22Oh!
00:47:24Oh!
00:47:25Oh!
00:47:30Uh!
00:47:38Oh!
00:47:39Here!
00:47:40Oh, yeah!
00:47:42Oh!
00:48:04Oh, my God.
00:48:17Oh, my God.
00:48:48Oh, my God.
00:48:51Oh, my God.
00:49:05Oh, my God.
00:49:15Oh, my God.
00:49:45Oh, my God.
00:50:05Oh, my God.
00:50:14Oh, my God.
00:50:29Oh, my God.
00:50:32Oh, my God.
00:50:34Oh, my God.
00:50:53Oh, my God.
00:51:08Oh, my God.
00:51:16Oh, my God.
00:52:12Oh, my God.
00:52:12What can be done to ensure our success?
00:52:14I believe we're being double-crossed by our most trusted double agent.
00:52:18They need to be eliminated immediately.
00:52:21Then you already know what you must do.
00:52:24Yes.
00:52:25Yes.
00:52:26terminate them. With pleasure.
00:52:38Comrade, I need to see you immediately about a pressing matter.
00:52:43Dr. Niet insists.
00:52:46In an hour then. Good.
00:52:55I cannot believe the lousy
00:52:57luck I had at playing cards. I never would have thought that I'd be that bad.
00:53:02Well, I did have some help. What?
00:53:06X-ray contact lenses.
00:53:09It's the newest piece of field gear we've developed.
00:53:13You cheating bastard. I had to test them out
00:53:17sometime.
00:53:19Come on!
00:53:20It wasn't that bad.
00:53:22I've had worse.
00:53:24Thank God you're on our side.
00:53:28Let's get ready to party.
00:54:05I'm so glad you could pull yourself away from your other duties as head of the highly respected bikini organization.
00:54:11We have a lot of plates in the air.
00:54:13I'm sure you do.
00:54:15Seems Dr. Niet has a lot going on as well.
00:54:17Dr. Niet, I thought we disposed of her several missions ago.
00:54:20Fortunately for me, no.
00:54:22That was her sister, Fei Wang.
00:54:25Fei Wang.
00:54:27I stand corrected.
00:54:28Alright, what do you want?
00:54:29My cover is one of the underworld's biggest kept secrets.
00:54:32If anybody finds out my true allegiance, I'll be useless to everyone.
00:54:35The US would receive a black eye it could never fully recover from
00:54:38if it were discovered that you are actually a traitor.
00:54:41Cut the flattery.
00:54:42What do you want?
00:54:43We have reason to believe someone is trying to undermine a certain transaction engineered by Dr. Niet.
00:54:48That can't happen.
00:54:51What am I supposed to do?
00:54:52I want the name of the agent or agents responsible for this little fiasco.
00:54:57And I want it now.
00:54:59Well, I've never heard of this little operation.
00:55:02But I'll snoop around, see what I can find out.
00:55:06Any help would be greatly appreciated.
00:55:13Aren't you forgetting something?
00:55:15Something?
00:55:17Oh, like money?
00:55:19It is, customer.
00:55:20Of course.
00:55:23Unfortunately, it seems that all the gold has run out, but...
00:55:27I do have some lead.
00:55:33You...
00:55:34Double...
00:55:37Crossing...
00:55:37Bitch!
00:55:39Ouch.
00:55:40That really hurts.
00:55:55I've taken care of our little problem, but there's no guarantee that our plot hasn't already been uncovered.
00:56:01You must be very careful.
00:56:03The plans must be secured tonight.
00:56:06But we have no idea who's going to show up at the poker game.
00:56:09We haven't met any of them before.
00:56:11It could be anyone.
00:56:13All the more reason to be extremely cautious.
00:56:16The seller will be the one who loses the most money.
00:56:20It should be an easy task to make contact with them later and secure the missile plans.
00:56:24I understand.
00:56:25Report back to me when you have the plans in your possession.
00:56:28Copy that.
00:56:32Whew.
00:56:32My long distance bill's going to be a mother this month.
00:56:47Green!
00:56:48Oh!
00:56:49Darling!
00:56:50I was just wondering where you were.
00:56:52Well, I've been here all afternoon.
00:56:54You're the one that's gone missing.
00:56:55I'm sorry.
00:56:56Is my baby feeling neglected?
00:56:58Well, no, not really.
00:57:00I've just been looking for you all afternoon.
00:57:02And why do you smell like gunpowder?
00:57:04Oh!
00:57:05It's the latest perfume from the Near East.
00:57:07It's called NAMM.
00:57:09Don't you like it?
00:57:10Well, yes I do, but it's rather, uh, strong.
00:57:13Well, there's just something about the scent of NAMM that makes me think crazy thoughts and do wild things.
00:57:22Well, perhaps that was a little hasty.
00:57:24Oh, we should definitely take our time.
00:57:27But the party's tonight.
00:57:28Well, we have all the time in the world.
00:57:31Mmm.
00:57:40That's so good.
00:57:47Oh!
00:57:52Oh, don't you?
00:58:14Oh, yeah.
00:58:21Oh, yeah.
00:58:28Oh, no, no, no.
00:58:40Oh, yeah.
00:58:41Oh, yeah.
00:58:45Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fall through that.
00:58:48Oh!
00:58:53Oh, yeah.
00:58:56Oh, yeah.
00:59:10Oh, stop.
00:59:28Oh, stop.
00:59:30Oh, stop.
00:59:41Oh, stop.
00:59:47Oh, stop.
00:59:49Oh, stop.
00:59:51Oh, stop.
00:59:54Oh, stop.
00:59:58Oh, stop.
01:00:07Oh, stop.
01:00:23Oh, stop.
01:00:27Oh, stop.
01:00:30Oh, stop.
01:00:33Oh, stop.
01:00:43Oh, stop.
01:00:47Oh, stop.
01:00:50Oh, stop.
01:00:52Oh, stop.
01:00:56Oh, stop.
01:01:01Yes! Oh my god! Yes! Oh my god! Yes! Oh my god! Yeah! Oh shit! Yes! Yes! Oh you want
01:01:16to make me cry?
01:01:20Oh my god! Yes! Yes! Oh my god! Yes! Oh yeah! Oh shit! Yes! Oh my god! Yes! Yes! Yes!
01:01:41Oh my god!
01:01:51Ya! Ya- užis!
01:01:54Ya- užis!
01:01:58Ya, ya, užis!
01:02:04Hola!
01:02:07Ya!
01:02:10Ya, aj.
01:02:20Well, it looks like we're all ready.
01:02:23Now remember, I'm an interior decorator and I don't know the two of you from Adam.
01:02:29The CIA has taken steps to waylay the other party members, except for the one we believe
01:02:34to be the double spy.
01:02:36Now I have our fake invitations, some expendable cash, and my x-ray contact lenses.
01:02:44And remember, we do not want to win.
01:02:46We want Tanya to lose, and we want to watch to see who loses bigger.
01:02:50That's our buyer.
01:02:52And the winner is our seller.
01:02:56Sounds too easy.
01:02:58Just the way I like it.
01:03:00Yeah, I figured that one out.
01:03:03You're always trying to hurt my feelings, but I'm going to keep this on a professional
01:03:06level.
01:03:07That's not what you said earlier when you had your tongue stuck down my throat.
01:03:11Nitpicker.
01:03:12And that wasn't my tongue.
01:03:14Now, let's go get some mad guys.
01:03:21I'm so glad you could all make it this evening.
01:03:23It seems our other guests have been delayed.
01:03:26Oh, no trouble.
01:03:28You have quite the lovely house here.
01:03:31Why, thank you.
01:03:32Maybe I can show you around a bit later.
01:03:35I would love to see the rest of it.
01:03:44Do you think she's on to us?
01:03:45Look, those plans have got to be in this house somewhere.
01:03:48Game or no game, we've got to find them.
01:03:51I'll look around upstairs.
01:03:53You guys check down here.
01:03:55Good thinking.
01:03:56Oh, take this with you.
01:04:00It's really a camera.
01:04:02So if you find the plans, make sure you get a picture.
01:04:05Gotcha.
01:04:11You look lovely tonight, Tonya.
01:04:14Aw, well, thank you, Mr. Savage, and you look very handsome tonight, too.
01:04:19I like a woman who's direct and knows exactly what she wants.
01:04:22What time do you think the game will begin tonight, Mr. Savage?
01:04:25Please call me Parker.
01:04:27I have no idea.
01:04:28Corinne sets these up.
01:04:29She gets a kick out of them.
01:04:30Frankly, I find them all quite boring.
01:04:53Looking for me?
01:04:55I was just looking for a place to freshen up.
01:05:00What's that?
01:05:02This, uh, this here is a lip balm.
01:05:05I went skiing last weekend and I got really chapped.
01:05:10Please, be my guest.
01:05:15Well, okay.
01:05:28All right, sexy, downstairs.
01:05:38So she says to me, have you ever played Texas' hold'em?
01:05:42I say, well, of course I have.
01:05:43So she pulls her breasts out and says, hold'em.
01:05:53Oh, hey!
01:05:57Oops.
01:05:58Oops is right, you little tart.
01:06:00Everyone, hands up.
01:06:03I don't understand.
01:06:05You too, Parker.
01:06:07What's this all about?
01:06:09That's the beauty of this whole set up.
01:06:11You're so dumb, you haven't caught on to anything.
01:06:14What tipped us off?
01:06:16Hmm. Your reputation precedes you.
01:06:19Cool. So now what?
01:06:22Unfortunately, now I have to kill all of you and then go find my missile plans.
01:06:26So the missile plans were never here at all?
01:06:28No. But I'll find them. Gold still talks.
01:06:33Unfortunately, the gold's run out. All I have left is lead.
01:06:40Wait me. I thought you were dead.
01:06:42I guess you thought wrong. All right. Lose the gun, Corrine.
01:06:48If you insist.
01:06:56She's getting away.
01:06:58So go get her.
01:06:59I can't go out there looking like this.
01:07:02Oh, don't worry. The place is surrounded. She won't get far.
01:07:07What happened to you?
01:07:09Well, let me tell you, Agent Tanya. I played a dangerous game of double agent in the hopes of breaking
01:07:16the back of organized global crime.
01:07:19Ah.
01:07:21And it almost broke me.
01:07:24Ow.
01:07:25And the missile plans.
01:07:27I guess they belonged to someone that didn't even show up.
01:07:30Yes, they did. We discovered them when we detained the players.
01:07:34Now the plans are on their way to Washington. And it looks like we win. And Dr. Nye loses.
01:07:44Yay!
01:07:46Yay!
01:07:49Yay!
01:07:49Yay!
01:07:50Yeah!
01:07:51Yeah!
01:07:51Woo!
01:07:52The world will hear from me again.
01:07:57Ooh.
01:08:01Who's that?
01:08:07Yes, I'm Tanya with Interior Motives. The Feng Shui Design Center for Zen Therapy.
01:08:14Trust me, sir. I've always been a big loser.
01:08:20Let's get ready to party.
01:08:28My long-distance girl's gonna be a mother this month.
01:08:32Why, thank you. Maybe I can show you around a bit later.
01:08:36Unfortunately, it seems that all the gold has run out, but I do have some lead.
01:08:46I know. We can play strip poker and my x-ray contact lenses.
01:09:04Trust me, the view is much better where I'm standing.
01:09:07Well, no, not really. I'm just looking for your afternoon and why do you smell like gunpowder?
01:09:12Yay!
01:09:18If I lose this hand, I'll drop down on all fours and make you feel like ten.
01:09:25Do you think she's on to us?
01:09:27I'm in. I mean, we are playing for the same team.
01:09:36I will say it one last time.
01:09:40Pepperoni on its own side, sausage on its own side.
01:09:45Exterminate them.
01:09:51If anybody finds out my true allegiance, I'll be useless to everyone.
01:09:54What's that good little agent?
01:09:56Tanya.
01:09:59You.
01:10:01Double.
01:10:02Crossing.
01:10:08Then trade the missile plans for that rare jade statue that will look exceedingly good in your back garden.
01:10:18It looks like you were taking naughty pictures with me, huh?
01:10:22Take your clothes off.
01:10:23What?
01:10:24Skip!
01:10:27Skip!
01:10:30Did you tell her about your little surprise?
01:10:34Skip!
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