- 8 hours ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about Dave's underwear injury and Chuck's lingering toe injury. Then, as Ryan is back from his new baby, says that he'll bring in some of his wife's breast milk to treat their injuries.
Category
š
FunTranscript
00:00Glad it's finally fall. Football is back and the weather's getting cooler.
00:03How about we go to the Apple Orchard?
00:06Ooh, you lost me a go.
00:07I figure. That's why I got you new Caramel Apple 5-Hour Energy.
00:11It's like the Apple Orchard without the go!
00:22I had a bad start to my Monday.
00:24Hmm.
00:25Devastating putting on my underwear injury.
00:28Oh.
00:29What happened?
00:30I was putting them on and I hit my knee into the door handle so hard I thought I'd shattered
00:36my kneecap.
00:36Oh, wow.
00:38Holy mother of God.
00:39Starting to bruise up.
00:41Oh, that's not good.
00:43Why are you using so much force to put on underwear, dude?
00:46He is forceful, dude.
00:47He does everything.
00:48Everything is force.
00:49Have you seen him?
00:50He breaks doors.
00:51Put on your underwear like the Kool-Aid man.
00:52Yeah, he does.
00:53Has he ever come into that room?
00:56No.
00:56Kick the door open?
00:57Kicks it.
00:58Well, I'll kick it right open.
00:59I don't kick it.
01:00You ever see him replace the paper in the printer?
01:02I'm surprised it doesn't fly across the room.
01:05Generally, it's a panic situation.
01:07I'm under stress.
01:08I get it.
01:09Yeah.
01:10Nothing quite as stressful as replacing the paper in the printer.
01:13No, like I've got two seconds and I need this to print.
01:17Look out!
01:18Get out of my way!
01:19I got paper to put in the printer!
01:23And I only kick the door open if I have my hands full.
01:26Which is all the time.
01:28And he'll kick it.
01:29He doesn't care who's on the other side.
01:31I do.
01:31I'll tell you that.
01:32I wouldn't intentionally kick it into anyone.
01:35It just happens sometimes.
01:36Get some ice on that thing.
01:37I'll be all right.
01:38Okay.
01:39I think my whole foot's broken, so I don't know.
01:42I still have to go in, get it checked out.
01:44You idiot!
01:45You idiot!
01:47With your whole foot now?
01:48I thought so.
01:48It's been a week!
01:49In the last week we said, go get it checked out!
01:51No, it's a mess.
01:54You guys are literally falling apart.
01:56I don't want to do this anymore.
01:57Oh, yes, we know.
01:59I know.
02:01Life.
02:02I'm talking about life.
02:03It creeps into my dream.
02:04Oh, life.
02:05Oh, I meant the show.
02:06No, I mean, the show's part of life.
02:08True.
02:09Life is life.
02:10Life is life.
02:13Anyway, yeah.
02:13Hopefully I didn't shatter anything in my kneecap.
02:15I need those.
02:16Take a step back from the door when you're putting your underwear on.
02:19I normally do.
02:20I don't know what happened today.
02:21I was in a rush.
02:23I was doing things on the go.
02:24Okay.
02:27Normally not around a door handle.
02:28I got to put mine on like it's classic operation, the video game, or the game board, whatever
02:35the stupid thing was.
02:36You're like just like super carefully.
02:38Oh, because if anything hits my toe, it's like just a.
02:41Oh.
02:42Then get it all dead, Chuck.
02:44Is it swollen, your toe?
02:47Slightly.
02:48It's the joint right around the.
02:50But it's not red.
02:51It's not.
02:51And it's not gout before we get 72 text messages.
02:54It's not gout.
02:54They're still going to say it's gout.
02:55I know they are.
02:56Tell them it's gout.
02:57Put pain cream on that thing.
02:58No, I'm not doing anything.
02:59Okay.
03:00Well, that's hard.
03:00I'm just sucking it up.
03:01Yeah.
03:01He's hard about it.
03:02You know what?
03:02There's a couple bones that are on the bottom of the ball of your toe right by the joint.
03:07And it's like basically what can get injured by turf toe or whatever.
03:13I just, I think I gave myself turf toe.
03:15How'd you get turf toe?
03:16You turfing?
03:17Turfing.
03:17A lot of turf.
03:18Surf and turf.
03:19You know?
03:19I thought you don't walk.
03:22Yeah, I do.
03:22I do.
03:23I walk a ton.
03:24I walk a ton.
03:24Oh, no.
03:25You're still so lying.
03:26Ryan has a suggestion.
03:27I walk a ton.
03:28Oh, Ryan, yes.
03:29You want me to bring in some breast milk to rub on it?
03:32Yes.
03:33Apparently that's a cure-all.
03:34It is?
03:35Oh, yeah.
03:35You got rid of my cuts?
03:37I had a little irritation on my skin.
03:39Rub some of that on there.
03:41Woke up the next day.
03:41It was gone.
03:42Yep.
03:43Would you like Ryan's wife's breast milk on your toe?
03:46Oh, I thought it was Ryan's.
03:47No.
03:48Oh, I only want Ryan's.
03:49Oh, okay.
03:50Yeah, mine stopped coming in.
03:51It was only the first two days.
03:52I know.
03:53Oh, I had to sit in.
03:54It's tough to keep it going.
03:57Oh, man.
03:58Yeah, because you did actually use breast milk to heal yourself.
04:02I did, yeah.
04:02Where did you put it?
04:03I cut myself shaving on my neck, and so she put it on, and within like a day or two,
04:08it
04:08was completely gone.
04:09Wouldn't it have been completely gone without, you think, the breast milk?
04:12No.
04:12No.
04:13No.
04:13You're a big believer in it.
04:15I thought it was crazy, but then I saw the miracles of it to the point where like anytime
04:19there was an abrasion or something, she'd be like, do you need some?
04:25Like, get the boob ready.
04:26And I'm like, I'm good.
04:28Were you cutting yourself on purpose?
04:30No.
04:31Of course not.
04:32Oh my gosh, I'm cut again.
04:33Oh, yeah.
04:34Give me that.
04:35I'm rubbing dirt on my face to get pimples.
04:40Spray a leg of fire hose at me.
04:42Works on pimples, too.
04:43Works on pimples.
04:44Oh, yeah.
04:44I mean, if you could bottle it up and sell it, it's amazing.
04:49It's a natural neosporin.
04:50Chuck, give it a whirl.
04:51No, I mean, it's gross.
04:52I mean, I've dealt with it in my own time.
04:56Those days are over.
04:57They're different than Jason and Ryan.
05:00Yeah.
05:01Yeah, he's different.
05:02He looks at everything differently.
05:03It's blue in a bag.
05:05I didn't have it in my life.
05:06So I don't know.
05:07But if it worked, there's lots of natural remedies out there.
05:11We had peanut week when I have breast milk week.
05:14Try it on different stuff.
05:16Yeah, Dave tries it all.
05:17I put it on my knee.
05:18Put it on your knee.
05:18Look at that.
05:20Okay.
05:22There is part of me that thinks two cuts at the same time.
05:28One is breast milk.
05:29One is not.
05:30See what happens.
05:31And see what happens.
05:32Are you using like a neosporin on the other one or just time?
05:36I would do what I normally do, which is just be a man and leave it.
05:43There's nothing unmanly about putting breast milk on you.
05:46You put a little Band-Aid on it?
05:48What?
05:49Put a little wee Band-Aid on it?
05:50How do you care?
05:51Can I ask you?
05:52I'll put a Band-Aid if I'm bleeding.
05:53Yes.
05:54I will use a Band-Aid.
05:55I won't.
05:55Because I don't want to get blood everywhere.
05:56Because why would you get blood and you want to stop the bleeding, correct?
05:59Like, here's a cut.
06:00No Band-Aid.
06:01Yeah.
06:01No breast milk.
06:02Just a man about it.
06:03Okay, good.
06:04But if I'm...
06:05I like that.
06:05There's blood everywhere.
06:07Yeah.
06:07Nah.
06:08Whoa.
06:09You don't want to get blood everywhere.
06:10Use a Band-Aid.
06:12Use a Band-Aid.
06:13When you put the breast milk on, do you cover it with a Band-Aid to soak in, or you
06:16just
06:17let it sit there?
06:17I think it just soaked in.
06:19Yeah, you just set it on there.
06:20Yeah, like rub it on.
06:21I'm soaking in it.
06:22Huh.
06:23Okay.
06:23Bet it fixes your headphones.
06:26Yeah, try it.
06:27Dip your headphones in.
06:29Dump a little on that.
06:31They do break every other day.
06:33Fixes everything.
06:34I mean, at that point, it's nuts, because we need to bring her in here so she can squirt the
06:39air conditioning.
06:41Have her spray it down.
06:44We've solved our heating and cooling problems.
06:46Oh, my God.
06:46You can't believe it.
06:47Brian's wife's breast milk.
06:48Oh, my God.
06:48We took her upstairs.
06:49The building sold.
06:51Yeah, have her squirt the whole building.
06:55Oh, my God.
06:56Let's squirt the whole company headquarters if we could.
07:00We need help.
07:02Yeah.
07:03Oh, well, someone said there is natural immunoglobins in the milk that stimulate the immune system
07:09and healing.
07:09It is science.
07:10Yeah.
07:10Okay.
07:11I love science.
07:13That's what I'm saying.
07:13Squirt yourself with your lady's breast milk, guys.
07:15I also don't take my science info from random texts, but if there is a medical study on it.
07:22You got two buddies here that are giving you the same science.
07:25I get it.
07:26They've been through it.
07:26They've lived it.
07:26There's a lot.
07:27I've had a couple of buddies tell me some stuff that wasn't quite true.
07:31They say it works for them.
07:33Yeah.
07:34I think you should try it on that toe.
07:36Imagine if it cured your turf toe.
07:37I can't.
07:37That's so strange.
07:39Well, it's like bones.
07:39Putting Ryan's wife's breast milk on Chuck's toe is just a new level of weird.
07:44It's not an open wound.
07:45It's not coming straight from her.
07:47I never said it would be his toe.
07:49His toe was better the next day.
07:52Hallelujah, Lisa.
07:54Hallelujah.
07:55He has healed.
07:57The power of the titty.
07:58I don't know how she feels about that.
08:01We'd have to talk to her.
08:02She brought my foot in her.
08:03No, she doesn't.
08:04She doesn't have to be a part of it.
08:05It's just to give a donation and Ryan will bring it in.
08:08Yeah, she won't know.
08:08I got access to the stash.
08:10There you go.
08:11Oh, I see.
08:11I see.
08:11Oh.
08:12That's true.
08:13She doesn't have to be here to do it directly.
08:15I think she might hear about it since we're on a radio show.
08:17Yeah.
08:18Yeah, I can understand.
08:18I used to be in charge of the stash, kind of keeping up on, oh, okay, we're down.
08:24You know, you got to do a little more work.
08:26We need some more.
08:27You know.
08:28Go pump it.
08:29It's a big pumping day today.
08:30You better get after it.
08:32I'd say if I was in the pain that you claimed to be in for the past week or so,
08:36I'd give anything
08:37a whirl.
08:38Except go to the doctor.
08:39Except go to the doctor.
08:40Yes.
08:41But you could have someone bring the cure to you.
08:43Yeah, I think I'll probably go to the doctor first.
08:49Before I dip my toes in a co-worker's wife's breast milk.
08:54Well, that is small-minded.
08:55You know?
08:56Yeah.
08:57And I probably won't go to the doctor.
09:00Just to let everyone know.
09:01This is how science gets all messed up.
09:04People start thinking that it's going to work for everything.
09:07Mm-hmm.
09:07Yeah.
09:08They're going to be dipping their broken fingers in breast milk.
09:10You don't think it would work on a show?
09:12No.
09:13I think I have an injury that most dancers get.
09:18Really?
09:18So you've looked into it, and this is what you've discovered.
09:21Yes.
09:22Chuck Swan.
09:23Yeah, I'm like the black swan.
09:25And you don't want to say how you got this injury correct.
09:28You don't need to know how I did it.
09:28I already know how.
09:29You don't even know.
09:30You don't need to know.
09:31I already know.
09:32Was he dancing?
09:33Uh-uh.
09:34No, I already know.
09:36So what they make is like almost like a little donut thing that you can like sort of like
09:40put, stick to the bottom of your foot, and it'll take the pressure off.
09:45Because unfortunately, you walk on your foot.
09:48So every time I take a step, it just re-injures the thing.
09:53And they're like, use a stiff bottom shoe.
09:57What am I?
09:57God, wooden shoes lying around?
09:59Oh, I have a pair for you.
10:00Oh, man.
10:01Oh, yeah.
10:02I'm like, I don't have anything that's like officially.
10:05Like a dress shoe?
10:07To me, dress shoes even have a bend to them in the toes.
10:13I don't know what they expect me to wear.
10:15Like big, big honking boots?
10:17My Indian shoes have like pretty much wooden bottoms.
10:20I can get you that.
10:21Yeah, I might have to go wooden bottoms.
10:23I don't know.
10:24It's just an awkward thing.
10:27So it's a no to breast milk.
10:30No, it's a big no to breast milk.
10:31No, breast milk makes me want to vomit.
10:38Well, yeah, I was only okay because it was my lady's breast milk.
10:42You don't know how to take another lady's?
10:44No offense to your wife.
10:46I don't know why I'm so bummed out.
10:49You guys don't want my wife's milk.
10:52Sorry, I hate to let anyone down.
10:55I'm bringing in candles and breast milk tomorrow.
10:58I'm taking it all.
11:00That'll be a freaky Tuesday.
11:02It's breast milk and candle Tuesday.
11:05Oh, man.
11:06Yeah, I even looked at my kids like, you're drinking that?
11:08You are nuts.
11:09What's wrong with you?
11:10You're nuts.
11:11It was blue.