00:00If you are in a loving, committed relationship,
00:01save this video now.
00:02Why?
00:03Because you're going to screw up
00:04because you're a human
00:04and humans do stupid stuff from time to time.
00:06And knowing how to apologize correctly
00:09is incredibly important
00:11so that you can maintain the relationship,
00:13maintain the love that you have for each other
00:15and everything included in that.
00:16So save it now.
00:17I'm going to teach you how to apologize.
00:19Got it?
00:20It is not as easy as saying I'm sorry.
00:23We'll start there.
00:24You can't just say I'm sorry and move on
00:26and say the past is the past.
00:27Why aren't we moving forward?
00:29It's because you didn't do all the steps.
00:31The steps are simply this.
00:32It's three letters, three steps.
00:34Got it?
00:35O-I-A.
00:38Ownership, impact, action.
00:40Write those down.
00:41Ownership is essentially the apology, right?
00:43It's the I'm sorry.
00:44Like I recognize that I did something wrong.
00:46I'll take ownership of that
00:47and let you know that I apologize for the behavior.
00:50That's the O.
00:51A lot of people stop there.
00:52That's dumb.
00:53Don't do that.
00:54Continue with I for impact.
00:56This is probably the most important part
00:58because you should be able to
01:01and willing to articulate the impact of your actions.
01:04So that might look like I'm sorry about X, Y, or Z.
01:08I understand that caused anger.
01:11I understand that that made you insecure.
01:13I understand that that made you not trust me
01:16because I did something that was outside the boundaries
01:19of our relationship.
01:20Whatever it is,
01:21you have to be able to articulate
01:24and go there and say,
01:25I understand that this is the pain
01:27or the harm that I caused.
01:28And I want to speak to that
01:29because I don't want you to feel like I have no idea
01:32why you're mad at me in the first place.
01:34The last piece is A for action.
01:36If there are actions that need to be taken
01:38so that whatever happened
01:40that made you apologize in the first place
01:42doesn't happen again,
01:43we need to articulate and describe that.
01:46What actions do you need to put in place?
01:48Maybe it's stop drinking.
01:49Maybe it's stop getting online and doing certain things.
01:51What actions are you going to be taking?
01:53So there are tangible ways that we can measure
01:55if the apology, the I'm sorry,
01:57the ownership that we're trying to take is genuine.
02:00Because if you want to heal the relationship,
02:03you probably need to move in a different way
02:05so that we can prevent further harm being done.
02:09So O-I-A.
02:13Ownership, impact, action.
02:15You will mess up.
02:16You'll trip over yourself.
02:17You're human, okay?
02:18Come back to this video as often as you need to.
