00:00You don't want love. You want to feel chosen. You want to feel picked. Why is that? Okay. Why is
00:04that? Why does that happen? I've got a degree in cognitive neuroscience. I studied this stuff for
00:07a living. Here's exactly why. Somewhere along the way, a part of you learned that being chosen,
00:11being picked equals being safe and not being chosen equals abandonment, invisibility, or
00:15emotional danger. So now you chase the feeling of being picked and chosen like your freaking
00:22life depends on it. Okay. Because it did at one point, probably. Here's the part that you don't
00:26want to hear though. Okay. It's not that you want him. You want the version of you that
00:31exists when someone validates you. Let that sink in. Okay. You'll want the hit of I'm
00:36wanted. I'm special. I'm finally enough for someone. I matter to somebody today. And it
00:41makes sense. Okay. Especially for ambitious, hyper-capable, independent women. Okay. You
00:45grew up earning everything. Okay. Approval, attention, love, praise, all of it. Affection.
00:50You weren't given safety, right? You had to perform for it. So now your nervous system is addicted
00:54to the moment that someone chooses you because it feels like the one moment you can finally
00:59relax. Not because you trust him, but because you don't trust yourself without external confirmation.
01:05And here is the cruel twist. Sadly, okay. The men who make you feel the most chosen, the fastest
01:10are usually the least capable of actually choosing you in the longterm. Yikes. That's why you can
01:17use intensity with intimacy, chemistry with compatibility, being wanted with being valued. Okay.
01:22Because your system isn't scanning for love. It's scanning for relief. Okay. So bottom line,
01:27you don't want to feel chosen. You want to feel safe inside yourself. So being chosen is a bonus,
01:33not a life nine. Okay. Next time you feel that I just want him to choose me spiral, ask yourself,
01:39if he chooses me today, what feeling would I be trying to outsource? Validation, worthiness,
01:46certainty, stability, belonging, visibility. Like what is it? Okay. Whatever the answer is,
01:51that is the work. And the moment that you learn to generate that feeling internally,
01:55you stop chasing men who can't sustain it externally.
