00:00All right, Roxanne, what did he write down for you?
00:02He wrote down a four-ish.
00:04A four-ish?
00:06Trying to make the show funny.
00:07Hold on.
00:07I wrote down four-ish.
00:11So on the 10 scale, on average, men rate themselves a 5.9 on average out of 10.
00:18What?
00:19When it comes to attractiveness.
00:21Well, okay, just attractiveness.
00:23No way.
00:24I'm like a negative something.
00:26That's what I feel, at least.
00:27I'm real ugly.
00:28You are very ugly.
00:30Yeah, you are too, though.
00:31No, you're uglier.
00:31So.
00:33Guys, I'm coughing on me.
00:35All right.
00:35Oh!
00:36Froggy has this.
00:37I'm okay, I'm okay.
00:38Froggy has this living-in-a-cave beard going on with these patches of ungrowable hair on his face.
00:46Look at his sideburn.
00:47He can't.
00:48There's like an acre of.
00:49It's a reverse sideburn.
00:50He has a patch.
00:51He can't grow hair.
00:52I'm getting a haircut this Saturday.
00:53I want to explore this a little bit here.
00:55So on average, men rate themselves 5.9 out of 10 when it comes to attractiveness.
00:59All right.
01:00Now, Fester, rate yourself.
01:0310.
01:05Seriously, rate yourself.
01:06I'm a straight-up 10, brother.
01:07You're not a 10, dude.
01:08If you don't believe you're a 10, you'll never be a 10.
01:10I'm a 10.
01:11Listen.
01:11There's nothing good-looking about you.
01:13Yes, but you know what?
01:15Personality and mad jokes makes me a lot prettier.
01:16No, this is just looks.
01:18Oh, no, no.
01:19I'm a total package 10.
01:20Froggy.
01:21Total package.
01:21How do you rate yourself?
01:22What are you?
01:23I like to think of myself as the catch of the county.
01:26Negative two.
01:28If I say, which county?
01:29Glades?
01:30I mean, well, come on.
01:32No, I don't find myself.
01:33I've been, I've always, like Fester said, had to rely on my wit.
01:39Coop.
01:39To get the ladies.
01:40What do you rate yourself?
01:41On the 1 to 10 scale, where do you rate yourself?
01:45It just depends on the day.
01:47No, it doesn't.
01:47Where do you rate yourself?
01:48Don't give me that business.
01:50Yeah, let's go with today.
01:51Coop was good-looking when he first started the show, and it's just gone downhill.
01:54Where do you rate yourself?
01:56Well, compared to everyone else on the show, I would say a 9.
02:00What?
02:00Shut up.
02:01Are you kidding me?
02:02Listen.
02:03You think you're better-looking than Fester?
02:05Yeah.
02:05First of all, hold on.
02:07I'm a 10.
02:07But old round head over there.
02:09Guy looks like Charlie Brown with a beard.
02:12Mad magazine face.
02:14Seriously, Alfred E. Newman?
02:16A new poll has come out, and over 1,000 men were surveyed here in the United States,
02:23as well as the United Kingdom, to try to get a handle on how men feel about their body image
02:29after 2021, all right?
02:34Overall, just 41.9% say that they're happy with the way they look.
02:39They say you might call it a midlife crisis, but that number is even lower
02:43among men between 36 and 45.
02:46They say, I guess it's 39.6%.
02:50I have to interject.
02:52Yes.
02:52So I just took the average in the room.
02:54So we had a 10, a 9, and a negative 2, and that averages out to 5.7.
02:59Right in line with the story.
03:02Well, I didn't give my number, Roxanne, so you calculated that before I gave my number.
03:10So on a 1 to 10 scale, on average, men rate themselves a 5.9.
03:18So where would I rate myself?
03:22Now, hold on.
03:24Should I blurt out my number first, or should I call Michelle and see where Michelle, my
03:31wife of 27 years, puts me on the 1 to 10 scale?
03:36Or even ask Roxanne where I am?
03:38No, no, no.
03:39Michelle suffers from an acute case of marital Stockholm Syndrome.
03:42Yeah, you can't ask your wife.
03:45I don't know if Michelle's listening or not.
03:48Marital Stockholm Syndrome.
03:49She will pick up the phone when you call, and she will say 10.
03:52Listen.
03:53She will.
03:54Watch.
03:55Call her.
03:55She'll say 10.
03:56Watch.
03:58Or not.
03:58Okay.
03:58Roxanne, before I call Michelle.
04:00Yeah.
04:01All right.
04:01Be honest.
04:02Mm-hmm.
04:03I haven't given my number out yet.
04:05I have not given out what I believe is my 1 to 10 scale number.
04:11You better be honest, too.
04:12Stop handing her number.
04:13I'm not.
04:14I'm not.
04:14I saw you hand her something.
04:16He handed me a cue card.
04:17I just saw you hand her a prompt.
04:19Especially you can't taint.
04:21Roxanne, what did he write down for you?
04:23He wrote down a four-ish.
04:25A four-ish?
04:27Trying to make the show funny.
04:28Hold on.
04:28I wrote down four-ish.
04:30Four-ish.
04:30He actually wrote down.
04:32Hold it up to the camera.
04:33Is it?
04:33Yeah, he wrote down four-ish.
04:35All right.
04:35Roxanne.
04:35We want honesty.
04:36I want honesty.
04:37Okay.
04:38So, I'm.
04:39And it's not going to affect your job security.
04:42Here on the MJ Morning Show.
04:44But on the 1 to 10 scale, where do I, MJ, fall in your eyes?
04:49I have a disease.
04:50Oh, God.
04:51You've got glaucoma?
04:54What do you?
04:55You have an eye disease?
04:55I have an eye disease.
04:57I do not see people's looks after I get to know them.
05:00I only see.
05:01Well, let's go back to when you first met them.
05:03That's actually true.
05:03I only see their, their inside.
05:07I only see the inside.
05:08But I do also see dollar signs.
05:10You see dollar signs?
05:13What the hell does that mean?
05:15What, you think rich guys are more attractive?
05:17What do you mean?
05:17Let's go down our track record.
05:19Goal digger.
05:20She ain't looking for no broke, bro.
05:22No.
05:23I ain't saying she a go digger.
05:26No broke, bro.
05:27Does this song name Roxanne?
05:38Doesn't it go down girls' names?
05:39Roxanne.
05:40Doesn't it go down names of girls?
05:42Yeah.
05:42So, Roxanne, wouldn't you say you see what?
05:46You see dollar signs.
05:47Like if you're talking about, I don't see numbers rating people.
05:50Yeah, like the ugly rich guy you dated.
05:54Roxanne.
05:54Roxanne sees dollar signs.
06:00Dollar signs.
06:02Dollar signs.
06:05All right, maybe she's the wrong person.
06:07Can you explain that?
06:08What do you mean?
06:09So, guys, wait a minute.
06:10The way I interpret that is that guys are more attractive to you when they're loaded and
06:17have money out the butt.
06:19I'm just saying.
06:20I didn't say that.
06:21If Roxanne.
06:22Yes, you did say that.
06:23You just said that you saw dollar signs.
06:25You literally said that exact thing.
06:27You exactly said that.
06:28Verbatim.
06:29If Roxanne can be the salami in a Jeff Bezos Bill Gates sandwich.
06:34And Jeffrey Epstein was rolling video.
06:37You can't ever spend all that money.
06:38All right, so, Roxanne.
06:39You can try.
06:41Where am I?
06:42And listen, don't, don't, I want me to be uncomfortable.
06:44Just drop your, drop the guard.
06:47Where, where do I, MJ, fall?
06:49Okay, this is such a terrible question.
06:51It is not a terrible question.
06:53Yeah, it really is.
06:54People are waiting to hear what low number you're going to give me.
06:57All right, so.
06:58Okay, this is what I have to do.
06:59This is what I have to do.
06:59Yes.
07:00I have to pretend like I do not know you.
07:02Just stop.
07:03No, you don't.
07:04I'm in a grocery store right now.
07:05No, no, you do know me.
07:07You do know me.
07:08You work with me every morning.
07:10You're sitting across from me.
07:11I can't make a judgment with that background information.
07:14Where am I?
07:14It's too much context.
07:15Stop it.
07:16Where am I on the one to ten scale?
07:18Be honest.
07:18Unfiltered.
07:20Knock it off.
07:21Stop.
07:21Don't put on an act here.
07:23Unfiltered.
07:24This is MJ.
07:24Nice to meet you, okay?
07:25I don't remember people saying what I hear.
07:26Stop.
07:27Stop.
07:27But the wrong play.
07:28Because I am taking in people's stuff.
07:30Taking a long day.
07:33Seven.
07:34What?
07:35You liar.
07:36What are you, drunk?
07:37You liar.
07:38What is it, opposite day?
07:40You liar.
07:42You forgot to put a negative in front of it?
07:43All right.
07:44I put myself at a six.
07:46What?
07:46What?
07:48You guys think that's too high?
07:50Yes.
07:51Two at best.
07:53I was actually going to say six, but I gave one extra.
07:55Okay.
07:56Seven?
07:57All right.
07:57What the hell is Channing Tatum?
08:00Eight billion?
08:01Okay.
08:02Well, this doesn't work.
08:03All right.
08:03Call Michelle.
08:05I bet you she just, she doesn't even skip a beat.
08:07She belts out ten.
08:08All right.
08:08This doesn't work.
08:10Hang on a minute.
08:11I'm calling the house phone, which is underneath my side of the bed.
08:18This is the house landline.
08:20Oh, man.
08:21Let's see if she's listening.
08:23Our sleep schedule was nuts last night, so she might still be sleeping.
08:26Good for you.
08:27Hello.
08:28Yeah.
08:29Oh, she's awake.
08:30Hey, obviously you're not listening to the show right now, right?
08:34No.
08:34Oh, don't listen.
08:37All right.
08:38So, Michelle, I'm doing a little item here.
08:40On average, men rate themselves a 5.9 out of 10 on the 1 to 10 scale.
08:48You know, on the proverbial look scale, 1 to 10.
08:52I just gave myself, oh, no, I'm not going to say anything.
08:57Where am I on the look scale?
08:59So, you've known me for many, many years.
09:02We've been together since, what, 1988, and we've been married since 1994.
09:12Where do I fall?
09:14When you look at me, where is your lovely husband, MJ, Todd?
09:18Where am I on the look scale, 1 to 10?
09:22Clean shaven or with a scrubbed beard?
09:24Can you wake up a little bit?
09:26Whichever one's higher.
09:27All right.
09:28Clean shaven or with a scrubbed beard?
09:29A scrubbed beard gives you a 10.
09:30You know that.
09:31Oh, I told you.
09:33This is so dumb.
09:35With the scruffy beard, I get a 10?
09:37Yeah.
09:38And what do I get when I shave the scruffy beard off?
09:43Like an 8.5 maybe.
09:45What?
09:46I told you.
09:47He looks like Rocky Dennis from The Mask.
09:50No, I don't.
09:51Except with a bigger forehead.
09:54Snap out of it.
09:54All right, Michelle.
09:55What?
09:57I diagnosed you as suffering from marital Stockholm syndrome, and I knew you were going to say
10:0310 right off the bat.
10:04No.
10:05Yes.
10:06Ridiculous.
