She Was Traumatized In A Dysfunctional Foster Home

Unfiltered Stories

Today on Unfiltered Stories, Sophia Williams opens up about her harrowing experience of growing up in foster homes where she was subjected to violence and SA by her foster family. Despite enduring immense trauma, Sophia's story is one of remarkable strength and resilience. Join us to hear how she navigated these dark times and found the courage to heal and rebuild her life.   #survivorstories #fostersystem #overcomingtrauma   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00My name is Sophia Williams-Baw. My story is about my journey through the foster care and adoption

00:05system, a broken adoption based on child abuse and neglect. When I was three, my mother had left me

00:12home alone. This was something that I was used to. But this particular day, I don't remember what led

00:17up to the events, but I do remember being taken out by some policemen. They came in and got me,

00:24my brother, and my infant sister. And I remember us being placed in the back of a police car.

00:29And being taken down to the police station while they waited for, I believe it was a woman that

00:35ended up showing up basically to do whatever happened next. I don't quite remember what

00:40happened next, but within a week, I know that I was in a foster home. It was scary being taken

00:45away by

00:46strangers. Obviously, I've probably had seen, you know, shows or movies with cops or something to

00:53that extent, but I've never had any dealings with them per se. And then the fact that someone was

00:58taking me out of my home and my mother wasn't home to know that I was being taken out of

01:03the home.

01:04It was traumatizing. So my first foster home, I was there for about four years. During those four

01:09years, I just remember a lot of sexual abuse, being humped on by the older boys in the home,

01:16being danced on provocatively, and my foster mom just being physically abusive and very verbally

01:23abusive, almost like a bully. I remember her sister that used to help her out with watching us.

01:30I told her that my teeth were loose in the front. Instead of her using the typical method to remove

01:36the teeth, I remember her punching my teeth out of my mouth. It's very sad that adults can manipulate

01:43the situations that are going on in their home when they're doing foster care. Because if you read the

01:48records, it says that I was the aggressor in every situation. And I very vividly remember only being

01:56three years old. There were 10 and nine, I'm assuming because they were that much bigger than

02:01me, that were literally touching me and messing with me all the time. And come to find out, they

02:07were also forcing my brother to do things with them. But according to the records, it was me and my

02:13brother. And it wasn't. I got shots one time. And I remember like crying and she was like teasing me

02:19with the older foster kids and making fun of me. I felt like a nuisance to her. She didn't really

02:25seem

02:25to really want me there or care about me being there. And she wasn't watching over me properly,

02:31which is how all the sexual assault kept taking place. I didn't feel any type of way because

02:37unfortunately, rest in peace, my biological mom passed the end of August. But my biological mom,

02:44she never liked me and she never loved me. So she already had instilled in my head that nobody liked

02:51me and nobody loved me. So the foster mom's treatment didn't really make too much of a difference

02:57coming from my biological mom that was already verbally abusive. And according to the records,

03:03which I don't remember, sexually abusive. And she thought I was a dark demon. And she used to say

03:09that at the visit. So the foster mom's treatment while visiting my biological mom, it was no longer

03:14a big deal. My biological mom barely wanted to talk to me at the visits. She pinched me to get

03:20me to not

03:21sit next to her because she didn't want my skin touching hers. I felt like I just wasn't meant to

03:26be

03:26here because nobody liked me type of thing. And nobody loved me because if my own mom didn't like

03:33me or love me and my foster mom treated me like she didn't like or love me, obviously nobody liked

03:39or loved me. So I was adopted at six. During that placement, I was sexually abused and molested by the

03:47older boys in that foster home, as well as physically abused by my foster mom and her sister that used

03:54to

03:54babysit me. I very vividly remember shortly after arriving there, she had made spaghetti and I spilled

04:02some on her freshly mopped floors. She made me eat the spaghetti off of the floor for spilling it and

04:08lick it up for, you know, making a mess on her floor. I was isolated from the world. I was

04:14starved,

04:14neglected in every way imaginable. I just remember most of my childhood being spent standing inside of a

04:22corner with my hands on my head like this all day. If I put my arms down or if I

04:27move, I'd get beat.

04:29I was forced to learn Bible scriptures and quote them back within an hour. If I missed a word,

04:35I would be beat and I'd not be allowed dinner that night or something to that extent. My entire

04:40childhood from the age of six until right before I turned 14 was just spent being beaten and starved and

04:47being thirsty all the time. It resulted in sneaking water out of the toilets. Um, one time I stole candy

04:54because there was some candy upstairs in the bedroom and this big old Coca-Cola jar that they put pennies

05:00in. They had candy in there and I took some candy and I guess she could hear me walking on

05:05the floor from

05:06downstairs. So she knew where I was. Um, and she's like, you know, did you steal some candy? And I'm

05:11like,

05:11no. And she ended up making me strip in the candy I had put in my underwear. I was going

05:16to sneak it.

05:17She used to make us come home from school and literally be on our knees kneeling for hours until

05:24about nine o'clock at night, pray out loud, repeated prayers over and over again. Um, and when she found

05:30that candy, she beat the bottom of me for stealing. Um, told me it was a sin and in the

05:35Bible and disobeying

05:37your parents, disobedient children don't live long. A lot of times I walked around hungry,

05:43most of that adoption. Um, there would be times when my adoptive mom would literally go to a

05:48restaurant and leave me in the van. It could be like a 90 degree day like today, leave the windows

05:54down with a loaf of bread and a package of bologna while she ate inside of a restaurant with my

06:01adoptive

06:01father. Other times it was simply just be her denying me food because I picked a particle up

06:08off the carpet, like pull the carpet, a piece of carpet up. It could be simply because I missed

06:13a line. When I quoted back my Bible scripture, I forgot a verse. So with the water situation,

06:19because we weren't getting water every day, I would end up turning on the faucet. The bathroom was right

06:25behind their bedroom. So anytime we turned the faucet on, they would hear it and it resulted in

06:31having to sneak water out of the toilet bowl. It was just like a lot of physical abuse and

06:36unnecessary punishments. I've been dragged down the stairs by my hair before this particular day.

06:42I was on punishment sitting in the corner at the top of the basement steps, which was adjacent to

06:47the kitchen. I told her I had to pee so many times. She would not let me go pee. I

06:52ended up peeing on

06:52myself. And when she found out I peed on myself, she dragged me down two sets of stairs into the

06:58basement, threw me into the basement refrigerator and whipped me all over with a leather belt. Other

07:03times I was put inside of a garage and made to sit on a crate and then a bucket would

07:08be put out there.

07:09And that was a punishment where I would have to pee and defecate in the, in the bucket. I've been

07:14slapped, punched, stomped. One time she thought that I cut up her church suit because I had been on

07:20punishment for like a month standing in a dark attic in a corner. Um, and she discovered that

07:26the hallway that leads up to the attic had her church suit and it had a snack. I told her

07:31I didn't

07:32do it. She told me if I kept lying that my punishment was going to be worse. I finally told

07:36her that I did do it. And then she asked me how I did it. I told her I did

07:40it with a bobby pin.

07:41She told me I had to have used scissors because it was a straight cut. I didn't even know where

07:46scissors

07:46were. We weren't allowed to do crafts. So I'm like, okay, well I use scissors. She dragged me

07:52down the stairs of the attic, flung me into the bathroom, took my hair and just started cutting

07:57it all over every which way. Told me you cut my suit. I cut your hair, threw me into the

08:02hallway

08:02after making me strip naked, had my adoptive dad hold my arms. This lady that lived with her that

08:09was from the church hold down my legs. And my brother sit on my back and beat me with this

08:14gigantic

08:14plastic baseball bat. And I ended up wriggling loose while crying and I got hit in the eye and

08:20ended up with a black eye. It mainly consisted of just being beat with belts all over. Or this

08:26this plastic baseball bat. When I faked the Holy Ghost one day because I got tired of being on my

08:32knees

08:32and praying for a week straight for hours with no food, I faked the Holy Spirit. And the next morning

08:40I didn't wake up speaking in tongues. So I got beat with an extension cord all over for that one.

08:46And then she made me go back to being on my knees and trying to force me to catch the

08:51Holy Ghost.

08:52The first time a report was made against my adoptive parents was my adopted sister had black blisters on

08:59the backs of her hands. We used to get beat with plastic spatulas on the backside of the hands to

09:05cause

09:05more pain. A teacher saw the whelps going across or the blisters I should say the black blisters going

09:11across her hand while she was playing outside at recess. They called um CPS. CPS got involved for

09:17a few months they dropped out of the case. I don't know what made them leave it alone but they

09:21left it

09:22alone. Fifth grade year we had the junior achievement or whoever those people are that come in and teach

09:27you about red flag green flag and all that stuff. Um they said the red flag if somebody's punching you

09:34or beating you or hitting you you need to report it. So me I raised my hand because I'm being

09:40beat

09:40and they told the principal and the principal called my adoptive mom. So my adoptive mom came to the

09:47school told them she from foster care she got a lot of trauma and psychological issues she's a habitual

09:54liar and she lied. She took me home told me get in the house I go through the door she's

10:00behind me I turn

10:01around to look at her right to my chest punch me dead in my chest lost my breath fell back

10:07on the

10:07stairs that were leading to the upstairs rooms she punched me in my back get up the stairs she's punching

10:12me in the back as I'm going up the stairs I get in my room she knocks me down to

10:16the ground and just

10:17starts hitting me and stomping me she's like over 200 pounds yelling at me you're gonna go to that

10:23school you're gonna tell them you're a liar you're a chronological habitual liar don't you dare ever

10:29tell anything that I do to you in this house long story short went to school the next day told

10:34everybody I lie I made it up they dropped it and they never reported it to CPS. A couple years

10:39after

10:40that my younger adopted brother who um is now deceased he had gotten on punishment because he

10:47cursed at her because she had been beating on him all day he was only like three I believe and

10:52she

10:52had been beating on him all day so he cursed he was upset and she ended up whooping a

10:57lot of them we had a back deck area at the back of the house she made him stand outside

11:02while she

11:03sat out there under the umbrella with my adoptive dad and the girl that lived with them he ended up

11:08fainting because she did not feed him she would not give him any water and she had been beating

11:12him all day with that being said when he fainted they called the ambulance and when they called the

11:18ambulance they ended up um taking him to the hospital and then they discovered all the bruises on

11:23his body and then that's when CPS got re-involved um they didn't take us immediately instead they

11:28started monitoring her and I think this went on for about a year and a half because I remember that

11:33she was just getting ready to sell her house in Grand Rapids had bought a new house in Kalamazoo

11:38and there was like a stop order that she couldn't leave with us um while they were investigating and then

11:43they ended up taking the stop order off and had everything transitioned to workers in Kalamazoo and then we

11:49ended up moving down there um my brother got into it with my adoptive dad one night and my

11:53adoptive dad attacked him we woke up the next morning my brother was gone a week later we got

11:58a voicemail they came and picked us up so I went back into foster care at 14. nice church lady

12:03very

12:04sweet very kind my birthday was literally I think like a month after I got with her I turned 14

12:10and she

12:11actually brought home a whole bunch of clothes for me brand new I wasn't used to them so this foster

12:16mom made sure that I felt special on my day and surprised me with a bunch of clothes but she

12:20was

12:20very old school so I don't think she understood that I had been isolated and imprisoned during my

12:27adoption like we weren't allowed to go outside and play I didn't even know how to ride a bike until

12:31I

12:31was 12. so once I got in this foster home and she told me go outside have fun be a

12:37kid I was outside

12:38all the time unfortunately the neighborhood it was in the hood and there were a lot of girls that

12:43were out there and you know were overly developed etc that I ended up you know connecting with because

12:49they were the only girls in the neighborhood and I hung out with them a lot so her assumption was

12:53that I was being fast which in the african-american community means being promiscuous looking for

12:58male attention and based on the records that were lied upon by my first foster mom she just assumed that

13:05I was a sexually aggressive young lady so when her biological son and his cousin sexually assaulted me

13:13I never told her one day she was at church or work or something to that extent um her son

13:19was saying

13:20something nasty to me I'm laughing giggling it brushing it off his cousin is there he's making

13:26comments I run up the stairs like I'm going to my room they both chased me up the stairs they

13:31kind of

13:31like tripped me I had on a buttoned up black and white checkered outfit they basically pulled it

13:37apart and they both put their mouth on my chest I never told her because she already was calling me

13:43promiscuous calling me fast one time when I sprained my ankle she told me that's what you get for being

13:48fast running the streets so I'm like I'm definitely not gonna tell her this but she don't even care that

13:53I sprained my ankle during my time in this foster home I had met a boy on my way home

13:59from high school

14:00one day um he became my boyfriend one day he told me to follow him to his house or that

14:06I could come

14:07over and I went to his house me being young and naive and being sheltered raised in the church he

14:13told me he had something for me in his room I believed him so I followed him in his room

14:17and I

14:18ended up being raped um so I lost my virginity by rape um so I ended up acting out a

14:23lot breaking curfew

14:24because I just didn't want to be around him it was awkward and she ended up putting me out

14:28all of the sexual abuse and sexual assault that I was subjected to as a kid it definitely affected

14:34me as a grown woman unfortunately I'm very distant when it comes to relationships with men that I'm

14:41supposed to be in a relationship with I don't really like touch I don't like cuddling I don't like

14:46kissing honestly it's more or less of a I got what you want down below so take that and leave

14:52me alone

14:53um type of thing there is no emotional connection um and I know that's also in my records they said

14:59that when I first got adopted that I told them that men were bad people and that they beat women

15:05um so I already had a negative perspective of men at three years old so I don't know if my

15:10biological

15:11mom was being abused in front of me um but they said that they could tell that it had been

15:16a lot of

15:16sexual trauma already at three um so today as a woman I have a hard time staying in relationships

15:23because they say that I'm not affectionate I'm not emotionally available the way that they want me

15:29to be and they can't touch me so I met my second oldest son's father when I was 19 a

15:35friend from work

15:36had connected me with him she told me about two guys I thought I was dealing with the guy that

15:41was in

15:41college to be a lawyer or something but I actually was with the guy that had just did six years

15:46in

15:46prison for armed robbery and home invasion not knowing that um but after we met and he was fresh

15:53out of prison he had muscles and tattoos and I was young you know and I ended up messing with

15:59him pretty

15:59early um within the month and I got pregnant I was going to abort the baby because I didn't really

16:05know

16:05him and I didn't want to have a baby by somebody I barely knew he begged me to keep the

16:10baby um he

16:11told me that he wanted to be with me etc he ended up breaking up with um I call her

16:17my son's stepmom

16:18because she ended up having his son after he passed um he ended up breaking up with her and coming

16:22in

16:23with me he was mean I'm just gonna keep it 100 that's one of the meanest men I have ever

16:29dealt with

16:30in my life very condescending would literally make me cry and then curse me out and yell at me about

16:36crying

16:36but he was making me cry he was cheating on me I'm at work I'm pregnant I'm big he's taking

16:42my car

16:43picking up girls cheating on me I'm getting up in the middle of the night while pregnant to pick him

16:47up from different people houses and he's meeting me out in the you know parking lot of apartment

16:53complexes telling me that he wasn't doing anything I got tired of it I got tired of him not pulling

16:58this weight living with me um because I didn't have sectionator subsidized housing like I worked full

17:03time and took care of myself and I'm like you need to contribute and he ended up leaving me because

17:07he did not want to pay his half of the rent um I had my son November 22nd he left

17:13me the day after

17:14Christmas he told me you better take the shoes back I bought you for Christmas and put it towards

17:19your rent and left very verbally aggressive and hostile up until he was murdered the day before my

17:25son's birthday basically I guess it was a exchange that took place but it was actually a setup

17:31for some dealings of which he had done somebody wrong um some months prior they got somebody to

17:39set him up and they shot and killed him in his car so he was found with his head down

17:43on the steering

17:44wheel shot in his vehicle I didn't find out until I went to pick up my son that night I

17:49guess it had

17:49happened a few hours before but everybody was in such shock and disarray that nobody reached out to tell me

17:55they had his funeral about a week later went to his funeral and his mother and aunt was involved

18:02for a while but it was so much drama dealing with them they were so disrespectful and just rude and

18:08mean and I just couldn't take it so I separated myself and my son from them I didn't want them

18:14growing

18:14up around that my son's grandfather stepped in probably about six years ago he stepped in more than

18:21what he was in the past because he had moved to Tennessee for a while he actually got murdered

18:25last February and that was the only person he had on his dad's side so now it's just me and

18:31now he has

18:32me and he does have my oldest son's grandmother and and I've always just wanted to be accepted so

18:39unfortunately that just led to a lot of heartbreak and a lot of more abuse more verbal abuse a domestic

18:47violence situation that I was in before I got married and it was just like if anybody showed me

18:53any type of attention or made it seem like they cared I don't know if they do if they don't

18:58because

18:58nobody ever did so I'm gonna take your word for it and now I got somebody in my life it's

19:04not just me

19:05and my kids it's somebody else and they got a family so now I kinda got a family because this

19:11is my

19:11boyfriend and his family likes me and it was just like a lot of bad decisions have been made

19:17with that anxiety and that depression am I even gonna lie to you every other week my thoughts

19:23are just that I don't want to be here because I don't feel loved I don't feel like I have

19:29anybody

19:29outside of my kids my foster mom my god mom my god sister like real love like make me feel

19:37included

19:37type of love and to be re-rejected after finding my bio mom and mistreated by her all over again

19:45as an

19:45adult when I took her in and found three of her kids and brought them to her that hurts to

19:52find my

19:52bio dad who has not reached out or called me at all since my mom died in August after I

19:57moved to

19:58Houston to be near them that hurts so all I know is hurt all I know is rejection and abandonment

20:04like

20:05this is something I'm used to so a lot of people that I've reconnected with on Facebook as I'm going

20:10through this divorce and I cannot breathe again and I'm not in a little narcissistic prison I see

20:15pictures and I see names and I have this one flashback memory because my memory is so messed

20:21up from all the trauma I can barely remember good times with anybody because there's been so many bad

20:27times and I detached myself from them and I don't even know why I don't even know how I stopped

20:32talking

20:32to these people I don't know how I don't have their number anymore I don't know how I'm not still

20:38hanging out with them and still friends with them because in my mind you're going to end up leaving

20:44or you're going to end up not liking me so I think like I just disappear and then I come

20:49back and then I

20:50disappear because that's just my cycle of life I've been in therapy I've been in counseling I remember one

20:57counselor told me wow that's a lot and she kind of withdrew herself like it overwhelmed her and she did

21:05not

21:05want to be my my counselor but right before we moved to Michigan back to Michigan from our two

21:13years in Houston I got a therapist that therapist transformed a lot of my mindset and I was only

21:20seeing her for a few months she was a Christian based and I went for that on purpose and the

21:26way

21:26that she talked to me in her face when I told her all the things I've been through the fact

21:32that she

21:32stayed with one face and did not seem to let it attack her inside allowed me to really listen to

21:40her and know that she wasn't looking at me in any type of weird way or this is too much

21:46you know you

21:46got too much going on because I've been told that so many times and she didn't make me feel that

21:50way

21:51so she's actually the reason why or part of the reason I feel like I am thriving right now while

21:56going

21:56through a divorce losing my mom moving back to Michigan with five kids she literally told me

22:03you have got to figure out how to make yourself happy and do what's best for you and stop worrying

22:10about everybody else making you feel like they care about you when do you start to care about you

22:16I would say my advice to anybody dealing with any type of trauma whether it stems from biological or

22:22the system is to learn to love yourself first my biggest mistake in this lifetime and the reason

22:30why I sit here and I cry from time to time is because I never love myself enough to avoid

22:37some of

22:37the situations that have created lifelong consequences and situations for me I feel like when you love

22:44yourself first and you start to understand your value and your worth nobody can take advantage of you nobody

22:51nobody can mistreat you nobody can convince you to do something that you don't want to do because you

22:57know who you are and a lot of times with childhood trauma you don't get the opportunity to learn who

23:03you are because you're fighting for survival every day of your life that all you know is to be angry

23:09have

23:10an attitude watch your back 24 7 you never get the chance to just relax and discover what makes you

23:16happy so

23:17love yourself first and embrace a journey where you do a little bit of everything until you learn what

23:23that one thing is that truly brings you immense joy and satisfaction and for me it's writing dealing

23:29with about a depression um years ago 2013 i sat down and i just started writing out the events of

23:37my life

23:37like i came up with the timeline from when i was born up until and i ended up with like

23:4396 pages worth of

23:44stuff and i'm like this is a book um so i started looking at publishing companies and things and i

23:49ended up connecting with an oklahoma publishing company called tape publishing and i submitted my

23:55story i decided on a title called i'm good my will to do better tomorrow than i've done today is

24:03really

24:03based on my five kids i have one daughter um i have four boys my oldest son just turned 18

24:09graduated high

24:10school with honors um he just came back from a christian camp my children are artists like most

24:16of them three of them can draw so well um and just to know that i'm raising kids different than

24:23the way i

24:24was raised and to be able to give them what i never had is like one of the most beautiful

24:28experiences

24:29and that was actually my goal which is why i started having kids so young because i knew that i

24:36didn't have family so if i ever passed i wanted my kids to have each other

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