00:00I tried to kill myself on my 19th birthday, I do not want your sympathy, I don't want your pity,
00:06I'm just saying it because somebody else might be making the same mistake that I did.
00:12And if you are deeply depressed right now, if you feel like your life is never going to get better,
00:18or have convinced yourself that there's no point in staying, then this video is for you.
00:24On my 19th birthday, I thought that I'd already seen enough life to know that the rest of it was
00:29going to be terrible.
00:30I was miserable, I felt trapped in my own head, and I could not imagine ever being somebody that wants
00:37to live.
00:39The future felt like more of the same, and when you feel depressed for long enough, it becomes really easy
00:45to confuse what you feel right now with what you will feel forever.
00:49So that's the mistake that I made.
00:51I thought, because I couldn't imagine life getting any better, that it meant that life wouldn't ever get better.
00:58And those are two completely different things, and it's hard for you to imagine that when you're hurting.
01:06But I was wrong.
01:08That is why I say I am who I am, because I tried to kill myself.
01:14Because the attempt was not a good thing, in any way.
01:17But it was something that I did need to happen to me.
01:21And what changed me was realizing afterwards how close I was to throwing away a life that I had known
01:28nothing about.
01:29I had no idea who I was going to talk.
01:31I had no idea I was going to be able to do this for a living.
01:34I guess I don't really make a living off it, but try to do this to make a living.
01:39Because I have the ability to wake up every day and do something.
01:41You know, I live in my van, but I would rather do something that I love than do something just
01:46for money.
01:47Because I know I don't make enough as to what I would make if I was an accountant.
01:51I have my MBA, but I want to make a difference.
01:54I want other people to know that their story is valid too.
01:58And so whenever something feels like this is how it's going to be forever, I'm here to tell you that
02:01it won't.
02:01I couldn't have imagined being here.
02:03I couldn't imagine being someone who in the future people will say that I saved their life.
02:07That I made a difference.
02:08That I made them happy.
02:09And that means the world to me.
02:12Because if this video helps just one person, it's worth my life.
02:21Listen, I still had bad periods.
02:24I had to turn it around.
02:25I still had times where I felt completely lost.
02:29It hurt.
02:31Getting older won't remove the pain from your life,
02:34but it will give you enough experience to understand
02:38that your pain changes.
02:40That emotions are fleeting.
02:42And I believe that depression can make that incredibly hard to believe.
02:46Because when you have been hurting for a long enough time,
02:51your brain really thinks that this is how it will always be.
02:55And you think, you know, if your life is like this right now,
02:58why would I want another year of it?
02:59Why would I want another decade of it?
03:01But you're assuming that the next 50 years are going to look like today.
03:05And they won't.
03:06I promise they won't.
03:07Your life changes.
03:09Your circumstances change.
03:10For all of your lowest lows, you will also have highest highs.
03:14You're going to leave before you see those?
03:17I mean, listen, there are things that I could not handle when I was younger
03:21that I don't even think about anymore.
03:23Problems that once felt like the end of the world that I don't feel.
03:29And I'm not saying anything you're going through right now is small.
03:33Because, of course, you're probably going through struggles.
03:35If you're still watching this, you're probably deeply hurting.
03:38And you might be hurting from something that no one else knows about.
03:42So it's understandable that it feels unbearable.
03:45But what I'm telling you does not mean that it doesn't matter.
03:50It just means that it's not permanent.
03:52And that's what I wish I understood when I was at 19.
03:57Suicide does not give your life a chance to change.
04:02You are ending every possibility in allowing nothing to happen.
04:12And that's why it's genuinely such a terrible decision.
04:16Because I'm going to make another video on this later.
04:18It's pretty simple.
04:20If you're going through hell, why would you stop hell?
04:25And it's true.
04:26Because you'll move through.
04:28And you'll be able to overcome whatever you're hurting through right now.
04:31And the person who finally gets out of this situation will be happy that you stayed.
04:37And they deserve a vote.
04:38The person who wakes up one morning and realizes that they actually like being alive, they get a vote.
04:44So you can't decide that for them.
04:46I almost did.
04:47I tried to.
04:48And knowing that, understanding that, it's part of who I am now.
04:55And understanding that I have never been here before.
05:00It's part of my decisions.
05:03Because you go through a lot of places in life.
05:05And you want the best for you.
05:06You know I live stream every single day.
05:09Twitches, we never get down.
05:10I'm live every day at 6 p.m.
05:12I want to figure out exactly where I go that has good service.
05:17I don't know.
05:18I'm going to try to make a metaphor out of everything.
05:19And I will.
05:22I can't stream in good service.
05:25Does that mean that going through the bad service makes it useless?
05:28No.
05:28I check and I see if it works.
05:30But more importantly, what I'm trying to say is you're going down a road in life where there will be
05:34bad parts.
05:35It doesn't mean that the whole road is bad.
05:36The road will be bumpy.
05:38It will be shaky.
05:38But it doesn't mean that you have to stop and give up.
05:41Because there's highs and lows.
05:43There's good service and there's bad service.
05:46And you can't really know what comes next.
05:50You can't know if tomorrow's good.
05:51Just like I can't know if up there is good service.
05:54But all you know is that if you keep going, you will eventually find where it's good.
05:58You will find parts in your life that are good.
06:00And that comes from you putting yourself in good situations with good surroundings, with good people.
06:04So if you're hurting, you can tell something.
06:06You can tell your parents or your friends or call support.
06:09And if you're around bad people, you need to leave.
06:11I was in a very toxic relationship for years.
06:15And they brought me down so much.
06:17Because if you're around someone who is incredibly lazy, you'll feel it is.
06:20If you're around someone who has bad habits, you'll adapt to those.
06:23So you need to be around good people.
06:24You need to slowly, cut, vastly, whatever.
06:26Cut those people out of your life that are bad.
06:28And put those that are good.
06:38Oh, I was going to show you guys a deer, but it ran away.
06:41Oh, deer.
06:44If you're watching this one, and you are where I was,
06:48I don't expect you to love your life.
06:51I don't expect you to pretend that you're fine.
06:53I am just asking you to understand that you might be wrong about what comes next.
07:00I was.
07:02And I thank God that he didn't allow me to go that day.
07:05It allowed me to live longer.
07:07To find out.
07:09I am who I am today because I learned in the hardest way possible that your future can become something
07:16that you were completely incapable of imagining when you were at your lowest.
07:23And you have to be smarter than me because I was egotistical.
07:28I thought I knew everything.
07:29So I'm asking you to be smarter than me and make that decision.
07:33Maybe God saved me that day to put this video in front of you.
07:37Because if you are still watching this, it shows that you are clearly listening.
07:43You are clearly able to change something.
07:46You are clearly able to stick through it.
07:50Because only 3% of people actually watched this part of the video.
07:54I could have said absolutely nothing that sticks with you.
07:58But all it takes is one thing to stick with you.
08:02Which is to stay.
08:03Just to stay.
08:05Just to get to tomorrow and think that every day.
08:07Because although it feels like you're just wasting a day because you won't feel any better.
08:10I promise you, you will.
08:11It'll come slowly.
08:12You won't be able to feel it.
08:13It'll be day by day.
08:14You'll slowly get better.
08:15But you won't even realize it until one day you are actually all right.
08:19You are actually all right.
08:20You will be all right.
08:22And if a decade from now you come back and you say,
08:26That never got better.
08:27Not even a little bit.
08:28I'll admit I was wrong.
08:30Because I know I won't be about this.
08:32I promise you, you'll have something that truly brightens you up.
08:35You'll have a passion.
08:36You'll fire.
08:37You'll find a love that truly makes you feel alive.
08:40Because your life is worth living in.
08:45You just have to wait long enough to see why.
08:47You're always singing your life is worth living in.
08:52You'll kopi value it.
08:55You're all right.
Comments