00:00For a long time, I always thought I was better if I could handle more.
00:04If I could just get through all the stress and all the betrayals and all the setbacks,
00:08then that meant I was doing well.
00:10And honestly, sometimes maybe it does.
00:13But I do think there's a point where being able to handle something or everything
00:18becomes the reason that you keep allowing it.
00:21You tell yourself, since you can deal with this certain thing, you stay there.
00:25And this relates a lot to me because I was in a very toxic relationship for three years.
00:30The person had mental health problems and I wanted to be there for them.
00:33I wanted to take care of them.
00:34Because I did have love for them, even though it was hard a time.
00:36So I said, well, I can deal with it.
00:38I'm making their life better, so I'll stay.
00:40But this goes to everything in life.
00:42You might stay in a bad job so you can get through.
00:44You might stay in all these bad environments because technically you can survive.
00:50But that's not always being strong.
00:52Sometimes that's just pushing through something.
00:55And that kind of endurance can be useful.
00:59But the goal of your life should not be to become, make everything as hard as you can
01:05to the point that you don't break.
01:06You will break eventually.
01:08And the goal should be to build a life where you don't have to run from things,
01:12where you don't have to test how much you can take.
01:15Because I've had periods of my life where I'm genuinely proud of getting through everything.
01:19You know what I'm saying?
01:20I'm proud when I work so hard at golf that I went to Division I.
01:22But I'm proud when I live stream every day, when I make a long form like this every day,
01:27and I'm able to get to the next day.
01:30But looking back, some of that was just me refusing to admit that I was doing too much.
01:36Because I have a friend who truly worked so hard and then they actually genuinely burnt out.
01:41If you've ever burnt out seriously, you realize how harmful it is, how terrible it is,
01:45and how much it ruins you psychologically.
01:48So I don't want you to get too attached to being the strong one that it becomes part of your
01:52identity.
01:54Some people around you probably know that you can handle things.
01:59And if you don't complain about how much you have, people assume you're fine doing it.
02:04You know, if you work, sometimes you work so hard to do such a good job and you don't complain,
02:09that you end up getting more and more and it makes it harder.
02:14But you shouldn't have low standards just because that's what people ask of you or expect of you.
02:19Just because you can get through it doesn't mean that it automatically deserves a place in your life.
02:25You can survive a bad relationship.
02:28I did.
02:29You can survive a job you hate.
02:31You can survive being completely exhausted every single day.
02:36You can survive people disappointing you, lying to you, betraying you.
02:41But that does not mean that you should keep doing it.
02:48And unfortunately, I think there's a weird pride that comes from pain.
02:52You start looking at everything you've been doing and you think that nothing can break you because you've gotten through
02:57so much.
02:59And I guess it feels powerful and it is impressive that you get through that much.
03:04But you shouldn't only become someone who knows how powerful they are only when your life is off you.
03:10If you're just as strong of a person, even if you're not going through these terrible things,
03:15I think you should want to know how to be peaceful.
03:17You should want to know how to walk away and put up boundaries so you don't let these things hurt
03:21you again.
03:24You should know how to navigate your way through life, even if other people aren't getting in the way.
03:30And you should stop waiting until your life becomes so unbearable within these things that you finally decide it's enough.
03:38Because sometimes you don't have the choice anymore.
03:42Sometimes life decides the choice.
03:44If you do too much for too long, if you go through too much for too long, it will hurt
03:48you.
03:53So you shouldn't have to adapt and lower your expectations and then act surprised when things go wrong.
03:57Because eventually you will start confusing your ability to tolerate the pain with the reason that you keep accepting it.
04:04And I don't want that for you anymore.
04:05I don't want that for me anymore.
04:07I don't want to look back at my life and be proud of how miserable I was when my life
04:11was falling apart.
04:13Look, it takes a lot to fight through pain.
04:15And you fighting through pain is good.
04:18But you should still, at the end of the day, try to fight through the least pain.
04:20And I think sometimes we're in this state in our life where we're just so miserable that we don't care.
04:25So whatever, throw everything at you.
04:27But being strong is useful.
04:29But knowing that you don't need to keep proving it will make you even stronger.
04:33Because you don't.
04:35You have hard battles in your life and you will no matter what.
04:39At no point in your life will you have no struggles.
04:41And that's why I don't want you to think that you need to wait until life gets better before you
04:45start appreciating it.
04:47Because the better is right now.
04:48The better is what you make of it right now.
04:50So take what you have right now and make the best out of it.
04:53Because every day you have the choice to make yourself better.
04:57So take what you have right now.
