00:00Thousands of people have tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and only a couple dozen have
00:05ever survived. And every single one of the survivors, when questioned about it, said they
00:10regretted the moment jumping. Kevin Hines said that he regretted it the moment his hand left the rail.
00:17He suddenly wanted to live. And I've thought about that story many times before,
00:22but yesterday I understood it in a way I didn't want to or expect to. And yesterday I was pretty
00:28sad, pretty depressed, honestly. Um, no intentions of like ever taking my own life. I never would.
00:34So I have people that care about me. Um, I knew I still have things to do and I know
00:38that, you know,
00:39if I'm dead, I can never make a difference to anybody. So even on those days where being alive
00:45doesn't really feel exciting, I still will get through the day. But then yesterday, somebody
00:50tried to kill me on live stream and suddenly I wanted to live very bad. All the stuff I had
00:58been
00:58sad about still technically there. Nothing in my life had been solved. None of my problems
01:04disappeared. But the second I thought somebody was actually going to kill me, I did not want to
01:09lose my life. I wanted to live more than anything. And I've had versions of this happen before to me
01:15too. It's always confusing. You can spend so many hours thinking that life feels empty, that you don't
01:21want to be here, that you'll be happier if you're not here. And then something threatens to take your
01:25life away. Or maybe you have a near death experience and your body fights to keep it.
01:31You start thinking about everything that you still want to do, everything you want to see,
01:35all the people you might want to meet, all the people you have now. And it's just fascinating how
01:41it can take getting close to death for your life to feel valuable.
01:48And I think that part of the sadness makes your world feel smaller and your perception
01:53is narrower. Because, how you doing?
01:57Hi, how is that rolling like that?
02:00I took a long time to figure it out.
02:03Wow, that's pretty cool.
02:05Thank you very much. You have a great day.
02:07You too, have fun.
02:08Thank you so much.
02:09Because there's so much kindness in the world and you don't always see that.
02:12Because if you're stuck in one situation and you're not focusing on all the positive things,
02:17you'll miss all the beautiful things, all the beautiful people in your life.
02:19Just because you've been treated poorly, just because you've seen bad things, doesn't mean
02:24everybody's going to. Not every person is bad. Some are kind. Some are impressed. Some are
02:29fascinated. And at the same time, when you're having a bad life and you go through something
02:37bad, like a near death experience or someone trying to kill you, your life is still the same.
02:42And yet your perception of it differs.
02:46And sometimes it takes something like that to differ to really appreciate your life.
02:51And that's one of the reasons that Golden Gate stories have always fascinated me so much.
02:57Kevin Hines said that the regret was basically immediate.
03:01He went from believing that death was what he wanted to realizing that after the decision
03:09was too late to take back, he wanted to survive.
03:12And every single survivor said the same.
03:14And they all unanimously agreed to putting up, um, I can't remember if it was barriers
03:19or a net, one, maybe both, to stop the, um, attempts.
03:24And, dude, it sucks how someone has to go through that to save you.
03:29And this is kind of a lot for me to put on you, but, you know, just hit me again.
03:32I've talked about on my 19th birthday, how I tried to take my own life.
03:36And there were a few days before that too, I considered it.
03:38I went to the top of a bridge and they had really tall fences.
03:42I think because somebody jumped off and took their own life before.
03:45How sad is that?
03:46I mean, if they weren't there, who knows what I would have done.
03:47But more importantly, why does it take somebody else going through something for people not
03:55to do it?
03:55Why does it take you going through something to realize that you don't want it anymore?
04:00And I think it's because you can't see all your future and you can't see all the versions
04:03of you that you're going to become.
04:04And you only see what you are now.
04:06And if all you feel is pain, then all you expect is pain.
04:08But what you feel now is not what you'll always have.
04:10Because if you've been equally hurting by everything your entire life and they never went away,
04:15you would still be feeling all the pain you ever felt, but you don't.
04:17And that's proof that your emotions are fleeting and the things that you went through won't
04:20hurt you as much anymore, but you just have to push through them.
04:24And that sucks.
04:25You know, I, yesterday I was tired, I was sad, but I just wanted to make another, you
04:29know, video.
04:30I wanted to have another live stream.
04:31I wanted to have another morning.
04:33Um, and it was almost all taken away from me.
04:36And now all of a sudden, I just hope for normal days again.
04:40And maybe that's what death does to our perspective.
04:42It puts a price on things that we normally get for free.
04:45You feel this not even with death, but with losing somebody.
04:48And I guess, sadly, that could be with death.
04:50How often do you miss something from somebody that was just small or stupid when they're
04:54not here anymore?
04:55How often do you hear your dad or parents tell a joke or story a hundred times, then they're
04:58dead or gone.
04:59And you can't hear it ever again.
05:01Dude, it sucks.
05:02It really does.
05:04So you shouldn't wait for the loss to appreciate things.
05:08Because if somebody told you that this was the last day you ever get to do any of it,
05:13suddenly everything would matter more.
05:17Life is so short.
05:19It sucks people go their whole life without realizing.
05:20So if you can take one thing away from this video, I hope that it's that.
05:25I do not want you to have to almost die to appreciate being alive.
05:33I don't want the only time to notice how much I want my future to be when somebody threatens
05:39to take my life away.
05:43And I definitely do not want to confuse having a terrible day with having a terrible life.
05:49Because yesterday was a terrible day.
05:52And that's different.
05:54Because sometimes I think that the pain that you're in makes that difference hard to see.
06:00Because a bad moment or a bad mindset or pain you're in will make you predict that that's
06:06how things will always be.
06:10If you feel miserable now, you feel like you'll be the same in the future.
06:13If you're lonely now, you feel like nobody will ever come.
06:16But your mind doesn't know that.
06:17Your mind is just guessing that.
06:20And yesterday before everything happened, I was sad about my life.
06:23And a few hours later, I was fighting to keep that exact same life alive.
06:26It's just fascinating.
06:28How much do we even know about our life?
06:30Yesterday morning, my mom called me worried because she thought something was wrong.
06:34She knew something was wrong.
06:35I almost died later.
06:36How does my mom know that?
06:37They say they have those mother instincts that know that.
06:40But how can science explain that?
06:42Just like you can't fully explain your brain so you don't understand it.
06:45I don't understand how my mom knew that I might die hours before it happened.
06:50I don't know.
06:50I've thought about it the last 20 hours, however long it's been.
06:55Every second of it.
06:56It's incredible.
06:57And there's so many incredible things that you don't know about your life.
07:00So many things that you will never know.
07:01But there are things that you don't know that you will find out later.
07:04And some of those will be so cool and so beautiful.
07:06You'll be so happy that you stayed.
07:09Because when I thought that it was all going to be taken away, I wanted to keep it badly.
07:14So next time that your brain tells you that there's nothing worth caring about it, use this.
07:20My story is evidence.
07:21Use the story about how I tried to take my own life on my 19th birthday and I didn't.
07:24And I was kept here for a reason.
07:25And my life is better now because of it.
07:27My life has been better.
07:28I've met many people.
07:29All these good things just like you will too.
07:31There's proof in your past about the times that you, can I go right here, have been hurting.
07:37But you stayed to fight another day and it ended up being okay in the future.
07:41So maybe tonight you can ask yourself a much smaller question.
07:44I guess I could have gone that way.
07:45I'm not sure.
07:46I've never been here before.
07:46If you knew you weren't getting tomorrow, what would you suddenly wish you had time for?
07:56Because whatever the answer is, is probably worth paying more attention to while you're still here.
08:03Don't wait till it's too late to do it.
08:05Don't wait to chase your dreams and tell somebody you love them.
08:09Enjoy life.
08:10Live your life.
08:11I'm out here live streaming from a different state every day.
08:13I'll tell you what, I'm not going back to Rhode Island after almost dying.
08:16But even though I almost died and it was probably the scariest thing I've ever seen.
08:21First, it taught me to be more careful.
08:24Obviously, that's a good thing in the long run.
08:25I won't be interacting with strangers like that ever again.
08:28But second, it taught me how short this is.
08:32Life is short.
08:33People had plans for tomorrow that died today.
08:36I'm not going to say that you're going to die tomorrow, but you're going to die one day.
08:40And you'll look back and wish you did so many things.
08:42You wish you said so many things.
08:43So stop letting your ego or your fear of failure or fear of embarrassment stop you.
08:48The only thing that is ever really stopping you is you.
08:53You do not want to say that you're going to die tomorrow.
08:55Look at me...
08:56Oh, sorry.
08:59Look at that.
09:00You're not going to die and so many things.
09:00Just click one thing.
09:00If you're going to die tomorrow, send Savannah, these city to sign them up,
09:00Just click one thing.
09:01Add Control Inst committees and night.
09:01Mm-hmm, there'll wait.
