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00:03roll your shirt up yourself and your bra unhook it can I leave it on no my name is Emily
00:13I've
00:14been in college for two weeks I've never had a boyfriend but my body started betraying me
00:22I started lactating so much that I have to secretly express it every three hours or
00:27else it gets painfully swollen and inflamed the physical activity in gym class made it worse
00:33I couldn't take it anymore I had to come to the campus clinic Emily right you made an appointment
00:40what seems to be the problem I told him what was happening I'd never exposed myself to anyone
00:46before let alone a stranger but I had no choice I need to examine you can you hamming can you
00:53lie
00:53down roll your shirt up yourself and your bra unhook it can I leave it on Emily in a doctor's
01:01eyes gender doesn't matter if every female patient thought like you there'd be no male doctors
01:10relax I'm just examining
01:16doctor please be gentle did I hurt you no just too sensitive
01:27ah Emily there's one thing I want to confirm about your condition what prolectin is a hormone
01:33secreted by the pituitary gland its imbalance can be related to the brain and the anodicron system
01:38your chest symptoms I need to rule out multiple directions including the pelvic region pelvic with
01:45my fingers to check internally if you're not comfortable we can try medication for two weeks
01:50first if the medication works maybe it won't be necessary I I'll take the medication a pelvic exam
01:58might be a bit much for you we'll leave it for next time remember to take your medication on time
02:02pick up your prescription at the front desk follow up in two weeks he said next time I didn't know
02:08back
02:08then that those words would become a red thread pulling me step by step into a place I couldn't turn
02:15back from two weeks the pills were almost gone but the situation wasn't fully resolved every morning
02:24I wake up still swollen and sore and the volume had decreased but that feeling was still there like
02:30something inside my body was waiting to be released
02:48hey finish the meds almost a few left but I feel how do you feel still swollen in the mornings
02:58not as much but it
03:00feels like it's stuck inside won't fully clear
03:07come in and let me take a look
03:16roll up your shirt let me see how you're doing
03:23doctor
03:24bear with it it's pretty and doffed here
03:31doctor is that enough the medication helps but it's not enough you need something more thorough
03:39more thorough
03:46what is that a medical breast pump more effective than manual expression using your hands only clears the
03:53surface the deeper glands remain blocked
03:57the pump creates sustained negative pressure drawing out the deeper congestion it helps clear the blocked ducts
04:04no you can't do this to me I came here for treatment not to be need treatment so you need
04:09this I came to get treated I'm not I can't use something like
04:14you're overthinking
04:14this is for you to use yourself I'm not going to touch you
04:17I'm a doctor
04:18I'm a doctor my job is to help you get better
04:20take it back follow the instructions come back for a checkup in two weeks
04:26until then
04:28I won't touch you
04:29he handed me the box and then he walked away
04:31the curtain opened he sat down outside
04:35I sat on the bed holding that box
04:37not knowing whether to thank him
04:39or be afraid of him
04:46used it?
04:47yeah the instructions were clear enough
04:50did it help?
04:52it helped
04:52mornings not as swelling
04:54but
04:55but what?
04:56after using it
04:57there's a really strange feeling
04:58like
04:59emptied out
05:00but my body is still waiting for something
05:02Emily it not just be a breast issue
05:04it might be
05:05related to emotions
05:06emotions?
05:07have you ever been in a relationship?
05:09ever liked anyone?
05:10no
05:10then maybe try
05:12thinking about
05:13why you have this condition
05:14prolactin is connected to the body
05:16and also to the mind
05:17when there's something inside you
05:19unexpressed
05:19your body will express it for you
05:21I don't have any
05:22take another course of medication
05:23combine it with the pump
05:24come back in two weeks
05:26and if you're willing
05:26I can do a more thorough examination
05:28ok
05:32you went to the clinic again today?
05:34follow up
05:36you're getting pretty close with him
05:38I walked past the clinic just now
05:40saw you two chatting
05:41he's my doctor
05:44of course
05:46what else could he be?
05:47I'm gonna take a shower
06:03you're still up?
06:05we've got class tomorrow morning
06:08going to sleep now
06:17what time did you end up sleeping last night?
06:19I didn't even hear you move
06:21not long after
06:22hey
06:23have you been going to the clinic lately?
06:26why?
06:27nothing just
06:27someone told me it looks bad
06:29always going to the clinic
06:30people might start talking
06:31I'm sick
06:32I'm getting treatment
06:33of course I believe you
06:34but you have to understand
06:35other people
06:36they see you going to the clinic everyday
06:37that good looking doctor
06:39they're bound to wonder
06:40if you're sleeping with him
06:41I know you're not of course
06:42but just be careful
06:43don't let people get the wrong idea
06:44nobody wants the doctor
06:45catching something from you
06:49hey
06:50you're finally back
06:51I thought you just moved into the clinic
06:53what do you mean?
06:54the whole school is talking
06:56you don't know?
06:58talking about what?
07:00you go to the clinic everyday
07:01that good looking doctor
07:02alone with you every time
07:03what do you think people are going to assume?
07:05I'm getting treatment
07:06I'm sick
07:06treatment?
07:07what kind of treatment takes every single day?
07:09you think we're stupid?
07:10whatever you've got
07:11keep it away from here
07:12this is a dorm
07:13not a quarantine ward
07:16what the hell is that actually?
07:19hormonic imbalance
07:20that's what the doctor said
07:22you better be telling the truth
07:24otherwise
07:25you know what happens
07:28I'm not lying
07:30I'm really getting treatment
07:34stay away from him
07:35you hear me?
07:38I didn't know where to go
07:40the clinic
07:41my doctor
07:42he was the only person I could trust
07:44but the people in my dorm
07:46they called me dirty
07:48what are you doing out here?
07:50come to the clinic with me
07:51let's get you dry first
07:52okay?
07:58change out of those wet clothes first
08:03I'm done
08:07sorry
08:08it just
08:09your emotions affect the condition too
08:12stress
08:13fear
08:13they can make the proletons spike
08:15it hurts
08:17the medication won't kick in fast enough
08:19let me help you clear it
08:20how
08:20how do you clear it?
08:22you know
08:22your condition is caused by hormonal imbalance
08:25to clear it
08:27you
08:28you need to relieve the desire
08:29ah!
08:31what happened?
08:32worse
08:33it got worse
08:36the more you hold it in
08:37the more your body fights you
08:40and you're binding it too tightly
08:41let it go
08:46let me massage it for you first
08:48his hands are so warm
08:49just like I imagined
08:51but when he said relieve
08:53did he mean
08:54that kind of thing?
08:55that's better
08:56but you still need to clear it
08:57otherwise the problem will get worse
09:00okay
09:09i'll wait outside
09:10take your time
09:11no rush
09:16i could never tell anyone
09:18that night
09:19behind that curtain
09:20holding that machine
09:24i was thinking about him
09:27unbuttoning his shirt
09:41holy shit
09:42what is that?
09:43is she sweating more than usual?
09:45her shirt
09:46it's soaked
09:47wait
09:48that's not sweat
09:49is it?
09:49as i ran out of the gym
09:50i could feel the stairs on my back
09:52i wasn't running away
09:53i was looking for a place to fall apart
09:55where no one could see
10:10i'm here
10:11i'm not leaving
10:13you don't have to do this
10:14i know
10:15but i choose to
10:17how long did you wait?
10:19i lost track
10:20why didn't you knock?
10:22because when you opened the door
10:23it meant you
10:24were ready
10:24i don't need to choose for you
10:26come find me during lunch tomorrow
10:27i have something to tell you
10:30okay
10:36okay
10:43close the door
10:45why did you pull the curtains?
10:47today i need to do a more thorough examination
10:50i might ask some questions
10:52you don't have to answer everything
10:54but you need to listen
10:55how have you been lately?
10:57still feeling that soreness in the mornings?
10:58yes, but not as bad as before
11:01it's just
11:02now
11:02it's not just mornings
11:04when my emotions get stirred up
11:06it happens then too
11:07like
11:08what kind of emotion?
11:13today i need to examine more thoroughly
11:15if you're willing
11:22the response here is stronger than before
11:24have you noticed?
11:25i...
11:26i can't control it
11:28you don't need to control it today
11:32why
11:33why are you so good to me?
11:38your condition is unusual
11:39it's a research interest of mine
11:41do you care this much about every case?
11:45what do you think?
11:46you have a scar on your neck
11:48a long time ago
11:49can i ask how you got it?
11:53next time, you've asked enough for today
12:05what are you looking at?
12:07nothing
12:08amber, if you have something to say
12:10say it to my face
12:12now you're scared?
12:13i'm not scared
12:15then why ask?
12:30jenna why are you doing this?
12:31that wasn't me
12:32i just reposted it
12:33you knew that photo was of me
12:35who did you share it with?
12:36you're my roommate
12:37so?
12:41hello
12:45where are you?
12:47laundry room
12:50don't hang up
12:53you don't have to come
12:55i'm already on my way
12:58why are you coming?
13:01what do you think?
13:03i don't know
13:05you do
13:10you came
13:12i came
13:14what if someone sees you?
13:16let them
13:17they'll talk about you
13:18i'm already in people's conversations
13:20one more won't make a difference
13:21if you walk me out like this
13:23people will talk about you too
13:25i told you i'm already in it
13:29aren't you scared?
13:30scared of what?
13:32what people think of you
13:34i only care about how my patient gets better
13:37is that true?
13:40no
13:41but i came
13:44you saw it didn't you?
13:47yeah
13:48how do you feel?
13:51like being stripped naked and left on the street
13:54do you hate them?
13:56not hate
13:56just tired
13:58then rest
13:59how?
14:00i still have class tomorrow
14:01still have to go back to the dorm
14:02still have to see them
14:03you don't need to think about tomorrow right now
14:05you just need to be here
14:07i'm scared
14:07that if i say what my body wants
14:09i won't be able to take it back
14:10you don't have to say all of it
14:11you just need to admit it exists
14:14then what?
14:16then we see what's next
14:22if it's done will i still be your patient?
14:24you answer me one question first
14:25did you come here because of the illness
14:26or because of something else?
14:28both
14:29same for me
14:30same for me
14:35tomorrow same time?
14:44the medication is gone
14:45you said you needed to do an exam
14:49today isn't just about an exam
14:51are you ready to face yourself?
14:53if i am then what?
14:55then you won't have to run anymore
15:00can i really stop?
15:03i don't know
15:05but you don't have to try alone
15:12your hand is shaking
15:15i know
15:19what are you afraid of?
15:21afraid you're not ready
15:22afraid i'm pushing too fast
15:24afraid you'll leave and not come back
15:26if i get better
15:27can i still come?
15:31now let's begin the exam
15:33the deepest level of examination
15:48will you stop?
15:49if you tell me to stop i'll stop
15:51what if i don't say it?
15:59i'm ready
16:07does it hurt?
16:11keep going
16:18are you ready?
16:19the deepest part?
16:20would i be here if i wasn't?
16:30is this the deepest level of the examination?
16:34the deepest level isn't about the body
16:36it's about whether you can let someone in
16:39what if i can?
16:44then you're already cured
16:54you don't need to deal with that tonight
16:58then what's the only thing i need to do tonight?
17:04only need to know you're not alone
17:09you sleep
17:10i'm here
17:11i'm here
17:33morning
17:33morning. You were here all night? You fell asleep. I wasn't sure if I should wake you.
17:45Did you sleep? No. Why? Afraid you'd wake up alone.
18:03I still have class today. I know. Can I not go? Yes. I can write you a sick note. Didn't
18:10you say
18:11you don't write notes for students without a real medical reason? Your reason is real.
18:33I can see who posted that thread you reposted. I didn't post it. I just reposted it. Who is it?
18:42I don't know. You do. Even if I did know, why would I tell you?
18:52Because you're the one who did something wrong.
18:57What did I do wrong? I just reposted something.
19:03When you shared it, you knew it would hurt me.
19:14You know full well you're sick. It's not some hormonal imbalance at all. You just refuse to
19:19admit it. Do you know who posted it? No. Really? You know? If you want my help, you have to
19:28tell me
19:28one thing. Are you actually sleeping with that doctor? No. Not sleeping together? Not sleeping.
19:34But he's saving me. Do you know who posted it? You do.
19:43This account. I've seen it. In Jenna's login history. You helped me do something I've wanted to do for a
19:48long time.
19:48You made that fake bitch show her true comfort.
19:56Are you showing me this so I'll confess or so I'll repent?
19:59I want to know why. Because you did nothing and someone still wanted to save you.
20:04Just delete the posts. I won't pursue anything else.
20:07What's the point of deleting them? The whole school already saw them.
20:09It's different. If you delete them,
20:11I took it back myself. If you don't, it's something you still owe me.
20:18Done. Thank you.
20:32I have a question for Dr. Ethan.
20:35There's been a thread circulating about a female student who visits the clinic frequently and is
20:39suspected of having a private condition. My question is, as a campus doctor, do you believe
20:43it's your duty to protect a student's privacy, even if their behavior on campus seems questionable?
20:49First, a student's medical records are legally protected private information.
20:53I am not required nor willing to disclose any student's health status to anyone.
20:57But since you asked, the word suspicious itself is more harmful than any disease.
21:01If a student visits the clinic frequently and her body is showing signs of something wrong,
21:04that's exactly the reason she comes here. She is doing the right thing.
21:07Her body is going through changes she can't explain on her own. She has the right to be
21:10confused. She has the right to be afraid. She has the right to seek help. And we have the
21:12obligation not to make her feel shame for asking for help while she's already sick.
21:18What you said up there, was that about me?
21:21What do you think?
21:22I don't know.
21:23I never lie. I just didn't say a name.
21:25You said it really well.
21:27Whether it was you or not doesn't matter. What matters is that the people who needed to hear it
21:31heard it.
21:37Up there today, were you nervous?
21:40Nervous, but you were sitting in the third row. I couldn't afford to miss speech.
21:44Why does me sitting there mean you can't miss speech?
21:46Because you were listening.
21:58Will I get better?
21:59Your condition is already improving. Not because it healed on its own, but because you're allowing
22:04yourself to heal.
22:05When I'm better, will you be the one who cured me?
22:08I'm the person who gets better with you. Not the one who cured you. The one who stayed.
22:20There's something I need to tell you.
22:21What?
22:22The day you first came to the clinic, I recognized you.
22:24You knew me?
22:26The day you enrolled, you got lost on campus. You grabbed a guy's sleeve and asked for directions.
22:30Do you remember?
22:30That person walking the dog was you?
22:33It was me. I didn't tell you. You could think I became you amputed off for no's. There was light
22:36in your eyes. But actually, I was afraid that if I told you, because back then I became a campus
22:39doctor for was light other reasons. But actually, I just wanted you to know the path you once got
22:42lost on. I remember it.
22:44Then why are you telling me now?
22:45Because you're not lost anymore today. A long time ago.
22:52I don't need you to tell me how it got there. You don't have to say.
22:55I'm going to class today.
22:57Okay.
22:58After class, I'll come back.
23:00Okay. I'll wait.