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00:00This family celebrates everyone's birthday.
00:04Everyone's but mine.
00:05Because my parents only love my twin siblings, Ethan and Chloe.
00:09They don't love me.
00:10When Ethan wants a birthday party,
00:12my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance.
00:17When it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags, the whole family goes.
00:21Mom even posts nine photos on Instagram.
00:24But on my birthday, this house always treats it like any other day.
00:28I thought turning 18 would be different.
00:31That morning, I got up early on purpose, put on light makeup,
00:35and sat on the living room couch to wait.
00:37Mom walked past me on her way out, carrying Chloe's dance bag.
00:42Heat up your own lunch.
00:43I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class.
00:46Dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard.
00:49Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park,
00:52and the two of them left soon after.
00:55At noon, I was the only one left in the house.
00:58I sent a message in the family group chat.
01:00I'm 18 today.
01:02No one replied.
01:04At seven that night, everybody came home.
01:06No one sang.
01:07No one felt like anything was missing.
01:10I was 18 now.
01:12At last, I could decide for myself where I wanted to go.
01:16Mallory, delete that message from the group chat.
01:19I almost missed Grandpa's voice message.
01:22Ethan didn't even look up.
01:24He tapped the edge of his plate, lightly with his dinner knife,
01:28signaling Mom to give him more ribs.
01:32I looked down at my phone.
01:34The message in the family chat,
01:36I'm 18 today, was still sitting there.
01:38No one had replied.
01:41Mom came over with a plate of garlic bread
01:43and set it in the middle of the table.
01:47All right.
01:49No phones at dinner.
01:51I looked at the food on the table.
01:54Ethan liked ribs.
01:55Chloe liked mac and cheese.
01:57Mom had made the salad for herself.
02:00Not a single dish was for me.
02:01I liked seafood.
02:04Grilled salmon was my favorite.
02:06I had said it so many times.
02:08No one in this family remembered.
02:12Dad, today...
02:14Dad set down his iced tea and glanced at me.
02:17The next second, he turned back to Ethan.
02:20How's your wrist from basketball this afternoon?
02:22Does the sprain still hurt?
02:24It's okay.
02:25Shoot.
02:26It aches a little when I shoot.
02:27I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow.
02:30My words died in midair.
02:32I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes.
02:36I turned the faucet on high.
02:40From the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet basics.
02:43Her toes landing against the floor one by one.
02:46Mom counted beats beside her.
02:48Ethan was playing Xbox in his room, shouting every few minutes.
02:51Dad was on the couch with his iPad.
02:54Everyone in this house had something of their own.
02:56Everyone had someone answering them.
03:00Except me.
03:02I stood in the kitchen, washing platelets and cups for five people.
03:07The water was loud.
03:09Loud enough that even if I cried, no one would hear.
03:12After the dishes, I went back to my room and shut the door.
03:15My phone lit up.
03:16It was a message in the class group chat.
03:18It was the only happy birthday I had received all day
03:21from a classmate I had known for less than a year.
03:23I replied, thank you.
03:25Then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back.
03:28After I turned six, Mom's camera had almost completely turned 20.
03:31Most of the photos were of them.
03:33I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one.
03:36It was from when I was nine and had entered the school speech contest.
03:40Mom had taken it from the audience.
03:42The photo was blurry.
03:44The photo was blurry.
03:44Only half my body was in it because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row,
03:49turning back toward the camera with a bright smile.
03:52I stood off stage in front of the microphone, my face barely visible.
03:57The phone screen dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection.
04:02Eighteen-year-old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning putting on makeup, waited all day,
04:07and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday.
04:10Mom's voice came from outside the door.
04:14Mallory, wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning.
04:18She has training at 8.30.
04:21Okay.
04:24Hey, sis, it's seven.
04:27Chloe had woken up on her own.
04:29She stood in my doorway in a pink leotard, her hair half-tied.
04:32I checked my phone.
04:346.53.
04:35My alarm hadn't even gone off.
04:37You got up by yourself?
04:39Yeah.
04:40I set an alarm.
04:42Mom told you to wake me, but I was afraid you didn't sleep well last night.
04:46She said it so casually, but the words still stung.
04:49She knew I hadn't slept well last night.
04:52I'll help you tie your hair.
04:55No, it's fine.
04:56I can do it.
04:59She turned and left.
05:02Chloe had always been like that with me.
05:05She wasn't cruel.
05:06She just wasn't close.
05:09She called me sis, but the word carried no weight.
05:13The twins had their own rhythm, and I had never been able to enter it.
05:17At breakfast, Mom was warming milk for Chloe.
05:21Ethan wasn't up yet.
05:23Mally, have you eaten?
05:25I have.
05:26I hadn't.
05:28She didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table.
05:31She just nodded.
05:32Chloe, did you pack your water bottle?
05:34It's hot today.
05:35Drink more water.
05:37I did.
05:39Mally, drive your sister there.
05:41She still doesn't know the stops near the training center.
05:43Chloe had been going to that training center for two years.
05:47Mom still said she didn't know the way.
05:50Okay.
05:51As we were leaving, Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway.
05:56Mom, what's for breakfast?
05:58I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table.
06:01A bagel and yogurt?
06:03Ethan's regular breakfast.
06:06No one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning.
06:08On the way to the training center, Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone.
06:14She wasn't trying to be cold.
06:17It just never occurred to her to talk to me.
06:22Sis?
06:23When she suddenly spoke, my palm tightened on the wheel.
06:27What?
06:29That message you sent in the group chat yesterday?
06:32Ethan told you to delete it?
06:34Yeah.
06:35Sarah.
06:36Did you?
06:39No.
06:40She nodded, then lowered her head to look at her phone again.
06:44I waited for a long time, waiting for her to say, happy birthday.
06:48She didn't.
06:50When we reached the training center, she unbuckled her seat belt.
06:53Sis, I'm here.
06:55Yeah.
06:56Train hard.
06:57Can you pick me up this afternoon?
06:58I finish at five.
06:59I have a study group this afternoon.
07:02That was a lie.
07:03I had nothing this afternoon.
07:05I just didn't want to go.
07:06Then I'll ask mom to pick me up.
07:08Okay.
07:09At 4.50 that afternoon, mom sent a message in the family group chat.
07:14Chloe finishes training at five.
07:16Who can pick her up?
07:17I'm in a meeting.
07:18I'm at a friend's house.
07:19Mallory?
07:20Aren't you free this afternoon?
07:22I looked at that message.
07:23She started with, who can pick her up?
07:25But in the end, it still landed on me.
07:27It's on your way anyway, right?
07:29Just go pick her up.
07:30It wasn't on my way at all.
07:31But in this family, my road was always on the way.
07:34My time was always free.
07:35I typed okay and sent it.
07:38Then I turned my phone face down on the desk.
07:42Suddenly, I wondered, what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay?
07:48If I turned off my phone, canceled my number, and disappeared too?
07:53Would they first panic because no one could pick up Chloe?
07:56Or would they think of me first?
07:58I knew the answer.
07:59When I picked Chloe up, her face was flushed from training and her hair was damp.
08:04Sis, I'm thirsty.
08:06Where's your water bottle?
08:07Finished it.
08:08I handed her the spare bottle of water in the car.
08:11Thanks, sis.
08:13On the way home, she soon fell asleep against the window.
08:16I adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold.
08:19She was the little princess everyone in the family revolved around.
08:21And most of the roads I had driven through this city had been for someone else, but not for much
08:25longer.
08:27Not long after, the school college counselor called me into her office.
08:31Mallory Hayes, I saw your awards record.
08:34Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias.
08:36That's impressive.
08:37Awards like that carry real weight.
08:39Which schools are you considering for early applications?
08:41I'm still looking.
08:42What do your parents think?
08:44I haven't told them yet.
08:46Something this important, and you're not discussing it with your family first?
08:49I want to look into it myself first.
08:51I knew that even if I told them, no one would take it seriously.
08:54On last month's mock examen, I ranked third in the entire grade.
08:57I took a photo of my report card and sent it to the family group chat.
09:00My third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very short while.
09:02All it got from mom was one sentence.
09:04Not bad.
09:05The next message was a video mom sent of Chloe dancing.
09:07That afternoon, when I got home, I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers on the
09:12coffee table.
09:13It said,
09:14Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Hayes.
09:16Your daughter, Mallory Hayes, has received an honorable mention in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad.
09:21Two months had passed.
09:22The envelope hadn't even been opened.
09:24It was tucked between bills and pizza curans.
09:26Completely forgotten.
09:27At dinner, mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt.
09:30My aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet.
09:32Mom said he had taken second place in the district, pride filling her voice.
09:36My aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition.
09:38Mom said she had won gold at regionals.
09:40And the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes.
09:44How's Mallory?
09:44She's applying to college soon too, right?
09:48She's doing fine.
09:50Third in my grade.
09:51A National Math Olympiac Award.
09:53In mom's mouth, all of it became doing fine.
09:55I sat at the dining table, still holding the award letter that had been forgotten for two months.
09:59No one asked how I had been lately.
10:01No one turned to me and said,
10:02Mallory, what about you?
10:03I went back to my room, opened my laptop,
10:05and started looking up colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds.
10:09In the end, I stopped at Carnegie Mellon.
10:11Hundreds of miles away from home, no one would remember me,
10:14only when they needed someone to pick up my sister.
10:16I opened the application page.
10:18My fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds,
10:21before I finally closed it.
10:23I decided to try one more time.
10:25If they still couldn't see me this time,
10:27I would leave.
10:29Completely.
10:33Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while.
10:37Give her your room and share with Chloe for now.
10:40Saturday morning, mom said it casually while changing shoes by the door.
10:44I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal.
10:46My spoon stopped in mid-air.
10:51Why my room?
10:53Your room gets the best natural light.
10:55Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately,
10:57and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her.
10:59Ethan's room has a window too.
11:01Your brother is a boy, Ashley is a girl.
11:02How could they share a room?
11:04Then let her stay with Chloe.
11:05Chloe needs space to stretch at night.
11:07Your room only has a bed and a desk.
11:09It's easy to clear out.
11:10How long is she staying?
11:11About half a month.
11:12Her summer program is over here.
11:13Okay.
11:13I didn't argue anymore.
11:15Experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless.
11:18That afternoon, Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases, smiling sweetly.
11:25Auntie?
11:26Uncle?
11:27You're here!
11:27You're here!
11:28Come in!
11:29Mom was so warm, as if an important guest had arrived.
11:33Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway.
11:38Auntie, can this bookshelf be moved out?
11:40I want to put a vanity mirror here.
11:43Of course.
11:44Mallory, move the bookshelf out.
11:47On my bookshelf were three years of notebooks, reference books, and a few certificates.
11:52It took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room.
11:56That night, I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room.
12:00Sis, why don't you sleep on the bed?
12:02I'll sleep on the floor.
12:04No, the floor is fine.
12:07Ashley is actually okay.
12:08Don't be upset.
12:11Ashley was never what upset me.
12:14What hurt was that in this house, I was always the one expected to give way.
12:20On the third day, I went back to my room to get review materials and opened the door to find
12:25Ashley flipping through my math competition notes.
12:27These are yours?
12:28Your handwriting is so neat.
12:30Yeah.
12:31Please put them back.
12:32I was just looking.
12:33You're way too protective of this stuff.
12:35She casually put the notebook back on the desk.
12:37I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing.
12:40There was a blue one on the desk.
12:42Where is it?
12:42I didn't touch it.
12:43I didn't see it.
12:44I searched for ten minutes and finally found it in the trash can.
12:48Half the cover had been torn off, and several pages inside were soaked with coffee.
12:52The writing blurred into smears.
12:53It was the problem solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year.
12:57Three years.
12:57I only had that one copy.
12:59Ashley, this?
13:01Oh, maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee.
13:03Just write another one.
13:03I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook, my hands shaking.
13:10I took the notebook back to Chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer.
13:17Where the writing was blurred, I slowly filled it back in with a pencil.
13:23I worked until one in the morning.
13:25The next morning, Ashley sat in my old seat, chatting happily with Mom.
13:29No one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark, or what had happened last night.
13:34And I no longer needed to wait for that one last time.
13:37From that day on, I began preparing to leave.
13:40Until the day I received my acceptance letter, I knew the time had come to leave this house.
13:44I packed my suitcase and bought a grey house ticket for the early dawn departure the next day.
13:49The destination was Pittsburgh.
13:50Then I walked to the door and placed my house key on the small entryway table.
13:54I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number.
13:58The screen went dark.
14:00The whole world suddenly became much quieter.
14:03I pulled my suitcase, opened the door, and closed it softly behind me.
14:12You're the lower bunk in 307, right?
14:15Yes.
14:16Name?
14:17Mallory Hates.
14:20Laundry room is on the first floor, all the way down on the right.
14:25You'll need to buy your own personal supplies.
14:28When I dragged my suitcase into 307, there were already two girls in the room.
14:33By the bed near the window, one girl was bent over making her bed.
14:38Hearing the sound, she looked up and smiled at me.
14:41Are you the new roommate?
14:43Which bed is yours?
14:45The one inside.
14:46I'm Sarah, chemical engineering.
14:49You?
14:50Mallory, applied math.
14:51I'm Mia, also math.
14:53Same major.
14:54She jumped straight down from the bed, padded over in slippers, and helped me lift my suitcase onto the bed.
15:02You brought so little.
15:03It's enough.
15:05I brought four suitcases.
15:07My mom insisted.
15:09Your family didn't come with you?
15:10No.
15:11I came by myself.
15:14Wow.
15:15You're seriously independent.
15:17I came by myself, too.
15:20My parents are in Alaska.
15:23It's just too far.
15:26I didn't explain.
15:29My home wasn't far.
15:32They just had no idea I was here.
15:38The first week of school was busy.
15:40Check-in, course selection, learning my way around, opening a new bank account, updating every account I had.
15:49I registered all my social accounts with my new number.
15:54My profile picture was blank.
15:56My friend list had only my roommates and advisor.
16:02So clean, there was only was... almost nothing there.
16:06Hey.
16:07Mia was the kind of person who could talk to anyone, anywhere.
16:10It's a rest doing first things.
16:12Okay.
16:13Hayler?
16:14By the third day, she knew every girl on the floor.
16:16Hey, Sarah.
16:17By the fifth, she was having meals with upper classes from next door.
16:25Mallory, coming or not?
16:26A new burrito place open next to the cafeteria.
16:30Uh, you guys go.
16:32I still have things to organize.
16:34What exactly did you pack in that suitcase?
16:38She leaned over, and I raised a hand to block her.
16:46It wasn't treasure.
16:48It wasn't treasure.
16:48Just the notebook that had been soaked in coffee.
16:54I was still recopying it page by page, filling back in the blurred formulas and ideas.
17:02In the second week of school, the math modeling club began recruiting, and I signed up.
17:09During the interview, an upperclassman flipped my application form and stopped at the awards section.
17:15National Math Olympic honorable mention? You got that in high school?
17:19Yeah.
17:21Who was your coach?
17:22I didn't have one. I mostly studied on my own. He looked up at me.
17:27You're in. First meeting is next Wednesday. The time will be posted in the group.
17:35When I walked out of the club room, someone was running in the hallway.
17:39People were laughing on the grass outside, and in the distance came the sound of a ball hitting the metal
17:44fence.
17:46No one here told me to wash dishes. No one asked me to pick anyone up.
17:50And no one assumed I would reply with okay.
17:54At first, that kind of quiet felt unfamiliar. Like something heavy had suddenly been lifted off shooed my body, and
18:00I still instinctively searched for Ananit.
18:05Back in the dorm, Mia was lying on her bed scrolling through going her phone, when she suddenly looked up.
18:13Mallory, why does your phone never ring? Does no one text you?
18:20I just changed numbers. I haven't added many people.
18:25Come on, give me your Instagram. I'll add you to the major group chat.
18:30I hesitated, then handed her my phone. New account, new name, nothing posted yet.
18:39Why is there nothing on your profile?
18:44I don't post much.
18:50Mysterious.
18:52Fine.
18:54Another day, I'll take you to a few places I really like.
18:59I leaned back against my pillow. My phone screen, still lit.
19:09Had that home far away in Chicago realized I was gone by now?
19:14Maybe they had. Maybe they still hadn't.
19:18I turned my phone face down.
19:21It didn't matter anymore.
19:27Maui, I don't understand this part. Come explain it.
19:34At the modeling club meeting, the president, Von Cross, projected my report on the screen and tapped one of the
19:41pages.
19:44For the third step of data cleaning, I used Quantelt trimming.
19:48If we use standard standard deviation directly here, it amplifies the outlayers.
19:54Wait, why not use standard deviation?
19:57The sample size isn't large.
20:00Wouldn't the Quantent method have a higher error rate?
20:02The sample distribution is skeered.
20:05I ran two control groups.
20:07The results are on page seven of the appendix.
20:10He turned to page seven, looked at it for a while, and said nothing else.
20:16Good. Next item. Team list for the October Campus Data Challenge.
20:21After the meeting, he called me back.
20:24Mallory, did you sign up?
20:29Yes. Individual division.
20:32You don't want a team?
20:35I haven't found one.
20:39Then team up with Logan and me.
20:41Three-person teams get a bigger prize payout.
20:45And we need someone who can handle our data really D-well.
20:49I looked at him.
20:53Von Cross, president of the Math Modeling Club.
20:57A junior.
20:59Someone everyone assumed would stay here for grad school.
21:06He was inviting me, a freshman, onto his team.
21:12Okay.
21:16Then, I'll make a group chat.
21:18As soon as the prompt comes out, we discuss.
21:21On the way back to the dorm, Mia walked beside me, practically buzzing with excitement.
21:26Oh my god, Von actually asked you to team up.
21:29Do you know how many people wanted to work with him last semester?
21:34He just needed someone to handle data.
21:37There are plenty of people in the club who can handle data.
21:41I think he values you.
21:43Don't make things up.
21:45I've observed him.
21:47He always looks at your reports longer than anyone else's.
21:53Because they're long.
21:56You're so boring.
21:59In early October, the contest prompt was released.
22:04Three days and two nights.
22:06Barely any sleep.
22:09We stayed in a library discussion room almost the entire time.
22:14Logan built the model framework.
22:16Von handled the paper structure.
22:18And I handled data processing and programming.
22:23At three in the morning, Logan fell asleep on the table.
22:28Von pushed a cup of coffee toward me and sat across from me.
22:33You did this kind of thing in high school?
22:37Yeah.
22:38Your school didn't have a teacher coaching you?
22:42There was one, but most of the time I relied on myself.
22:48He nodded and didn't keep asking.
22:51I liked that.
22:53People here didn't chase you down asking why.
22:59They cared more about what you could produce.
23:03The next afternoon, we submitted the paper.
23:13A week later, the results came out.
23:15First prize.
23:17$4,000.
23:19My share was a little over $1,300.
23:22Added to my earnings from tutoring at the Math Center, I finally had $5,000 in my account.
23:27On the day of the awards ceremony, Von posted a photo of the three of us on Instagram, along with
23:33the certificate.
23:35The caption was simple.
23:38Good teammates.
23:39Next stop state.
23:41I reposted it to my own profile.
23:44It was the first thing I posted on my new account.
23:49Finally, proof you're not a robot.
23:53Within an hour, there were more than a dozen likes and several congratulations.
23:58All from people I had only recently met.
24:03Not one of them was named Hayes.
24:07Congrats.
24:08Dinner's on you tonight.
24:12That night, the three of us roommates went to a burger place near the school gate.
24:22To Mallory, the freshman who won first prize in the campus competition.
24:29Seriously?
24:30You're amazing.
24:31We haven't even figured out our classes this semester.
24:36I lowered my head and took a sip of Coke.
24:40For the first time in 18 years, people had raised a cup specifically to celebrate something I had done.
24:45Not mentioned in passing.
24:48Not tucked behind someone else.
24:50Because of me.
24:51Mallory.
24:55Mallory.
24:56Someone's asking on the school forum if you're single.
25:00Mia shoved her phone right in front of my face.
25:04On the screen was an anonymous post.
25:06The title read,
25:09Who's that applied math freshman who won first prize in the campus competition?
25:13She's so cool.
25:17There were already more than 30 replies underneath.
25:21Some people recognized my name.
25:23Some said they had seen me.
25:25And some were guessing which dorm I lived in.
25:28Which classroom I went to.
25:30You're getting famous.
25:34I'm not.
25:36It's just one post.
25:40Look at this one.
25:42Someone said they saw you in the library.
25:43White t-shirt.
25:44Ponytail.
25:45Looked hard to approach.
25:46But completely different when you smiled.
25:49Eat your food.
25:51In November, the state competition arrived.
25:53We revised the model three times.
25:56Scrapped two directions.
25:57And spent many nights in the same discussion room.
26:01On the final night, we barely slept at all.
26:05After the paper was submitted, everyone breathed out.
26:09In early December, the results came out.
26:12Second prize.
26:13So close to first.
26:17Logan sent that in the group chat.
26:25After a while, he messaged me privately.
26:37I stared at the words winter break for a few seconds.
26:43Mia and Sarah were already booking flights.
26:48One was going back to Atlanta.
26:50The other to Anchorage.
26:52Mally, what about you?
26:54When are you going home?
26:57Home.
26:59The words sounded empty now.
27:02I'm not.
27:05Not even for Christmas?
27:08No.
27:09The school lets us apply to stay over break.
27:12I have things to do.
27:19Then be careful by yourself.
27:22I'll video call you on Christmas.
27:26Okay.
27:31Campus during winter breakfic was very quiet.
27:36Only one floor of the library was open.
27:41The cafeteria kept just one pickup window running.
27:46Many rooms in the dorm building were dark, and the occasional footsteps in the hallway sounded especially clear.
27:52My days were simple.
27:54I got up at seven in the morning and went to the library to read materials.
28:09At noon, I ate in the cafeteria.
28:14In the afternoon, I wrote code, ran data, and organized papers and case studies for next year's competition.
28:31At night, I went back to the dorm and sorted through what I had done that day.
28:35Vaughn would send materials to the group chat and occasionally drop a voice message.
28:39Mallory, send me that data cleaning script of yours.
28:44Got it. You're seriously efficient.
28:47Everyone else is having fun over break and you're like a machine.
28:50Thanks.
28:52That wasn't an insult.
28:53Forget it. I was complimenting you.
28:57On Christmas Eve, the cafeteria pickup window was hung with a few strings of small red lights.
29:03Not many stood stayed behind.
29:05Seven or eight of us sat scattered around eating the holiday dinner the school had prepared.
29:10The dishes were simple.
29:12Mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables, bread, and a piece of grilled salmon.
29:16I looked at the fish and my hand paused.
29:20Then I picked up a piece and put it in my mouth.
29:24It was tender and the flavor was just right.
29:28Suddenly, I felt like crying.
29:33In 18 years, I had never eaten fish at my own family's holiday table.
29:40Because Ethan didn't like it.
29:42He said it smelled too fishy and was too much trouble.
29:48Mom always said it would be a waste to cook a whole fish if I was the only one eating
29:55it.
29:58Today, there was fish here.
30:01It hadn't been made especially for me.
30:05But if I wanted it, I could eat it.
30:10No one said it was a waste.
30:12No one told me to make do.
30:16My phone rang.
30:18It was a FaceTime call from Mia.
30:20When I answered, she was curled up on the sofa at home, a lit fireplace behind her.
30:27Malady! Merry Christmas!
30:30Did you eat?
30:33I did.
30:35What did you have?
30:40Grilled salmon.
30:42Nice!
30:44I'm eating turkey at my mom's and I'm already sick of it.
30:52After we hung up,
30:55I took out my phone and photographed that piece of fish from a moment ago.
31:05I didn't post it on Instagram.
31:08I just saved it to my MyAlbum.
31:15It was the first holiday photo that belonged entirely to me.
31:24Mallory Hayes, come in for a minute.
31:28On the first day of the new semester,
31:30my advisor called me from the office doorway.
31:34I thought it was about course selection,
31:38but after I walked in,
31:41I saw my student file on the desk.
31:45Have you been out of contact with your family all winter break?
31:49Yes.
31:50Your family contacted the school.
31:54After months, they had finally remembered to look for me.
31:59Your father called.
32:01He asked whether you were studying here and whether you were safe.
32:07Under Ferba, the school did not give him your personal information.
32:11We only confirmed that you are registered and on campus.
32:15He left his contact information.
32:18Do you want to call him back?
32:21No.
32:25Mallory.
32:28I'm an adult.
32:31I can decide who I do or don't contact.
32:35They know I'm safe.
32:37That's enough.
32:42All right.
32:43If you need to talk about anything, come see me.
32:49Anytime.
32:52I walked out of the office and stood for a while at the stairwell landing.
33:01It had taken them this long to start looking for me.
33:08Not the first day I left.
33:11Maybe it was only when they needed me to appear for something that they realized I was truly gone.
33:22Malorie!
33:24Guess what?
33:25That paper you submitted over winter break?
33:27What about it?
33:28It's posted on the college bulletin board.
33:30Vaughn's and your paper got accepted by a really solid peer-reviewed journal.
33:35We had rushed it out in the last two weeks of winter break.
33:38Vaughn built the framework and I completed the data and derivtions.
33:42When we submitted it, neither of us had much hope.
33:46Really?
33:47Of course it's real.
33:49Come on, let's go see.
33:53I followed her down to the bulletin board outside the college building.
33:57The paper title was printed on a white meat sheet with two names underneath.
34:02Vaughn Crofts, Malorieux Hayes.
34:05Mia stood beside me, practically vibrating with excitement.
34:08Publishing a paper as a freshman?
34:10Do you know how insane that is?
34:11Some juniors in our major still haven't even gotten close.
34:14A few passing students also came over to look.
34:18Someone recognized me, curiosity in their eyes.
34:23That afternoon, Vaughn asked to meet me in the library.
34:32He stood by a third floor window, holding a printed acceptance notice.
34:41Congratulations.
34:45Congratulations.
34:46Congratulations.
34:46Congratulations to you, too.
34:49Don't be so formal.
34:52Keep this.
34:53Keep this.
34:54It'll be useful when you apply to grad school later.
35:01I took it.
35:04The paper was light.
35:07Light.
35:09But...
35:10It felt cleanser solid in my hands.
35:16In the first month of sophomore year, at the math department orientation, the department chair read my name from the
35:22stage.
35:23Mallory Hayes.
35:25Her team's modeling project will represent our department in this year's undergraduate mathematical modeling competition.
35:31In a lecture hall of more than 300 people, I sat slightly toward the back, near the middle.
35:37A lot of people in the front rows turned to look at me.
35:40Some recognized me and gave me a thumbs up.
35:43Others quietly asked the person beside them who I was.
35:46After the meeting, the department chair called me over.
35:49The data is very solid.
35:51This year, the judges are placing more weight on applied problems.
35:56Your team has an advantage.
35:59Thank you, professor.
36:01The school will provide funding.
36:04If you get a good result, it will help a lot with graduate applications later.
36:11I understand.
36:13When I came out of the office building, I saw someone standing at the end of the hallway.
36:18Not Mia.
36:20Not Vaughn.
36:21Ethan.
36:23He was a little thinner and much taller, standing there with his head lowered over his phone.
36:29When he heard footsteps, he looked up.
36:32Sis.
36:33It was the first time he had ever called me that.
36:36I stopped and said, nothing.
36:39Mom asked me to come see you.
36:42You've seen me.
36:45She wants you to come home for a visit.
36:50I'm not going.
36:52Sis.
36:53Things are different at home now.
36:56That has nothing to do with me.
37:00How could it have nothing to do with you?
37:03You're part of the family, too.
37:07I looked at him.
37:12The 16-year-old boy in front of me wore expensive sneakers and a new watch on his wrist.
37:20Last summer, he had taken $500 from the family's shared account.
37:25Everyone suspected me first.
37:28No one stood up and said, maybe it wasn't Malawi.
37:31He didn't either.
37:34Ethan, how did you find me?
37:38I saw on your department website that the new semester orientation was in this building.
37:43I took the train last night.
37:45Mom wanted to come herself, but Chloe has nationals next month, so...
37:50He stopped there.
37:51Because even he heard it.
37:53It was still the same.
37:55Mom wanted to come find me, but Chloe had a competition.
37:59So Mom didn't come.
38:01A year had passed and the logic hadn't changed at all.
38:05I was still behind my sister.
38:08I see.
38:13Sis.
38:14Sis.
38:16Can you add yourself back to the family group chat?
38:19Mom waits in there every day, hoping you'll say something.
38:24That group has nothing to do with me anymore.
38:29Go back and tell her I'm doing well.
38:32Stop looking for me.
38:34But you're my sister.
38:36I was your sister for 18 years.
38:42In those 18 years, this family never gave me anything extra because I was your sister.
38:49I was your sister when the dishes needed washing.
38:52I was your sister when Chloe needed picking up.
38:55I was your sister when something went something wrong and I was the first one blamed.
39:01Now I don't want to be.
39:04His lips moved.
39:06And after a long time, he finally forced out one sentence.
39:13I'm sorry.
39:17You were young then too.
39:20This isn't only your fault.
39:22But go back and tell Mom and Dad not to call the school again and not to send anyone to
39:27find me.
39:28I'm not missing.
39:29I just left your lives.
39:31Just like when you planned vacations before, you never counted me in.
39:35You knew about that?
39:36I knew.
39:37Four tickets to Hawaii without my name on any of them during the week of my birthday.
39:44He stood there completely speechless.
39:48I turned and walked away.
39:50No footsteps followed me from behind.
39:53As I walked out of the teaching building, my phone vibrated.
39:59Is the data done running?
40:01Discussion tonight.
40:04It's done.
40:06See you at the library at 8.
40:09Then I put my phone into my pocket and looked up at the sky.
40:15The sky in Pittsburgh was much cleaner than Chicago's.
40:25Mallory, first place.
40:28Vaughn stood in the discussion room looking at the results on his phone and read those words first.
40:34First!
40:35National first!
40:37I lowered my head and looked at the published list.
40:40Mallory Hayes, Carnegie Melton University, first prize in the National Graduate Mathematical Modeling Competition.
40:48That night, the college treated us to dinner at a restaurant off campus.
40:52The department chair came to and said a lot of congratulatory things.
40:58Vaughn sat beside me and lightly tapped his glass against mine.
41:04What's your plan next? Masters or apply straight for a PhD?
41:11Maybe Masters first.
41:13I'm already looking at a few labs.
41:15My advisor wants to meet you.
41:19His group happens to need someone.
41:21Want me to introduce you?
41:27Yes.
41:30Stop thanking me all the time.
41:33If you keep this up, I'm going to start charging a consulting fee.
41:44When we left the restaurant, the night wind was a little cool.
41:49The leaves on the trees by the road had already half turned yellow.
41:53Mia linked her arm through mine and walked ahead of me.
41:57Malogy, when you get famous one day, you can't forget me.
42:02You're so annoying.
42:03No, I'm not!
42:11I'm your first friend in college.
42:13Your success story has to include me.
42:18Fine.
42:19I'll save you a spot.
42:23We talked as we walked back toward campus.
42:27As we passed the school gate, I saw someone sitting on the bench beside the security booth.
42:32It was my mom.
42:35She wore a dark gray down jacket, her scarf wrapped tightly around her, a travel thermos in her hands.
42:42Chloe wasn't beside her.
42:44Ethan wasn't there.
42:46Dad wasn't there either.
42:48She had come alone.
42:49Mia looked at her, then looked at me.
42:51Do you know her?
42:54You guys go back first.
42:56Then I'll wait for you at the dorm.
43:00I walked over and stopped at the other end of the bench.
43:11Mallory.
43:12Yeah?
43:14You've lost weight.
43:16I'm fine.
43:19I came to see you.
43:21What about Chloe's competition?
43:25It's over. It ended last week.
43:28So she still waited until things were finished on my sister's side before she came.
43:31I wasn't surprised at all.
43:34Mom, you don't need to come.
43:36I'm doing well.
43:38I know.
43:41I saw the school news.
43:44First prize at nationals for modeling.
43:49I'm so proud of you.
43:53Proud.
43:54I had waited 18 years for that word.
43:57Now that it had finally come, I no longer needed it.
44:02Mom, go home.
44:05Malie.
44:07I know you didn't do it on purpose.
44:10And I know you love me.
44:12But I was always last.
44:16You remember Ethan doesn't eat cilantro.
44:19You remember Chloe can't handle spicy food.
44:22You'll change an entire menu for them.
44:25Do you remember what I'm allergic to?
44:28I've been allergic to shellfish since I was eight.
44:32It's fine if you don't remember.
44:34Because whenever the family made garlic shrimp, you only ever said,
44:39Malorie can just not eat it.
44:41I'm sorry.
44:42I failed you.
44:44I don't hate you.
44:45I mean, it.
44:47I just don't want to go back anymore.
44:50Even if I did, nothing would change.
44:53You would still think of them first and me after.
44:56When someone asked about me, you would still only say,
44:58she's doing fine.
45:00That was my place in that family.
45:02The wind was strong, blowing her scarf crooked.
45:07But she seemed not to feel it.
45:10But here is different.
45:13Here, people know what I can do.
45:16They see what I've done.
45:19I don't have to wait in line for someone to notice me.
45:23She lowered her head, crying so hard she couldn't say a word.
45:31After a long time, she finally asked,
45:35Then in the future, can I come see you once?
45:46In a...
45:50Yes.
45:52But come alone.
45:54Don't bring anyone else.
45:59I turned and walked toward the dorm.
46:03After a few steps, she called my name behind me.
46:09Mallory, you like fish.
46:11Her voice was very soft, but...
46:14The wind still carried it to my ears.
46:18You like grilled salmon, don't you?
46:21I didn't answer.
46:25I kept walking, forward.
46:32But the corner of my mouth still moved slightly.
46:36The dorm building was lit up.
46:40Mallory!
46:41I saved you hot cocoa!
46:44Coming!
46:46I looked up, and answered her.
46:49I pushed,
46:51opened the dorm building door,
46:55and...
46:57Warmth rushed over my face.
47:06At the end of end of the hallway...
47:11The light...
47:12In 307...
47:14Was on.
47:16On the door...
47:18Was the nameplate.
47:20Mia had made a few days ago...
47:23Three names written quickly across Kivitt.
47:29The one in the very middle...
47:31The one in the very middle...
47:32Was mine.
47:34Mallory.
47:37It was written there carefully.
47:40Remembered.
47:42In a place that truly belonged to me.