00:00Like damn, I am horting me right now and I wish that I had a Corona boyfriend.
00:04Hey guys, my name is Serena Kerrigan.
00:06People know me as the Queen of Confidence, self-proclaimed, of course.
00:10And today I'm here with Refinery29 to talk to you about dating during quarantine.
00:16Yeah.
00:16About a month ago, New York City, there was rumblings of maybe a shelter in place.
00:21It was before we really started quarantining.
00:23I was like, okay, I just need a Corona boyfriend.
00:25What is a Corona boyfriend?
00:26I'm so glad that you asked.
00:28A Corona boyfriend is someone that you wouldn't maybe date in, you know, normal times or maybe
00:34it was a fling of yours that kind of fizzled out, but now you could shack up with them for
00:41a little bit.
00:41It's someone that under normal circumstances, you probably wouldn't date, but desperate times
00:46called for desperate measures.
00:47My plan was to get a Corona boyfriend a couple of days before quarantine and then bam, I was
00:53set.
00:54So that didn't really happen.
00:56And I found myself getting very anxious, which I think a lot of people could probably relate
01:01to.
01:02My roommate left.
01:03I'm alone in my apartment in New York City.
01:05My parents are out of town.
01:07And I was like, oh my goodness, wait, like, okay, like, you know how I always said I don't
01:11want a boyfriend?
01:11Like right now, I think I do.
01:12And I was also upset.
01:14It wasn't even that I was feeling alone and I was upset.
01:16I was also upset that I was upset about feeling alone.
01:19And I decided to do a little investigating and I spoke to a psychologist.
01:22I spoke to a cultural anthropologist and I spoke to my friends and other people and I wanted
01:27to know what their opinions were about dating in quarantine or how they felt about being
01:33single or how they even felt about being in a relationship or why are human beings, what
01:37do we need to feel mentally okay and stable during a time like this that's kind of crazy?
01:42The information I got was this, that human beings rely on three things for their mental
01:46health and well-being.
01:47It's connectedness, competency, and control.
01:50Obviously, we've lost our control here, which is why we're like reordering our cabinets 500
01:55million times.
01:56We've lost our feelings of competency, which is why we're obviously like Zooming everyone.
02:01We're trying to continue work, school, whatever with Zoom.
02:03And the connectedness, I think that a lot of people are on the dating apps or they want
02:09that feeling.
02:10We're trying to find that intimacy through something else and it's incredible that in
02:14the US and for those that are privileged are able to have the technology to continue to have
02:19those interactions.
02:20As I thought about this, I realized that my feelings of anxiety about being single and
02:26alone were completely normal and almost expected, but what was I going to do about it?
02:31Was I just going to spiral and be really upset or was I going to be proactive about, okay,
02:38I'm feeling this way.
02:39I have control.
02:40How can I change what I'm feeling?
02:42So what I started to do was I just started to produce a lot of content and the more I
02:46started to make more content and really talk about what I was feeling, I realized that it
02:51was becoming really clear that many people were feeling how I was feeling.
02:54So I decided to date and not in the traditional sense, but I created my own dating show called
03:01Let's F'ing Date with SFK.
03:03It's 8.30 PM Eastern time every Friday on my Instagram live and I literally go on a blind
03:08date with a random guy that my followers set me up with.
03:11That's awesome.
03:12Where are you from?
03:13Columbia originally.
03:14It is exhilarating.
03:16It's electrifying and it's really mortifying at the same time.
03:20Do you believe like texting or like ghosting someone?
03:24If you guys know of any suitable bachelors, please DM me on Instagram so I can, you know,
03:29I'm very open-minded.
03:30So I think that instead of seeing, you know, this experience as something that's like,
03:34oh my God, I wish I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
03:37Oh, try to just see it as like, this is a fun time for experimentation.
03:39And I'm going to tell you why it's actually a great time to start dating.
03:43For one, we are all very anxious and we're feeling lonely.
03:47Many of us are so we're more likely to become more creative in terms of how we're going to
03:53suit those anxieties.
03:54Also, when a catastrophe like this happens, you tend to assess what you do and don't have.
03:58And from that, you tend to make decisions faster.
04:01So when I spoke to this amazing cultural anthropologist, Helen Fisher, Dr. Helen Fisher,
04:06she told me that there's going to be a lot more divorces and a lot more marriages and
04:09a lot more babies.
04:10You're forced to think, okay, like this is scary.
04:13This is a life or death situation.
04:15You know, a lot of people are losing their jobs.
04:16A lot of people can't, you know, afford their rent or have loved ones that are in the hospital
04:21or are sick or dying.
04:22So a moment like this in history, you really evaluate what is important to me.
04:27Tomorrow isn't promised.
04:28So I need to live to the fullest now and make concrete decisions about my life.
04:33A great reason to go on dating apps is this.
04:36One, no money.
04:37Money's off the table, right?
04:38Like you don't have to worry about splitting the bill, what place you're going to eat.
04:42In fact, logistics in general, you can FaceTime right from your couch.
04:46Number two, sex.
04:47I think that sometimes when you want to date with someone, you don't know if they're there
04:50for the right reasons or you don't want to walk ashamed in the morning.
04:53Except it's not a walk of shame, ladies and gentlemen.
04:55It is a stride of pride.
04:56Another reason it's a great time to date is the novelty of this experience, how it's new
05:00for everyone and how it's impacting everyone.
05:02So you might be more likely to overlook things that you wouldn't have wanted in the past.
05:08Like his height or her hair color or silly frivolous things that actually don't matter.
05:13Because at the end of the day, what matters in a relationship as coming from a relationship
05:16expert herself, who's been single for quite a while, is that the most fundamental thing
05:21about a relationship is communication.
05:23Something else to point out is I find that sometimes these apps and video chat dates,
05:28which are all the rage, they're kind of also an equalizer.
05:31Like when you're on a date, sometimes you know that you don't like the person.
05:34So you're like, eh, but I have to stay for another drink.
05:37Now it's like, I'm just going to leave.
05:39You have more time and you have more freedom.
05:43And if you don't like something, you can press N.
05:45It is harder in some ways too, but I think that you should take advantage of the fact
05:48if you are single to just be open-minded and have some fun.
05:51Or don't.
05:52I mean, you could just also do TikToks.
05:54I have to say, in the beginning, I was stressed the F out that I didn't have a Corona boyfriend.
06:01And now I'm starting to realize that if I had to share a space with a singular person
06:06for a couple months, I look back now and I really do think this is the best thing that
06:11happened to me.
06:11But not just because like that person would probably kill me by the end of this, but
06:15because it really made me focus on my work.
06:19It made me focus on my audience, on building my brand, on becoming creative, on really
06:24focusing on me.
06:25This sounds so cliche, but at the end of the day, the only person you meet in this world
06:28is yourself.
06:29You have to learn how to love yourself and accept yourself and be happy with just yourself.
06:35So when it comes to your health, do not take any risks.
06:38Stay inside, wash your hands, sanitize everything, and also offer help to those in need.
06:42Make sure to call your loved ones, your grandparents, your neighbors, and any essential workers that
06:48are working hard right now.
06:49But when it comes to your love life, why not take a risk?
06:52But do not contact your ex.
06:53Under any circumstances, do not.
06:55I don't care that it's a pandemic.
06:56Don't do it.
06:56Don't.
