- 5 years ago
Therapy Thursday: He Cheated, She Still Checks His Phone Because It's Password Protected!
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00:00Therapy Thursday is how we get down every Thursday just to talk it out and work it out.
00:04Now, everybody got a little problem sometimes.
00:07Maybe somebody needs to be heard.
00:09That's where Dr. Davi steps in.
00:10He ready.
00:11That's where Meredith M.D. steps in.
00:13What's going on?
00:13And if you got a little problem that's a little bit more extensive, Orlando BGYN can handle it for you.
00:17All right?
00:18We have all of the doctors for your queries.
00:20So any question you got, 808-429-0941, we could take a little shot at it.
00:26Now, we ain't brilliant, but collectively, we all right.
00:29We try.
00:29Yeah, that's on our flyer, actually.
00:32We get a brochure put together.
00:33It's like, we ain't brilliant, but we all right.
00:35So what we got?
00:35So we got some parenting issues going on right now at the 813.
00:39It says, I'm heading to pick up my college freshman from FSU.
00:44He isn't at home.
00:44When he isn't at home, my 16-year-old sleeps in his room so he doesn't have to share with his younger brother.
00:50Therefore, when my oldest son comes home, the 16-year-old gets kicked out of his room, and it's causing huge issues in the family.
00:57First of all, the 16-year-old doesn't even want his brother to come home since it means something bad for him.
01:04I don't know how to handle this situation.
01:06Please help.
01:06Well, the college kid doesn't live there anymore.
01:08You're in college.
01:09Wait, no.
01:10What, no?
01:10He does?
01:11Wait, Meredith.
01:12No.
01:12Yes, he does live there.
01:13When I moved out, that was not my room anymore, and that is the 16-year-old's room.
01:18No, but it's not.
01:19Yes, it is.
01:20That's where he lives now.
01:21It's my room.
01:21I still, when I go to college, I'm still your kid.
01:24I never said you weren't a part of the family anymore.
01:26That's my room.
01:27I have other kids.
01:28We need to, and they are growing up, and they need their own space.
01:31So I get up the couch?
01:32Not necessarily.
01:33I'm sure we can figure something out.
01:34Oh, that's cold.
01:36But I don't, maybe, I mean, listen, they're going to have to share.
01:40I mean, they can definitely share the room.
01:41I don't think the 16-year-old should be just kicked out of his room that he's always in
01:45all the time.
01:45That's not necessarily fair.
01:46They should be able to learn how to share the room, because we are a family, and I'm
01:50coming home from college, and this is just how it is.
01:52It's the holidays.
01:54It's wise to have a conversation with the older and say, hey, they're younger, so you
02:00might need to be a little bit more kind.
02:02Yeah.
02:02Or be a little bit more understanding.
02:04Now, I don't like how you worded it.
02:06Like, once you go to college, you're gone.
02:08Like, it's like, because, I mean, you're 18.
02:10You come home.
02:11You got to go.
02:12You're not as independent as coming home on your own.
02:15She's going to pick them up.
02:16I understand that.
02:17So you're still a kid.
02:18I'm not saving your whole entire room when we have multiple other kids in our household
02:23that need a room that doesn't make any sense.
02:25I'm going to save my room.
02:26I kind of agree with Meredith.
02:27It sounds like they're, like, pressed for space.
02:29Share a room.
02:30And the person that's there not full-time is the college boy.
02:33So that shouldn't be his room full-time.
02:35And it's not fair to the 16-year-old at all.
02:37I will say Dobby is down with that because his mama still has his room intact.
02:41With the Tupac poster up.
02:42With the Tupac poster that's still up.
02:45Dobby ain't come back to that room.
02:47She's like, it might happen.
02:49I'll send y'all the picture when I go over there for Christmas.
02:52You've been saying that for, like, five years.
02:54Exactly.
02:54Exactly.
02:54All right.
02:57This says, Dr. Dobby.
02:58Email him.
02:59It says, two kids with me and two kids with my wife.
03:02And our blended family has been UFC for months.
03:07A 14-year-old that is mine and a 15-year-old that is hers have been physically fighting.
03:13We've all been in the same house for nine months now.
03:16And we've had three explosive fights between these two.
03:19Any advice on how you can get through to these kids that we are a family now?
03:25You know what?
03:25It sounds very separated.
03:28These two are his.
03:29These ones are mine.
03:31He was giving you the lay of the land.
03:33I understand.
03:33But I think we have to kind of get into the notion that everybody's everybody's.
03:38We're all one family.
03:39We're all under one roof.
03:41With young boys, there are going to be little fights and stuff.
03:44He didn't specify exactly which kids.
03:47I don't think it's as big a deal for the kids as it might be for the parents.
03:52You see your kids fighting.
03:54You're like, oh, my God, this is the worst thing ever.
03:55Where the kids, they can kind of get over it a little quicker.
03:58I think you've got to put your foot down, put the hammer down.
04:01Hammer time.
04:02It's got to be hammer time.
04:04And we have to end this one.
04:06These are his.
04:07These are mine.
04:08These are hers.
04:09Everybody belongs to the same family.
04:11And you've got to have to learn to get along.
04:12Yeah, you have that talk about it.
04:14I told my daughters I don't like fighting in the house and I don't like how they talk to each other because they talk a little sassy to each other.
04:20So I've had to step in and be like, hey, I don't like how you're talking to your sister.
04:24You're talking to her like she's a stranger.
04:25So I think if you keep reiterating the fact of family, maybe take them out with them and let them have a talk in front of you without all of the drama.
04:32Because you said you've got two kids and two kids and these two kids are fighting.
04:36So there's other two kids that are probably hyping it up.
04:38So take them out of the circle and, you know, go out there or maybe put the gloves on.
04:43Craig.
04:46Just teach them about fam.
04:47And, you know, I guarantee you at some point they're going to have each other's back.
04:50But right now it's new.
04:52Nine months.
04:52That's, you know, your blended family is hard to do.
04:54So maybe nine months might be a little too early.
04:57But let them spend, you know, a Christmas or something together and get that right.
05:00Yes.
05:00All right.
05:01I got one here.
05:02It wasn't really phrased as a question, more of a statement.
05:05But I think there's a question in here somewhere.
05:07All right.
05:07It says this is for everybody.
05:09Your partner keeps a lock on their phone so you think they're hiding something.
05:13Yes, they have been caught cheating in the past.
05:15Yes, I have been caught going through their phone because they have been caught cheating before.
05:21What do we do?
05:22So this is a cycle and it needs to be broken.
05:25Okay.
05:26How do we break it?
05:27Stop looking.
05:29That's hard.
05:30The looker would say.
05:31Stop putting a password on your phone.
05:33Okay.
05:34So.
05:35All right.
05:36I'm confused.
05:36So no password on the phone and then maybe I will feel like I can trust you a little bit
05:42more.
05:42When you have a lock.
05:43I'm not talking if you got small kids because then you got to have a password on your phone.
05:46If you're just a regular person and you got a password on your phone and you're living
05:48with your significant other and you've been caught cheating, there's really no reason
05:52for you to keep a password.
05:54If you.
05:54We've talked about this before and I don't know if this person heard it.
05:57If you've been caught cheating, like if you've been caught in doing a crime, there's a penance.
06:02There's a penalty.
06:04There's something that you got to pay.
06:06Yeah.
06:06And if you've been caught and they took you back, there might be rules to you coming
06:10back.
06:10Like, hey, unlock your phone.
06:12I'm not going to look at it all the time.
06:14But when I am feeling a little sensitive, I kind of want to glance at it.
06:17I'm not going to go through all your stuff, but you know, like let's, let's just, you
06:21know, what do they do?
06:22Like a bunk check.
06:23Yeah.
06:23They do in jail when they come through and they're like looking for contraband.
06:26Yes.
06:27Let them come through and look for some contraband.
06:28Flip that mattress up.
06:29Flip the mattress up.
06:30Let me look under your gums.
06:32Let me look all into your toilet bowl.
06:33Make sure you ain't making no wine.
06:34Spread them and cough.
06:35Spread them and cough.
06:36Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:38Yeah.
06:38I mean, you got to do certain things when you caught.
06:40Now, the thing is, don't cheat.
06:42Don't get caught.
06:43And then, yeah, now you can have a different conversation.
06:46Like, yo, I don't really appreciate you treating me like this, but if you've shown me you have
06:50some flaws and I'm trying to deal with them, help my soul a little bit.
06:54It's never going to work if you both don't start working together on your relationship.
06:58He has to concede and then she'll feel better and she has to concede and stop checking the
07:02phone so much eventually.
07:03Atop the Toy Drive Tower, 2907 North Del Mabry, doing it all for the Children's Home Network.
07:08All right, we got your therapy Thursday.
07:10We got some follow back here.
07:11A lot of y'all been texting in about the room situation with the college boy coming home
07:16and trying to unseat the 16-year-old.
07:19And I think he said it best.
07:20The chain of command is his gone.
07:22It's his room now.
07:24Ralph just said it and a lot of people are agreeing that he got to pull up some couch.
07:29Yeah, they think it's not fair at all that the 16-year-old has to basically have two rooms
07:33and not even have to share rooms.
07:36You're kicking him out altogether.
07:37It's ridiculous.
07:38And you know what?
07:38The college kid probably doesn't care that much.
07:40No.
07:41Nah.
07:41I mean, but, you know, he kind of does.
07:44He really just want to upset the 16-year-old.
07:47Also, the password situation.
07:49Davi, you have an iPhone.
07:50Yes.
07:51Do you use Apple Pay?
07:52Yeah, I have Apple Pay.
07:53Apparently.
07:54Not apparently.
07:56Apparently.
07:57This person says, so do you have to use your password lock because you have Apple Pay?
08:02Because I'm thinking that's probably what excuse he's using.
08:04Oh, damn.
08:05Damn.
08:05Tell the truth because, you know, Therapy Thursday, we shoot straight no chaser.
08:08Do you have to have your phone locked when you got that Apple Pay?
08:11You do not.
08:12You don't?
08:13No.
08:13I don't have a password on my phone.
08:15Yeah.
08:15And I have Apple Pay.
08:16Yeah.
08:17See that?
08:17That was capped.
08:18And y'all look at that example.
08:20Davi and his girl, happy household.
08:22No password.
08:24When you come home and see your girl scrolling through your phone?
08:26Ain't a big deal.
08:27Nah.
08:28See?
08:28It's never happened.
08:29That's what I was about to say.
08:30It's never happened.
08:30It's never happened.
08:31But that's what I'm saying.
08:31It's never happened because happy house ain't got no problems.
08:33Exactly.
08:34There you go.
08:35All right.
08:35So we helping you out here.
08:36But go home and say, hey, that's cap.
08:39Davi said you capping right now.
08:41I got one for you.
08:42Capping these.
08:43I'm head over heels in love with a married man.
08:47I'm married too.
08:48There's no happy ending here.
08:50My head knows this.
08:51My heart doesn't.
08:52How do I control these toxic feelings?
08:54I really need your help.
08:55I can't avoid seeing him.
08:56There's no choice because I have to see him three to four times a week.
09:00Oh.
09:01You started something you can't finish unless you hurt people.
09:04Oh.
09:05Basically.
09:06Ouch.
09:06You started something that you shouldn't have started.
09:09And now you've gotten emotional.
09:12And that messes things up even worse.
09:14So now you've got to bust up two families on a what if.
09:19Because honestly, y'all ain't together right now.
09:21And you talk my head over heels in love.
09:23You don't know how you're going to act once y'all get under the same roof.
09:25Yeah.
09:26Once you start eating the same meatloaf and same old Ritz crackers, it ain't going to be sexy no more.
09:31So do you want to tear up two households on a what if?
09:34No.
09:34I don't think you shouldn't.
09:35Don't.
09:35I say cut this off.
09:37You told yourself at the beginning that you weren't going to fall for this man.
09:41And you did.
09:42Yep.
09:42You told yourself that it wasn't going to get ugly and you were going to be able to cut it off.
09:46And you can't.
09:47Tell it.
09:47You need to go back to when you first made this big bad decision.
09:52Number one.
09:52To mess with this married man.
09:54You told yourself all these things.
09:55And now you have to practice it.
09:57Go on, girl.
09:57Because you don't mess up two families.
10:00There's somebody in this situation that's going to get hurt.
10:03And maybe it's easiest for everybody if that person is you.
10:06Yeah.
10:06And just cut it off yourself where you say, I need to see this man.
10:11No, you don't.
10:11You want to see this man.
10:12Yeah.
10:12You can say no.
10:14You can say no.
10:14You have that capability every single time.
10:16This is a choice you are making on a daily basis.
10:19And how about this?
10:19You're learning one thing from the freaks.
10:21The difference between wants and needs.
10:23You want that man because it's different.
10:25It's fun.
10:26It's taboo.
10:26You don't need that man.
10:28What you need to do is fix your household because it's cheaper to keep him.
10:31And it's cheaper to keep him.
10:33So don't bust up.
10:34Don't worry about everybody's household.
10:36We're talking about yours.
10:37You're going to mess up your household on a what if.
10:39And I guarantee you it ain't going to be that sexy when you get there.
10:42That's true.
10:42All right.
10:42Let's see here.
10:43It says, help all doctors.
10:45I'm hoping you can answer this because I'm going to video the response and share it with my daughter this afternoon.
10:51That's a lot of pressure.
10:52She's not.
10:54Davi's like, oh, let me let me sit in my smart seat.
10:57This is quick.
10:58She's 19 and her boyfriend is putting pressure on her for the relationship to take the next step.
11:04We've always been open in our conversations, but I can see my comments not ringing through the way they used to like they did in high school.
11:12So I'll try anything for my baby girl.
11:15So I'm trying to record you guys.
11:16And hopefully this gets in front of you so you could tell her what you think.
11:23Okay.
11:24A no builds a lot of respect.
11:28If you tell that boy no and stick with your guns, a no ain't that bad.
11:34Right.
11:35Davi went through a no.
11:36I've been through many no's.
11:37I was talking about the one with the good relationship.
11:40It kind of started with some no.
11:42Right.
11:43Right.
11:43No is not a bad thing.
11:45Pressure.
11:46If he loves you, that pressure is going to lighten up.
11:49He's a boy.
11:50So he has to ask.
11:52Understand that.
11:52Don't fault him for asking.
11:55But your no has to be respected.
11:57Your no has to be like, you know, if you're contemplating it, sure.
12:02And talk to your mother because your mother has been there for you.
12:05Now you're in, you know, not, I guess she said high school, you were listening to her.
12:09But now in college, you know, it's kind of not ringing true.
12:12Your mom is still going to be the person who's looking out for you the most.
12:15You just have more influence now with a whole bunch of more friends now.
12:18But still, your mom is always the plug that is going to give you the good.
12:22So if you want to make that decision and make that move, talk to your mom and work your way through it.
12:28But I think a no is definitely respected.
12:30I think that's great advice for the daughter.
12:32For one second, I'd like to talk to the mom.
12:34I know this is for the daughter.
12:35But mom, she's 19.
12:37Your advice is going to start to weigh a little bit less than it has.
12:42Because at 19, sometimes you have to learn things the hard way.
12:46You have to go through that heartache and you have to learn from your own mistakes.
12:50Hearing advice from other people is all well and good.
12:54But sometimes we have to learn it the hard way, unfortunately.
12:56And that's kind of the path that it sounds like she's walking down a little bit.
13:00Just be there for her when she comes back to you, especially.
13:03Because you know what?
13:03There's going to come a day where she's like, Mom, I should have listened to you.
13:05Mom, you're right.
13:07And you know what?
13:08It may hurt a little bit, but it also makes you feel good because you're just trying to be a good parent.
13:12I don't like y'all answers because y'all answers sound like she's coming back with fingerprints on her.
13:16Like, it sounds like y'all just gave her to the streets.
13:20It happens that way.
13:20Like, Mama trying to keep her off the streets.
13:22Y'all just kind of gave her a room in the streets.
13:24She also needs to live her life at the same time.
13:26Not at 19.
13:27You didn't make some mistakes ever growing up and not listen to your dad or mom.
13:30That's exactly why I'm supposed to point them out for this girl and for my daughters and for your daughters and all that.
13:35Nah.
13:35Nah.
13:36That boy, any boy asking somebody at 19 something, ask me again when I'm 21.
13:40There was a quote that my dad used to tell me all the time.
13:44Oh, do it.
13:44It was an old man quote, but it went something like, when I was 20 years old, I was surprised by how little my parents knew.
13:52When I was 30 years old, I was surprised by how much they had learned.
13:55And I think this is one of those situations.
13:57Yeah.
13:58That's that old man wisdom right there.
13:59That's that old man play right there.
14:01Ba-bam.
14:01Damn.
14:02He dropped the mic right there.
14:05The mic has been dropped.
14:08You know you came from this brilliance right here.
14:11You know that.
14:11I feel like you need this audio to send your dad.
14:13Dad, you rubbed off of me.
14:15Dad, listen here.
14:16I used your quote on my show.
14:18On your radio program?
14:19Yep.
14:21We do a radio show to everybody but Navi's dad.
14:24He's like, so your radio program, what did you discuss today?
14:29All right.
14:30Therapy Thursday is a wrap.
14:31Y'all know what we do.
14:32We'll come back and talk a little bit more about the Toy Drive Tower and how you can help us.
14:36All right.
14:36Hold on.
14:37It's Wild 94.
14:37All right.