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00:00Okay, so we left our previous video on the topic of how love is what fights
00:22Selfishness and more selfishness is ultimately what ends up destroying our marriage.
00:29Our lives, our society, everything, absolutely everything. Selfishness will separate us because the same thing...
00:37Selfishness is all about me, me, me, for myself, with myself, etc. And really, when we get married, we're going to
00:46To form a relationship where a new person, called "us," will appear. In this way
00:55It's not my house, my family, my car, my money, my, my, my, no. It's not your house, your family, no.
01:08It is, now something called "us" appears. From now on it will be our house, our children,
01:15Our money, our vacations, our families. In other words, we're becoming part of a new family.
01:24who also becomes part of my family, and I also become part of the family
01:30of him or her. So, this "us" is the one that has to remain. In this little model you're seeing.
01:41Right now, you're going to see how the theme of "us" comes up. That is, it's a "you" and an "I" that are going to come together.
01:50But there's a force pulling them apart. That is, selfishness tries to separate us. If you look closely, the "we," if I stretch out the "you" and the "I,"
02:02Because the "we" becomes very small and easily broken. The bigger the "we" becomes,
02:14Well, it will be even harder. What do couples end up having from us? Nothing. It's no longer our house because it's your house.
02:24Because you paid for it, or I paid for it. My car. I mean, nowadays, since many people even get married with prenuptial agreements,
02:30It's not like they're protecting some nonsense, or whatever. The truth is, what they're doing is protecting themselves.
02:37To maintain myself. It's my house, it's my car, it's my accounts, it's my time, it's my friends.
02:47Where is that leading? It's leading to a breakdown. Why? Because selfishness is stretching them apart.
02:55And each time, the "we" gets thinner, thinner, thinner,
03:00Until, in a strong sense of self, that's as far as it went. I mean, love, right? As we see, I mean,
03:13What will love do? Love, far from separating us and destroying us,
03:20He's going to push it, he's going to keep pushing the relationship in such a way that little by little,
03:29As I share my life, my things, my family, my time,
03:37And as I share it with another person, I create an increasingly stronger "us."
03:44Love pushes and forms a strong "us," which is, well, very difficult.
03:54It is practically impossible for it to break, because there are no longer two, as the scripture says,
04:02but there is only one, and that one is precisely the us.
04:07However, today, as we saw, our entire culture, our entire culture is pushing,
04:15Precisely, towards what? It is pushing towards this separation, towards selfishness.
04:24And this situation in the world is truly terrible.
04:29This situation of selfishness is what leads, therefore, to the failure of the marriage, to divorce.
04:35Today, according to some statistics we have, out of every 10 couples who get married,
04:43Only 2, sometimes 3, are happy at the end of life.
04:51The failure of a marriage is not always divorce; it's that we failed, we got divorced.
04:58There are many failed relationships.
04:59In other words, failure is when we stop loving each other, when we stop being happy in marriage.
05:07Because I'm getting married to be happy.
05:10And the most terrible thing is that many of them fail in the first years of marriage.
05:16The vast majority of these 8 will fail; therefore, 3 to 4 of them will fail before the fifth year.
05:28particularly between the first and second year.
05:31They come from poorly executed relationships, they come from superficial relationships,
05:36They stem from a lack of capacity to create the "we," to give of oneself,
05:42Because their love is not sustained by God, their love is sustained because she is very pretty.
05:48Because he looks really good because of this, but honestly, a lot of things are totally fragile.
05:53And in the early years, they thunder.
05:58After that, there seems to be a short period of stability.
06:01and another group will fail around age 15.
06:06Why? Because that's when the teenagers leave.
06:09There are other kinds of problems in the house.
06:14And finally, after 25.
06:16Because?
06:17Because suddenly I find myself living with someone I don't know,
06:24I don't know who he is.
06:26We have lived parallel lives.
06:28Little by little, the fact that they both work today, the fact that they are always both working,
06:33what will create parallel lives.
06:38Like when I get my vacation, well, they don't get it.
06:42Well then, I'll go with my friends.
06:45So, how do we coordinate vacations?
06:48Sometimes it's complicated, isn't it?
06:50And we also like to go with our buddies and they like to go with their friends, etc.
06:54And little by little, without really noticing, we create that separation,
07:00that division that will gradually end up destroying the relationship.
07:05That's how they fail.
07:07Imagine you reach 25 years of marriage, but you are not happy.
07:14You're not enjoying it.
07:15You enjoy spending time with your friends more, you enjoy your work more,
07:18You enjoy other things more, but you no longer enjoy being with her or him.
07:22Your marriage failed.
07:25You were not happy.
07:27We got married to be happy, always.
07:29And I find that with her, with him, I'm going to be an extremely good person,
07:33It makes me very happy.
07:35Some people are made to laugh by others.
07:38It makes me laugh so much.
07:39It's really fun.
07:40It's, no, at parties, it's great.
07:45You get married for that.
07:46No, man, buy yourself a book of short stories.
07:49I watch joke shows.
07:52You get married to be happy with the person you choose.
07:57This person is going to make me happy, and I'm going to try to make them happy too.
08:04That's it, that's it, this is the idea of marriage.
08:09To become happy.
08:10However, the world, as we saw at the beginning, does not only encourage selfishness,
08:18but little by little it also pushes towards this separation, towards divorce.
08:23They're making it simpler and easier all the time.
08:27So, look at this, the express divorce.
08:33Alright, while it's still hot, don't worry, we'll finish this in two or three kicks.
08:39In other words, no, we're no longer thinking about a lifelong situation.
08:49We're thinking about having a good time right now.
08:52And well, if it doesn't work out, then I'll get a divorce.
08:54And then another, and another, and another.
08:57And when we divorced, this part, says this writer Satir,
09:06He says that a divorce is the destruction of a society.
09:12When you get divorced, that part of "us" is never recovered.
09:18And sometimes that "us," which was lost, right?, in the divorce,
09:23It deeply damages my inner life.
09:27In other words, it's not a contract, it's not going to a judge and making a contract there.
09:32We're going to live together and have a good time,
09:35We're going to go to bed together and all that, right?
09:39No, it's something much more.
09:42Therefore, the source cannot be outside.
09:47It has to come from within and it has to be stronger than my selfishness.
09:52stronger than my sin.
09:53Because otherwise, we have express divorces.
09:58Moreover, this image that I present to you.
10:01The text says, liberation is just a step away.
10:05Look at the term he's using, liberation.
10:09Please, get me out of here, free me, I can't take it anymore.
10:13Can you imagine yourself saying that in five years, or maybe less?
10:22Please get me out of here.
10:24I can't stand the person you have there next to you.
10:28You say you love him with all your heart, with all your strength.
10:32That you would be willing to live, coexist, and share everything with him.
10:36And in two or three years, I would be saying, please free me, get me out of here.
10:43Look, I already worked this year, I already retired from the ecclesiastical court.
10:51I was dealing with the issue of marriage annulment cases.
10:55I worked there for 30 years, 33 years to be exact.
10:58And, well, I saw all kinds of cases, but I only want to tell you about some very emblematic ones.
11:10That they have, well, touched me deeply.
11:16And so you can see how a marriage starts well, or seemingly starts well.
11:23And how it can end in less time than we imagine.
11:27The first cases I want to tell you about are these first two cases that I'm going to tell you about.
11:35I saw them myself, I wasn't told about them.
11:38The first case I saw was a couple getting married.
11:43They dated for about two years.
11:47They never had sexual relations during their courtship.
11:51They got married.
11:52Their wedding, I don't know if it was at Anciro or Lambazo, because that's how I have an image of the center, where they got married.
12:01And it turns out that, well, they also held the wedding and the post-wedding celebration there.
12:05And the hotel, as they often do, shared the package, lent them a room, so they could rest or do whatever they wanted.
12:13So, the time came for them to leave, they were going on their honeymoon.
12:19They were going to be taken to the airport, so they were told to get in and change.
12:21Well, you know, with the wedding dress and all that, so they could get into character clothes, ready to leave.
12:28Well, says the bride, who is the one promoting the annulment in her libel, which is the writing where they narrate a little bit of all their stories.
12:42She says that as soon as they entered the room, her now husband, right?, well, he hugged her, started kissing her, kissing her, kissing her and all that, and then, wanting to take off her dress, right?
12:56And she would say to him, wait, wait, right now, well, let's go to the moon and honeymoon.
13:00He, as if he didn't hear, became increasingly obsessed, until finally he practically forcibly removed her dress.
13:09She says in her libel, "I felt like I was being raped."
13:14Her own husband, yes?
13:17He was, well, I don't know if he'd had too many drinks, or if he was already obsessed with getting married so he could have sex.
13:26He finally had them, without her being lubricated or prepared, and he hurt her.
13:33Obviously, she left the room traumatized.
13:35Throughout the entire honeymoon, it was a failure.
13:40They never had sex again.
13:44They returned and the marriage was already completely destroyed.
13:49They went to live at the house for a week and the following week they returned to their own home.
13:53The marriage is over.
13:54Two weeks, the week of the honeymoon, and one week at home.
14:04That's all the marriage lasted.
14:06Why is it called selfishness?
14:08He didn't think about the other one.
14:11He wasn't interested if the other one...
14:13No no.
14:13What he wanted at that moment was to have a sexual relationship that perhaps he had never had before.
14:19And now he had his wife there to have.
14:24Second case.
14:25These guys, also two years and a bit of marriage.
14:32They worked for a company together; that's where they met.
14:36And they had a really great courtship.
14:39This case, the first case I'm telling you about, I didn't know about it myself, but only through the documents.
14:45In that second case that I'm going to tell you about, that's where I met the promoter, who was also a girl.
14:51And when he arrived, there were some things that weren't clear to me.
14:57So I summoned this girl to my office, there at the parish.
15:02And when she arrives, oh, Carlitos!
15:07A very pretty girl, like, really pretty, beautiful.
15:12So, it's not possible that she got divorced?
15:14So, what happened there, huh?
15:16So, I'll start interviewing her now, right?
15:19He says, no, but father, this was terrible.
15:23I had to go to therapy because I couldn't believe this had happened to me.
15:32They get married, he goes to Mexico City, he is moved to Mexico City.
15:38And then she ends up here and says, "I've planned my wedding!"
15:41No, no, father, a beautiful wedding.
15:44Money gave me everything I needed.
15:45They were upper middle class, so the kids were doing well, right?
15:48And a beautiful wedding.
15:54We got married, honeymoon, wow! What can I tell you, Father? Beautiful.
16:00We returned to Monterrey for our things, then we went to Mexico City.
16:04The first two or three weeks were great, he was very attentive, he would come home, do this, do that, really cool.
16:09But suddenly he started arriving later.
16:15And there I was, all alone in Mexico, right? And well, anyone who knows Mexico knows that everyone lived in apartments; people there live relatively isolated, right?
16:26In other words, they're very fearful; people don't spend much time together in apartments, right?
16:32Then she felt alone.
16:34And then he started telling her, "Hey, well, no, it's just that there was a lot of work and he went and came back."
16:39And each time it got a little longer.
16:41So, suddenly it was 10, 10:30, 11 at night, and she started complaining to him, as is natural, right?
16:52The turning point came on one occasion, that is, about two months had passed, more or less,
16:59And then she, checking the credit card statement, right?, found some charges from nightclubs, that is, from Mexico.
17:14In other words, it's not a brothel or anything like that.
17:16It's the place where people go to have a few drinks and, well, to see a variety of things, a singer, this and that, right?
17:22And then, well, obviously he demanded, well, where's your job, right?
17:25So, you're going out with your friends here to have a drink and do this and that?
17:30Or yes, or no.
17:31In short, the matter was shortened for them.
17:34The thing is, this boy gradually drifted further and further away.
17:39The time came when he stopped showing up, even on some weekends.
17:43until she finally said to him, "You know what?"
17:45I'm going back to Monterrey because, well, I live alone here.
17:49It doesn't seem like you care about me.
17:50So, whenever you want, you know where you can find me, there at my parents' house.
17:56And he returned.
17:57They were together for two or three months, and then she came back.
18:02What was behind all of this?
18:05In other words, now we also read the testimonies of the other participants,
18:09because the boy also participated in the process,
18:12Well, it turns out that when he arrives in Mexico, he finds himself in a good position at the company.
18:18and she starts hanging out with people who are either single or divorced.
18:23that they had a life, I mean, a whole life, right?
18:26From roughly the same social position, they earned very well.
18:30So, during the four or five months before the wedding,
18:34Well, he started to become very friendly with them.
18:36And they were going to have a drink to see the singer, to this, to that,
18:39because they had the means to spend it.
18:42She liked this guy, she started dating him now, she's getting married.
18:44And then, well, they keep inviting him.
18:46Hey, let's go see this one.
18:47Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
18:50This friend even bought his own motorcycle,
18:52to go out with friends,
18:53He went to live, for a time, at the home of one of them,
18:57who has a house in Tequesquitengo, anyway.
19:00He liked the single life,
19:01a rich man's life,
19:03a life with people who had other opportunities
19:06and abandons the woman.
19:11The marriage is over.
19:14You realize that your selfishness
19:19may, at a given moment,
19:23to make an intrusion into your married life
19:25and end it,
19:28in periods as short as these.
19:31We need to realize
19:37that within us
19:39There is this force that destroys us.
19:42Oh well,
19:43We'll continue in our next video.
19:45to complete our training
19:48in this, which is very important,
19:51the need for God in our married life.
19:54See you in a moment.
20:01Thank you!