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Lerin Gaines
I Co-Signed Out of Love & Now I'm Paying For It | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 67)

"Where Everyday Conversations Lead to Financial Awareness"

Featuring: Wisdom Wednesday, Mentorship Series

Wednesday | November 4th, 2026

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Song of The Day: "You Owe Me" by Nas Featuring Ginuwine
Released 1999 | Nastradamus

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When you agree to carry a financial responsibility for someone else, have you prepared for the possibility that you may be the one left carrying the bill?

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411 PODCAST
DISC 6: Vitality
Track 67: I Co-Signed Out of Love & Now I'm Paying For It
©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

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Learning
Transcript
03:28Connect across all social media platforms at Laryngains.
03:32We are broadcasting live on Facebook, YouTube, Kik, Twitch, X, and Dailymotion.
03:41Text your thoughts anytime to our official hotline at 609-200-1098.
03:48So grab your journal, open your mind, and prepare to go beyond the surface.
03:54Here, we don't just talk, we transform lives.
03:56And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and financial coach, Laren Gaines.
04:17Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome on in.
04:20Welcome to the 411 podcast, where everyday conversations lead to financial awareness.
04:27I want to say a very special thank you to everybody out there who is listening, especially when you're making
04:35this part of your morning routine.
04:36I definitely want to say thank you so much.
04:39I see you all out there and definitely do appreciate you.
04:43The best thing that you can do is please hit that like button, please subscribe, please tag a friend, text
04:50a friend, and invite them into the 411 podcast.
04:53Without each and every one of you out there listening, this would not be possible.
04:58So thank you so much for the ride, thank you so much for the journey, and we're just getting started.
05:04So please go ahead and support the movement.
05:08I want to give a very special shout out to Queen Dawn Spirit and Marcus.
05:12Thank you so much for inviting me into the financial freedom.
05:15I definitely do appreciate you all for that.
05:20Miss Shawnee B, thank you so much for inviting me.
05:25Last week, we had such a great conversation.
05:28Speaking about financial abuse.
05:31So for those of you out there listening, if you know anybody who might be experiencing something like that, go
05:39ahead and head over to Shawnee B.
05:42Shawnee says she's on Instagram.
05:45Check out my Instagram page and you can find a way to navigate towards her area as well.
05:50But definitely did have a great conversation with her last week as well.
05:55So we're here, episode 67.
06:00I co-signed out of love, and now I'm paying for it.
06:05That's going to be a good one.
06:08We are on Spotify.
06:11I'm just naming a couple places where we're at.
06:15Spotify.
06:18Amazon Music.
06:21Pandora.
06:23XM Radio.
06:25Deezer.
06:27I don't know if I said iHeartRadio.
06:32YouTube Music.
06:36Just to name a few.
06:37I'm trying to figure out some of these right off the top, and I'm drawing a blank.
06:42But wherever you listen to your major podcasts, we should be there too.
06:48And if we are not there, please feel free.
06:51Shoot me a DM.
06:53You can text me.
06:54You can email me, and we'll try to get the pod.
06:58Actually, let me take that back.
06:59We ain't going to try.
07:00But we will do what we need to do to get the podcast on the network.
07:04I feel like I got a lot to speak about today.
07:08I'm not sure what direction we're going to go in, but I got a lot to speak about.
07:13And I just slipped up almost and said the word try.
07:16And I caught myself.
07:18And I was explaining to somebody today the few words that we do not use here on the 411 Podcast.
07:24So I'm all about accountability and holding people accountable as I do to financial coaching.
07:30But we also can hold each other accountable here on the 411 Podcast.
07:35So when we say the words try, when we say the words maybe, when we say the word hope, those
07:44three right there right off the top, whenever they come up, we're just going to do a game over straight
07:49up.
07:51Because we don't use those words here.
07:53So I'm just so random tonight for some reason.
07:58I want to give a very special thank you to my executive producer.
08:01I want to thank God for giving me the strength, the courage, the wisdom, the understanding to continue to do
08:07it through it all.
08:09The ups and downs, the mistakes that I made along this journey to coming full circle, to giving me the
08:14knowledge, the understanding exactly what my purpose is.
08:19Without him, without the process, without going through all of this, the ups and downs, twists and turns, left and
08:26right, I would not be here doing this.
08:29I know what the mission is.
08:32I know what the plan is.
08:33And I'm thankful that I have it.
08:35Because there are some people out there that they don't know which direction they're going in.
08:40And even though it was what it was, and it is what it is, I'm thankful that I'm where I'm
08:46at right now.
08:47So with that, ladies and gentlemen, let's get into one of my favorite segments, Song of the Day.
09:04You Owe Me by Nas featuring Genuine in 1999 off of his album Nostradamus.
09:15So I don't know if you know the record or not, but it was very popular.
09:20Genuine definitely did his thing.
09:22He definitely, you know, carried the record, at least for the hook.
09:27Great collaboration.
09:30Probably one of the better songs off of the album.
09:33But they're talking about lending money to somebody.
09:38And then, you know, the ladies own.
09:42You know where it's going.
09:44But tonight, we're speaking about this credit management.
09:48We're speaking about cosigning, going out on a limb like Tina Marie for other people.
09:54So I definitely got to remix it the way I do it.
09:57You owe me.
09:58So instead of owing somebody, instead of going to somebody and asking them to do you a favor and X,
10:04Y, and Z, and we know what happens when that happens,
10:06you're going to have to pay one way, you're going to have to pay either spiritually, you might have to
10:11pay mentally, you might have to pay, like in this record, physically, and of course, financially.
10:20And in some cases, emotionally, depending on what the circumstance or the agreement is.
10:25So instead of getting to that point where you owe somebody, how about you owe yourself?
10:32Straight up, how about you owe yourself before you even think about owing somebody else?
10:38And I'm talking about focusing on being a little, if you want to use the word selfish, but it's called
10:44self-preservation in this moment.
10:46Because if you don't do it for you, then who else is going to do it for you?
10:51And like my mentor said, what you going to do, Laram, when they turn around and they do the 180
10:57on you?
10:58You want to be owing somebody something.
11:00You want somebody to do something for you.
11:03You claim that you need this person, you need this situation, you need this circumstance.
11:07But what are you going to do when they turn around and do the 180 on you?
11:12But remember, you owe me, right?
11:15You owe them, right?
11:17How about you owe yourself?
11:19Owe yourself enough to know the fact that you learn how to pay yourself first before you decide to pay
11:28somebody else.
11:29I'm going to say that again.
11:31Owe yourself enough to the fact that you learn how to pay yourself first before you decide to go ahead
11:38and pay somebody else.
11:39Owe yourself that, that you're going to do whatever you need to do to learn.
11:44You're going to do whatever you need to do to get to the next level to where you know how
11:48to pay yourself first before you pay somebody else.
11:51And then this whole thing about pay it forward.
11:54See, some of us, we need to pay it forward.
11:57But before we pay it forward, we might need to pay it backwards and go ahead and clean up some
12:01of the situations that we created in the past so that we can go ahead and pay ourselves forward.
12:06Some of y'all been out there.
12:08And again, I'm not judging anybody.
12:09I'm only speaking from real life experiences because I've been there before.
12:13Instead of paying it forward, you might need to pay it backwards.
12:16You might need to pay it sideways.
12:18You might need to do whatever you need to do to clean up and get out of whatever financial situation
12:23you're in and get rid of the old negative,
12:26the old stinking thinking, the old processes that mommy, daddy, grandmother, grandfather, whoever else programmed you to be.
12:35Because guess what?
12:36Look at their lives.
12:38You already got the blueprint.
12:40It's already been subconsciously downloaded into your system.
12:44You already know it's right into your nervous system.
12:47You don't even need to think about it because you're going to do every single thing that they do because
12:51that's what they taught you.
12:52And they've been programming you to do since you were, since you were here.
12:58Now, if you don't like that, there is something that you can do.
13:03You can reprogram yourself.
13:05You can say, guess what?
13:07I understand where I'm at right now.
13:10I'm aware of it.
13:12I know that I can do better.
13:14And I know that I want better.
13:16But until you decide to take a step forward and focus on owing yourself something, some of us may never
13:27get there.
13:29What do they say?
13:30You have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired of yourself because there is no competition in
13:36this game.
13:36The only person that you need to worry about defeating is self.
13:39Everything starts with self.
13:40Nobody is holding you back.
13:42Nobody is doing anything to you that you're not allowing them to do to you.
13:48And I'm going to leave with this African proverb.
13:53Make sure that I get it right.
13:56When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.
14:06I'm going to say that again.
14:07When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.
14:17And I'm going to leave it at that.
14:19Owe yourself before you even think about owing somebody else or even think about getting into a situation where you
14:26owe somebody else.
14:28Song of the day.
14:30You owe me by Nas.
14:34Featured in Genuine.
14:36Released in 1999 off of the Nostradamus album.
14:41Song of the day.
14:52Yeah, ladies and gentlemen.
14:55We are here.
14:56We're going to speak about it.
14:59Co-signing.
15:01I've never even thought about co-signing for anybody.
15:06And I'm glad that I didn't.
15:09Because the track record that I've had in the past, it could have definitely been some situations.
15:14But I have done some financial things that were not right.
15:22Just because you think that you're in a relationship and you think that it's going to work or you think
15:27that somebody is your friend.
15:29You think that they're going to be like Chucky, your friend to the end.
15:32But sometimes that don't work.
15:35We are people.
15:36And even where I'm at here right in my life, I learned that sometimes when somebody does want to do
15:42the 180 on you, you got to just let them go.
15:45You got to let them go and just know that there is obviously something better for you waiting around a
15:51corner if you can get over it.
15:54People are just people and they're going to do what they're going to do.
15:56So don't get yourself in a situation where you're relying on somebody else to do something for you.
16:03With that being said, let's go ahead and get Mr. Birdman 313 in the building.
16:25What's going on?
16:26What's going on?
16:28How's it going?
16:29It's going.
16:30It's going.
16:30I definitely can't complain.
16:32I'm here.
16:33How are you?
16:34Hey, you can you can hear me well, right?
16:37Yeah, I can hear you good.
16:38OK, because I'm in a different room.
16:40Today.
16:41OK.
16:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:43But now it's going well.
16:45The weather, you know, like 73, 74, 75 and cool breezes.
16:51It's been nice.
16:52Went out to the park today and chill.
16:55OK, OK.
16:56Seen some alligators.
16:57Yes, I did.
17:00No, thank you.
17:03Definitely.
17:05Yes, I did.
17:07And you know what's the bad part about that?
17:09I'm taking trying to take pictures and video.
17:13And all of a sudden, I got ate up by ants.
17:17Now, now the small ones are the big ones.
17:19The small ones.
17:21Oh, yeah.
17:22Hey, I'm walking.
17:23I'm happy.
17:24All of a sudden, man, I start feeling this stinging, you know, stinging.
17:27I'm like, oh, oh, man.
17:29It was all in my pants, my socks.
17:32I had to take my shoes off, man.
17:34I mean, what?
17:36Yes.
17:37That's the thing about them, man.
17:39When you step in the ant bed, oh, you don't get ate up.
17:46No.
17:46No, thank you.
17:48No, thank you.
17:48I'm good.
17:49I am good.
17:51Other than that, you know, it's been a relaxing day.
17:54That's good.
17:55That's good.
17:56The weather actually has been pretty decent.
17:58We got up into the 70s today.
18:01Yeah.
18:02I'm not mad at it.
18:03Yeah.
18:04I think we're in store before by the end of this week, I think.
18:08But for right now, I'm enjoying it.
18:10Oh, yeah.
18:11Hey, that's all you can do one day at a time.
18:15Been protecting myself with all of these sniffles.
18:19And you hear it in people's voices and stuff.
18:21I was like, I told you.
18:22I told you we better get wrapped up.
18:24Better get your ginger tea on point.
18:27I've been having my ginger lemon, honey lemon tea every day.
18:32Yeah.
18:34Yeah.
18:35Protecting myself from all that nonsense.
18:36This is the part of winter.
18:39This is one of the main reasons why.
18:40The cold is one thing.
18:42But now you got to be fighting people with their unsanitary ways.
18:48Like, back up, son.
18:49Get away.
18:50Like, did you wash your hands?
18:52Like, seriously, did you cover your mouth?
18:55Why are you that close to me?
18:57Why?
18:58Why?
18:58Why?
18:59Yeah.
19:00I know what you mean, man.
19:02I can't.
19:03I just can't.
19:06But anyway.
19:09What is it?
19:10West Coast?
19:12Midwest?
19:12Whatever it is.
19:14Coming soon.
19:16Coming soon.
19:17Yeah.
19:20So, hey.
19:21Since you spoke of that record, what do you know about that, man?
19:25What?
19:26What?
19:27The Nas record?
19:28Yeah.
19:29Yeah.
19:30Oh, let me guess.
19:30That's the one you like.
19:33Yeah.
19:33I had that.
19:35I got that on my computer.
19:37I got it downloaded.
19:39I had to go back to the Nostradamus album, and I said, why does this album not really, like, sound
19:48so familiar to me?
19:50So, I had to go back, and there was, like, only two singles, and this was the second single.
19:54Right.
19:55I don't think that it was Nas' best album.
19:58I am a Nas fan, but I do not believe that this was his best album.
20:02Well, during them times, you know, it was, when that was released, it was, it was a battle between.
20:13DMX and Jay-Z?
20:15Yeah, I think so.
20:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:18But Nas, his music is all right.
20:22He's not one of my favorites.
20:23I'm going to let you know that.
20:24Now, but, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, you know, it was just, rap was really starting to grow then,
20:36and it was just a lot of people that, you heard a lot of negative about rap music, and, I
20:44mean, still to this day, you know, you hear it, and there's still a lot of people who don't care
20:50for it because, and I understand, too,
20:54it's the language, it's the language, and the meaning is not like, you know, the songs from way back.
21:04Mm-hmm.
21:05You know, you know, it's a little more sinister, so the same people that say that they don't like rap
21:10music, and I know which category, some people say they don't want their kids to grow up and all of
21:16this stuff, but they actually did it to rap music because rap music was pure.
21:21It was fun.
21:23There was no vulgarity in it, very little profanity, probably none back when it first came out.
21:31Right, right.
21:32But the powers that be, people in high places, people with money, infiltrated the system in order to keep a
21:42certain class of people down, which they have done a great job of it because all of the videos and
21:47what you see, you know, our children grow up and they want that and they go and they mimic that.
21:54But it also backfired on some of them, too, because you all got money and you're in suits and you're
21:59in quiet rooms and things like that, and you told these record labels and these artists that you want this
22:05kind of music, and I'm not going to put it out unless you say this, unless you portray this, unless
22:10you do this.
22:11And now you're mad because your kids want to be just like us.
22:13Well, you're the one who did it, so.
22:16Well, I have a friend, me and her, well, we graduated from high school together, and I know I had
22:23went back one year, I had went back one time to my class reunion, and her and I was talking
22:29about it.
22:30And then she said, I know you love music, and I'm surprised you didn't really get off into it.
22:38And I told her, I said, well, you know, I did, but I didn't, and the direction I went was
22:43mostly sports.
22:45And so I asked her, I said, what you been doing?
22:47And she said, oh, I used to, I worked for, I used to work for Arista.
22:52Yeah, yeah, that's how it's pronounced it.
22:54And I'm like, really?
22:55She said, yeah.
22:56And she said, one day we're going to sit down and I'm going to tell you, and she said, I'm
23:01going to tell you a whole lot of things.
23:03She said, a whole lot of people do not understand.
23:06And then she said, and then she said, what you think about rap music?
23:11And, you know, we kind of made it, I just say, yeah, you know, it's just like when R&B
23:18start changing, you know, everybody had to adjust to it.
23:22And she said, yeah.
23:23And she said, the bad part is, she said, it's the executives that are pushing it for it to be
23:31this way.
23:33And she said, if, she said, I don't care.
23:37She said, you'll be surprised at the talent.
23:40And I said, no, I wouldn't.
23:41I said, because I've seen it myself.
23:43The talent that's out there.
23:45And if they don't do it the way the executive with all the profanity and disrespecting everybody, she said, you
23:53will not make it at all.
23:56Exactly.
23:57And then they get mad because their kids do the same thing.
24:00Well, you're the one who put it out there.
24:01So.
24:02Exactly.
24:05Yeah, you can invite her on a podcast if we want to hear from her.
24:13Yeah, definitely.
24:15Now, I've been trying to get hold to her.
24:17She she kind of I don't know, man.
24:20She she kind of like just change.
24:22She asked me to come and do a reading one time and I told her, I said I would.
24:27But I said, I'm already I said, I have plans to go out in L.A.
24:33Well, then I went back and I ran into a person that knew her.
24:38And he he just said that she said she ain't doing no more open mics in our hometown.
24:44She said she she shut it down.
24:46She said the youngsters back there was just too disrespectful.
24:51Yeah.
24:52And I've been trying to get hold of her.
24:54And another one of my friends, him and I, we've been talking and he asked me.
24:59I said, man, I said, I try to get hold of her, man.
25:01I said, I've asked people in our hometown.
25:05And I said, nobody seems to see is like she just she don't she don't just don't deal with nobody.
25:14I be like that sometimes.
25:16Oh, yeah.
25:17Yeah.
25:19We are going to go to Tennessee, Memphis, Tennessee.
25:23What you know about what you know about Tennessee?
25:26I have a couple of friends.
25:28I went to college with.
25:29Matter of fact, I hung out with they don't want to kind of introduce me to jazz.
25:34Really, really in really getting into jazz.
25:37And that's about it, man.
25:39I don't know too much about it.
25:41I just know it's not a place I want to live.
25:45Every time I think about Tennessee, I think about Arrested Development.
25:51Yeah.
25:52Yeah.
25:52Yeah.
25:53Tennessee.
25:54Yeah.
25:55You crack me up when you be like, ain't a place I want to live or a place I want
25:59to go.
26:00Yeah.
26:07I mean, you know, you know, anytime, anytime they, they left Tennessee and practically their whole family moved up in
26:15Michigan, you know, something is wrong.
26:18Yeah.
26:18I don't know nothing about it, but I'm curious.
26:21I would like to visit it one day.
26:23So we'll see.
26:23But I've heard, I've heard, I've heard about Memphis though.
26:26You know, we've heard.
26:27Yeah.
26:27Yeah.
26:29All right.
26:30So we're going to help Mr. Gregory out from Tennessee.
26:35Gregory says two years ago, my young sister asked me to co-sign for a vehicle.
26:40She had recently started a new job and needed reliable transportation, but her credit history wasn't strong enough to qualify
26:46for the loan on her own.
26:48She told me she only needed my help to get approved.
26:52She promised she would make every payment on time and refinance the vehicle in her own name.
26:57Once her credit improved, I hesitated at first.
27:00I had worked hard to rebuild my own credit after struggling financially in my twenties.
27:05I was finally making progress and I didn't want to jeopardize it, but she's my sister.
27:11We grew up together and I knew how important that job was to her.
27:14So I agreed for the first year, everything went smoothly.
27:18She made her payments and I rarely thought about the loan.
27:20Then her circumstances changed.
27:23She started missing payments.
27:24At first, she told me the delays were temporary.
27:28Then explanations became less consistent.
27:31Eventually, I started receiving notices from the lender.
27:34I called her and we argued.
27:36She said I was making her feel worse by constantly asking about the payments.
27:46I told her that my name was on the loan too and that I couldn't simply ignore the situation.
27:52Now I'm dealing with late payment notices and trying to understand how this could affect my credit.
27:58I even considered making the payments myself to prevent the situation from getting worse.
28:02But that would only mean taking money away from my own goals.
28:07I'm trying to build my emergency savings and pay down my credit card balance.
28:11I had planned to replace my aging furnace before winter and now I'm wondering whether I'll have to put that
28:19expense on hold.
28:20The hardest part isn't just the money.
28:23It's the tension between us.
28:24My family thinks I should help because she's my sister.
28:28Some people say I knew the risk when I signed the agreement.
28:31Others tell me if I really loved her, I shouldn't let her struggle alone.
28:35I keep asking myself whether helping her means protecting her from the consequences of her decisions or helping her develop
28:43a plan to take responsibility for them.
28:47I love my sister, but I don't want this loan to damage my credit, my finances, or our relationship.
28:54I also recognize that I agree to something with real financial consequences.
29:00I can't pretend I had no responsibility in this decision.
29:04So my question is, how do you honor a commitment you make out of love without allowing that commitment to
29:11undermine your own financial stability?
29:15Birdman, what do you have?
29:16Birdman, what do you have?
29:17Oh, man.
29:19It goes, oh, man.
29:21It's kind of like, yes, he, I don't know, man, because some people, you know, when it comes to family,
29:30it's hard to speak about that.
29:33I don't like to get off into it, speaking about another person, especially when it's their family.
29:39but he like he said yeah he knew the risk you know and if he had issues when he was
29:48coming up
29:50why would he even try to help her out or i was thinking about maybe what he should have did
29:58instead of getting her the car she want which is it's always dad get me the car i want not
30:05the car
30:05i need you know and because like i said i went through that even with my dad he wouldn't co
30:13-sign
30:13for me he said i'm gonna get you he's i ain't gonna get you the car you want i'm gonna
30:20get you
30:20the car you need he said so therefore that car gets you to work and get you home and that's
30:25the
30:25far as it go i know that's right you know that that taught me there which he the one came
30:37in he's
30:37i'm gonna go help you get a vehicle so you can go find a job and get up out of
30:42out of here i said
30:43it ain't my fault her vehicle because her vehicle got repossessed it wasn't my fault and so we went
30:51and we found it man i was like i just looked at him i said i said i said man
30:57this is what he gonna
30:59put me in but then i thought about what he said it's what you need not what you want i
31:06know that's
31:06right they have a way of saying it don't go ahead go ahead yeah they're letting us know don't they
31:14yeah and you know he's saying that you know family members say that she'll say well how don't
31:21they help him why don't they help her they should since they telling him what he needs to do how
31:28come
31:28they just don't say okay like this month we'll help her and then what is she doing or what has
31:37she
31:37done to put herself in this position i i'm trying to figure figure out how family members
31:45gonna tell you how to spend your money now them same one the same ones that got something to say
31:52i would have turned around and said and where's your portion at that's what i yeah i'm yeah i'm with
31:59you on that since you you telling me what i need to do with my money how come you can't
32:06help out
32:09and he said he knew the consequences a lot you know a lot of people especially young people don't
32:16understand when you talk about co-signing then that other person who actually co-signed for you
32:25it's actually their vehicle if they want that's what i was gonna say so and you know if you can't
32:34make the payment and they start making a payment then guess what you still don't have a vehicle
32:42and he said he loved it so okay yeah but yeah i tell anybody man family is the one who
32:50will stab
32:50you in the back quicker than anything that's something else because you just people just
32:58take advantage because they wouldn't do it to nobody in the street but they'll do it to somebody
33:02why is that you won't do it to somebody in the street but you'll be quicker to dog your own
33:07family
33:08out because you i guess you think that they're gonna forgive you they always hey you know why
33:14somebody somebody in the street will bust them upside the head
33:24will bust them upside the head and i think nothing of it i don't know have you seen the world
33:30we in
33:31lately all these videos these people be wiling out yes i have yeah i know what you mean now i
33:40know what you
33:43like i said he he said he 43 years old he should have known better yeah you know like i
33:51said he
33:52should have got her something that would that could fit and then she just started a job
34:00that's another thing man and that's the reason why when like i said when my dad helped me he
34:07when i got home and i did my mom said she said how you like your vehicle i don't know
34:13right my dad
34:14said oh hell no it ain't gonna go like that he said you come here i'm gonna tell you something
34:22he said you he said you you just got this job you don't know how long you're gonna keep this
34:30job
34:31and i'm not gonna put my name on something brand new then you mess around you lose your job and
34:40i have
34:41to pay for it or it go against my credit i know that's when i i kind of like i'm
34:48like no that ain't
34:49that ain't i'm trying i'm trying to get out of it now you know i'm like hey dad wrong way
34:54you're
34:54taking it the wrong way he said no i'm not i'm taking it the way you said it and then
35:00i thought
35:01about him like you know you're right apologize to him yeah he was cool you know and like i said
35:09i did
35:10and it was you know it was something that was in my budget which was zero i had nothing
35:18so you know i i think about it sometime and i tell you know i laugh about it i said
35:24man you know
35:25i said i remember that first car i got when i moved down here oh man and i said but
35:32you know what it
35:32taught me it taught me it taught me a whole lot to be responsible you know because i had to
35:40pay
35:40i because it was in my name my name only and i had to pay for it
35:50yeah i i'm gonna take this to the top here because this is a lot i'm gonna say that
35:55okay for anybody out there and i know we've spoke about this before just because your family
36:04has signed up for a plan your family is on a specific timeline does not mean that you have
36:11to stay on that like if you want to move off of the timeline that your family is on you
36:17have every
36:18right to this is not your responsibility um i don't understand how you i i get it because your
36:25family has programmed you to thinking that it's your responsibility right as you started off
36:30you're saying about your younger sister asked you to co-sign for a vehicle she has a new new job
36:38and she needed reliable transportation her credit history wasn't where it was and all that other stuff
36:45how is that your responsibility she might want all of these things got a new job want a new car
36:53all
36:53of these great things i get it but that is not your responsibility the worst thing that you can
36:59do for people especially family members because they'll be the first ones to have their hands out
37:03or friends anybody that knows that you have something they want you to give that's one of the
37:11worst thing that you could possibly do because you are not teaching them financial responsibility
37:17all you're doing is enabling them to continue to do the same thing over and over again and they
37:21will continue to ask and in some cases that the requests will increase in quantities and nobody's
37:29learning from it you're not learning because all you're doing is enabling and you are depleting yourself
37:34to build somebody else up who's not financially responsible to keep it maintain it grow it so they
37:42can pay you back and or get to the point where they just stop asking you they are not financially
37:47responsible so all you are doing is basically wasting the situation and tarnishing relationships
37:53in the process because eventually somebody gonna get upset and they're gonna say okay listen i need
37:58you to pay me back or what's going on here or you cut them off and then they have a
38:04problem
38:05or in this case they don't pull their end of the bargain and now you have to pull them to
38:10the carpet
38:10and say okay listen we're gonna have to have a conversation now you want to feel a certain way
38:14why i'm about to go in a little bit about you feeling a certain way because you are the one
38:19who
38:20got the job needed the car this that the next the other you're in your 20s struggling and you got
38:27yourself together now you're in your 40s and you're gonna go back and make a mistake because your younger
38:31sister hasn't fulfilled her purpose and hasn't gone through her journey so you're gonna
38:39put yourself in a situation she has to learn he has to learn they have to learn everybody has to
38:47learn and go through their own journey why would you sacrifice the hard work and a dedication that
38:53you have to pull yourself up out to help somebody else who is not ready to be helped they don't
38:59want
38:59the lesson they haven't gotten the lesson they're not mentally capable at this moment to have this
39:06lesson some people it takes them until their 40s or 50 just like you're in your 40s to get it
39:13she's younger she what is she in her i don't know you didn't say how old she is but
39:20that's a situation here is where things start to become a problem your family members jump in
39:31and we spoke about this and they say well you should help her out clearly they're on that same timeline
39:38they got their hands out they got their pockets open ready for you to pour in so my question is
39:45are
39:45you going to listen to what they say or are you going to do what you feel is necessary i
39:52believe
39:53you've had some people that said you should have known better in the first place and i know that that
40:00is probably not what you want to hear but i've heard back in the day that the truth hurts so
40:04it
40:04probably stings a little bit but you should have known better because just like you got yourself in
40:11a good situation in 40s did your family members all do the same thing and level up with you
40:17or are you looking around and seeing that they are not at the level
40:21and in some cases that's the case that sometimes our family members are not at the same level as us
40:29or
40:30vice versa whatever the case may be everybody has their own journey and they learn their lesson
40:37you hit your financial rock bottom maybe this is what's going to help you finally get it together
40:44your sister may have not hit her financial rock bottom the family members that are telling you that
40:49you should pay they obviously have not hitting their financial rock bottom because if they did they
40:54would have known better now you're trying to build your emergency savings trying to pay off credit
41:00cards starting over the cycle all over again how do you bird man how do you uh believe that he
41:09should
41:10get out of this situation well he's in it now but uh all i can do is he needs he
41:17needs to i don't know
41:20i guess call the all the family that's saying what he needs to do all of them should get together
41:26and they just should talk about it and you know what they're gonna you know what the first thing
41:31they're gonna say well hey you don't want to sign for it that's that's the first thing they're gonna say
41:38well i'll tell you this we are not here to give you any advice this is our opinion
41:46yeah but what i would do i just got me a new car because check it i'm gonna go to
41:51the car dealer i
41:52got all of the paperwork you can give me the key if you want to but i'm gonna get one
41:56made i'll tell
41:57you that or i'm gonna pick up an extra key fob and while you sleeping i'm gonna be a repossession
42:02man
42:02and then what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna get my car that i got and see which one is
42:07better or maybe i'll
42:08take both of them trade them in and get me something else and you won't even know what happened to
42:12the car
42:12because it'll be gone exactly that's crazy exactly you know it it it this made me think about
42:24one of my older sons told said one time and then his mother called me and she said
42:32let me ask you something i'm like what said did he just say this to you and i'm like yeah
42:39and she said
42:40he had the audacity to say that to me so then i said so what did you say she said
42:46i just went
42:46got my pistol and told him he had to go i'm like really i'm like what and i just i
42:56said i just told
42:57him hey man you sit there you can grumble you can cry wine all you want hey man get your
43:02job
43:03he up and said to me and his mom that we owe him and i'm like how we owe you
43:09i said dude
43:10you know graduated high school you know what you got you got a kid you know messed over several jobs
43:20and i said how can how do i owe you he said because you and mom won't get me a
43:27lexus
43:29and i told him i said you know i said you know what let me tell you something i said
43:33ain't being me
43:34i said i don't even have a lexus and i hell you think i'm gonna get you a lexus when
43:39i can't even get
43:40me one and then by the hour hour later she called me and she asked and that's when we got
43:48talking i
43:49told her exactly what i said she said oh you better than me she said i went got my gun
43:53told me hit get
43:54that door you know i was sitting here thinking about the repossession uh comment that i made and
44:04my mind just went back to when i actually did tell people to come and get the car but it
44:09was a
44:09different type of situation um yeah there was a car that was on my property and i said you have
44:1724
44:17hours to remove it because it's my driveway and you are no longer welcome here and you can come get
44:23this car that was broke down or whatever was broke down i could care less but what i'm gonna tell
44:27you
44:27that when i come home tomorrow if that car is still in the driveway oh we gonna have a problem
44:32and they said a comment they said a comment to me and i said oh you must not know about
44:39me
44:40you must not know about me let me tell you i called that good old tow company and said you
44:48got a free car
44:49all i know is i don't care who got the title if i signed it over i couldn't even remember
44:55at the
44:55moment i don't know but come get this and it sure was gone
44:58yeah but you know like like you said though he you know not well i mentioned it too he he's
45:07in his
45:0740s and it i don't know man some some of these people man that i i i hear man or
45:14read about i just be
45:16like yeah man how can you be so gullible you know i mean you know it's difficult it's difficult with
45:27family not for me it's not some people yeah i know but if i can't help you i'm not gonna
45:36put and
45:36i tell i tell them this and if i can't help you i'm not gonna put myself outside just to
45:43help you
45:44because if it was turned around you wouldn't help me exactly it's people pleasers some people have that
45:54that uh program of being uh people pleasers and i used to be like that but just that statement that
46:01you said right there if it was me when it when it when they did like my mentor said when
46:05they did do
46:06the 180 on me yeah did i feel the type of way and when i started to feel the type
46:12of way oh trust me
46:13just like i'm feeling the type of way by the time you get done actually by the time i get
46:17done with you
46:18oh you gonna feel a certain way too that's how i used to be now just what you know what
46:22we just
46:22not people pleasing anybody i'm pleasing me today i'm not trying to make you happy i'm making myself
46:28happy but a lot of that comes down to people pleasing that that's true that is so true and you
46:36know
46:36like i said you know i mean you know because like i said man you know i understand when you
46:42young
46:42and you starting off and he said it's a job that she really wanted okay if it's a if she
46:51wanted that
46:52job so badly whatever vehicle you could get her no no no she would she would she would have went
47:00on
47:00and took that vehicle and then you know say hey get her vehicle where she could pay it off within
47:07a
47:07year's time and then if she wanted to trade in get the kind she wanted it would have been all
47:13on her
47:14because she would have the you know the title and all that and she could go and do that i
47:21i want to
47:21interject you you said get her the vehicle i think that's the biggest problem here if she wanted
47:27a car she wanted whatever she needed she needed to get off her butt and do it herself
47:34yeah and and i know that that sounds rough whether you got to catch the bus whether you got an
47:39uber
47:39whether you got a lift whether you got to do backflips to get to the job until you can get
47:43on
47:43your feet she needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet and it sounds like the family
47:48and whoever
47:48else has been doing stuff for her because there is no good way that this lady think that she gonna
47:53skip
47:53payments and think that that's okay somebody been doing something for her making her feel entitled
47:59that she thinks she could even do something like that oh because i'm coming true i'm coming to get
48:04the keys trust and believe so we can't use keys we um are up against the clock here so why
48:15don't you
48:15go ahead and let us know what we got going on here which oh okay this since this beginning of
48:22the month
48:22you know this is this is the week that i don't really do anything i just i just try to
48:29get my
48:30artist you know scheduling down to all my readings that's coming up and i try to get my poems down
48:36i try to get my um some um music lyrics i mean yeah music chords down to and work on
48:45a few videos right now
48:46we're having a little work done at the house so therefore you know i've been kind of like i haven't
48:53done anything at all and until next week i'm not gonna do anything ain't nothing wrong with that
49:01sometimes you need a rest yes and so you know i mean i don't get me wrong i do write
49:07something every
49:08day whether it's four lines six lines ten lines i'll write something but as far as me just putting
49:17you know putting some work to it no uh you can you can find my books that i do have
49:24on amazon
49:25slash authors slash birdman 313 you can also go to goodreads.com slash birdman 31313
49:35you can go to spotify on the coffee wine and word podcast and find um a few of my videos
49:46on there
49:47uh you can also go to instagram where i've been posting i've been posting quite a few lately uh poems
49:56pictures and i've posted a couple videos on there and that's that's bird that's that birdman 313
50:05three five five five youtube which i posted a new video last week which is the one that's on
50:13instagram and that's a uh youtube.com slash author poet birdman 31355 and that's the places i need to i
50:26need
50:26to get hold to you i need to ask you something about one of the uh platforms but i i
50:33won't do it here
50:34but i need to ask you i need to ask you about it because um i just i i want
50:42to do a little bit
50:43more but now i want to do it on my own yeah yeah um you of course hit me up
50:51text me whatever dm me
50:52whatever yeah i got you yeah because i've been wanting to do this and i've been looking and i'm like
50:59and then finally i just said last week you know i said i'm tired of you know when somebody tell
51:07you
51:07they're gonna do something and they don't do it and then you'll be like okay so if you don't want
51:13to do it why don't you just say it don't give a bunch of excuses i know that's right yep
51:19you know
51:20yeah i got you yeah no definitely hit me up and let me know okay yeah i will do that
51:26i asked you
51:27first man you know i don't you know i don't know i probably i need to get out of that
51:32just ask the
51:32person tell them what i want and be done with either they're gonna say yes or no right and
51:38ain't listen and if you don't ask it would have been no in the first place that's what i'm starting
51:42to learn too just go ahead and go on and ask what you're going to ask because if you sat
51:45there and
51:45didn't ask you still didn't get the response or the result anyway say might as well just ask
51:51yeah what's the worst thing that somebody can say is no okay i'm good yeah right all right
51:59thank you so much for joining and uh yeah just hit me up and i got you yeah thank you
52:05for having me on
52:06man you know i appreciate this it means a lot it's it has opened up some doors for me i
52:12must say that
52:14you know so i'm i'm really glad i'm doing this and i'm i'm really trying to push your name out
52:23there too so hey you know all i can do is just tell people about your podcast and you know
52:30and that's
52:31about it yes yeah i got you i appreciate it too yeah yeah no problem no problem all right let's
52:39get
52:39out of here before we go ahead and and get cut off here so um i'll see you when i
52:44see you take care
52:45now okay you do all right good night good night all right ladies and gentlemen there you have it
52:52that was author poet birdman 313 in the building love his insight every wisdom wednesday
53:06thank you all so much for joining please hit that like button please share the best thing you can do
53:11is share this out with somebody who doesn't know about the 411 podcast and on that note ladies and
53:16gentlemen i want to say good night and i will see you when i see you the next time around
53:21take care
53:22y'all have a good night thank you
53:27you
53:58you
54:04you
54:05you
54:06you
54:06you
54:18you
54:21you

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