- 2 days ago
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00:01Oh, hey, cocksuckers! Today, he's cooking with Carlton.
00:09Remember, the screen door is open.
00:13Hey!
00:13Alright.
00:15Alright.
00:16Okay, I think this is done.
00:18It's...
00:19Oh, wait, I forgot the...
00:20Oh, there we go.
00:22It's got it on.
00:23Yeah.
00:24Excuse me, I'm gonna say beaucoup.
00:26It's the easiest shit to make if nobody knows...
00:27If nobody knows how to make fucking misuse at all,
00:29I will personally demean you.
00:32Because if an autistic person can do it, anyone can.
00:35Yeah, it's me.
00:37Gook?
00:38Oh, look at that.
00:40That's a good shirt.
00:41All the good seasoning.
00:45And, uh...
00:45And, like, the 50 different chemicals that are in here.
00:49Alright.
00:51Now, from there, we're gonna do a few big things after
00:53and put this in the fucking bowl.
00:57This is something.
00:58This is something.
00:59Oh, yeah.
01:01Quite a contrast to that breakfast.
01:04Yep.
01:05I'm gonna have some bacon,
01:06home fries,
01:08sausage,
01:09cheese.
01:10I had a really good one.
01:10Yeah, spicy Mr. Noodle with, um,
01:12ghost pepper sauce.
01:14Yep.
01:14And I think Eddie has fries in a fridge.
01:16I'll have some of that, too.
01:18I had, uh...
01:19Well, I've never had anything ghost pepper.
01:22Really?
01:22Well, you want some?
01:23No.
01:24Damn it.
01:24He just wants some.
01:26Stop it.
01:27Alright, this is my masochist morning.
01:30Hey.
01:31It's tricky.
01:31Can you put some, like, fucking hot sauce in the Oreos?
01:35Eat a masochist morning.
01:36Good masochist morning.
01:36Good masochist morning.
01:37I was gonna say,
01:38if you put a more than that, like...
01:40Good masochist morning.
01:41Dude, come on.
01:43Oh, God.
01:45Fine.
01:47Yay.
01:47I'm gonna have diarrhea.
01:49I'm doing it here.
01:50Hey, Calvin, just so you can remember,
01:52we're gonna leave this place.
01:53Oh, yeah.
01:54If there's something in town,
01:55and then we're gonna have a two-hour car ride back to...
01:57Yup.
01:57I'm ready to fucking suffer.
02:00It's gonna be great.
02:01Oh, there it is.
02:02And keep in mind,
02:03most of the rides,
02:04we won't be anywhere to stop.
02:06You can watch it.
02:06Yep.
02:07Well, I'll push him to shop.
02:08I'll just hide in the bush and take a shit.
02:10That was a good episode of, uh...
02:12Good masochist morning on Misogyny Head.
02:14Yeah, good masochist morning.
02:14What was the worst?
02:16Slap.
02:16Do you have any more of his face to suck?
02:18Alright.
02:19I'm gonna suck on Misogyny Head.
02:20Do you?
02:21Jimmy, what are you watching?
02:23I'm watching Misogyny Head.
02:25Good masochist morning.
02:28Okay, let's wrap it up.
02:30Good masochist morning.
02:34Have a good masochist morning.
02:37Yeah.
02:40I'm looking for, like, chili flake.
02:42Uh, I don't know if I can.
02:45Suck it up.
02:46Okay, I saw I have.
02:49I don't know if you've suffered like that.
02:52That's for my gamers out there.
02:54That's for the audio listeners out there.
02:58My gamers terms understand the reference.
03:01I want to kill myself.
03:07I don't know if I can do it.
03:08I don't know if I can do it.
03:08I don't know if I can do it.
03:08I don't know if I can do it.
03:08It probably isn't.
03:09Well, the noodles are going to be spiky.
03:11The broth is going to kill me.
03:12The noodles don't really serve the spice all that well.
03:15So it's going to be a pretty normal eating.
03:18Until, like, when we get to the broth and I kill myself.
03:22That's basically how it's going to go.
03:23Oh, boy.
03:25Alright, I'll get my seat and, uh...
03:28Do you want to sit?
03:30And then I can...
03:32Okay.
03:34Thank you, sir.
03:35I recommend...
03:36This is the...
03:36Square a little bit on your finger.
03:38I just suck it.
03:39What the fuck?
03:41What the fuck?
03:43The ghost pepper?
03:44If you don't like spicy, do not touch that.
03:47Trust me.
03:47I don't know.
03:48How come we don't need drinks?
03:49So that's even better.
03:51Been there, done that for the ghost pepper.
03:53I mean, I'll try a bit of...
03:55It's not like Kyle bought one in a fucking grade six.
03:58Oh, yeah.
03:58And they sent you home.
03:59Oh, my God.
03:59Yeah, I forgot about that.
04:05Alright.
04:06Well...
04:06Smells like a tombstone.
04:08Uh...
04:09How long?
04:09What, 15 minutes?
04:11Uh...
04:11I don't know.
04:1215 minutes he went on.
04:13We'll just ask Calvin questions and then...
04:16While he's...
04:16He's living...
04:17His...
04:18Best life.
04:19I'm living my best life.
04:23I'm...
04:23Well...
04:24This is a suicide plot kind of thing.
04:26Hold on.
04:26If...
04:27If...
04:27I don't ask questions already like last time.
04:30So I'm gonna grab Mind Turtle.
04:32Yeah, he's gonna grab Mind Turtle.
04:34I'm gonna grab Mind Turtle and use some of those.
04:36Okay.
04:36That's the inspiration.
04:38That's pretty bad.
04:38Yeah.
04:39Wow, this is very...
04:40Can't...
04:41Can't you tell this is very original?
04:43Is this even recording?
04:44Oh, my God.
04:44Hi.
04:45What's up, guys?
04:46Alright.
04:50Is it showing you, Brendan?
04:51No, it's right.
04:52How cool.
04:53Hi.
04:53It's probably upside down, honestly.
04:55No, we can't.
04:56I don't know.
04:57Oh, okay.
04:58Okay, okay.
05:00I don't know.
05:00Just tell you.
05:01If you look like that.
05:01And have it.
05:03In my few feet.
05:04I barely touched it.
05:06Maybe my toes are high.
05:09I told ya!
05:10That's how I really appreciate it.
05:12Alright, Calvin.
05:14Alright, it's me.
05:15Go for it.
05:16My prayer!
05:17What's up?
05:17Should you hear what I'm...
05:18I'll... I'll see if I can set this up here.
05:21There we go.
05:23Hi! Speak to me!
05:26Now we have to focus on the questions.
05:29Where were you Tuesday?
05:31In your bed.
05:33Oh, no.
05:34Hey, Brandon was there too.
05:36I mean, I mean.
05:38Uh-oh.
05:40Whoops.
05:41You dropped all 50 condoms on the floor.
05:44Alright, um.
05:48Alright, first question.
05:49Yeah, what's up?
05:50I don't know, like, am I supposed to be eating a wall?
05:53I answer these.
05:54I guess so.
05:54Yeah, come on.
05:56First question.
05:57I never actually watched before.
05:59I don't know.
06:04There we go.
06:05Okay, there we go.
06:06If you didn't record that entire thing, I'll laugh.
06:08I don't know why.
06:13Alright, now.
06:14And your friend's right there.
06:16On the other chair, right?
06:18Yeah, okay.
06:18I'm not afraid, but that's okay.
06:20Yeah, I can't wait.
06:22Yep.
06:23Alright, first question.
06:24Okay, the camera can't see me.
06:25What's up?
06:26There.
06:27Okay.
06:27First question.
06:28Okay.
06:28What do you think you are?
06:30I...
06:33am autistic.
06:35What?
06:35What?
06:36What did you do right?
06:41I...
06:42am autistic.
06:52I don't fucking know.
06:54John Adams, you're on.
06:56Okay.
06:57Who's the first president of the United States?
07:00Is it Ben Franklin?
07:02Hey, why don't we talk about this last night?
07:03John America.
07:05John America, right.
07:06How could I have forgotten?
07:07John America.
07:08What are you talking about last night?
07:10John America.
07:13I forgot.
07:19Second question.
07:21What?
07:29If it helps for Andrew, I don't think children are allowed to watch this.
07:32Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. He's real. He's 100% real.
07:35If there's children watching this, I'd say he wasn't.
07:39But now that there isn't any children watching this, he's 100% real and he's coming to find you.
07:45You know what you did.
07:47He's in your gym, you bring him.
07:48Yeah, he knows when you're sleeping, after all.
07:50He also knows when you're awake.
07:52See, what they don't tell you when you're a kid is,
07:54Sanchez doesn't just give cold to the naughty children.
07:57He deals with the naughty children.
08:01Okay.
08:02I've played cards against the manuals.
08:06I'm wearing the cards as well, like the new thing Santa gives my kids and naughty kids and big fix.
08:12Oh, God. Hey, Santa.
08:15That's illegal, pretty much, everyone in the world.
08:19How you doing there, Calvin?
08:21I'm doing pretty all right.
08:22It's going to be the broth when I get to it.
08:25The broth, and it's just water, spice mix from Mr. Noodle.
08:29Frank's Red Hot, and that sauce, and like two seasonings.
08:32See, I think when you put the spice mix in, you're supposed to stir it, so that way it actually
08:37does kind of get into the noodle.
08:39Well, it's in there now.
08:41Yeah, I think you're a little too late.
08:42Well, I don't fucking care.
08:45Never go on a Food Network cooking deal.
08:47Yep.
08:49Trust me, I'd...
08:50Gordon Ramsay would cook your ass.
08:52Oh, yeah, no kidding.
08:53That's why I don't cook, usually.
08:56That's so cool.
08:58When I need to make myself a meal, I just grab my phone and order a pizza.
09:04Wow.
09:06I'm sorry.
09:08I have no survival skills.
09:11You know, that makes me think, why would you survive the apocalypse if you have no survival skills?
09:16Wait, why you up there?
09:19You're a power couple.
09:20First of all, I know how to handle a lot of different life things, so...
09:24Actually, I do, too.
09:26This is the only one hero for Kill Count.
09:28Uh-huh.
09:28I know how to cook some things.
09:30I'm just definitely a nowhere close to being a sort of expert.
09:33Fair enough.
09:35Yeah, Tim, perform my usual counter on that.
09:38Ethan, he can suck a cock.
09:42What are you doing?
09:43Get that.
09:45Oh, yeah, can anyone get me a drink, please?
09:48Eat soon.
09:50Do we have a drink?
09:53Oh, no.
09:55Oh, no.
09:56Oh, here's a good one, Calvin.
09:58Wrape your nose and eat it.
10:05Do you have, like, uh, tap water you guys want, like, uh...
10:09But we can't use the fucking tap water because how dirty it is.
10:13Oh, I got some bad news, guys.
10:15There's still...
10:15There's water...
10:17Yeah, there's water in there.
10:18I know if there's still, like, the Dr. Pepper or whatever.
10:21I don't know what Kellan wants.
10:23You know, you could ask him.
10:25He's right here.
10:25I know.
10:27I don't even know if he even had that option.
10:30Or you could just YOLO it.
10:31Buzz, YOLO.
10:33Just get him whatever and he's stuck with it, you know?
10:37Yeah, I was just wondering...
10:37Is anyone drinking this water?
10:39Before I'm gonna ask him to be wondering if he even had...
10:41Is that Kirkland?
10:41Yeah, that's the one I brought.
10:42Had any of him here.
10:43Because I thought it was actually a guy's place.
10:45Well, it's got my cooties all over the...
10:48I don't fucking care.
10:49I really don't.
10:50Oh, yeah.
10:50There's a pitcher of filtered water down there.
10:52Yeah, yeah.
10:53Eddie gave me some of that the other night.
10:55That's good, too.
10:57Ooh, this is one to save here.
11:00Listen, I don't really need, like...
11:01That's the one to save.
11:06I don't need, like, an actual drink, per se.
11:08I just need, like, something...
11:11Like, not anything for the heat,
11:13but just something to, like, make me not dehydrated.
11:17I'm just kind of sorting through and doing all the ones
11:19where it's, like, tell him that he said something.
11:22I'm gonna be finishing these noodles
11:23before we actually get to answer the questions.
11:24This is gonna be an interesting video.
11:29There's a bunch of tell me ones.
11:31Yummies.
11:31Ooh, that'll be a fun one.
11:34I have to excuse me.