00:00I love it when the cult comes through to play. This is the rat, the cult, and firewoman.
00:06Now, today's No Sweat News, these are the stories that could get you the Shinedown ticket, so let's get to it, huh?
00:12There we go.
00:13Presented by Macy's.
00:14Now, Florida, oh Florida, how could we do the No Sweat News without you?
00:22Cops in Florida were called to the intercoastal waterway.
00:25Sunday afternoon, somebody reported their jet ski had been stolen.
00:31Police officers showed up to the dock, looked way off into the water, and saw someone floating on a jet ski,
00:38put two and two together, commandeered a boat from the marina, and went out to talk to the gentleman.
00:44Oh no.
00:46First problem, he didn't know how to operate a jet ski, had accidentally turned it off.
00:52Second problem, okay.
00:56The man didn't know how to swim.
00:57Oh, oh jeez.
00:59No, no.
00:59See, the thing is, with the jet ski, it's on the water.
01:03It is.
01:03That's how it works.
01:06Floats.
01:06Wow.
01:07It floats, you see?
01:08So if you don't know how to swim, because the jet ski's on the water, you see?
01:12So if you go in the water, you know what's going to happen.
01:15Should have stuck to dry land there, buddy.
01:17Yeah.
01:17Dead.
01:18That's right, yeah.
01:19Dead.
01:19Ski.
01:20You could have skied, but not the jet ski.
01:22You're going to be dead ski.
01:23Yeah.
01:25Oh, Florida.
01:26Come on, pal.
01:28All right, I like this next one.
01:29Dateline, Arizona.
01:30A trendy new restaurant in downtown Scottsdale has an interesting new feature.
01:36They got a Himalayan salt wall.
01:38The entire wall is covered in expensive Himalayan salt,
01:42and people are encouraged to lick the wall when they need a little salt.
01:46Oh, come on now.
01:47I mean, let's, let's, let's.
01:49I mean, with COVID going around and all this crap.
01:51Can we get a handle on this already?
01:53Why don't you get that herpes sore on your lip?
01:55And you realize you're just turning yourself into a giant cat,
01:59but they're all just so, it's just a huge giant cat lick.
02:03I'd rather lick a cow salt spot.
02:06Like, what kind of self-respecting human being is going to go up licking walls?
02:11Unless you're in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
02:14Snozzberry tastes like Snozzberry.
02:16There it is.
02:17I was wondering when we'd hit that.
02:19Well, that's the only thing.
02:20The head chef of the place, called The Mission,
02:24bought the rocks in to add overall ambience
02:27and help customers with their tequila shots.
02:30Oh, great.
02:31All right.
02:31I mean, I kind of like the tequila thing.
02:33Yeah, maybe I'll start licking some walls for that.
02:36I mean, if you have enough tequila shots, you might just.
02:38Couldn't you just like chip the salt into the glass, though, like off the wall,
02:43rather than actually lick the walls?
02:45Himalayan rock salt has natural sanitary properties,
02:48but the restaurant staff says, no, we still wipe down the wall.
02:53If you don't like that, guess where they keep the pepper?
02:55Oh, oh, no.
02:59And it's Dateline, Ohio.
03:01Yeah.
03:02For story number three.
03:03Ohio.
03:04Did you hear about the police officer in Cincinnati who got fired because of his tattoos?
03:09No.
03:09Yeah, they dumped him because of his tats.
03:12Well, it's either about Pete Rose or WKRP.
03:15Oh, no, even better.
03:16Right across the top of his knuckles, he got the words pure on one hand.
03:20Okay.
03:21And evil on the other.
03:23Wait a second.
03:25Unless you're the punisher from Marvel, you psychopath.
03:31That's the wrong tattoo to get in law enforcement.
03:34Here's what they said in the press release.
03:36Officer Waiada's tattoos do not promote the professional and neutral image of the Cincinnati Police Department
03:42and are injurious to the public trust.
03:44Meanwhile, Officer White has become a supervillain and he will be appearing on Marvel's I'm a Psychopath on Disney+.
03:55I would definitely be a bit nervous if I got pulled over by that guy with pure evil.
03:59No, I'm not going to get out of the car.
04:01You're going to pull my limbs off.
04:03God, it's you and 100% of the rest of us.
04:05Right?
04:05Yeah, no, no one wants pure evil pulled him over.
04:08That's like getting pulled over by the guy in the No Country for Old Men.
04:14Right.
04:15With the hairdo.
04:16With his homemade gun.
04:18Right, yeah.
04:18I know.
04:18I'm not getting pulled over by that guy.
04:21Go back and look at every arrest and parking ticket that this guy ever wrote because I guarantee there is some serious malpractice going on.
04:33Wow.
04:34Pure evil.
04:34They got Michael Myers working for them in the police department over there in that Cincinnati police department.
04:42That's today's no sweat news.
04:45Jesus.
04:45Catch it for Shinedown tickets on Friday's quiz.
04:49All right.
04:51A future as an MMA fighter maybe?
04:53I don't know.
04:54I don't know.
