00:00Dateline Halloween for story number one, and these are the final three stories that could turn up on tomorrow's quiz.
00:06Okay.
00:07For Nickelback, Nutcracker Ball tickets.
00:10Mom in Australia ordered a cheap Halloween decoration from Amazon, right?
00:15Yeah.
00:15So what she ordered was a fake dead body that you cover in a plastic bag and you hang it from a tree.
00:25I've seen these in my neighborhood.
00:27I've seen these, I don't know, what, four or five times, right?
00:30Yes.
00:31Driving through with the kids in the back.
00:32We're like, oh, look, it's the funny dead body hanging from the tree.
00:36Oh, that's great, Dad.
00:37Yeah, that happens.
00:38Well, she got the package from Amazon and she opened it up and it turned out it was a blow-up sex doll.
00:46Oh, no, no.
00:47And she contacted the seller on Amazon and said, no, that's right.
00:52That's right.
00:53We sent you the right thing.
00:54I mean, you're going to cover it with plastic anyway.
00:57Well, you know, no.
00:58So what this means is some of those dead bodies hanging from trees in my neighborhood could very well be just blow-up sex dolls covered with plastic.
01:08That's a shame.
01:10They were such loving dolls when they were alive.
01:13And now that's Halloween season.
01:16They're dead.
01:16Yeah.
01:17They're dead dolls.
01:18So now it's this big necrophilia thing going on in my head.
01:22It's sort of like a Jack the Ripper scenario where you had all these lovely dolls that were alive giving all kinds of love to people.
01:30I didn't know.
01:31But now they're deceased.
01:33I don't have to tell you what happened with Jack the Ripper in London in the 1800s.
01:36The old surprise look on their face underneath those plastic bags.
01:42That's a shame.
01:43Yeah.
01:43No, that's not a problem.
01:44That's supposed to be a love doll.
01:45That's what you bought, sweetheart.
01:47All right.
01:49Thanks, Amazon.
01:50We appreciate it.
01:51Those love dolls don't work as well as you'd think anyway.
01:53The plastic cuts you open.
01:56Thank you, Dave.
01:56And if you really try to get into the romance part of it, you might cut open your willy.
02:01And you might be allergic to the latex.
02:03Yeah.
02:03That's a real problem.
02:05Oh, yeah.
02:05This review brought to you by Carl and Dave.
02:08Well, I'm just saying you have to.
02:10I tried out one.
02:11Dayline England for story number two.
02:13A guy was using his metal detector on the shore of the English Channel.
02:18Like those guys at the beach?
02:20Exactly.
02:20I love those dudes who always go there at 6 p.m. at the beach.
02:24You know what this guy found?
02:25He found an old wedding ring.
02:29Oh.
02:29And because of the inscription on it, he was able to track down the woman that the ring belonged to.
02:37Oh, my God.
02:38Oh, it's a homecoming.
02:39What a hero.
02:41Celebration.
02:41What a hero.
02:42This guy is a hero.
02:43Oh, what a wonderful person.
02:45He showed up at the front door of the lady's house and she said, get out of here.
02:48I don't want that thing.
02:50What?
02:50I threw it in the English Channel for a reason.
02:53Oh.
02:54The marriage sucked.
02:55So next time you're down there, throw it back in.
02:58It's literally what she said.
03:00Then take it, sell it, sir.
03:02And don't feel guilty about it, man.
03:04I'm taking that thing to the first pawn shop I could get my hands on.
03:07Seriously.
03:08Dude's name is Steve Andrews.
03:10And instead of pawning it, he says, you know what?
03:13I'm going to throw it back in the English Channel.
03:15Oh, come on, man.
03:16No, give me that ring.
03:17There you go.
03:18Or we can melt down the gold.
03:20Do something with the, come on.
03:22Don't throw it back in.
03:24Final story of the week.
03:25Here's the dumbest human on the planet.
03:28And that says something.
03:31Dateline, Montana.
03:33Is this a Kanye West story?
03:34No.
03:34Oh.
03:34Some idiot in Billings, Montana stole a radio station van.
03:42Well, that's happened to us at least three or four times, but go ahead.
03:45Well, their brand new Kia Sportage that they recently got lettered up with their logo and
03:51everything, the big Mix 97-1 splattered all over the side of it.
03:57Oh, yeah.
03:57This guy stole it.
03:59Oh, boy.
04:00The easiest thing to identify driving down the road is a radio station vehicle.
04:06Sure.
04:07They're very bright.
04:09They take a lot of attention.
04:11We have a way of contacting a group of people in the local community to say, excuse me, if
04:17you see our van, could you give us a call?
04:19Yeah.
04:20That's exactly what happened.
04:21Yeah, that's, it's pretty easy to get the cops to say, our van just got, you're what?
04:27What happened?
04:29You heard it.
04:29And by the way, we really need our van back because Gats might be asleep in the back of
04:34it.
04:34His blankets are in back there.
04:35So now it might be a kidnapping scenario.
04:38So that's it.
04:39Don't steal the radio station van.
04:41We wrap up the No Sweat News like that.
