- 1 hour ago
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00:20Oh
00:21Hey, jiggle it a bit. Jiggle it. I am jiggling it a bit
00:28No, I'm stuck here. Ow, back now. Forward now. Forward now. Forward now. I have forward. Okay. Out. Put it
00:35down. Put it down. Put it down.
00:37Oh! What's the matter with him? I've crushed me fair.
00:45That's nasty. Hey, listen, you're a medical person. Isn't there some small private ward you call?
00:55You can take me to, like your bedroom.
00:58You've got a larger double front going to waste there, you know.
01:01I know. And I'm not having you lying all over it, spoiling it.
01:09Mean, moody and medicinal.
01:12She's hard enough to crack us, that one. I shall never get near her bedroom, you know.
01:17Well, not much point if you've crushed your fur.
01:43Okay, this is a hijack.
01:45You can take this milk floor to 21 Arnold Road, Brighton.
01:50And then what?
01:51There you'll be held as a hostage in exchange for 25 British errand boys.
01:56What would I do with 25 British errand boys?
02:05OK, I'm your prisoner.
02:07Do with me what you will.
02:10Haven't got time in the mornings.
02:12Ah.
02:15I could come back later.
02:24It's very striking.
02:28You look like a desperate cornflake fanatic.
02:44You don't seem to be getting on very fast without my milk woman.
02:47Oh, that's all right.
02:48She's a bit nervous, that's all.
02:50She's never seen me in daylight.
02:52She thinks I'm a creature of the dark.
02:54Yeah, from 20,000 fathoms, probably.
02:57There's still no light on yet in a certain bedroom window.
03:02The bedroom window I happen to be engaged to.
03:06You'd think, wouldn't you, if only occasionally I might get the opportunity to look at them curtains from the other
03:11side.
03:12Do you think I'm attractive to women?
03:15Well, only if they're looking for someone to work at 20,000 fathoms.
03:21Maybe if I had a golden tan.
03:24Not much chance of that.
03:26We never see daylight.
03:27That's all I need.
03:28In a tanned Hungarian, you'd look like a lump of salami.
03:32Do you think I am part Hungarian?
03:34Yes.
03:35Yes, and we all know which part.
03:38A race of lovers and horsemen, and I have to pedal me virgin shop bike.
03:44Have you got an idea what that does to my Magyar roots?
03:48Yeah, try to lower in the seat a bit.
03:51Hey, oh, there it is.
03:53Oh, there's something is stirring in the boudoir of Nurse Gladys.
03:59Oh, I wonder when it's going to be me.
04:24Oh, that's fresh from the oven.
04:28I don't know, but if you've got any to spare, I'll make the look.
04:32I must say, as a grocer's fiancée, you couldn't be accused of underweight proportions.
04:38Oh, shut up, you tomfool.
04:40My mother's in the next room.
04:41You wake her up.
04:42Oh, she'll not hear out.
04:45She's as deaf as me hat.
04:46She picks up every vibration.
04:49Oh, that's all we need.
04:50And I'll have a love life on radar.
04:53What did you want?
04:55No, forget I ever said that.
04:58Just what did you think you might achieve, throwing bricks at my window?
05:02You should think of it as a customs and excise, my love.
05:06I'm coming up later for a quick body search.
05:10I'd better find one and all.
05:12Go and have your breakfast.
05:15Customs and excise.
05:16Shh, oh, you shouted about.
05:19I'm working undercover.
05:20Not under my cover, you're not.
05:37There you are.
05:3927p change.
05:39Thank you, sir.
05:40That's some till.
05:41Yes, I know.
05:42I know.
05:43You don't need a guard dog with a chill as fierce as that.
05:46Amen.
06:16You what?
06:18Your mother's found her her fly in a Chelsea bun?
06:22Well, I'm sorry, it's not our policy to exchange goods.
06:25But I'll tell you what, if you bring the fly back, I'll give you a current for it.
06:33When are you going to get me a new till?
06:35I wouldn't part with that till for all the tea and British rail.
06:45It's not parting with a till.
06:46It's parting with parts of yourself in the till that worries me.
06:49Yes, and it's getting some of your parts of yourself into your fiancé's bedroom as occupying me.
06:55She guards that room.
06:57Anyone would think I was up to no good.
06:59I can see where she might get that opinion.
07:02All right, never mind the Hungarian jokes.
07:05Here's where I put the kettle on.
07:06It really stresses you to the limit, does this job.
07:09Very difficult to become a sex symbol when you have to keep putting the kettle on.
07:14I've had to suppress all my yearnings to become a fighter pilot.
07:19I've never been on water skis.
07:23Nouvelle Cuisine is an absolute mystery to me.
07:31Nobody has ever said to me,
07:33Granville, undo my zip, will you?
07:37Mind you, a girl did give me the keys to her flat once.
07:40Oh, yeah?
07:41Yes, so that I could go in and feed her rotten budgie while she was away having a good time.
07:47Other young men my age, you know, can undo a bra with one hand.
07:52Me, I'd have to have an instruction book and a set of illustrations.
08:01Have you got that tea on yet before you sit down there?
08:05Tea?
08:06Us Hungarians, we don't drink tea.
08:09We drink plum brandy, the juice of the sun-kissed grape, schnapps.
08:15Oh, schnapps.
08:15The only schnapps I get around here is from that damn till.
08:19Look, when are you going to get me a new till?
08:22I'll get you a new till when you get me the visiting privileges to that the rarest of the tourist
08:27sites,
08:28the mystical boudoir of a nurse of Gladys Emanuel.
08:33Done.
08:34Shake on it.
08:36Ha, ha, ha.
08:37Ah, see, we're very good at that, us Hungarians.
08:40You know, shaking on it.
08:41Oh, it's a you, is it?
08:42That's what's been killing my anti-Rhyne.
08:49Hey, now, don't forget the promise you just made.
08:51I know you...
08:52No, I won't forget it.
08:54I won't forget it.
09:00But I'll tell you what, we've got to get a memodus operandi.
09:04Yep.
09:05What's that?
09:05It's a Hungarian for fiddle.
09:08Hey, maybe I could have been a gypsy violinist.
09:11Well, with them legs, it would have to be a cello, at least.
09:14Listen, I'm not talking about that sort of fiddle, you barnpot.
09:17I'm talking about a trick, a trick.
09:19A sub to...
09:19A sub to...
09:20A sub to...
09:21A sub to...
09:22A sub to...
09:23A sub to...
09:24A sub to...
09:24A sub to...
09:24A sub to the pub.
09:25A trick.
09:27Oh, why didn't you say so?
09:28I was trying, wasn't I?
09:29Have you made that tea yet?
09:31Come on, you Hungarians.
09:32They're very slow at making the damn tea.
09:34Tea.
09:35My samovar has not boiled yet.
09:37Oh.
09:39Yep.
09:50They're burglars.
09:52Oh, Granville.
09:54Didn't mean here and now you're great dripping.
09:57Look what you've done with this here box.
10:00Oh, look.
10:01It's a disaster area, this, Granville.
10:04You've made her right to dollop of Mrs Dudley's buns.
10:07Look at that.
10:09Oh, to be fair, Mrs Dudley's buns were never much to write home about.
10:14Oh, God.
10:14You've got all the pick-a-lily mixed up with a te-chili sauce, Granville.
10:19Oh, it's not my fault.
10:21How are we going to sell that?
10:22I mean, what are we going to call it?
10:24We're going to call it a pick-a-chili or a te-chili lily?
10:28Get your cloth, will you?
10:30Go on.
10:31You are a right pepper pillock, Granville.
10:34Well, it's not my fault.
10:35What would you do if you had some lunatic grocer leaping out at you shouting,
10:39burglars?
10:41It wasn't just burglars, mind you.
10:43It's far more sinister than that.
10:45You actually shouted,
10:46Be-bear burglars.
10:50This terrifying image of these great big fellas running at me wearing nothing but masks.
10:55If that's not enough to make you drop your pick-a-lily, I don't know what is.
11:00I meant they're burglars is the answer.
11:03The only way I'm going to get into Nurse Gladys' bedroom is when I am on bur-bur-burglar patrol.
11:11Burglar patrol?
11:13She's never going to fall for that.
11:15No, no, I'm perfectly genuine.
11:16I'm going to make this a neighbourhood safe for state-registered nurses to bear flourishing.
11:21She'd be better off with the burglars.
11:30She's very careless about her own personal safety.
11:34Why, in the course of her and her nursery duties,
11:36she has to go into dark places of any thought of which makes your hair stand on end.
11:41Well, on both ends.
11:43Are you listening to me, Granville?
11:46We're going to make her security conscious.
11:49Oh, ha-ha!
11:51What are we going to do?
11:53We're going to make her most security conscious.
11:56That's a good lad.
11:58We're going to teach her to get her to lean upon her fiancé during the hours of the darkness.
12:04Yeah.
12:05And we're going to get a new till.
12:07You drive a hard Hungarian bargain, you do.
12:12I wish you were more like your mother.
12:14She never used to charge for anything.
12:18Don't start dragging my mother into this.
12:21Why not?
12:22She was always being dragged into things.
12:25Bushes, mainly.
12:42One multifunction, pre-programmed, electronic, tamper-proof till with print-out facility.
12:49Oh, yeah.
12:50Wowie.
12:51Wowie.
12:52Wowie.
12:52Wowie.
12:52Wowie.
12:53Wowie.
12:54Wowie.
12:55Wowie.
12:57Wowie.
13:07Yes.
13:08You just take this.
13:10All right.
13:18How much?
13:26You're getting a slightly cheaper model.
13:29You do surprise me.
13:45Oh, Nurse Gay Gladys Emanuel.
13:48You've got, well, wonderful knees.
13:50Naturally, my thoughts are above such things.
13:54Taking two of the pink tablets three times a day.
13:57Have you locked your front door?
13:59I always lock my front door.
14:01You can't be too careful.
14:03That's one of the first things I learned
14:05on becoming engaged to an overactive grocer.
14:10I hope you've got a good security chain.
14:13No, but I've got very strong elastic.
14:17On your front door?
14:18On everything.
14:23People are much too casual about the risk of burglary
14:26in this neighbourhood, Granville.
14:29We've got to raise their level of awareness.
14:33Oh, aye, that's great.
14:34There he goes, that Granville.
14:36He really raises your level of awareness.
14:39We've got to alert people
14:41to the perils of being robbed.
14:43Listen, if people have been coming in here
14:45on a regular basis,
14:46they're already alerted to the perils of being robbed.
14:54Think of the service to the community, Granville.
14:57All right.
14:58How are we going to do it?
15:00I'll show you how.
15:02First of all, we've got to create the feeling
15:05of the day.
15:16If they're burglary at all,
15:18it's Mrs. Firth of Arpa Featherstone.
15:21Don't worry, Mrs. Featherstone.
15:23Step inside
15:23before some swine makes a grab for your reticule.
15:31You have a purse log.
15:36Oh, that quite made my heart thump.
15:41Can you see my bosom pounding?
15:43Well, I can see it half pounding.
15:46Trouble is, you see,
15:48with Nurse Gladys,
15:48I've got used to her thinking in kilos.
15:53Sit down, Mrs. Featherstone,
15:55on this reduced camping stool
15:57and reduce it even more.
15:58I knew this area was infested with burglars.
16:01Oh, if you only knew
16:03the heart-rending tales
16:05of unlawful entry
16:06that could go on hereabouts
16:07and thereabouts.
16:09Is that true?
16:10Of course it's true.
16:11Would I deceive a customer?
16:14Lock your door, Mrs. Featherstone,
16:16and spread the word.
16:19Nobody's safe.
16:21Now then,
16:22what little items
16:23can I interest you in this morning?
16:25Where are you going, Mrs. Featherstone?
16:27I'm going home to lock my door.
16:28Stone, will you let me finish?
16:31Why, can't you buy
16:32a few items here before you lock your door?
16:36There's good gratitude for you.
16:38Yeah, there's cocoa for you.
16:40Oh, thanks.
16:41What's that?
16:42The new till.
16:45Oh, the cheaper model.
16:48Yeah.
16:53Hi.
16:55Is he in a better frame of mind?
16:57She's promised me a new till.
16:59Is she still a beauty?
17:01Oh, she is.
17:02She's still a beauty.
17:06Okay, wow.
17:08Now, what you've got here
17:10at a much reduced price
17:12is basically the same machine.
17:14All right.
17:14With fewer functions, naturally.
17:16Oh, naturally.
17:22All right.
17:33I've got a good catcher, you know.
17:39Here you are.
17:40All right.
17:58Have you got anything on special offer?
18:02But this was on special offer.
18:03I have to be more special than that.
18:18She's not a good idea.
18:20Look, Granville, it's simple.
18:22All you've got to do
18:22is to lurk around the back
18:24of the nurses' rear premises
18:26looking suspicious.
18:28I look stupid.
18:29You don't.
18:30You look all sinister
18:31and then Hungarian.
18:32Oh, Hungarians don't look like this.
18:35They're badly dressed Hungarians do.
18:37I look like an idiot.
18:38Yes.
18:40Oh, look, suppose when I see a girlfriend.
18:42Look, girls are very clothes conscious.
18:44It's funny, your mother
18:45never had any trouble with clothes.
18:47Except for finding them again afterwards.
18:49So, well...
18:50My mother's clothes
18:51are beside the point.
18:52Oh, often,
18:53and beside the railway line at all.
18:56Listen, Granville,
18:57all you've got to do
18:58is a rattle of Huda dustbins
18:59and she'll think you're a prowler.
19:02Then she'll telephone for me,
19:03won't she?
19:05And then I'll have to go over there
19:07and protect you, won't I?
19:11Oh, hello, Mrs. Bartlow.
19:19What was that?
19:21I was the managing director
19:23of War on Want.
19:26Bit of a shock, isn't it,
19:27when you're not ready for it?
19:28Quite unnerved me for a minute.
19:30Yeah.
19:31I'll have a large washing-up liquid.
19:32Yes, I think I'll join you.
19:35Oh, I see, yes.
19:38Can you hear me?
19:39Half an ounce of snuff.
19:41He likes his snuff.
19:42Yes.
19:43Not quite enough
19:43to have a full ounce, apparently.
19:46Half an ounce is quite enough.
19:47Yes.
19:48He gets it all over the damn place.
19:49The cat gets more than he does.
19:52Try to watch a bit of television.
19:54There's him and the damn cat
19:56sneezing.
19:57One at your face,
19:58the other round your legs.
19:59Yeah.
20:01It's terrible having a cat
20:03sneezing in your face, isn't it?
20:06Oh!
20:07Ah!
20:08You!
20:09Oh!
20:10Hey!
20:10Ah!
20:11Ow!
20:12Oh!
20:13Oh!
20:13Oh!
20:15Don't sneeze all over them,
20:16my bubblegum!
20:17Oh, yes, man!
20:18Oh!
20:29Oh!
20:36Oh!
20:38Right, though!
20:38Oh!
21:44There we are, Mrs. Pete, 17 per pence, James, thank you.
21:4817?
21:48Yeah.
21:48Is that all?
21:49Yeah, well, things went up recently with a bump.
21:52What about that?
21:53When I spilt that snuff.
22:05Don't tell me it's raining.
22:11No.
22:13This time you look great, Granville.
22:15I mean, I know you, and you're still terrifying me.
22:18And that's only from the back.
22:21Oh, there you are, you see?
22:27Not going out like this.
22:29Of course.
22:31But, Granville, you can't refuse to help drive an engaged person into the arms of their betrothed.
22:38We're doing it for our own security, Granville.
22:42Look at me when I'm lying to you.
22:44There he goes, they'll say.
22:46Look, there he is, that Granville.
22:47Oh, he's wearing ladies' tights now.
22:51That's a hell of a reputation to live down, isn't it?
22:54Only one glimpse from that face at the window, and she'll want me over there, won't she?
22:59In me best sympathetic mood.
23:01And me best suit.
23:02And me best underwear with a monogram on that will never mind where I've got me.
23:06Oh, get that one, Granville.
23:10Oh, it's Mrs. Turnbull.
23:13I'll get all the rotten jobs and now I've got to serve Mrs. Turnbull.
23:16Oh.
23:20Oh, he's never gone out with that on, has he?
23:35LAUGHTER
23:45LAUGHTER
24:08Go away, Granville, I'm busy
24:11I'm sure it's just a figment of your imagination, Missy Turnbull
24:27It seemed very real
24:29Well, hallucinations do
24:31That's due to a lowering of the blood sugar
24:34Caused by persistent underspending, is that?
24:37Now, what you need is a little lash out on a few luxury items now and again
24:41It works by wonders
24:43Do you think so?
24:44Oh, I know, sir, I've seen it time and time again
24:48You see, after all these years, I'm not just a grocer anymore
24:51I'm more a kindly old sort of medicine man, really
24:54I mean, people don't think of this as a shop
24:56More as sort of insulting rooms
24:59Consulting rooms
25:01No use, I'm not frightening anybody
25:09Was it something I said, Missy Turnbull?
25:12Look, Granville, take those knickers off at once
25:15Look what you've done to these chocolates now
25:18It's my fault
25:20Why is it always my fault?
25:22Everything's my fault
25:24I just do all the dirty jobs around here
25:27Foolishly
25:28In the circumstances, it's very difficult for me
25:31For me to become a super stud
25:33Well, you've made her right, Sir Sylvester Stallone, of these chocolates
25:38It's very embarrassing for me, you know
25:40With all these divorces about
25:41To have spent the best years of my life
25:43Not even being a co-respondent
25:46Will you stop your moaning and get your money in the till?
25:50In the till? What for?
25:51Them tights
26:02She'll kill you
26:03What a lover bearing gifts? No way
26:07She'll be over the moon
26:09That here I am, a lecherous but game
26:12Prepared to risk a life and limb
26:14Up this stairway to paradise
26:17She'll open her heart to me, Granville
26:19And I tell you, when she leans on that window ledge
26:22It's like the well-stocked shelf of a supermarket
26:25Why, you could never class them two as lost leaders, could you?
26:29And all because the lady loves
26:32Broken chocolates
26:36It's the thought that counts, Granville
26:38No, it is not around here
26:39It's you that counts
26:41It's your compound interest
26:44That twelve and a half
26:46All right
26:48Never mind the impersonations of Janet Brown
26:51Come on, let's get on with it
26:52I bet you'll fall off
26:54You're going to fall off
26:56Not on your nelly
26:57Not on any part of me, I hope
26:59I'm going to introduce the Arkwright to safety device
27:02My Mark 1
27:04Why safety device Mark 1? What's that?
27:06Well, I put me to trouser belt round the ladder like that, you see
27:09It's as safe as houses
27:11Come on, let's get on with it
27:52You're great dumb lummox
27:54Get off me windowsill
27:56What are people going to think?
27:58Milk tray, my love
27:59And tin tray to you
28:13Oh, what a wicked thing is gravity in the wrong place
28:23Oh dear
28:25It's good to get back to terra firma
28:28I thought me end was nigh
28:30Best end and all
28:34It's funny how helpless you feel
28:37Dangling inches beneath the area's finest bosom
28:42And not a thing you can get a safe hold on
28:46Believe me, I did try
28:50Even in the depths of a very real predicament
28:52And I did try
28:54And I did try
29:23It's hard-CERPREADY
29:24It's fine
29:25You
29:25It's good to meet you
29:32You
29:32It's fine
29:35But I did try
29:36It's fine
29:36You
29:36Don't